FabSwingers.com forum: I blame hollywood....sexual disappointments

By *axandboo OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They always just slide in, they never guide it or miss!

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By *inkySlinkyCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Or need lube.

The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.

Sally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People driving cars in movies always find a parking place right outside their destination ....

Movie people never dial a wrong number or get random calls from companies selling life insurance or double glazing ...

Movie people never wake after a night in bed with sleep glue in their eyes or snot and saliva all over their faces

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By *anderer8707Man
over a year ago

Telford

in several Series' of '24' - He never goes to the toilet. He must be bursting after a whole day and night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Farting during sex, you don't see that in a Hollywood film.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lines don't work on women in real life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That after sex the women's hair and makeup is still perfect. I just have that just fucked look x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When they say "Over and Out" during radio conversations!

Over means awaiting reposne, Out means end of conversation, you don't say both!

I need a stress relief now

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

"As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The post cleanup - they never show that in the films

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is"

I lost a trainer in quicksand once!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The woman always wakes up wearing a vest?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one ever has to sleep in the wet patch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People driving cars in movies always find a parking place right outside their destination ....

Movie people never dial a wrong number or get random calls from companies selling life insurance or double glazing ...

Movie people never wake after a night in bed with sleep glue in their eyes or snot and saliva all over their faces

Laughing out loud at this. All true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one ever has to sleep in the wet patch "

I know right, do people not sweat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That after sex the women's hair and makeup is still perfect. I just have that just fucked look x

I tend to look like a river otter, with red lipstick over its chin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And how they're usually straight into fucking as soon as the clothes come off - never heard of foreplay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And how they're usually straight into fucking as soon as the clothes come off - never heard of foreplay

and no popping to the bathroom for a top and tail freshen-up ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is

I lost a trainer in quicksand once! "

Personal or just a shoe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That after sex the women's hair and makeup is still perfect. I just have that just fucked look x

I tend to look like a river otter, with red lipstick over its chin."

mmmm, interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a kid, I always thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger issue than it is

I lost a trainer in quicksand once!

Personal or just a shoe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why, having just fucked each other's brains out....do they always have to cover their "bits" up when they slip out of the bed?

And they never need tissues or a towel afterwards.... and condoms?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do American's ever shut their curtains? I cannot recall a single American film or TV programme where they shut the curtains before bed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do American's ever shut their curtains? I cannot recall a single American film or TV programme where they shut the curtains before bed."

They are too crusty to shut after they wipe their cocks on them after the bed scenes.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all? "

So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.

....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....

Watch the sex!!! fuck me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?

So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.

....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....

Watch the sex!!! fuck me.

But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?

So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.

....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....

Watch the sex!!! fuck me.

But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot. "

AHA! but wait...

Not when the sex is part of the plot.

I give you:

Body of Evidence : Madonna

The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or need lube.

The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.

Sally "

The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot."

Not for me it don't.

I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.

Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.

Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.

...and on that note..I've had an idea tata!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?

So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.

....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....

Watch the sex!!! fuck me.

But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot.

AHA! but wait...

Not when the sex is part of the plot.

I give you:

Body of Evidence : Madonna

The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.

Awful film, not sexy at all.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot.

Not for me it don't.

I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.

Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.

Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.

...and on that note..I've had an idea tata!

If someone aint playing with my naked boobs then the sex is going to be pretty disappointing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All those things in films which misled us...

Sex first..

From the way clothes just fall off to those "L" shaped sheets..what things bug the crap out of you with it all?

So you're watching a sex scene, except you're NOT actually watching the sex.

....you're watching what shape the flipping clothes fall into on the floor...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?.....

Watch the sex!!! fuck me.

But sex scenes in mainstream films are boring, and get in the way of the plot.

AHA! but wait...

Not when the sex is part of the plot.

I give you:

Body of Evidence : Madonna

The sex scenes in that I'm literally having a wank AND following the plot perfectly.

Awful film, not sexy at all. "

The wax scenes in that film are joystick engaging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or need lube.

The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.

Sally

The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird..."

That reason alone is enough to make them an ex (puke emoji)...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or need lube.

The men never have marks round their ankles where their sock elastic has been.

Sally

The men are never still wearing their socks. True story, had an ex who never took his socks off during sex. Weird...

That reason alone is enough to make them an ex (puke emoji)...

xx"

There were many things wrong with the dude, that is just the tip of the iceberg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women always seem to wear a bra when shagging in films. having your tits covered up reduces the fun a whole lot.

Not for me it don't.

I like shagging while she still has her bra on but with her tits jutting out of it.

Or over a desk with her skirt hitched up, top open tits exposed but still wearing her bra.

Well..see..that's horny as hell to me. Naked sex isn't anywhere near as horny as partially clothed.

...and on that note..I've had an idea tata!

If someone aint playing with my naked boobs then the sex is going to be pretty disappointing."

You ain't lived.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They never say goodbye before they hang up the phone, they're all "I'll pick you up later." and just hang up. When and where!?

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By *axandboo OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Steering wheels.....if i moved mine around that much, id be all over the road

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Everyone works ridiculously long hours but never look tired, always have clean clothes and spotless houses.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Disney and romance in films leads to too many having unrealistic expectations of relationships and people gaining a wanton princess complex.

However tough the situation and life the characters are in, their homes are always near immaculate. Likewise, their tastes are better than to be expected.

Shop queues are always non-existent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When driving they look at each other and have really intense look exchanges going on, never bothering to check the road..

They say i love you within 5 minutes of meeting.

Somebody dies within 5 minutes of telling someone they love them.

They always forget to turn the lights on when thry hear a creepy noise downstairs. That is the FIRsT thing i would do.

They never ask "do you have contraception" before getting jiggy with it.

They never say "your breath smells" when they've had a tuna fish sandwich on rye before the hot kiss scene

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men never get brewers droop.

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By *ack2071Man
over a year ago

bromsgrove

Never have any worthy subtitles either . Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They always just slide in, they never guide it or miss!"

Actresses have enormous fannies and actors have tiny cocks. Sorry to burst your bubble...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really want to know more about this, please call 555-YANKS

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