FabSwingers.com forum: Handy Hints

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you can't decide on prawn cocktail or cheese and onion crisps, simply open both bags and pour them into a bowl and shake the two flavours together. You can then enjoy a surprise in every bite as you randomly choose a crisp from the bowl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

fool your friends into thinking you've been to Madame Tussauds by having your photo taken with various celebrities

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rub soot on your windows and face then run outside screaming hysterically to make your neighbours think your house is ablaze.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

make people believe you've got an iPhone by arriving for work late and having the word "cunt" tattooed on your forehead.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

A saucer filled with water with a glass bowl placed on top makes an ideal Centre Parcs for ants.

Point a garden hose at it to simulate rain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you want your boyfriend to stay interested send him a pic of yourself in a nice white wet t shirt and no bra .........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prawn Cocktail all the way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Don't waste money on expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you want to view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Boxer shorts make an ideal hammock for your mobile phone once you've finished your shit and need to wipe your arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

look really smart with ur phone if it has a shiny blackback...turn it over n pretend its a touchscreen...Ive even passed mine over to family/friends gettin them to view a 'video' and keep telling them the directions to slide their finger, no not like that, forward back, up...

priceless prank lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bleach ur arseholes

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Reduce your electric bills by shortening all your electrical good's power cables to 2 inches.

This works with gas too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Old telephone directories make excellent personal address books. Simply cross out all of the names of people you don't know.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Create the illusion of more space when selling your house by sawing the legs off your furniture and employing a dwarf as your estate agent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Old telephone directories make excellent personal address books. Simply cross out all of the names of people you don't know."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Reduce your electric bills by shortening all your electrical good's power cables to 2 inches.

This works with gas too."

Also.... you can save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

"Create the illusion of more space when selling your house by sawing the legs off your furniture and employing a dwarf as your estate agent."

Soapy, Funky's found you a new job!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Create the illusion of more space when selling your house by sawing the legs off your furniture and employing a dwarf as your estate agent.

Soapy, Funky's found you a new job!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No handy hints you three? c'mon join in you know you can do it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/07/11 22:33:49]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save water buy paper plates and never wipe yer arse with a broken bottle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't afford to go on holiday for 2 weeks? Never mind........go for 1 week but don't go to bed.

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

prevent bread going dry by keeping it in a bucket of water.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Buy a television exactly like your neighbours then annoy them by standing outside their window changing channels with your identical remote.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"prevent bread going dry by keeping it in a bucket of water."

hahahahahahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretend your a private hire driver by sticking a Kelloggs cornflakes box on the roof of your car.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will stop you going back to sleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save on food bills go round to a mates just as they are cooking their dinner

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Save time, read Viz.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Recreate the fun of a visit to the public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating in it before you jump in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a small child is choking on an ice cube.......don't panic.

Simply pour a jug of boiling water into their mouth & hey presto, the ice should simply melt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will stop you going back to sleep."

hahahahahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save money on Viagra. Kill your husband and as rigor mortis sets in, jump on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BALD MEN: super glue dyed mophead strands to ur head, for a great looking dreads

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Save even more time, cut straight to the invective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best thread I've read in a while,made my day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like a surprise for tea, buy a load of tinned food and take all the labels off, every night supper will be a surprise!

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A hollowed out bullrush stem filled with angry wasps makes an impromptu vibrator if you find yourself frustrated in the countryside....

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

handy hint for reducing static.

never wear a nylon shirt,whilst shagging a sheep.

so i hear.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

make people believe you've got an iPhone by arriving for work late and having the word "cunt" tattooed on your forehead."

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.

DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hold a seance, and pretend uve been taken over by a lusty spirit and feel people up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.

DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching."

Induced hysterical laughter !

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

May day rioters...help the police out and beat yourself up!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, move it all back again.

CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

half fill your cars fuel tank with stones , costs you half as much to fill up !

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I might actually use this one!

SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Make guests believe your home might be bugged by running your hands under tables and inside lampshades, then turning the shower on every time you want to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

roll up bits of shit and send them anonymously to people u dont like who like malteasers... where is honeypot...

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

lmfao,mmdil

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Make guests believe your home might be bugged by running your hands under tables and inside lampshades, then turning the shower on every time you want to speak.

hahaha Jimmeh!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

want that tingly feeling????-shove maggots down yer pants

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save workmen shouting 'get yer tits oot' by walking about topless .

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"roll up bits of shit and send them anonymously to people u dont like who like malteasers... where is honeypot..."

Send pics of feet to those you know have feet phobias just to know that they may vomit on their shoes when they open the message expecting something delicious

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

vastly reduce your condom bill,be ugly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"vastly reduce your condom bill,be ugly.

Vastly reduce your traveling time move ta Scotland xx

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"vastly reduce your condom bill,be ugly.

Vastly reduce your traveling time move ta Scotland xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When desperate for a coathanger a neighbours car aerial folded into a triangle makes an excellent substitute...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save money on shopping trips

Buy less xx

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"roll up bits of shit and send them anonymously to people u dont like who like malteasers... where is honeypot...

Send pics of feet to those you know have feet phobias just to know that they may vomit on their shoes when they open the message expecting something delicious

disgUsting...i should report n bloick u honeypot lol xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Save money wear the same pink knickers fa years xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys to look like Andrew Lloyd Webber look at you reflextion in the back of a spoon !

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

DIETERS - Only buy foods with half the calories of regular options ... that way, you can eat twice as much!

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Skinnies: When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If your vegitarian friends are coming to dinner just serve them chicken fillets or veal like everyone else is having. Veggies are always going on about how quorn substitutes taste the same..... so they wont notice the difference.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

vegitarian? damn my geordie accent!!!

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

hahahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

hahahah"

I already do this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Want to save money at Christmas?

Put all the kids presents on e-bay and make them bid for them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Want to save money at Christmas?

Put all the kids presents on e-bay and make them bid for them. "

Blimey Lainey what an EXCELLENT hint!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when a person slaps you on one cheek, offer them the other.

that way you will maintain an even bum colour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tips for in-laws birthday presents.

Collect throughout the year all those lovely solar powered garden lights and manicure kits you can get money off when you buy petrol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want to improve your mother-in-laws grip on her broomstick buy her some crotchless panties.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Pretend you are having a party by going around the supermarket throwing loads of tins of pineapples, cocktail sausages and silverskin onions into the shopping trolley while humming Happy Birthday.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PMSL

I hope you lot have asked Viz if you can quote all these 'Top Tips' ?

Very, very funny - please continue !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women, draw a picture of your handbrake and gearstick on a Post-it and attach it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look down and search every time the lights change.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"PMSL

I hope you lot have asked Viz if you can quote all these 'Top Tips' ?

Very, very funny - please continue !"

Ive made some of mine up as have others lol however... and Ill reply to you in private....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Make neighbours believe you're pregnant by talking at the fence holding a glass of orange juice instead of your usual can of brown ale then running to the toilet every five minutes and come back rubbing your tummy and winking at them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Make neighbours believe you're pregnant by talking at the fence holding a glass of orange juice instead of your usual can of brown ale then running to the toilet every five minutes and come back rubbing your tummy and winking at them."

That's a good one but I'd make medical history if I got preggers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's a good one but I'd make medical history if I got preggers.

Men make the neighbours think your woman is pregnant by assembling a cot in the garden and shouting 'coming love' every five mins....

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

prevent getting ink on your lady garden during that awkward time of the month by using sanitary towels instead of old newspapers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"prevent getting ink on your lady garden during that awkward time of the month by using sanitary towels instead of old newspapers."

hahahahahah!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Get people to think you're Irish by walking with your arms straight by your sides and leaping up in the air every third step.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

stop people stealing ur wifi, by turning off ur router permanently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always make sure you buy Irish sausages. They are good n thick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tired of ur job?- deliberately shit urself each day and act like theres nothing wrong- u'll soon get called in

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Make butter more fascinating for the children by sticking little bits of cow horn in their sandwiches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

recieve 100 fab points for reporting fake profiles

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

when decorating,save yourself time,and energy.

get the wife to do it,

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

when your car is full of rubbish and fag ends.. drop it off at your nearest CSI unit. with some blood on the seat. they will clean every single hair and spots of dust out of it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you live in the UK save money by not bothering to buy sunglasses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

win at kerplunk by poking ur opponents eyes out YAY!

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By *lassOf69Man
over a year ago

between stratford-upon-avon and coventry

Reduce CO2 emissions by only breathing in and not out.

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

go to sleep in your microwave,, 8 hours sleep in just 5 minutes,, more time to play..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you run out of mouthwash, put some polos into a bottle of blue wkd for a minty fizzy clean mouth sensation. Leave the car at home though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A handy hint for all those closet Cherie Blair admirers with a watersport fetish. Try pissing in a post-box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When desperate for a coathanger a neighbours car aerial folded into a triangle makes an excellent substitute..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

save money by hiding in the attic just before Christmas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

make your neighbors think you've been to an expensive sun tanning centre by rubbing all your skin with sandpaper!

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