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Responsible Listening

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is there such a thing as responsible listening?

Let me start by making clear that this question has nothing to do with those who incites hatred, intentionally offend or do not care one way or the other whether they offend.

But.....what about when someone who is attempting to engage in debate or conversation in good faith with absolutely no intention of offending or insulting anyone, says something that YOU take as being offensive. This could be because of their lack of awareness, lack of knowledge or just plain ignorance. The point is they would be oblivious that they have caused offence.

I appreciate in these circumstances you have been offended by what the person has said, but to be offended you must have decided to 'take offence'. If the offender is genuinely oblivious, what responsibility if any do you have?

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By *lassOf69Man
over a year ago

between stratford-upon-avon and coventry


"Is there such a thing as responsible listening?

Let me start by making clear that this question has nothing to do with those who incites hatred, intentionally offend or do not care one way or the other whether they offend.

But.....what about when someone who is attempting to engage in debate or conversation in good faith with absolutely no intention of offending or insulting anyone, says something that YOU take as being offensive. This could be because of their lack of awareness, lack of knowledge or just plain ignorance. The point is they would be oblivious that they have caused offence.

I appreciate in these circumstances you have been offended by what the person has said, but to be offended you must have decided to 'take offence'. If the offender is genuinely oblivious, what responsibility if any do you have?"

There is such a thing as 'active listening'...used in counselling and psychotherapy. That obviously applies to actual listening though, not the medium of web forums.

Maybe 'responsible reading' could be more appropriate?

Always the same with forums...many people 'scan' the contents of a thread/post, see the part that they disagree with and fail to respond in context and having taken into account the full content.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

if the comment was made in open discussion and offence was taken when not meant by the person saying it perhaps it would create an idea opportnity for education?

i do know that if somone takes offence at something they overheard at work, wether involved in the conversation or not, they can make a complaint to HR

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I would never be offended by someone who said something they didnt realize would cause offense. I seriously cant understand how someone can get offended by something that was unintentional. I do think that some are looking to be able to say they are offended at the slightest opportunity

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Over time and reading multiple posts from a user, you get a feel for their compassion, values & honesty..

then I use that to put any comment they make into context.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before I take offence on something someone has said, I would first ask that person to repeat and clarify what he/she meant.

This way, I could ascertain whether it is said intentionally or not etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't honestly think the majority who read the forums have premeditated 'taking offence' tendencies that they react to, but at the same time I know of some who would predictably take the opposite _iewpoint to the majority just for the hell of it - which seems to be a contradiction, but has a subtle difference. If something is offensive it cannot be tailor made to the sensitive only. It is merely orrensive and recognisably so. I have immediate reaction to that kind of thing which is a sharp lurch in the stomach and an instant recognition that it may not be offensive to me personally but I know its gonna upset an awful lot of others. I never feel the need to be indignant on others behalf as I have to have a passion for it personally, to argue the toss but I can see how it can offend and empathise without taking a stance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

once we engage in debate listening has effectively begun, or we would not be engaging. This is the beginning of education and teaches many things amonst which (hopefully) debate etiquette, for example patience, tolerance, check back skills.

However, we all have to start somewhere and bear in mind that we are not all at the same stage of development.

So yes, I think there is reponsible listening and we have to learn it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Various things contribute to simple miss understandings, simply read wrongly, by that i mean, some vital punctuation might be missing from a written, well intended comment and that can be all it takes for offence to be taken, that works both ways, read wrong, or written wrong.

Ironic style comments often backfire on well intended, just looking for a laugh type folks too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in the last few posts, all ive read is 'toss' 'stance' 'skills' 'both ways'

all sounds good to me hehehehe

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