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Armed forces people- hard to love?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Are they, I'm talking about long in the tooth, been in all their lives and seen lots of shit.

How do you get someone to feel and be sensitive when they've been broken down and built back up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are they, I'm talking about long in the tooth, been in all their lives and seen lots of shit.

How do you get someone to feel and be sensitive when they've been broken down and built back up? "

Dunno. My dad served in the regular army for over 22 years and then joined the TA when he left. Hes been married to my mum for 47 years. He's my hero too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are they, I'm talking about long in the tooth, been in all their lives and seen lots of shit.

How do you get someone to feel and be sensitive when they've been broken down and built back up? "
.

they start with a quality item in the first place

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

A lot of them come out and lead perfectly normal lives with a great pension.

My cousin is a postman now. Doesnt need the money or the stress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Different things affect different people ,depends what they have experienced in theatre or never had that experience some don't give a rats arse but a certain something might trigger off an emotion . It's a trust bonding thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Like the one I know was married but she left him basically because of his job. He's adamant now that no woman can handle the amount of time he's away and shit. Said that he would only have another relationship when he's done his 22 and left. Now he joined at 16 but didn't join the paras till he was 18 so I dunno if they count from 16 or 18? Anyway this particular guy 'checks in' with me every 6 months or there abouts. Been like this for 3 years now since we proper dated in 2014. Like sometimes he doesn't even want a shag, genuinely just wants to hang out and watch films and just talk whenever he comes back from anywhere. Feel like he's so damaged but at the same time he genuinely genuinely doesn't need anyone, he'd happily be on his own for the rest of his life. I don't get it, he's like damaged but emotionally strong as well and I just want to smother him in love cos it feels like he needs it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm ex services.

I'll leave you to ponder that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just give the guy time to chill in his own way , if you can't handle that kind of relationship & you find it frustrating maybe he's not for you at this time ?

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol


"I'm ex services.

I'll leave you to ponder that. "

Me too..

OP; I think you are making a huge generalisation..lots of civilians get broken as well..

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester


"Like the one I know was married but she left him basically because of his job. He's adamant now that no woman can handle the amount of time he's away and shit. Said that he would only have another relationship when he's done his 22 and left. Now he joined at 16 but didn't join the paras till he was 18 so I dunno if they count from 16 or 18? Anyway this particular guy 'checks in' with me every 6 months or there abouts. Been like this for 3 years now since we proper dated in 2014. Like sometimes he doesn't even want a shag, genuinely just wants to hang out and watch films and just talk whenever he comes back from anywhere. Feel like he's so damaged but at the same time he genuinely genuinely doesn't need anyone, he'd happily be on his own for the rest of his life. I don't get it, he's like damaged but emotionally strong as well and I just want to smother him in love cos it feels like he needs it! "
. Ahhh, I had a feeling it was him you were talking about the last thread we chatted on about him, I remember saying that you needed to let him love you, now we are talking him letting you love him, you two are such a match I think you need and want each other, some would say it won't work as you both have your history, not me, I say your history will bring you together and help you understand each other imho I think it's time op, you need this in your life, so go get him and smother the fuck out of him Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just give the guy time to chill in his own way , if you can't handle that kind of relationship & you find it frustrating maybe he's not for you at this time ? "

I can't give him anymore time to chill. I never bother him, I never know when he's in uk or not until I hear my WhatsApp alert (I put him on his own ringtone)

I can't even sack him off cos he's isn't mine to get rid of and besides, he fascinates me. If I had someone significant in my life then I wouldn't meet up with him.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I've sent you a pm x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Are they, I'm talking about long in the tooth, been in all their lives and seen lots of shit.

How do you get someone to feel and be sensitive when they've been broken down and built back up?

Dunno. My dad served in the regular army for over 22 years and then joined the TA when he left. Hes been married to my mum for 47 years. He's my hero too. "

Sounds like my ex husband,not the married to your mum bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm ex forces, found leaving very hard and moving back into civilian life quite a struggle. All of my good friends are ex forces and have made very few good friends since leaving.

Took me a long time to get used to not having that structure and being told what to do and where to be at what time. Doesn't affect me any more but for 4/5 years I wasn't great.

I've been lucky in that other things haven't really affected me, losing mates and seeing stuff I've been able to deal with pretty well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Like the one I know was married but she left him basically because of his job. He's adamant now that no woman can handle the amount of time he's away and shit. Said that he would only have another relationship when he's done his 22 and left. Now he joined at 16 but didn't join the paras till he was 18 so I dunno if they count from 16 or 18? Anyway this particular guy 'checks in' with me every 6 months or there abouts. Been like this for 3 years now since we proper dated in 2014. Like sometimes he doesn't even want a shag, genuinely just wants to hang out and watch films and just talk whenever he comes back from anywhere. Feel like he's so damaged but at the same time he genuinely genuinely doesn't need anyone, he'd happily be on his own for the rest of his life. I don't get it, he's like damaged but emotionally strong as well and I just want to smother him in love cos it feels like he needs it! . Ahhh, I had a feeling it was him you were talking about the last thread we chatted on about him, I remember saying that you needed to let him love you, now we are talking him letting you love him, you two are such a match I think you need and want each other, some would say it won't work as you both have your history, not me, I say your history will bring you together and help you understand each other imho I think it's time op, you need this in your life, so go get him and smother the fuck out of him Mrs blue eyes "

Nah he doesn't need anyone, I told him he'd be like that guy on harry brown all old and alone and kids will shove dog shit through his letterbox. He just laughs and agrees.

It's like the one person who gets under your skin cos you know they aren't arsed. We won't end up together I just wonder if there's any link to being in a role like his where it's all guys and being so self sufficient and emotionally strong that you genuinely feel like you don't need anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love sucks doesn't it hun. I think you are doing the right thing taking him at his pace, but does he know how you feel? He may be holding back cos he's as unsure as you. Don't leave it too long in telling him if he doesn't know. Love can fade away and it's sad when that happens but we carnt force ourselves to feel what's not there.

PTU xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a matter of wanting & not needing or being a needy guy / person . Want & need are two completely different things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your service goes from 18 for reconable time. 16-18 is 'colour service' as an infantry junior leader or apprentice in a corps.

What's this broken down and built up thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My boy is in the army, I love him dearly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was married to someone in military fir 20 years. It's an odd life but you make sure the time you have together is great and appreciate it more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/05/17 11:32:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife endured my transition back into civvy land, took a fews but she stuck by me, i still have trouble with emotions.. dont cry at funerals etc.

But if a dog/horse dies in a movie, im blubbering!

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By *uteLittleGeekWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

I think I would be happy to date someone who is in the army or ex military .

I don't want to disclose all my personal details but I will only say ... I understand as I know what is like seeing death, being hungry , fighting to survive each day, living for a moment .

I know the stress, fear, structure and what is like losing friends .

I take each day as it comes now and I am

Happy with a little things and thankful I am alive .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Love sucks doesn't it hun. I think you are doing the right thing taking him at his pace, but does he know how you feel? He may be holding back cos he's as unsure as you. Don't leave it too long in telling him if he doesn't know. Love can fade away and it's sad when that happens but we carnt force ourselves to feel what's not there.

PTU xxx"

Yeah I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel. When we were dating I told him and that's what freaked him out and was basically told not to have feelings for him cos he can't be doing with worrying what someone's up to back home when he's away and that he can't communicate and basically all the things his ex wife had told him she couldn't put up with anymore.

He doesn't want me but he likes me if that makes sense, he's a dear friend who I do care about cos he's doing dangerous stuff I suppose with regards to the way the world is now. I have massive respect for him then and he's got a motorbike and a big penis and a nice accent!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My wife endured my transition back into civvy land, took a fews but she stuck by me, i still have trouble with emotions.. dont cry at funerals etc.

But if a dog/horse dies in a movie, im blubbering! "

Not being funny but your wife would help a lot of guys in a lot of situations, she's über hot!

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester


"Like the one I know was married but she left him basically because of his job. He's adamant now that no woman can handle the amount of time he's away and shit. Said that he would only have another relationship when he's done his 22 and left. Now he joined at 16 but didn't join the paras till he was 18 so I dunno if they count from 16 or 18? Anyway this particular guy 'checks in' with me every 6 months or there abouts. Been like this for 3 years now since we proper dated in 2014. Like sometimes he doesn't even want a shag, genuinely just wants to hang out and watch films and just talk whenever he comes back from anywhere. Feel like he's so damaged but at the same time he genuinely genuinely doesn't need anyone, he'd happily be on his own for the rest of his life. I don't get it, he's like damaged but emotionally strong as well and I just want to smother him in love cos it feels like he needs it! . Ahhh, I had a feeling it was him you were talking about the last thread we chatted on about him, I remember saying that you needed to let him love you, now we are talking him letting you love him, you two are such a match I think you need and want each other, some would say it won't work as you both have your history, not me, I say your history will bring you together and help you understand each other imho I think it's time op, you need this in your life, so go get him and smother the fuck out of him Mrs blue eyes

Nah he doesn't need anyone, I told him he'd be like that guy on harry brown all old and alone and kids will shove dog shit through his letterbox. He just laughs and agrees.

It's like the one person who gets under your skin cos you know they aren't arsed. We won't end up together I just wonder if there's any link to being in a role like his where it's all guys and being so self sufficient and emotionally strong that you genuinely feel like you don't need anyone. "
. You are describing him in two different contexts though, you describe him as his role in the army, emotionally strong, self sufficient, never needing anyone, yet something inside you see's something different, something feels a need in him to be loved, I'd say that you're not imagining that when you give him a direct statement of how you see him in terms of his army role and th't role crossing over to his personal life, then he will almost always agree with you, it's human nature and his instinct will be that he needs to not let his gaurd down, he's been taught thatbut inside he could be screaming to tell you he needs you almost all of us, no matter how tough we are, how life has dealt our cards and shaped us, we all have an ache to be loved Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do.

Married to Superman for 11 years this year. We've been together since I was 16. ...we've had really horrible times, tours, death of friends, living away abroad but it's part of the life.....

It's a hard lifestyle and quite simply you can either love it or you can't.

My biological father was military...yet I've never seen him. That should give you a little insite to extra marital actives.

I have and still am enjoying this lifestyle. I've made some wonderful friends and experiences over the years that I'd never had the opportunity to have in living a civilian one I guess.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Nah I definitely definitely know he doesn't need anyone. I'm certain that if he wanted me like that he wouldn't be afraid to say. He's honest and blunt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Love sucks doesn't it hun. I think you are doing the right thing taking him at his pace, but does he know how you feel? He may be holding back cos he's as unsure as you. Don't leave it too long in telling him if he doesn't know. Love can fade away and it's sad when that happens but we carnt force ourselves to feel what's not there.

PTU xxx

Yeah I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel. When we were dating I told him and that's what freaked him out and was basically told not to have feelings for him cos he can't be doing with worrying what someone's up to back home when he's away and that he can't communicate and basically all the things his ex wife had told him she couldn't put up with anymore.

He doesn't want me but he likes me if that makes sense, he's a dear friend who I do care about cos he's doing dangerous stuff I suppose with regards to the way the world is now. I have massive respect for him then and he's got a motorbike and a big penis and a nice accent! "

Yes that makes perfect sense, best thing for you to do then Is love him when you are together but try not to get too attached as he won't be able to give you his all. I've had simler with a teenage love, he didn't want me when we were teen. He only wanted me for blow jobs. Now he wants me as adults but he can't understand why I've moved on. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My wife endured my transition back into civvy land, took a fews but she stuck by me, i still have trouble with emotions.. dont cry at funerals etc.

But if a dog/horse dies in a movie, im blubbering!

Not being funny but your wife would help a lot of guys in a lot of situations, she's über hot! "

That she is.. but she is a one man woman.. women on the other hand, she is greedy!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep. No chance I would get serious with one. Or anyone that moved around/worked away lots for work. Especially if I wanted kids with them. It's not fair to have kids and have them moved all the time or not have their dad around for months at a time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The emotions bit wouldn't bother me. I have issues anyway and I've never actually been in love so meh whatever.

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By *KCpl4FunCouple
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"My wife endured my transition back into civvy land, took a fews but she stuck by me, i still have trouble with emotions.. dont cry at funerals etc.

But if a dog/horse dies in a movie, im blubbering! "

Ditto with my Hubby!

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