FabSwingers.com forum: Bad jokes

By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Two oranges walked into a bar. One said to the other one. "You're round"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the chick say when it found an orange in its nest next to him?

Look what marmalade

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What did the chick say when it found an orange in its nest next to him?

Look what marmalade "

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By *andVBCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

E recites his only joke...

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet on Facebook. I don't know why.

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By *urchoicenowCouple
over a year ago

Ashford

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Y did the chicken cross the road ?

To get to the other side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of bees can you get milk from?

Boobies!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did Velociraptor came to life?

Massraptor and Distanceraptor had sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you organise a space party?

You planet

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By *cott89Man
over a year ago

prestatyn

why does snoop dog carry an umbrella..........fo drizzle

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

Knock knock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a bar

Ouch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are relationships often like algebra?

People always look at their X's and try to figure out Y

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know what all the fuss about Jimmy Saville was.

When I was a kid I wrote in and Jim fixed it for me to go to BBC television centre in London to milk a cow blindfolded.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get when you cross a Rooster and an Owl?... .... a Cock that stays up all night long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What dya call a shark playing a ukulele????

Jaws Formby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you get when you cross a Rooster and an Owl?... .... a Cock that stays up all night long

Lol you must know me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you get when you cross a Rooster and an Owl?... .... a Cock that stays up all night long

Lol you must know me

I get told that joke on a monthly basis, then someone sent me it as a private message

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By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Knock knock

Who's there?

Nobody.

Nobody who?

....

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

My mate got sacked from his job on the dodgems. He's suing them for funfair dismassal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/04/17 12:01:19]

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

I've just watched a documentary on Stroke survivors, but it was a bit one-sided

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the definition of Ethernet?

Its tha thing you catch tha Eathter Bunny with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two parrots sat on a perch

One says to the other "can you smell fish?"

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By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Why do elephants paint their bollocks red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

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By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

A giraffe eating a cherry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A skeleton walks into a bar and says

"I'll have a pint of lager and a mop"

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

[Removed by poster at 26/04/17 14:37:49]

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

What runs down your nose at 150mph?

A lambogreeni!

. Yes I know

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"Whats the definition of Ethernet?

Its tha thing you catch tha Eathter Bunny with."

Thsts terrible lol

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate

Ouch!! Haha

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"My mate got sacked from his job on the dodgems. He's suing them for funfair dismassal."

Love it!

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

the wife said to me the other day" if you don't mention my period for the next week I'll give you a treat"

I said "your on"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other , "do you know how to drive this bloody thing"

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's Winnie pooh middle name

The

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two jews walk into a bar... and buy it.

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

Dwarf bumps into a woman wearing a mini skirt

He gets a crack on the head

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

"why does snoop dog carry an umbrella..........fo drizzle"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thunder God goes out on his horse and roars "I'm Thor"

The horse looks back and says "you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

"Thunder God goes out on his horse and roars "I'm Thor"

The horse looks back and says "you forgot your thaddle thilly!" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hear about the pregnant bed bug?

Gave birth in the spring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

Breaking News: The lrish government have announced that as of next week, all cars in lreland will now drive on the right hand side of the road. lf this is a success, all buses and lorries will follow a week later.

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

There was a 14 seater plane crash in an Irish cemetery, so far they have found 96 bodies...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thunder God goes out on his horse and roars "I'm Thor"

The horse looks back and says "you forgot your thaddle thilly!" "

Hahahahaa!

What do you call a woman at the back of a goal post?

Anette

( sorry )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you heard about the magic tractor?It drove down the lane and turned into a field!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a monkey with a can opener.

I said "you don't need a can opener for a banana"

He replied "no, it's for the custard" ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend is in hosptal after premature ejaculation......at the moment its touch and go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go out drink 10 pints and I get totally plastered then I go home and beat up mi wife cos I'm a big fat northern bastard!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra"

You realise 3/4 of the people on here won't get that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what should you do when clowns attack?

go straight for the juggler

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Why are relationships often like algebra?

People always look at their X's and try to figure out Y"

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

Paddy and Murphy walking down the street

Paddy see's a bra in the gutter and bends down to pick it up

Careful says Murphy it's a boobie trap

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By *dy-ukTV/TS
over a year ago

Alcester

How do you keep a wanker in suspense?

I'll tell ya tomorrow!

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By *dy-ukTV/TS
over a year ago

Alcester

Did ya hear about the Irish guy.......

Put a condom on backwards and went

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By *dy-ukTV/TS
over a year ago

Alcester

Paddy n Murphy at the funfair, waiting for roller coaster to start.

Paddy sais 'ya think if we go upside down, we'll fall out'

Murphy sais 'feck no, we been mates years'

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By *ob the builder2010Man
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"What's brown and sticky?

A stick"
what you doing with my socks

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By *dy-ukTV/TS
over a year ago

Alcester

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said: “So, why are you here?”

The yellow Lab replied: “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”

The black Lab said: “So what’s the vet going to do?”

“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the yellow Lab.

“They reckon it’ll calm me down.”

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked: “So, why are you here?”

The Black Lab said: “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”

“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Yellow Lab enquired.

“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: “Why are you here?”

“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.”

Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away.”

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said: “So, it’s nuts off for you too, huh?”

The Great Dane said: “No. Apparently I’m here to get my nails clipped!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brexit.

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By *dy-ukTV/TS
over a year ago

Alcester

Nearly bought eight legs of venison but my mate said it was 'too deer' :D

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man!"

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By *eady and Willing 9Man
over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra

You realise 3/4 of the people on here won't get that.

Why won't they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/05/17 00:21:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how do you give a duck soul?

put it in the oven til it's Bill Withers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone complimented me on my driving today they left a note on my windscreen it said parking fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head...Baa-Baa-Ra

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two parrots sat on a perch

One says to the other "can you smell fish?""

had to read it twice and then laugh for about 10 mins.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's worse than a cardboard box?

Paper tits!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra

You realise 3/4 of the people on here won't get that.

Why won't they?

Because they claim to be dyslexic ... do wont understand the joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You put so much ginger in that cake, it called me John Snow and told me I know nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Half this site is

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By *ittle miss belleWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff

What's blue and fluffy?

Pink fluff holding its breath

I'm sorry

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, “When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers.

I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t possibly wear them, as they were too large.

I said to her “Of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day we have never had a single problem.”

Jack took his father’s advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing.

He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said “I can’t wear these, they’re far too large for me.”

“Exactly” Jack replied “I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on Jack,” she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

“I can’t get into your knickers,” said Jack.

So Jill said ” Exactly, and if you don’t change your fucking attitude, you never will.....

????

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By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy sexually harassing a girl whilst standing on my watch.

Walked straight up to him and punched him in the nose.

Nobody does that to a girl........Not on my watch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? Ripping it off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a man in fancy dress in the market place today. He was dressed as Henry VIII and was asking for money.

I didn't give him anything.

Everybody know that beggars can't be Tudors.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a library "FISH AND CHIPS TWICE PLEASE!". Librarian says "but this is a library!".

Man - (in whisper) "sorry, fish and chips twice, please".

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By *ameulMan
over a year ago

Nr Norwich

Baby seal walked into a club ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Young lad goes into his local chemists...

He shyly asks the girl behind the counter for his first pack of condoms.

She asks "How many do you require? They are sold in packs of 3, 6 and 12"

The young lad, still shaking, enquires "Why do they come in those pack sizes?"

The girl replies "Well, from what I've heard, a 3 pack is usually for those who have fun filled weekends, one for Friday night, one for Saturday Night and one for Sunday night"

She continues... "A 6 pack is for more energetic people...2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night and 2 for Sunday night" Then girl then goes quiet...

The young guy's over active mind started racing and he enquired excitedly..."Wow, What is the 12 pack for?"

The girl replied "Oh, you wont be needing a 12 pack just yet, they are for married couples...January, February...."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vanessa felts got stopped at Gatwick airport today and was arrested for drug dealing, after a search they found forty pounds of crack in her knickers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see David furnace is divorcing Elton John, another celebrity split, this is due to alleged adultery.

Apparently David has caught Elton having sex behind his back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do donkeys get for lunch on Blackpool Beach.

Half an hour

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

Getting your helmet wet, getting some gash or just going head first into a ladies bush, however you want to put it.

Falling off your bike just isn't fun

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

Having read the thread, it is a shame that some have resorted to 1970's Irish jokes. We have surely moved on from that, haven't we?

Now for my contribution to the thread.

There were these two Eskimos from Dublin.........

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By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

What do you call a fly that flew inside Donald Trumps head?

A space invader

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?

A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

I'm laughing regardless of how bad it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the captain say to his men before they got in there tanks?

Right men get in your tanks?

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