FabSwingers.com forum: Versions of English

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Women’s English

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

We need = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should

be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new

house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it

there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost

asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for

something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something

today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes

and find a good game on T.V.

Is my bum fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree

with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re

dead.]

Was that the baby?= Why don’ t you get out of

bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I

think this is important.

The answer to “What’ s wrong?”:

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an

arsehole

Men’s English:

“Yes” = Yes

“No” = No

“Maybe” = Maybe

“I’ m hungry” = I’m hungry.

“I’ m sleepy” = I’m sleepy.

“I’ m tired” = I’m tired.

“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d

eventually like to have sex with you.

“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually

like to have sex with you.

“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like

to have sex with you.

“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to

have sex with you.

“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!

“You look tense, let me give you a massage.” = I

want to fondle you.

“What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why you are

making such a big deal out of this.

“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-

inflicted psychological trauma are you going

through now?

“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of

the question.

“I’ m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?

“I love you.” = Let’ s have sex now.

“I love you, too .” = Okay, I said it …we’d better

have sex now!

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = I liked

it better before.

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = £50

and it doesn’t look that much different!

“Let’ s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by

showing that I am a deep person and maybe

then you’d like to have sex with me.

“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal

for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping) “I like that one better.” = Pick

any bloody dress and let’ s go home!