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Cheer me up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I need cheering up please - tell me your best jokes

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

whats a jewish dialema?

FREE PORK!

an irishman, a scotsman and an englishman walk in to a pub and the barman says "is this some kinda joke?"

a scotsman and a jewish guy walking down the road, holding hand! what are they?

A pair of tights!

there ya go x

hope at least one made ya smile

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good jokes but it would be even funnier If OP turns out to be Jewish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't have a good joke; merely crashing the thread to congratulate the OP for an epically awesome profile name change; high fives in one's general direction M'Lady.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need cheering up please - tell me your best jokes "

A man walks into a drum kit...

..ba-dum-bum cha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just got a new job as part of a human chess set

I start Knights this week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband said to me 'you look better without your glasses'

I replied 'so do you'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Don't have a good joke; merely crashing the thread to congratulate the OP for an epically awesome profile name change; high fives in one's general direction M'Lady. "

Haha thank you! It's an old nickname

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford


"Good jokes but it would be even funnier If OP turns out to be Jewish "

I am jewish!¬

so oi vey

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it?? "

Made me chuckle

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton


"Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it??

Made me chuckle "

Don't encourage me. I love a terrible pun.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it??

Made me chuckle

Don't encourage me. I love a terrible pun. "

Me too

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton


"Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it??

Made me chuckle

Don't encourage me. I love a terrible pun.

Me too "

You know the owl one right? No? Seriously?!?

Well....

What's the most common owl in the British Isles?

*Drumroll*

The tea towel.

Whoosh!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Man with a cut on his leg goes to the ED.

Nurse: This is going to need stitches.

Patient: Can I do them?

Nurse: *shrugs* suture self.

Heard the one about the diabetic magician?

Always has a couple of Twix up his sleeve.

Ithankewe! I am here all week. Try the veal. It's excellent.

Where's the tumble emoji when you need it??

Made me chuckle

Don't encourage me. I love a terrible pun.

Me too

You know the owl one right? No? Seriously?!?

Well....

What's the most common owl in the British Isles?

*Drumroll*

The tea towel.

Whoosh! "

I actually told that to someone a few weeks ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought a 2nd hand car the other day from Bonnie Tyler. It's okay, but every now and then it falls apart.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Loving these - thanks guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is grey tar scared of green tar? Because it's a complete Cyclepath!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why is grey tar scared of green tar? Because it's a complete Cyclepath!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need cheering up please - tell me your best jokes "

I heard you got fired from your job at the sperm bank... for drinking on the job

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By *lmostthereMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Ooh tough audience!

Pirate goes to the Dr with moles on his back.

After examining him the Dr says "nothing to worry about they're benign".

"Arrr count them again Dr I'm sure there be ten!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why were the bakers hands dirty?

Because he needed a poo (kneaded)

(I'll get my coat)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Ooh tough audience!

Pirate goes to the Dr with moles on his back.

After examining him the Dr says "nothing to worry about they're benign".

"Arrr count them again Dr I'm sure there be ten!"

"

Love it !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Russian prostitute = onya backubitch

Indian prostitute = rancid minge

As good as I get I'm afraid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So the elephant says to the naked man, "it's cute but can it pick up peanuts"

Robots don't have any balls

But they got nuts

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