FabSwingers.com forum: This still bothers me sadly

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Please can my fellow Fabbers give me there take on something that happened last year please?

I had been chatting with a couple who were very local to me and got on really well. We arranged to meet at short notice as I was able to accommodate that day. I gave them my address and they turned up on time and we had a fantastic time. I found out that the couple were soon to be married. We exchanged mobile numbers with a view to meeting again.

Here is where it all went wrong. I sent a few text messages asking how they were etc just being sociable. As they were so lovely and were being married in a couple of weeks I thought it would be nice to send them a Congratulations card. Remember, they came to my house so I didn't have their address to send a card. I asked for the address in order to do so and was later that day chastised for freaking them out! They then blocked me on Fab!

I have been troubled by this ever since and genuinely don't know if I overstepped the mark or what.

What do you think folks?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did they reply to your txt messages?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Did they know it was to send a card?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"Did they reply to your txt messages?"

Yes they did. Mr was off work sick once and I asked after him and everything was fine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"Did they know it was to send a card?"

Yes, because I explained that to Mr when I asked for the address. It was only his phone number I had.

I genuinely just thought I was being nice.

I'm kind of 'Old School'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

They don't see you as a good enough 'friend' to have their address.

Just guessing coz only they know why really.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like they might have thought you were getting a bit "stalkerish".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Asking for their address would have freaked them out, clearly they didn't want their home being stalked, or that's what they may have thought, lots of people on here can accommodate but choose not to as they've heard stories where guys have just turned up, yes, this has happened to a few women and couples I know.

I may be very wrong with your situation of course, but thought I'd give you my 2 penith worth.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"It sounds like they might have thought you were getting a bit "stalkerish"."

That's how it seems....that is what is mortifying though because that's not how I meant it. I felt sooooo embarrassed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I think it would of freaked me out a bit to tbh. They could of just said that's really sweet but no need kind of thing.

It's a bit double standardy though when they know your address though ey?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry OP, but it bothers you after a year?

Time to move on and forget.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know you had good intentions - they just didn't get the message. Hopefully they will read this thread and understand.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I think it's a very sweet and caring thing to want to send them a card.

However I can see it from the couples side and although you all had a nice time unless you said at the time to stay friends it would.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"Sorry OP, but it bothers you after a year?

Time to move on and forget.

Yeh well, that's just me, I can't help it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"Asking for their address would have freaked them out, clearly they didn't want their home being stalked, or that's what they may have thought, lots of people on here can accommodate but choose not to as they've heard stories where guys have just turned up, yes, this has happened to a few women and couples I know.

I may be very wrong with your situation of course, but thought I'd give you my 2 penith worth."

And a valued 2 penith it is.....I asked for people to offer their view of it. Thank you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"I think it would of freaked me out a bit to tbh. They could of just said that's really sweet but no need kind of thing.

It's a bit double standardy though when they know your address though ey? "

That's why I didn't think anything of it. They could see from me and my home that I'm just a normal bloke with a family.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they had their fun and being soon to be married they no longer wanted more fun. Some people have funny ways of saying no and find being rude is the only way to scare people off so bluntly.

Whatever the reason is, I wouldn't get hung up on it mate, you meant well, you had a good time, time to move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I would be very skeeved if you asked for my address, whether it was for a card or not. You'd met them once, so you weren't exactly regular playmates.

However I am a single women who won't entertain at home. I have no idea what they would have been thinking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they didn't want to have to explain the card from the BeardedSilverFox to card browsing family members, and a simple congratulations message on fab would have sufficed for someone you've met once, for a sexual meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Learn to forget move on it's life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know you had good intentions - they just didn't get the message. Hopefully they will read this thread and understand."

it's frustrating when people misunderstand our intentions - if you can look in the mirror and think 'yep, I know I did that with the best of intents' then you really can't legislate for how others will perceive it so just move on.

As others have said it could be considered by some as become a little 'stalkery' or at least crossing a line - I'll be honest if a Fab meet of mine wanted to send me a card at home I'd think that would be a little too 'familiar' even if we'd had a good time and got on well.

But it's still eating at you after a year? That sends more alarm bells to me than the card sending or the block to be honest. Move on - forget it. People are strange - don't let others get you down!

Good luck fella!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I can see why they were perturbed. They want to keep things separate.

Academic when you think of the factors concerned.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of us over-analyse things a little. Try and use it as a learning curve and put it to rest. Your heart is obviously in the right place!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

And after a year it bothers you!!

Wow chap. Quite a strategic block perhaps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To say it still bothers you makes you seem a little obsessive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's all about discretion and how people view it.

You do not mind accommodating...they don't. And more then likely because they don't want to be found out in vanilla life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"To say it still bothers you makes you seem a little obsessive. "

I'm my own worst critic. I try to always do the best I can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You did something with good intentions, they misinterpreted your actions. It happens. Time to forget it and maybe realise that friendship in swinging means different things to different people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't like it if a new friend on the scene wanted to send us a card. I can't explain why, as we are quite big on friendship within the scene. Maybe just a bit too intrusive for my liking.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be unhappy in that situation too. You met for sex. Not for friendship. I would be worried that you might turn up at my home. I wouldnt be expecting someone id met for casual sex once to be sending me a wedding card.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its one thing meeting up for some fun and something else welcoming someone into your life.

Id be put off by someone asking for my address regardless of how well we got on.

I appreciate your intentions were good but its important to remember some people like to keep swinging separate from real life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The request didn't suit them at that time - you can't really read anything more into it than that. As wedding was upcoming they'd probably have been really busy so anything else would be unimportant and potential hassle.

Keep things on a need to know basis is a good approach - and keep shag relationships as simple, convenient affairs. Don't overcomplicate life. Move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"The request didn't suit them at that time - you can't really read anything more into it than that. As wedding was upcoming they'd probably have been really busy so anything else would be unimportant and potential hassle.

Keep things on a need to know basis is a good approach - and keep shag relationships as simple, convenient affairs. Don't overcomplicate life. Move on."

Yes Sophie, that sounds fair enough, good advice.

Thank you for taking the time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not being funny but how many times did you meet? If it was only once then they may have thought why does he want to send a card. It was only sex. Not a friendship. Maybe they didn't feel comfy to give their address out. Maybe they they thought they don't know you well enough to give it out. I know you gave them your address but that was your choice. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Were they really a proper couple?

They could have been a married man/woman and a single meeting up as FWB's and just told you they were a couple/getting married in case it offended you that one of them was cheating?

Therefore you wanting to send them a card put the fear into them that their game was up and they panicked.

I'm very cynical. Too many crime shows as a kid.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Were they really a proper couple?

They could have been a married man/woman and a single meeting up as FWB's and just told you they were a couple/getting married in case it offended you that one of them was cheating?

Therefore you wanting to send them a card put the fear into them that their game was up and they panicked.

I'm very cynical. Too many crime shows as a kid."
I'd say very vigilant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But they know your address? We're very trusting sometimes aren't we? And then we find out they don't trust us the same way.

It could be a number of reasons, only they know. If your intentions were good, let it go. You may hear from them again in the future when they have time to think about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Part of me thinks a kind gesture that was misinterpreted by them. But given it still bothers you a year later I can't help think they dodged a bullet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I wouldn't give them a second thought if I were you they don't deserve it. They didn't handle it very well and that's their problem. All they needed to say was that's really kind of you,but we'd prefer to not give our address out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oss25Man
over a year ago

Flitwick and Fakenham

You have to move on, let it go and become a bit more dispassionate.....best way to cope and not get too emotionally tangled up. I don't mean not caring, more taking a step back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't give them a second thought if I were you they don't deserve it. They didn't handle it very well and that's their problem. All they needed to say was that's really kind of you,but we'd prefer to not give our address out."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Thank you for your view point on it, I know I shouldn't let things bother me but on this one I just couldn't help it. I suppose it hit me harder because I was being totaly genuine and had absolutely no malice in mind. Maybe I am too trusting and think everyone to be the same.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

Asking for their address does seem a bit ott in my opinion. Was no reason to send them a card. A simple congratulations would have surficed. You met them once is that Right?..if so then what made you think you were that close to them where they'd want a card or for you to know where they lived?

. Sorry but if that was the case then they'd have invited you to theirs. I can easily see why they blocked you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think sometimes it's not ok to be 'nice'. When I say that I don't mean that it's ok to be horrid either. What I mean is, it's sometimes more desirable to be neutral than nice. I'm sure they understood you were being genuine with no intent of malice. But just because they act is genuine, doesn't mean someone wants it. I used to have an off-on lover who sent me flowers. He was being nice, but I was mortified at what he did. I said thank you of course. But I wish he hadn't made me feel unconfortable. On the other side of the coin, we have gone to great efforts for some of our swinging friends. Had themround for dinner, got the bubbly out etc. But we would do that for someone if we felt they didn't want that gesture - they aremany that would feel it's over the top. Its important to judge what others want, and understand that what may be a kind gesture to one person could be intrusive or even sycophantic to another.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

Mrs"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eardedSilverFox OP Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Mrs"

Thank you for that very interesting insight Mrs.

This is why I started this thread to get constructive opinions from a broader range.

Seems like every day is a School day.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread