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Advice needed

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I've been seeing someone a year and yesterday it turned nasty. He is now threatening to send out videos to my parents & son.

Is there anything I can do? I don't need lectures that I shouldn't have taken them etc but I've known this man over 20 years and thought I could trust him. This is why my profile is also hidden.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not an easy thing to do but go to the police. What he is threatening to do is illegal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Issue threats of police action. He'd be breaking the law by distributing your video to anybody and can now be prosecuted.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Really can I do that?

I'd rather do that than have it plastered all over the internet etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are laws against this, so there is plenty you can do. Goto the police if you are concerned he will follow through with his threats.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I know he will do yes I will go to the police, thank you, didn't realise I could

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you believe the guy is genuinely serious in his intentions then its a matter to take to the police. Its now a specific offence to do so. It always was an offence anyway as it would have been dealt with under the harassment act.

As he is just threatening to do at the moment ( rather than actually done ) then my reading of the law would say its back to harassments laws or telecommunications acts.

A quick word from the police and maybe a harrassment warning from them may do the trick.

Its NOT your fault ( re pics / vids ) and dont feel it is. Thats victim mode kicking in xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

should think it was very illegal to threaten anyone this way.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Thank you that's really helpful and I will act on it as I'd rather do that if he didn't mean it than wait until he has.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Keep copies of all emails txt etc as evidence. Go to the police. They can talk to him. If he's on here you can block him and any new people from contacting you, then in between times you can change your profile, photos and move your location a bit.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I have got all the emails he sent with the threats on thankfully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really can I do that?

I'd rather do that than have it plastered all over the internet etc "

Yeah police take it seriously now they have the power to act.

Out of curiosity what sparked the nasty turn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The police are really hot in this kind of thing at the moment and will take you very seriously and act quickly.

Don't hesitate if you're worried

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is an offence to disclose a private sexual photograph or film without the consent of the person depicted in the content, and with the intent to cause them distress.

Obviously at the mo he's threatening to do it. . So either way Keep every text, email , voicemail or whatever medium he's used to contact you, take it to the police if you think he is seriously going to do what he is saying.

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By *rishman75Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I have a police friend and she said he can be sent to prison for up to 15 months if he does what he is saying. Go to the police and tell them what is happening and they will send someone around to talk to him.

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

Keep any messages/text where he is threatening to do so and I'd be calling the 101 non emergency police number to gain advice and report this as it is harassment.

I really hope it's all talk and he wouldn't do anything so stupid x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing though is he threatening to send the videos if you do/do not do something?

As that way may come under black-mail too rather than just harrasment

(Hyphen as apprently you cant write that word in a post)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

He is hurt that it's ended and isn't threatening to do it in a black mail sense. I will report this to the police this morning. Can I ask will he just be given an unofficial warning as don't want to get him a criminal record in anyway if he hasn't done it yet?

Thanks again fir the help and support

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang onto all evidence - grab screenshots, anything, and go to the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not an easy thing to do but go to the police. What he is threatening to do is illegal. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can't get a criminal record for something you haven't done yet.

When an ex threatened our daughter this way we told her to tell him that we would stand by her whatever he revealed about her. You might find your parents will he more understanding than you think and that knowledge would take the wind out of his sails.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He is hurt that it's ended and isn't threatening to do it in a black mail sense. I will report this to the police this morning. Can I ask will he just be given an unofficial warning as don't want to get him a criminal record in anyway if he hasn't done it yet?

Thanks again fir the help and support "

Whatever the state of mind (his and yours) don't start making excuses, to justify his conduct, threats and behaviour.

It's obviously alarming you enough to post it on a swinging website, for public forum advice.

Then, in the next breath, you're saying, you don't want him to get in trouble.

So which is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He is hurt that it's ended and isn't threatening to do it in a black mail sense. I will report this to the police this morning. Can I ask will he just be given an unofficial warning as don't want to get him a criminal record in anyway if he hasn't done it yet?

Thanks again fir the help and support "

Yes a warning under the protection from harassment act will hopefully be given. Its not even a caution - just a little word in his shell like and a piece of paper handed by the police to him telling him not to be a silly boy x

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

If he does do that, they're are new "revenge porn" laws now that can protect you and leave open to prosecution, in fact if you have evidence of he's threats i that regard the police will have enough evidence to caution him not to take the matter further

A similar situation happened to me a few months back

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I just don't want him to make public our private videos and photos.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"If he does do that, they're are new "revenge porn" laws now that can protect you and leave open to prosecution, in fact if you have evidence of he's threats i that regard the police will have enough evidence to caution him not to take the matter further

A similar situation happened to me a few months back "

Leave HIM open to prosecution I obviously meant

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"If he does do that, they're are new "revenge porn" laws now that can protect you and leave open to prosecution, in fact if you have evidence of he's threats i that regard the police will have enough evidence to caution him not to take the matter further

A similar situation happened to me a few months back "

Thank you x hope your situation is all

Sorted now

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"If he does do that, they're are new "revenge porn" laws now that can protect you and leave open to prosecution, in fact if you have evidence of he's threats i that regard the police will have enough evidence to caution him not to take the matter further

A similar situation happened to me a few months back

Thank you x hope your situation is all

Sorted now "

Yes it is thankyou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a horrible person. I believe that the police and courts are taking this very seriously and that if he was to do it then he would be sent to prison.

I hope you get it sorted out soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just don't want him to make public our private videos and photos. "

This is an awful situation, the police should be a big help though as others have said it is against the law. Hope you get it sorted OP xx

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"You can't get a criminal record for something you haven't done yet.

When an ex threatened our daughter this way we told her to tell him that we would stand by her whatever he revealed about her. You might find your parents will he more understanding than you think and that knowledge would take the wind out of his sails.

"

I've messaged my mum telling her and asked her to block his number from hers and dads phone but I'm ashamed I've had to do this and they won't be understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He is hurt that it's ended and isn't threatening to do it in a black mail sense. I will report this to the police this morning. Can I ask will he just be given an unofficial warning as don't want to get him a criminal record in anyway if he hasn't done it yet?

Thanks again fir the help and support

Whatever the state of mind (his and yours) don't start making excuses, to justify his conduct, threats and behaviour.

It's obviously alarming you enough to post it on a swinging website, for public forum advice.

Then, in the next breath, you're saying, you don't want him to get in trouble.

So which is it?

"

Things are very rarely black and white. OP says she has known this man for 20+ years so feelings are bound to be complicated. Just because you hate what someone has done/ is doing, doesn't mean you hate the person themselves.

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By *irty builderMan
over a year ago

pontefract


"It's not an easy thing to do but go to the police. What he is threatening to do is illegal. "

Just Has Toby said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He is hurt that it's ended and isn't threatening to do it in a black mail sense. I will report this to the police this morning. Can I ask will he just be given an unofficial warning as don't want to get him a criminal record in anyway if he hasn't done it yet?

Thanks again fir the help and support "

Yeah first step is they go around and tell him not to contact you again and give him a PIN notice.

Make sure you message him in explicit clear terms he is not to contact you again

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You can't get a criminal record for something you haven't done yet.

When an ex threatened our daughter this way we told her to tell him that we would stand by her whatever he revealed about her. You might find your parents will he more understanding than you think and that knowledge would take the wind out of his sails.

I've messaged my mum telling her and asked her to block his number from hers and dads phone but I'm ashamed I've had to do this and they won't be understanding "

Our daughter felt ashamed too. You've had sex with a guy you know and filmed it. It's something probably millions of us have done, what's to be ashamed of?

A guy in this area recently received a community service order for publishing pictures of women on various web sites. His face was splashed all over the local papers. His parents, colleagues, friends, neighbours etc etc know who he is. That's far more shaming in my eyes than having a healthy sex life.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oh and PS. Most parent first instinct is to protect their child.

Good luck with this, hopefully it's all hot air but don't let misplaced loyalty and doubt about your self stop you from coming down hard on this guy. He's threatening you, nip it in the bud.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Thank you !

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