FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling awkward in a social gathering

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do not usually feel awkward in social gatherings - I can walk into a pub/restaurant/theatre etc. on my own, and attended my first FAB related socials in a pub as well as Chams on my own FFS!

Yet I did feel slightly awkward being the only singleton and female at the dance night organised by the dance school where I am learning ballroom dancing as an absolute beginner started 4 weeks ago.

The dance evening was for students from the Absolute Beginners and Beginners classes.

Apart from one couple whom attend my class, I did not know anyone else except my class teacher and teaching assistants.

The majority of those who attended the dance evening are from the Beginners classes and know each other, and duely sat on tables placed at one end of the room, including the couple that I know from my class.

I put my things down on a free table at the other end of the table, hoping there would be others from my class to join me. None turned up.

Although I had plenty of dances with my teacher and the teaching assistants, and had a great time, apart from words of encouragement from an elderly couple in their 70s on the table next to me and from my teacher etc..., I hardly spoke to anyone else, not even the couple that I know.

I could not help but feel I was being _iewed as "suspect" as I was a lone female by all the other ladies who were there with their partners.

No one exchanged dance partners throughout the night, except for one dance, which is kind of like a barn dance where the ladies move from one gent to the next in a circle.

There are more dance nights and events in the coming months. Although they are great opportunities for me to doll up, I doubt if I would attend, unless I can be certain that there would be more singletons on the night, male or female.

Nevermind.

I am determined to learn to dance regardless whether I have a partner to dance with or not though, as I love the music, and love to be able to dance to the music properly rather than just to move my body about!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New situations when you are out of your comfort zone can do that. It throws you also when you have gone to clubs like you say and this is a smaller thing in your mind as well. It might have been the dancing confidence thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do not lack confidence in dancing, as I can hear and feel the beat in the music, can count, have good concentration, and a fast learner!

I danced better than some of those who were there last night, and they have been learning for a lot longer than me!

Not being big headed here, however, I had to hide my giggles watching some of the gents who have 2 left feet last night!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do not lack confidence in dancing, as I can hear and feel the beat in the music, can count, have good concentration, and a fast learner!

I danced better than some of those who were there last night, and they have been learning for a lot longer than me!

Not being big headed here, however, I had to hide my giggles watching some of the gents who have 2 left feet last night!

Probably a couples thing. If I walk into a room with someone else... Others see me as a couple... ergo, No threat.

Enter on my own and I am a singleton who threatens {a lot of} peoples status quo...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That made me think of how a single guy newbie _iews a fab social Pearl!

Persevere, it is only your first Pearl, the ice has been broken now, maybe next one you will be recognised and included more. xxx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am really shy in large gatherings until I am comfy... and that can take a while.

good luck and well done for going... keep it up xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and I drive people nuts who I go with.. as I bleat on and on about who is going, who will be there, what will it be like...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

This is a good question, was it because you where single or was it just because people didnt know you.

If we walk into a new social situation not everyone is going to great us with open arms. You said that they rarely changed partner so it wasnt that they didnt just not dance with you. The fact that we are humans we "suss" people out.

Herea a couple of examples

When i joined slimming club no one spoke to me for the first couple of weeks, then slowly the odd word then after a few weeks i was "one of the group" same with swimming and the gym. Its same faces, first day noone spoke to me and over the last couple of weeks people start to smile and give you the odd word.

I think thats why people complain about forums being cliquey, people need to slowly start to feel comfortable with someone and that can be as simple as just seeing their face a couple of times.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was so excited after learning the basic steps for Rumba, as I can now dance to Dean Martin's Sway properly!

Thanks for the words of encouragement, peeps, which is much appreciated!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes to Diamonds.

Perhaps I made them feel awkward by being a newbie there on my own, and they did not know how to interact with me.

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By *scottMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Now if you want a dance style that suits socalising as well try Ceroc. I was indroduced by a friend, and now me and Jackie go now and then. Great fun, good exercise and highly social. You change partners with every dance, thats how it works, so social interaction is a center point to a Ceroc class.

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

well done on learning something new

nowwwwww what was your dress like was it all sparkly like on strictly

ur have to chat up anton so there jaws drop next time as you swirl in on his arm

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ballroom is more my cup of tea, as I prefer the music and the opportunities to doll up in my fineries.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"well done on learning something new

nowwwwww what was your dress like was it all sparkly like on strictly

ur have to chat up anton so there jaws drop next time as you swirl in on his arm

It will be a long way to get to that level of competency, however, I intend to carry on and get better at it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now if you want a dance style that suits socalising as well try Ceroc. I was indroduced by a friend, and now me and Jackie go now and then. Great fun, good exercise and highly social. You change partners with every dance, thats how it works, so social interaction is a center point to a Ceroc class. "

oooo i would love to try ceroc but mr B is reluctant you'll have to tell him how fun it is when we see you next

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do feel a little nervous about certain things but if its what I want to do and I am determined, then I just do it and start talking to people myself. If you are on your own, you have no option but to make the first move sometimes, people generally wont go out of their way to talk to a person on their own.

I am nervous about the Beach party. I really do hope I dont have to go on my own, but I really want to meet the forum members, Ive been round the forums a while, I really want to see people in the flesh. I am worried about it though. The biggest thing Im worried about is not recognising people.

but im gonna do it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

One day, I shall start learning Tap again. That I can do on my own at home.

It clashes with the Ballroom class at the mo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep it up, Pearl, and let us know in a few weeks if you're finding yourself more 'accepted' in your dance class.

I would love to learn salsa dancing, but like you, I'm worried that I can't turn up to lessons unless I bring my own partner

I would love to hear that I'm wrong!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are teaching assistants who would dance with the singletons at dance classes, so I feel very at home when I attend a class.

However, yesterday's was a dance evening, and not a class.

I'll carry on attending classes as I love to dance!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds brilliant Pearl, I like the thought of being able to dance, im not good at it though

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Pearl,

Your posting reminded me of my late father who on retiring at the age of 63 (he was made redundant then) wondered what he would do to fill his masses of time off.

He'd loved Ballroom Dancing in his younger years, and though Mum died in 1980, he still wanted to follow the pastime. But instead of just dancing, he decided to learn to teach it!

By the time he was 70, he'd gained enough training awards to enable him to teach it at a dance school in Bristol.

But not only that; as a "rare" Male who was an accomplished ballroom dancer, he was booked for months in advance by all the widows, separated, or single ladies, even the dance "widows" (whose other halves could't dance!), all of them, booked him months in advance, even to the extent of sending cars or taxis to collect him and return him home afterwards.

But he did recall, that at every dance venue he walked into, he'd nerves galore and despite his expertise, he always felt awkward, that everyone was looking at him, but once the music started and he'd danced a few steps, any nervousness evaporated.

He did say that dancing kept him fit, it kept him sane, and it also meant as he was active in body, he was active in his mind.

He died 6 years ago. Unfortunately, our parents dancing "genes" haven't been inherited by either my brother or me.

Continue with the dancing! You'll get a great buzz out of it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Awww, that is very encouraging, thank you!

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By *istress SassyCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I always find dance nights difficult too, even after I had been around for ages and knew lots of people I didn't get to dance a lot at them.

In my dance classes, we move round every few minutes so you always dance with a new partner, so you get to know people and and it's fine if you go by yourself, but then once you get to one of the members dance nights, all the couples want to dance together and practice their moves and who can blame them, but it does mean I tend to dance less on these nights.

It does get easier, in terms of the socialising bit, you will eventually get to know people and sit with them etc, but may well still find that you still mainly dance with the teachers / helpers, as this is what I still find even a year or more later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Keep it up, Pearl, and let us know in a few weeks if you're finding yourself more 'accepted' in your dance class.

I would love to learn salsa dancing, but like you, I'm worried that I can't turn up to lessons unless I bring my own partner

I would love to hear that I'm wrong!"

You are indeed wrong m`dear...most clubs rotate partners during lessons..

Tho it must be said...if theres a notoriously cliquey crowd..its salsa...

Which is a shame...I`ve seen many peoples lives change radically, with the confidence boost, dancing and its social scene can bring ...

We`ve danced the last two nights till the early hours...great fun..

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"Awww, that is very encouraging, thank you!

Just an added comment, I forgot to put in my previous post.

In his earlier retirement years, and still finding his way around the local dancing scene, he actually took on an Admin role as Membership Secretary with a local dancing club.

That way, as well as contributing to the club's success etc, it was an ideal chance for him to meet everyone else, and of course, to learn who the good dancers were!!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

One of my cousins was a professional child ballroom dancer.

I also used to go and whatch them at blackpool tower.

Sadly not being able to tell my left from my right isnt going to help much with me learning to dance

Really glad your enjoying it pearlxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends alot on the club owners attitude and vibe...

I know clubs that are elitist and awkward...

I go to different clubs than that....the moral is to shop around fer a good club, that has a good ethos of friendliness and smiles fer encouragement..

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