FabSwingers.com forum: A second chance.....

By *iew OP Man
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

well do you give people who may have made a mistake in life... people who may have crossed you in someway either in the real or virtual world.... or is that it after the first..

I do try... altho in the corporate world, I was often staggered when recruiting and people were discussed for new roles... ' no way, they did this and they did that.. and when I asked 'recently?'... most times it was years and years ago... but they carried the 'black spot'

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

Most people get wiser as they get older. Most of us make mistakes, and i think it is only fair that people are given a another chance. Having said that if the person repeatedly makes the same mistake then no i wouldnt give them a another chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends upon how you _iew their sins unto you and unto others. Sometimes i am magnanimous but others if i feel the perpetrator has a black heart i don't forgive.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Anybody can make mistakes... and for me it depends on the level of insight of the person who has made the mistake. I tend to be generous in forgiving mistakes but I would not be so generous if the same mistake was made over and over again.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

depends on what they have done.

i very rarely hold a grudge.lifes to short.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There but for the grace of god go I"

We have all done wrong, we have all been given second chances or more. People CAN and DO completly change their lives round and i hold these people very high up on my list. If however, someone pisses me of over petty stuff i just wipe them out my life and they are gone

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"depends on what they have done.

i very rarely hold a grudge.lifes to short."

What was it then that you promised to hold against me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone gets a second chance...

Nobody gets three...

;-);-)

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Everyone gets a second chance...

Nobody gets three...

;-);-)"

Oy, whats wrong with threesums... (chances I mean...)

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Everyone gets a second chance...

Nobody gets three...

;-);-)

Oy, whats wrong with threesums... "

(3+3+3)/3+3= 3/3

You tell me.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"depends on what they have done.

i very rarely hold a grudge.lifes to short.

What was it then that you promised to hold against me

mmmmmmm the sooner the better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I do believe in giving second or more chances. We all make mistakes and I'd like to think the majority of us learn from them. Sometimes people will continue to do wrong and then apologise and think they can get away with continuing this behaviour. When I've had enough of this I tend to cut those people out of my life

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By *inktherapyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I used to hold grudges and look at people and think 'if that happened to me there's no way I'd let x have another chance' .

I know now that it's not as simple as that. Nor even as simple as 'a second chance and that's it' Forgiveness takes time sometimes, but is worthwhile. Hopefully some understanding may come along with it. 'The simple things you see are all complicated' Forgetting is harder - and not always the 'right' thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I`ve known the power of forgiveness and redemption ...

I don`t hold onto resentment...tho I hold onto a principle..

I give second chances...grateful fer mine ...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"well do you give people who may have made a mistake in life... people who may have crossed you in someway either in the real or virtual world.... or is that it after the first..

Funnily enough me and the OH were discussing this before because of the whole Andy Coulsom thing.

Yes, I think everyone should be given a second chance in life as I am sure we have all cocked up at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgiveness comes in understanding life....the situations we can find ourselves caught up in ...

Tis long been known about the effects of enviromental and peer pressure have on a person ...it doesn`t excuse but explain peoples actions sometimes..

Its interesting to hear people speak of their experiences afterwards...

More interesting still is the ammount of people who regard themselves immune to such pressures...thinking they have a strong core...and moral compass..history tells us differently ...

Yeah..we all make mistakes..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each situation and each case is different. Life experiences have taught me to look at both sides of the story with an open mind. You cant just listen to one side of the situation. You can only make a clap with 2 hands. Some things can be classed as mistakes and others are just evil. Some people deserve 2nd chances while others don't. Life is too short for grudges and hatred but sometimes reality tells a different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone gets a second chance...

Nobody gets three...

;-);-)

Oy, whats wrong with threesums...

(3+3+3)/3+3= 3/3

You tell me."

Errr... = 3 / 2

(That was your second chance

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once could be a mistake so I'd give the benefit of the doubt. Twice is either deliberate or they're just plain incompetent - nobody gets a third chance with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We learn by our mistakes, so we should try to forgive others. However, if a friend seriously crosses the line I find it is difficult, night impossible to go back the old relations but can remain pleasant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah i try and give second chances and thirds and fourths until i get to a point then i give up .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do give second chances, but only give them out to those that deserve them.... it's sadly a rare thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yeah i try and give second chances and thirds and fourths until i get to a point then i give up . "

gonna watch another ladies footy then?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

[Removed by poster at 09/07/11 18:29:43]

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Was just thinking, maybe it depends on how close the person is... and how much their action has destroyed the trust between you and them. Trust is difficult to rebuild, but it is not impossible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dunna happen often thank goodness but i tend ta give three chances cause we only human after all xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the flipside,folks who dont seem to have the humility to accept an apology kinda decides the second chance thing.

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By *ornyHorwichCpl aka HHCCouple
over a year ago

horwich

It does depend on the mistake, their acknowledgemet of it and how much it affects my life. I'm generally forgiving but has worked against me in my life sometime. I don't hold grudges but I do choose whether to still associate with the person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm reminded of The Jew of Malta by an (almost) contemporary of Shakespeare.

The exchange goes

Friar Barnadine: "Thou hast committed--"

Barabas: "Fornication-- but that was in another country / And besides, the wench is dead."

In Glasgow we say 'a big boy did it and ran away'.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If for example i was meeting a guy and before the meet or after the meet he pissed me off, id just tell him to fuck off. I dont really know him and wouldnt be bothered if i never had contact with him again.

If someone close to me did something bad, i would want a couple of days on my own to get my head around it then hopefully be able to sit down and talk it through.

If someone i know had taken a wrong turning ie getting in drugs or criminal activities then i would stand by them as much as possible. Unless it was some form of illegal sex act then i just wouldnt be able to deal with that.

Sometimes though sadly after trying to help people and be supportive you have to walk away for your own sanity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

yes but sometimes unless you no the full picture dont judge and ask why and give them advice dont just stand by let them self destruck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you're actually in the person's head you'll never know the full picture.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner."

But what if the sin was also destroying you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

But what if the sin was also destroying you"

I wouldn't let it.

You mentioned "illegal sex act". There are parts of the supposedly civilised world where oral sex and anal sex are still criminal offences.

Are we to treat someone convicted of consensual oral sex in the same light as a child rapist - just 'cos both acts are against the law in a particularly backward US state?

I certainly won't.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

But what if the sin was also destroying you

I wouldn't let it.

You mentioned "illegal sex act". There are parts of the supposedly civilised world where oral sex and anal sex are still criminal offences.

Are we to treat someone convicted of consensual oral sex in the same light as a child rapist - just 'cos both acts are against the law in a particularly backward US state?

I certainly won't."

Thats not what i was talking about in the last paragraph.

But there are sins that others do that can destroy you.

Ever tried living with a violent alcoholic??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

But what if the sin was also destroying you

I wouldn't let it.

You mentioned "illegal sex act". There are parts of the supposedly civilised world where oral sex and anal sex are still criminal offences.

Are we to treat someone convicted of consensual oral sex in the same light as a child rapist - just 'cos both acts are against the law in a particularly backward US state?

I certainly won't.

Thats not what i was talking about in the last paragraph.

But there are sins that others do that can destroy you.

Ever tried living with a violent alcoholic??"

No. I can't imagine what that must be like.

I apologise if I made light of a situation of which I have no experience.

I hope wherever/ however you look for the strength to do the right thing - you find it.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

This situation cropped up about 25 years or so ago.

I was a Senior manager at a big hotel and for some big internal documentation process, we needed to get a lot of filed paperwork sorted out. At that time, we could ring up the local Job Centre, and ask for however many "casuals" we wanted that day for Cash in Hand work.

But this time, amongst the guys who duly turned up, there was one who actually had some "nous". Turned out he'd lost his job a few years before; his wife had run off with another guy and took the kids. He lost his house, hit the bottle and became a vagrant, getting into trouble with the Police and authorities.

Somehow, he got into a hostel, someone got him into a detox programme, but he still couldn't find work. He worked well for us, and showed he did have a brain!

I recommended him to our GM, with support from my Dept bosses. The guy was taken on in a junior role. Within 9 months, he was promoted to a post of responsibility due to his own efforts.

I left the company about a year after that for a new job; the guy wept as he thanked me at my leaving party for giving him that break! The last I heard of him was about 12 years ago, when he became a director of a hotel in London.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

But what if the sin was also destroying you

I wouldn't let it.

You mentioned "illegal sex act". There are parts of the supposedly civilised world where oral sex and anal sex are still criminal offences.

Are we to treat someone convicted of consensual oral sex in the same light as a child rapist - just 'cos both acts are against the law in a particularly backward US state?

I certainly won't.

Thats not what i was talking about in the last paragraph.

But there are sins that others do that can destroy you.

Ever tried living with a violent alcoholic??

No. I can't imagine what that must be like.

I apologise if I made light of a situation of which I have no experience.

I hope wherever/ however you look for the strength to do the right thing - you find it."

Its many years ago and a chapter in my life that ive delt with and put to bed.

But its an example of when you do have to walk away after four years

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I'd like to think I'd support a pal whatever he'd done.

I'm not religious but I believe you can hate the sin but love the sinner.

But what if the sin was also destroying you

I wouldn't let it.

You mentioned "illegal sex act". There are parts of the supposedly civilised world where oral sex and anal sex are still criminal offences.

Are we to treat someone convicted of consensual oral sex in the same light as a child rapist - just 'cos both acts are against the law in a particularly backward US state?

I certainly won't.

Thats not what i was talking about in the last paragraph.

But there are sins that others do that can destroy you.

Ever tried living with a violent alcoholic??"

yes and the scars are still with me and i dont want to back there it was long time ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone has wronged me personally, then I do not give him/her a second chance.

At work, if one makes a mistake and put his/her hand up right away to say so and be honest about it, then I would _iew him/her in good light.

However, if the person tries to hide his/her mistake, and/or lies to cover his/her track etc., then I will loose my trust/confidence in that person, and _iew him/her in not so great light from then onwards.

Once I have lost my trust in a person, it will take a long time to rebuild that trust again. Most of the time, it does not happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yeah i try and give second chances and thirds and fourths until i get to a point then i give up .

gonna watch another ladies footy then?

yeah but just for the commentary !!!! was the best thing about the game lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This situation cropped up about 25 years or so ago.

Somehow, he got into a hostel, someone got him into a detox programme, but he still couldn't find work. He worked well for us, and showed he did have a brain!

I recommended him to our GM, with support from my Dept bosses. The guy was taken on in a junior role. Within 9 months, he was promoted to a post of responsibility due to his own efforts.

and that just about sums up why people deserve a second chance.

great story and well done to not only the person who turned their life around, but also to the folk who gave him the chance

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By *iew OP Man
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"This situation cropped up about 25 years or so ago.

Somehow, he got into a hostel, someone got him into a detox programme, but he still couldn't find work. He worked well for us, and showed he did have a brain!

I recommended him to our GM, with support from my Dept bosses. The guy was taken on in a junior role. Within 9 months, he was promoted to a post of responsibility due to his own efforts.

great example... thank you

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"If someone has wronged me personally, then I do not give him/her a second chance.

At work, if one makes a mistake and put his/her hand up right away to say so and be honest about it, then I would _iew him/her in good light.

Once I have lost my trust in a person, it will take a long time to rebuild that trust again. Most of the time, it does not happen.

Took the words outta my mouth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could never give someone a 2nd chance if it involved hurting my son that would be it, also any other kids for that matter, and if it was sexual abuse of a child I believe in capital punishment, wow this is a deep thread at start I though it was about if someone let u down on a meet would u give them a 2nd chance lol!! And I would on that one tho think most women n couples wouldnt

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