FabSwingers.com forum: Are people less realistic these days?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know I've got more jaded and cynical as I've got older about other people, but it seems most people don't want someone who is "boring" (or normal as it turns out to be).

When I try and pin down what they mean by "boring" and what they mean by "someone exciting and fun" it usually turns out to mean:

Boring: Someone you talk with, stay at home most days and go out once a week possibly.

Exciting: Someone who will go out almost every night, "party", or someone like "James Bond" (I've had that said to me!

)

So besides the fact most people have normal jobs, normal lives and are "boring". And the "exciting" ones are more likely to be players, do you think people are living in a magazine/TV soap opera world where they expect excitement and drama?

The reason I ask this question is that on pretty much all dates I've had recently the woman has said they want someone "fun and exciting", which when pressed turns out to be what I defined above. Then when we then talk about it a bit more mentioning the fact most people are "boring", it becomes apparent the only thing the woman can say which makes her not "boring" is getting blind d*unk, which says it all really.

So the bottom line is it more a fact we are bored with our mundane life that we want someone fun and exciting to rescue us from ourselves? Or are we just living in a fantasy world?

Note these women I had dates with where all 25+, so you think a bit more world wise.

Lastly in my opinion a person on a first date is going to be boring; not until you get to know each other and open up will you get to see the person inside.

I take comfy slippers and a hug over unpredictable insane any day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading that, the problem appears to be that both you and the people you have met have a very limited and one dimensional idea of what makes somebody exciting and interesting.

The 2 scenarios you describe both sound dull and totally undesirable to me.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

[Removed by poster at 09/07/11 10:43:03]

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I think that the grass always looks greener in the other side.

If you have what you class as boring, then maybe the party lifestyle sounds good.

I'm sure that if the had that lifestyle all the time a quiet evening in, snuggled up on the sofa with a DVD might sound just as much fun.

I love a night out, without getting blind d*unk, but do find myself looking more to the quiet night with good company

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mother always said that "only boring people get bored". I don't look for fun and exciting meets, I look for nice interesting people who have a zest for life. To me that is more realistic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exciting: Someone who will go out almost every night, "party", or someone like "James Bond" (I've had that said to me!

)

Very untrue!

I'm T-total and Shaz drinks very little now and we lead a very exciting life.

To us, Exciting is going out to a large variety of places, being spontaneous, being able to make each other cry with laughter, getting up in the morning and being happy it's a new day.

If getting d*unk is the only excitement someone has then there is something wrong!

Life is what you make it, if it's boring then only the 1 person can change that.

Tony

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I am not looking for someone to spend eveningas with watching TV because thats not what I do. Also, I am resolutely single so pretty much not looking for anyone at all. But if I were, it would be someone who likes hiking, or travelling to other cities, or cooking a huge meal, or a wine tasting session, or swimming, or, or, or......

There is so much people can do to make themselves more desirable to others. Not moaning about women would be a start!

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

what might be boring to one is exciting to another....

I don't see my OH as often as I would like to due to distance atm, but there is nothing so wonderful and exciting as being snuggled up on the sofa with him, watching some inane drivel on the television.

To some that would be boring, to me it is perfect!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not moaning about women, just questioning what actual expectations [in general] people have. It seems most want something exotic but themselves are not anything near that. As such more a case of fantasy crossing over into their real world.

On dates we chat for ours about anything from politics, the universe, meaning of life, laundry, books, films, art, music, holidays, things we'd like to do.

For instance I love to go on holidays see the culture and history, walks on the beach, getting a tan, swimming in the sea, cycling trips and so on. I also like to draw and paint, see friends, go to the gym, watch film and all that. Nothing earth shattering, just a normal bloke with a normal life.

When I look for someone I expect someone normal in that respect, has some interests which we can share in and someone I can get on with and make feel wanted, but not expect them to be sky diving on a Monday, extreme running on a Tuesday etc.

I'm speaking in general, of course sites like this are for a bit of "dangerous" excitement without the ironing and washing

The bottom line is have we become more comfortable been single and looking instead of doing relationships? Or getting out of them quicker as soon as there is a bump in the road than in the past?

It does explain to some degree why these women I've had dates with have been single for so long. But then again I can say I've been single for a while possibly for the same reasons or the fact I am not amenable to be treated like a convenience on demand consumable good. (and wouldn't treat others as such either).

Some interesting replies anyhow!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

But why should we be aiming for relationships? i've had mine, and am happy being me, on my own. partners and marriage shouldn't be a goal, being single shouldn't be somethign to be concerned about. Each to their own.

I understand where you're coming from. I spent the first 3 years of being single wondering what was wrong with me. Now I am happy being on my own, doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, not being told what to do by anyone and shagging who I like, when I like. I know its not for everyone, but it suits me fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what might be boring to one is exciting to another....

To some that would be boring, to me it is perfect!!!"

And too me also xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own at the end of the day, what floats one's boat may sink a ship for another etc...

Having a bit of life experience and some hobbies no doubt helps a person to be more interesting, thereby, less boring IMHO.

People who are self-centred and talk nothing except about themselves would bore me to tears.

Likewise with those who have not mastered the art of small talks.

It's fine to be passionate about somthing, however, keep going on about it and do not allow the other person to contribute in a conversation is impolite and inconsiderate, IMHO.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"what might be boring to one is exciting to another....

To some that would be boring, to me it is perfect!!!

And too me also xxxx"

Awww.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But why should we be aiming for relationships? i've had mine, and am happy being me, on my own. partners and marriage shouldn't be a goal, being single shouldn't be somethign to be concerned about. Each to their own.

I'm not saying you should be aiming for a relationship, and like you I'm generally happy been single (no fight over the TV remote

), but when I have gone on "proper" dates, that is women looking for something more serious, there seems to be the sense they want the excitement and thrill parts without the rest. Perhaps it's due to bad past experiences or just wanting to live out our teenage years again. (well I know I would!)

I don't really care where I am or what I am doing, so long as I'm with someone who I can bring sunshine into their life and make them feel really wanted and been there for them. Unfortunately finding someone to reciprocate that is tricky! I must be just going to the wrong bars!

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Maybe ask yourself where you are meeting these women? If out on the town drinking... that may be a clue.

Mistress x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think SOME settle down into long term relationships far too young.... and wake up one day and thing 'wow where has my life gone....'

time for some fun times... and that is great to see.

disclaimer....... SOME

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I don't really care where I am or what I am doing, so long as I'm with someone who I can bring sunshine into their life and make them feel really wanted and been there for them. Unfortunately finding someone to reciprocate that is tricky! I must be just going to the wrong bars!

It may well be because you are looking on a sex site. :D

Seriously though, everyone says what is ideal on the first date, but the women who want the Gucci, amazing, whizz bang stuff will, after a while, be happy with the 'boring' stuff. Because they know as well as you do that a successful relationship isn't all fireworks and sparkles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A conventional relationship would not suit me, as I doubt if I could live with another person permanently.

Hence I am after a part time soul mate, as I truly believe absence makes the heart goes fonder.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

I know I am lucky and have best of both. Dont give up if its something you want.

Mistress x

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

This thread means different things to different people.

I will admit, I'm the proverbial "wallflower", maybe not as bad as I used to be when I'd shun party invites, as the thought of being in a room with friends filled me with sheer terror!

Nowadays, I have my own circles of close and not so close friends. I always long for the day that I will meet that Miss Victim,...sorry, Miss Right, because I don't wish to eke out my retirement years in a house with 4 walls to look and the telly!

I'm teetotal, always have been, and I suppose having been a Licensee too for many years, I've seen the negative side of imbibing too much alcohol - maybe that has put me off, who knows?

But as one boss once said to me, "You can't function in this world without having a drink! You'll get nowhere in life!" Yeah, right! (He was eventually diagnosed as an alcoholic!).

Being "realistic" is subjective. How you spend your leisure times, your work times and so on is down to your own mental character and frame of mind.

There are no bad, or good ways!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am after no one.. just me.. content, at peace, happy & smiling.

I do love seeing couples happy tho... it is a joy to sit in a restaurant and observe a couple so in love with each other it shines out of both of them.

you see some who do not exchange one word between each other from the starter to the coffees.. not that i was staring...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...

It may well be because you are looking on a sex site. :D

Well I'm on here looking for fun, but if it lead to more I wouldn't be upset.

I'm also on a "proper" dating site.

But as someone else pointed out, meeting your future SO is less likely to happen in a bar/club. Something like 2/3 of people meet their SO through work/work colleagues or their friends network. Real issue for me is the opportunity to socially meet new single people; my friends and their friends are all coupled so no single people to hang out with.

Not the end of the world, I'm quite happy doing my own thing, but it is nice to have someone to share it with.

Lastly imho a successful relationship is more about how you deal with the rough points, not just when it is all sunshine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do love seeing couples happy tho... it is a joy to sit in a restaurant and observe a couple so in love with each other it shines out of both of them.

you see some who do not exchange one word between each other from the starter to the coffees.. not that i was staring...

Being a hopeless romantic at heart, I too love to see a happy couple being very at ease and in love with each other. Their happiness makes me happy.

I can't stand those who are constantly digging at each other, or those who belittle their other half in public.

I may be alone on my own, however, I am far from being lonely or needy, and have no time for those who are needy either.

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By *ara_and_MJCouple
over a year ago

rochdale

I think people are living what i would call the 'adolescent party lifestyle' for longer nowadays.

People in general appear to be settling down later in life (maybe as we are all living longer) and breeding later. I too have noticed some people still want (need?) to be carrying on the same lifestyle of partying every weekend well into their 30's when yrs ago it would have ended with the birth of children around the 23/25 mark.

I did it, i was a complete pisshead til my early 30's and even after would use my hobby or re-enactment as way of 'socialising' (i.e. getting pissed) several times a month.

Now, i still drink but i will happily forgo a drink the night before in order to have a good day out on the bike the day after. Mountain biking etc might not qualify as 'exciting' for many but i find it a much better prospect than all those empty nights i spent in the same pubs doing the same things in the expectation that something 'exciting' would happen - isn't that a definition of insanity?

The plus side is that i'm much fitter in my 40's than i was in my 20's.

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

Everyones idea of excitement will vary from one person to another. For myself I like the simple things in life. As long as I have a roof over my head, food on the table, my family happy then im content. That may seem boring to some, but i'm happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick forgive me: but are you talking about women on here? If you are then why would we want "boring" unless that's the fantasy.

I doubt many of us on here are supermodels, lead jet set lifestyles and have Obama on our contact list: we lead "ordinary" lives, so our attainable fantasy is someone "exciting" to thrill us.

That said, for all those seeking excitement, you venture onto the forums around Valentine and Christmas and the tone changes for some.

At the moment my other half and I don't live together, and it won't happen while our kids are at home, but I look forward to the day when I'm sat cuddling up on the sofa with a bottle of wine watching a dvd or having a walk on beach/beside the river!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was at uni, I could be found in the Junior Common Room every Friday night, dancing and drinking, having a good time.

It was not uncommon for me to go out during the weekend for more fun and drinking, especially the two years when I lived in a hall of residence in Central London.

Happy Days!

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"If I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick forgive me: but are you talking about women on here? If you are then why would we want "boring" unless that's the fantasy.

I doubt many of us on here are supermodels, lead jet set lifestyles and have Obama on our contact list: we lead "ordinary" lives, so our attainable fantasy is someone "exciting" to thrill us.

That said, for all those seeking excitement, you venture onto the forums around Valentine and Christmas and the tone changes for some.

Shocked to see softer side of you

Mistress x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Jay and i love just being on our own. As we dont live together all our time is quality time.

We went to cambridge last week and went in some of the colledge gardens, one of the areas had a lovely pond so we just say there on our own curled up. We always do stuff like that but i also love being with my friends and i still got my "wild" streak although it doesnt show its face so often these days its still there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take comfy slippers and a hug over unpredictable insane any day!

Oooh, unpredicatable insane men, please stay away from me - I'll take slippers and a hug, any day! Nowt nicer than minor squabbles over the remote control .... or whole days of sunbathing and reading in a comfortable silence (with the exception of 'it's your turn to go to the bar' LOL)

Fab is interesting, cuz I get to meet people who don't work in the same place as me, or who don't go in the same pub as me. I met a guy a few times who crews a yacht around the mediterranean - now he was interesting (never invited me aboard though, the twonk!) LOL

But it doesn't have to be that exciting - just different FOR ME. I've met motorcyclists, a steelworker, unemployed people, a van-driver, a builder, a lawyer, a beekeeper .... people from all different walks of life have an interesting and new perspective on life, that I'm delighted to learn about.

And I'm sure that one day, I'll settle down to 'slippers and a hug' with one of them. Meantime, I'm enjoying being single and having so many interesting experiences. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what might be boring to one is exciting to another....

To some that would be boring, to me it is perfect!!!

And too me also xxxx"

That's lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know I've got more jaded and cynical as I've got older about other people, but it seems most people don't want someone who is "boring" (or normal as it turns out to be).

When I try and pin down what they mean by "boring" and what they mean by "someone exciting and fun" it usually turns out to mean:

Boring: Someone you talk with, stay at home most days and go out once a week possibly.

Exciting: Someone who will go out almost every night, "party", or someone like "James Bond" (I've had that said to me!

)

So the bottom line is it more a fact we are bored with our mundane life that we want someone fun and exciting to rescue us from ourselves? Or are we just living in a fantasy world?

Note these women I had dates with where all 25+, so you think a bit more world wise.

Lastly in my opinion a person on a first date is going to be boring; not until you get to know each other and open up will you get to see the person inside.

I take comfy slippers and a hug over unpredictable insane any day!

think the peeps you mention must be boring people as they are looking for someone else to take them partying or other stuff. if they were doing this stuff themselves they would not even think about it.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My mother always said that "only boring people get bored". I don't look for fun and exciting meets, I look for nice interesting people who have a zest for life. To me that is more realistic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick forgive me: but are you talking about women on here? If you are then why would we want "boring" unless that's the fantasy.

I doubt many of us on here are supermodels, lead jet set lifestyles and have Obama on our contact list: we lead "ordinary" lives, so our attainable fantasy is someone "exciting" to thrill us.

That said, for all those seeking excitement, you venture onto the forums around Valentine and Christmas and the tone changes for some.

Shocked to see softer side of you

Mistress x"

Tongue firmly in cheek: a nod to the clichéd comments you see on dating sites!

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