FabSwingers.com forum: Explain your job BADLY

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Play along.

I hunt people and sell them to the government.

Mr Notorious uses words to force people to do things they wouldn't usually do.

How would you explain your job terribly?

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

I take happy people from their jobs and make them unhappy in other jobs. Life destroyer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I take happy people from their jobs and make them unhappy in other jobs. Life destroyer "

I suspect we are in the same industry.

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By *arren the doggerMan
over a year ago

willenhall

I don't have a job so I can't comment ..........good thing is I can meet anytime !!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I locked people up, stop them from leaving and deprive them of their liberties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I put ink on things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I play around with dangerous things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I argue with people in offices and then I argue with people building offices

Other times I do the opposite

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I keep thing moving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure you lose all your money but convince you to give me more.

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By *hiterabbit6Couple
over a year ago

Sexytown, Moray

I make teenagers do things they really don't want to, then tell on them when they don't

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

I just fuck about on the internet all day ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I nag people to do things they don't want to do, but that they know will be good for them in the long term.

Poppy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bash steel tubes into the side of buildings and create lots of noise with the clanging of steel on steel for 8hrs a day, 5 days a week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend my days upsetting people and guessing at how I might be able to help them

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I'm Trunchbull.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use a calculator, close my eyes , tap a few buttons ... and hope for the best !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep those flying thingys not hitting the ground and going boom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Follow newlywed couples around with cameras like I'm paperazzi.

I can't explain the other part badly because it's probably have me arrested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I create even worse adults of the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Puts on gangster voice*

I make sure the elderly and vulnerable adults are.........taken care of.

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"I take happy people from their jobs and make them unhappy in other jobs. Life destroyer

I suspect we are in the same industry. "

Yes I suspect we do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hunt for heads.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I save lives with my fingers.

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By *ackStrakerMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I make things that don't really exist to do jobs that create nothing real to do thing's that just annoy us.

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"I hunt for heads."

Another reprobate I suspect op....!

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By *andVBCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

"I make things that don't really exist to do jobs that create nothing real to do thing's that just annoy us."

Sounds like my job!

I make countless daily tasks slightly more obnoxious in the names of progress and automation.

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By *reakShow90Man
over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

I play with your food at night when your all asleep

(2nd job)

You pay me to stab you and you smile about it

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

[Removed by poster at 13/04/17 08:04:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stop people pissing about with your personal data, and hit them with big sticks when they do.

I also stop people from having fun by saying 'yes, but have you done a risk assessment?'

Additionally, when I have time i write reports about reports and then report on stuff.

I'm the life and sole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dig people out of the shit.

I am 'The Shoveller'.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I spend taxpayers money on things they don't need and will never use.

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By *ellowbabesCouple
over a year ago

newport/cwmbran

I move "self-loading freight" around

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By *edheadsruleCouple
over a year ago

lancashire

I encourage people to drink, be merry and dance the night away then tell em to sup up and fuck off at end of night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hang around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I push 1's and 0's around the matrix

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to convince people to be nice to other people in order to line the pockets of psychopaths

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I persuade people to pay more than they want to for stuff that doesn't work properly using half truths and scare tactics.

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By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

I help people get lost in the countryside and cities

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do everything I can not to kill people, unless I have to.

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By *andm_69Couple
over a year ago

Stevenage

M makes people fat and E pays out when there die

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I destroy the hopes and aspirations of young people by condescendingly informing them that no they won't get a 30K a year job cos they are 17, with no qualifications, an ASB and they can't spell cat.

Nor will they find fame and fortune in the Grime scene by releasing an EP about their life in the ghetto on YouTube. You live in the subburbs mate not Compton!

I then take the piss out of their attire (pull 'em up!).

It's very rewarding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shout at people until they cover themselves in glitter and feathers

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By *iss InnocenceWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

I push people about and wipe dirty bums

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I colour in people's faces

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I go in to people's business, pull down their pants, smack their arse, take their money and tell them same time next year

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fucking love your descriptions! Howling with laughter here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wake them up - make them shower and eat and wear clothes of my choice - make them go out for a walk if the weather is nice - bloody awful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nor will they find fame and fortune in the Grime scene by releasing an EP about their life in the ghetto on YouTube. You live in the subburbs mate not Compton! "

Our Country needs more women like you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I takes people's old stuff out and replace it with over-priced new shit

in hope of not been called a cowboy

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By *arren the doggerMan
over a year ago

willenhall

"I spend my days upsetting people and guessing at how I might be able to help them

So you work in the job centre then !! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take knackered/broken/unloved crap and turn it into a working desirable thing

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I get put where im needed and am not often in the same place twice

Miss

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I used to make people have sex. Not against their will I will point out, but I've probably launched a million orgasms in that job.

I also used to shout at fat people and bully them and take their money.

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By *arren the doggerMan
over a year ago

willenhall

"I get put where im needed and am not often in the same place twice

Miss"

Miss Morgan

You are needed here today !! Wow ! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I design flying things that go bang

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"I destroy the hopes and aspirations of young people by condescendingly informing them that no they won't get a 30K a year job cos they are 17, with no qualifications, an ASB and they can't spell cat.

Nor will they find fame and fortune in the Grime scene by releasing an EP about their life in the ghetto on YouTube. You live in the subburbs mate not Compton!

I then take the piss out of their attire (pull 'em up!).

It's very rewarding. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to make things not explode...

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By *uitar_antiheroMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I tell people things & get them to write those things down so that they can go on to be told more new things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a leader of men and women.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I make stuff louder.

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By *obyn67Woman
over a year ago

Wonderland

I'm the instigator and speak for those without a voice....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I provide free time for others...

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By *ulfilthmentMan
over a year ago

Just around the corner

I rummage through ancient rubbish and make partially informed judgements about the depositor's lifestyle and social status.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do my best to make it as hard as possible for idiots to kill themselves (accidentally!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hang from ropes doin jobs others can't reach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make slaughtering and chopping up carcasses more efficient

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stick labels on boxes.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

food

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take hardworking people out of jobs and replace them with machines.

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

Idle rich xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a waste of tax payers money (according to the dailymail)

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Dax - scraping bodys off the tarmac since 2008

Myself - deals with germ infested small people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep the bits of green stuff on the tele from turning into a forest so rich people can kick a round thing on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

work really, really, really hard at not doing any work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cut throats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use a big hose and cool things down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i sit at a desk and boss people in London around

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I turn off 1000s of volts and write on forms to stop braver men getting electrocuted on pylons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to mend broken things that fly.

Now I glue tiles to walls. Slop plaster around and stick new bogs, baths and sinks in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take people's money from them and then arrange for other men to stick things in their holes

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I hit things that make a lot of noise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i build things used to make diesel and petrol then charge such a silly price it has to be put on the end product and upset the user. i have a company car so dont buy fuel or care what it costs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kill people

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I create things so smaller people can sustain life.

I also clean up after smaller things have missed their mouths

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I kill people"

I do that accidentally on the forums sometimes.

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

When you get the hairs on the back of your neck go up because you feel you are being watched....... I cause that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do things to stuff

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple
over a year ago

bradford

Mrs helps to tell kids with special needs what to do!

Mr slings concrete down chimneys, also makes people temporarily deaf in his spare time

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I clean up crap, give people drugs, make them wet then dry and dress in stuff they have no idea they've got

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Cooncil. Nuff said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend tax payers money with impunity.

PTU XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Cooncil. Nuff said.

lol it's explain it badly not spell it badly

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

This is comedy gold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I set traps for unsuspecting felines and then have there balls cut off and bring the furry critters back to the wild

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make people sweat, shout at them to work harder and ignore them when they beg me to let them stop. Then I make them hurt so badly that for several days afterwards, they can't sit on the toilet without wanting to cry.

Eve. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I manage people who act like small children often, their expectations and aspirations of grandeur and getting them to accept the word 'no' is very real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm screwing things in holes today.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I bend over backwards for my clients, get frustrated with my suppliers, get dumbfounded by technology, and then cry all the way to the bank!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cut people open n remove their organs for money daily lol.

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By *itmanAndHerrCouple
over a year ago

st helens

During the day I bully other road users in an effort to deliver what we can't live without. By proxy I'm helping put small shops out of business. By night I persuade people to attend events where they will lose their money, their dignity and their memory.

Him

She encourages people to quit doing whatever gives them comfort. Her clients cry every day without fail.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Cooncil. Nuff said.

Aye nowt to explain then eh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I help make sure there's not another big bang after the first 2.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend my life on my hands and knees in the dirt. No, i'm not of the porcine persuasion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I magically transform squiggly lines in to numbers and confuse the simple by prattling on with undertones of rambunctious indignation.

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By *BWandhusbandCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

I sing a lot.

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By *ournemouthbusinessguyMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth

I used to make children cry, quite often i made parents cry a lot more. i had to change jobs, it was too depressing. now i tell people if they dont listen to be they will be looking for work in mcdonalds

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By *WB-No-DramaMan
over a year ago

Up North

I drive all over the north of the UK wearing my beard and wellies to make sure the sheep and cattle don't get onto the roads

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By *WB-No-DramaMan
over a year ago

Up North

[Removed by poster at 13/04/17 15:59:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I draw things and make people live in them for money.

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By *urchoicenowCouple
over a year ago

Ashford

I get people to think about their ultimate demise and plan for it

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By *oi_LucyCouple
over a year ago

Barbados

I turn coffee beans into moving dots of light on a computer screen. Or I drink coffee and cajole other people around the world to press buttons on computers to make them do things.

-Matt

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By *VBethTV/TS
over a year ago

Chester

"I keep those flying thingys not hitting the ground and going boom."

Me too!

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I try to help people solve problems.... even when they seem not to want the help they asked for

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be keeper of the company secrets, organised people and bossed them about without them realising it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Part of my job involves making money from dead people. And fish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I charge ppl loads of money for fixing g there cars and see them walk out miserable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Part of my job involves making money from dead people. And fish. "

Hahahahah good job to be on then

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By *andVBCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

Explain your job badly? Ok...

Well, basically, I'm a programmer, right? What that means is that I type code into a comput... no. Wait. You know your computer, yeah? It runs things called applications. They're written in code - code is like English but filled with squirly brackets and numbers - and compiled. That means they're turned into ones and noughts. Anyway. The compiled code makes an application. You follow? I write those.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I take new babies away from their mother and cut through one of their organs.

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By *airymagicWoman
over a year ago

goblin city

I stap people down and blow them up with air

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By *reeneyedbuddhaCouple
over a year ago

on tees

Her: I ask all about your sex life, feel boobies and prod lady bits.also try not to drop very tiny people

Him :Spends long evenings travelling the region shouting at other drivers and trying not to drop boxes

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By *an_WoodMan
over a year ago

Stafford

I have no memory of what my job is so turn up anyway to not to upset the apple cart. No apples involved in my employment I think ......

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Her: I ask all about your sex life, feel boobies and prod lady bits.also try not to drop very tiny people

Him :Spends long evenings travelling the region shouting at other drivers and trying not to drop boxes

I think we have the same job x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I force metal lengths into various sized holes. It involves a lot of bending.

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By *amrod400Man
over a year ago

belfast

I mess about with things that carry water and shit and tell them I need to get my big spanner or plunger out to sort their problems out

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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago

Torridge area of Devon

one of us will take away your liberty if you are taking liberties.

The other one will mend when they can and dignity when they cant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I supply palliative aftercare for post Jeremy Kyle 'guests'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I join electric wires to other electric wires an hope they don't go off with a bang

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By *reeneyedbuddhaCouple
over a year ago

on tees

[Removed by poster at 13/04/17 17:08:48]

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By *reeneyedbuddhaCouple
over a year ago

on tees

"Her: I ask all about your sex life, feel boobies and prod lady bits.also try not to drop very tiny people

Him :Spends long evenings travelling the region shouting at other drivers and trying not to drop boxes

I think we have the same job x"

I think we probably do xx

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

I chat to people whilst chucking things into paper bags!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Myself and my crew mates have the ability to destroy the planet and the human race for good. Also we kill whales and dolphins with our sonar. It's also the biggest waste of money ever!!!

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By *adeandharleyCouple
over a year ago

Crawley

I count stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I annoy people by not allowing them to do all the fun risky things they want to!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i help people to save there life,s tell them off praise them coach them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell women that's not right for you and it's the wrong size !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sell a false ideal and try convince you that you need what I'm offering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I deal in drugs

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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago

Near the River

I charge lots of money to make myself tea and coffee, enjoy myself at live entertainments, drink alcohol and eat food.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I charge lots of money to make myself tea and coffee, enjoy myself at live entertainments, drink alcohol and eat food."

Do you need an apprentice? X

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By *ecretLiaisonsCouple
over a year ago

Beccles

I get paid to turn things off and on again

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Dick works on wobbly boxes

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By *layfulCouple86Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire

"I make sure you lose all your money but convince you to give me more. "

Are you my wife?

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By *nne CallanWoman
over a year ago

Nothing to see here. Please move along.

I make threats to people and they pay me.

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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago

A box at end of your bed

I am a human traffic light.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I smear coloured stuff all over peoples houses...Steel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I traffic popular humans and sometimes just their personal toys and noisy things.

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By *lue NarwhalMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

I test stuff and get rid of old and useless things..

If I worked at a circus,I'd be the guy that sticks his head in a lions mouth to make sure it's safe for the lion tamer to use..

If the lion is a bit bitey, I'll make the lion disappear in a puff of smoke..

Ps. I don't harm any lions doing my job.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

These are hilarious guys.

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By *otandStickyCouple
over a year ago

Poole

I help people do watersports, they love wind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a mad tea party without any tea twice a day.

Barely anyone knows where they are or what theyre doing

But there's often cake which makes everything right.

I'm the Mad Hatter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I listen to what a customer wants , then tell someone else to do it but my way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I help to add to the already overpopulated quality of hair out there

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

I drink tea, surf the net and on occasion be a smart arse.....pretty much the same as here really

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I bring up minors so others dont have to be arsed

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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Part of my job involves making money from dead people. And fish. "

Same here, well the dead people bit.

I wear dead ladies clothes and make their belongings cool again

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By *rp861Man
over a year ago

Devizes

I am a root cause of obesity and diabetese in the country.

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

"I am a root cause of obesity and diabetese in the country.

You own Macdonalds?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walk around a building then have people follow me then sit these people down at a table, I advise them on what to eat then I watch them stuff themselves to the point they are feeling sick (because it's unlimited) then I take their plates away and give them sugary cold or hot food that they don't really want but feel the need to have (because it was only £1 extra)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make old men very happy, sometimes younger men, and occasionally even women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people smaller then me what to do!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fix things that have wheels on them

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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago

Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;)

I poke around tight oriffices with prickly brushes and tweak nipples back into alignment

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By *layfull pairingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

I annoy environmentalists, hippies and cyclists... I'm very happy in my work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people they are dying and then evict them from hospital.

I argue with the NHS and upset lots of people daily.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Swear at people and inanimate objects at the same time as telling everyone that yes I do know what I'm doing and which way up that really expensive thing goes whilst secretly crossing my fingers and praying that I'm right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take from people who have fuck all to give, but I get it anyway

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By *ymph84Woman
over a year ago

durham

I give people unrealistic targets and then have to justify why they haven't met their targets to bigger idiots above my head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I act as the go between for big corporate entities to take money from people in the hope they don't have to pay back a larger amount if things go tits up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just do my job badly...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Job 1

I leave people running and they may get wet it they get too close

Job 2

Convince people to part with their money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I charge people a fortune for very little work and stop things damaging there property

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I slow everybody down for absolutely no reason at all. Then sit all day and do nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i play with boobs all day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i play with boobs all day "

I want your job??????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make raw food edible

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Dynamic solutions strategist

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