FabSwingers.com forum: Why UK toilets so primitive

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

After living in Japan and then returning to this country why no electric washing systems in this country? No heated seats, no spray systems, heated fans to blow you dry. Nothing. Go to any toilet company in this country and they are so behind the times. Had to import all our toilet seats as nothing in the UK. All you got is some ignorant wanker in the builder merchants looking at you as if you're crazy for wanting a toilet that keeps you clean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So why did you return if you found Japan so great?

Serious question

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

we have bidets here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just pay someone to lick me clean

No that's too far even for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Until you've wiped your arse with a communal pebble you haven't experienced primitive

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Where did I say Japan was so great? I was talking about toilets. Anyway you ever over here you can warm the seat for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So why did you return if you found Japan so great?

Serious question

I don't think he was drawing references to which country is better.

The OP has a valid point. A lot of UK lavatories are pretty grotty on the whole. Why do we accept it as the norm?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"we have bidets here."

Well now just illustrating how things have not moved on. I'm talking about toilets that analyse your urine etc .

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

"After living in Japan and then returning to this country why no electric washing systems in this country? No heated seats, no spray systems, heated fans to blow you dry. Nothing. Go to any toilet company in this country and they are so behind the times. Had to import all our toilet seats as nothing in the UK. All you got is some ignorant wanker in the builder merchants looking at you as if you're crazy for wanting a toilet that keeps you clean.

Maybe they'd be too expensive to be commercially viable over here due to import costs etc?

Japan has a thriving manufacturing industry in the electronic and technical sectors so goods sold in that market are home produced, hence lower cost to the end consumer?

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

Given a list of things that need improving/modernizing in this country toilets are way down the list

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By *oyuer99Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

Look our toilets are just complicated enough so that most men can use them properly 50% of the time, and they can leave the seat up. British males need to evolve before the toilet can move forward.

Can you imagine a millwall supporter with a toilet that cleans his arse. lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" toilets that analyse your urine etc ."

That is taking the piss

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

The English version that is anywhere close is called a Closomat.2750 quid. Special needs

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"Given a list of things that need improving/modernizing in this country toilets are way down the list"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because we're hard! We don't need no namby pamby arse cleaning toilet, that powders your pooter and deodorises your testicles

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

A heated karsi seat??? Seriously????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are available in good plumbing merchant if you got deep,pockets Iv been asked a time or two about them

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By *rNaughtyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

When ive been abroad you tend to have to pay to use public toilets, therefore i would assume this would help pay towards to the luxuries that the OP has requested.

Where as over here a majority of public are free. So in essence you get what you pay for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in Turtle Bay the other night and I didn't know their bogs are uni-sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A little bit surprised over the negative response to what is basically a hygiene issue. I would have thought better to have conveniently washed than to have wiped and go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Japanese poo ain't half as claggy as British poo

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

"I was in Turtle Bay the other night and I didn't know their bogs are uni-sex.

That's what the toilets are called in Canal street BOGS = Boys or Girls = unisex

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"we have bidets here.

Well now just illustrating how things have not moved on. I'm talking about toilets that analyse your urine etc ."

don't know why we haven't felt a need for these toilets yet.

we do have a free medical care system that would take care of that for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in Turtle Bay the other night and I didn't know their bogs are uni-sex.

That's what the toilets are called in Canal street BOGS = Boys or Girls = unisex"

Oh really?...I didn't know that.

It's just the word I've always used for public toilets.

It actually means something?...

I've always just said "Bogs" or "shitter".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just think of your dick being a sparkler and wave it a round a little. Make some art, imagination is key

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair.. squat toilets are still relatively common in Japan too.

So.. there's the extreme of squatting over a a hole in a tiled floor or a Toto with a built in "wash and blow dry" facility.

Personally think a daily shower combined with a thorough wipe should suffice for most, if your bodily movements are messy and require a shower or douche after, there is likely underlying problems with health or a poor diet.

It's a terrible waste of a precious resource, water too re washlet/bidet loos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you gain with a warm arse, you lose with clogged up lungs.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I only use the loo to wee and poo. I wipe my bum and wash my hands. I dont think im going to die from some contamination because i dont have an all singing all dancing toilet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's not broke why fix it. They Japanese are pretty anal about their anal hygiene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just get in there quickly after the person before you!

Hey presto! The seat is warm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All a bit ott isn't it after all a bear shits in the woods with no moaning.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Very interesting response people. Didn't mean to stir the shit, excuse the intended pun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

spend a penny or spend a pound, it is all down to money costs where ever you travel in the world.

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By *nked_kittenWoman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

"All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

The gap thing took a lot of getting used to! And the fact that the flush was in a different place on pretty much all the different ones I used. So before I sat down ready to make eye contact with anyone waiting for the stall I had to work out how to use it first

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont think its good to be too sterile. Bit of muck never hurt anyone.

When we where kids we peed in the mud and and made mud castles. Ok we may have got worms but we didnt die

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And since when are British/European/the rest of the Western World's toilets such a hygeine problem?

I think the failure of Japanese style technotoilets to conquer the world is indication in itself of technology that is just not needed. I'm sure it's nice to have a heated toilet seat but it's not the first thing i'm concerned about when I sit down for my morning constitutional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/05/17 22:19:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think its good to be too sterile. Bit of muck never hurt anyone.

When we where kids we peed in the mud and and made mud castles. Ok we may have got worms but we didnt die

This is very true, our increasingly sterile living conditions have caused many scientists to speculate the rise in debilitating autoimmune diseases is linked.

Only now is it really begining to surface how important a role the gastrointestinal tract plays in good general physical and mental health. Douching and cleaning that area excessively isn't good for health and causes imbalance.

Obviously people should strive to exercise good general personal hygiene but there is a limit. Germs are important to stimulate immune systems and keep them in good health and stop them ultimately turning on the body and causing autoimmune diseases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where did I say Japan was so great? I was talking about toilets. Anyway you ever over here you can warm the seat for me."

if you get in quick i sure the seat might still be warm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where did I say Japan was so great? I was talking about toilets. Anyway you ever over here you can warm the seat for me.

if you get in quick i sure the seat might still be warm

someone already said that = derrr

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would think that in our situation where we meet people for sex anything that improves personal hygiene should be embraced.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I would think that in our situation where we meet people for sex anything that improves personal hygiene should be embraced.

"
how does heated seats and blow drying your bollocks increase personal hygene. Surely there is a limit to how hygenic you can possibly be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

Why do American bathrooms have such big gaps?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would think that in our situation where we meet people for sex anything that improves personal hygiene should be embraced.

how does heated seats and blow drying your bollocks increase personal hygene. Surely there is a limit to how hygenic you can possibly be"
well there you go ignoring the washing part, the heated seat and the blow drying are extra, the primary aim is the washing.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I would think that in our situation where we meet people for sex anything that improves personal hygiene should be embraced.

how does heated seats and blow drying your bollocks increase personal hygene. Surely there is a limit to how hygenic you can possibly bewell there you go ignoring the washing part, the heated seat and the blow drying are extra, the primary aim is the washing."
but how clean can you get. Surely there is a limit before you start to damage yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

at this current moment in my life i have been capable of keeping myself clean without the need for any robotic assistance thus far .... but if a pair of inspector gadet mechanical arms with white gloved hands on the end of them, lathering up a bar of soap and giving your parts a good scrubbing after every visit to the toilet floats your boat then fill your boots mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would think that in our situation where we meet people for sex anything that improves personal hygiene should be embraced.

how does heated seats and blow drying your bollocks increase personal hygene. Surely there is a limit to how hygenic you can possibly bewell there you go ignoring the washing part, the heated seat and the blow drying are extra, the primary aim is the washing.but how clean can you get. Surely there is a limit before you start to damage yourself"

Yep after all of that.....you walk away and have a wet fart...bugger

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok I surrender, I just think it's better to be as clean as possible in the nether regions for those you meet for sex. Am I wrong in suggesting that bidet type toilet seats can improve personal hygiene?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because some things in life just don't need to be complicated? I don't want a toilet that has more kit than an iPhone.

This world has become too obsessed with must have latest technology, just because we can doesn't necessarily mean we should have all singing, all dancing everything, it's a waste of resources and energy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quite like the idea, it reminds me of the three shells, in the demolition man movie.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"Ok I surrender, I just think it's better to be as clean as possible in the nether regions for those you meet for sex. Am I wrong in suggesting that bidet type toilet seats can improve personal hygiene?"

at the risk of sounding crude, if your diet and body are healthy you shouldn't be needing to wipe at all after pooping.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry, but is this a serious post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

now to be fair, there might be a good argument for having them if, for instance, you'd been the recipient of a "neptune's kiss" from one of the african long drop toilets in the stone circle field at glastonbury festival

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

Why do American bathrooms have such big gaps?"

I don't know. It always creeps me out, though.

When I took my parents to Ireland for their first and only international trip, my mother couldn't believe how amazing the bathrooms were for not having gaps. If I bring up the trip she will go on and on about the bathrooms even to this day

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

Why do American bathrooms have such big gaps?

I don't know. It always creeps me out, though.

The gaps freak me out too.

Especially when I'm in there with relatives. I just want them to leave so I can get on with it.

Your Mom has good taste.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All that stuff you mention sounds fucking complicated for taking a piss.

I'm just happy that the doors in public bathrooms here don't have big gaps like they do in America.

You seem like you might be interested in Zizek's ideology of toilets. Look it up on YouTube.

Why do American bathrooms have such big gaps?"

Bloody hell. I've just realised who you are

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By *homasP80Man
over a year ago

Linwood

Some loos still stuck in 60's/70's.'

I work in an area where it's meant to be updated/modern, but not in our area

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My toilet has a soft close lid.

Fuck your fancy gadgets.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Why have a dig at 'UK' toilets? The toilets here are more or less the same as every civilised country in the world. Japan is an exception, and possibly part of their odd obsessions.

Not sure calling the guy at the builders merchant an ignorant wanker for not having a heated water jet seat makes you look great tbh.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i don't like technology as it is! electric windows in cars still infuriate me, when i go for a shit i'm looking for a calm retreat, a sit down, maybe a read even..i don't want to go in fear of robo-plop giving me some unexpected enema because i've got a compacted bowel after too many steak and kidney puddings! it'd spoil things for me somewhat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol. "

A widely known coffee chain branch I worked in for a few months during uni.. Muslim north African taxi drivers that used the toilets pissed and shat everywhere but in the actual toilet, to the point of a few of them being barred. Disgusting.

They were worse than the drug users who used to creep in and shot up, at least they disposed of their paraphernalia in the sealed waste bin receptacle. There was something on the news about people from differing cultures defecating on the cubicle floors or in sinks/ urinals in lieu of the actual toilet. In the end certain councils/establishments put up signs in different languages to explain how to use a toilet..

Those are truely primitive..

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

I can shit behind a bush and wipe my arse with leaves if the need arises. (Not too often, thankfully!)

*Courtesy of the Useless Information Society*

P.S - You can have those mental images free of charge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol.

Those are truely primitive.. "

you've not seen a glastonbury portaloo. like someone was doing cartwheels a la brown runny catherine wheel in those things.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Armitage Shanks - supported many shanks

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

"Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol.

Those are truely primitive..

you've not seen a glastonbury portaloo. like someone was doing cartwheels a la brown runny catherine wheel in those things. "

At Glasto or others when you have to go you do the frogger position. Arms outstretched hands on the roof legs apart feet on the sides and bombs away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you've not seen a glastonbury portaloo. like someone was doing cartwheels a la brown runny catherine wheel in those things. "

the ones in the core crew field at secret garden party are worse believe it or not .... two years ago portaloo conditions were so bad that someone had a shit in one of the showers ..... and that was a week before the punters arrived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you've not seen a glastonbury portaloo. like someone was doing cartwheels a la brown runny catherine wheel in those things.

production toilets...always. the ones at the isle of wight festival have gentle classical music piped in and lovely flushing porcelain and proper sinks and above all, a good service schedule and regular cleaning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol.

Those are truely primitive..

you've not seen a glastonbury portaloo. like someone was doing cartwheels a la brown runny catherine wheel in those things.

At Glasto or others when you have to go you do the frogger position. Arms outstretched hands on the roof legs apart feet on the sides and bombs away. "

i know that one! when needs must and all that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well it's 01.10am and I'm on a swingers website reading about what people go for a shit.......

What a time to be alive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well it's 01.10am and I'm on a swingers website reading about what people go for a shit.......

What a time to be alive "

every life decision you and your ancestors made brought you here. welcome to the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well it's 01.10am and I'm on a swingers website reading about what people go for a shit.......

What a time to be alive

every life decision you and your ancestors made brought you here. welcome to the future. "

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

All this talk of water cleaning systems and heated seats is making me feel rather inferior.

We live by the rule of 3 sheets

One up

One down

One to polish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP whilst our toilets may not be all singing and dancing like the japanese, I think in the main people do ok here. Our bums are just as clean, we just use more manuel methods.

I think UK toilets are easier and better than chinese hole in the ground type toilets, so I dont think as a nation we have the worst toilets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

anyhow! what is it with meat and potato pie in japan? it's not proper! and hotpot? it's nothing like as good as bettys! (allegedly) and the writing over there, it's all....complicated! it's like pictures, like reading emojis but in foreign innit. stuff can't be brilliant everywhere, everyone needs a share of rubbish stuff and ours aint even rubbish anyway so there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well it's 01.10am and I'm on a swingers website reading about what people go for a shit.......

What a time to be alive

every life decision you and your ancestors made brought you here. welcome to the future.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

All this talk of water cleaning systems and heated seats is making me feel rather inferior.

We live by the rule of 3 sheets

One up

One down

One to polish "

and always start front to back, especially the ladies

these are great days...our bloodlines would be proud of our collective anus's?...ani?..whatever..they'd be proud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what's plural for anus?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what's plural for anus?"

Anuses or ani

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what's plural for anus?

Anuses or ani

's gonna bug me now...and i'll be damned if that's going in my already pretty seedy and weird search history...i'll muse on the ani/anus's a little longer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what's plural for anus?

Anuses or ani

's gonna bug me now...and i'll be damned if that's going in my already pretty seedy and weird search history...i'll muse on the ani/anus's a little longer

It's anuses or ani! I'm pretty sure, no need to google

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what's plural for anus?

Anuses or ani

's gonna bug me now...and i'll be damned if that's going in my already pretty seedy and weird search history...i'll muse on the ani/anus's a little longer

It's anuses or ani! I'm pretty sure, no need to google

Sorry should of said either or is acceptable (I think)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've got Electronic Khazi's second album somewhere. I can't remember if it was a number 1 or a number 2.

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By *homasP80Man
over a year ago

Linwood

"I just pay someone to lick me clean

No that's too far even for me"

You never know, someone on here maybe up for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I've got Electronic Khazi's second album somewhere. I can't remember if it was a number 1 or a number 2."

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By *utterflyandArtificeCouple
over a year ago

Trowbridge

UK public conveniences are veritable palaces compared with some of the conveniences A has used over the world, varying from portaloo think day 5 at Glasto, to a hole in the floor where the previous incumbent clearly didn't play penny dambusters as a kid. That was when there was a connvenience rather than an area outside the village where you go do your business and it was surface laid too, no shovel recce there then.

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By *utterflyandArtificeCouple
over a year ago

Trowbridge

"what's plural for anus?

Anuses or ani

's gonna bug me now...and i'll be damned if that's going in my already pretty seedy and weird search history...i'll muse on the ani/anus's a little longer

It's anuses or ani! I'm pretty sure, no need to google

Bumholes, poopshutes, rusty sheriff's badges,chocolate tea towel holders, rickers, chocolate starfish - QED

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

If I need a wee I need a wee! I don't want to spend time programming the toilet seat before I do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Islamic faith dictates washing with water not wiping with paper. Oh and left foot into the toilet room oh and squatting with feet off the floor. So Japanise toilets are Halal lol.

Those are truely primitive.. "

Having spent 9 years in the middle east, this is bringing back traumatic memories.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So why did you return if you found Japan so great?

Serious question

I wouldn't choose which country to live in because of how up to date their lavs are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone know how to use the three seashells?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Anyone know how to use the three seashells?"

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