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"Could do with growing an extra inch. Then I'd hit the ideal 6ft mark that so many women are after "You're young, you never know!! | |||
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 never thought i'd be able to do this.
i'm also getting some memory back so able to be more structured with my life and doing this. i waste a lot less time also because i'm focusing on becoming who i want to be.
think i need to stop being so independent but not sure as i do enjoy being like that. | |||
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"At this time of night? Really? I'll have a think at a decent hour "Sleep on it by all means, we're here all week! | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?"" What about you, OP? | |||
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"not sure, probably loads of stuff. i need to stop being so cynical, but was talking to my sister today and she said it's shit being cynical but necessary because plenty of people will fuck you over given the chance and can't be trsuted. i agree with her. need to be more trusting. i've taken myself out of the toxic environment i was relying on to do this and it's going really well. never thought i'd be able to do this.
i'm also getting some memory back so able to be more structured with my life and doing this. i waste a lot less time also because i'm focusing on becoming who i want to be.
think i need to stop being so independent but not sure as i do enjoy being like that."Sounds like you are moving ahead apace on all kinds of fronts though! | |||
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"At this time of night? Really? I'll have a think at a decent hour
Sleep on it by all means, we're here all week! "
There is one fairly obvious change but I'll try to think of something else | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?" What about you, OP?" There's a deeper self-love I need to get to grips with - I have good self-esteem, but there's something more to be sought....... I am a natural empath so outflow probably comes more naturally to me.  | |||
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"At this time of night? Really? I'll have a think at a decent hour
Sleep on it by all means, we're here all week!
There is one fairly obvious change but I'll try to think of something else "What's the obvious one?? | |||
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"Not sure, I've been doing a ton of that over the last 5 years or so "Care to share some of your successes? | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?" What about you, OP? There's a deeper self-love I need to get to grips with - I have good self-esteem, but there's something more to be sought....... I am a natural empath so outflow probably comes more naturally to me. " | |||
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"At this time of night? Really? I'll have a think at a decent hour
Sleep on it by all means, we're here all week!
There is one fairly obvious change but I'll try to think of something else
What's the obvious one??"For most people on here, removing the married badge would be helpful  | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?" What about you, OP? There's a deeper self-love I need to get to grips with - I have good self-esteem, but there's something more to be sought....... I am a natural empath so outflow probably comes more naturally to me.
"But in doing so I don't want to ever develop the hardness of heart I see all around - that looks like living death to me. What about you?? | |||
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"At this time of night? Really? I'll have a think at a decent hour
Sleep on it by all means, we're here all week!
There is one fairly obvious change but I'll try to think of something else
What's the obvious one??
For most people on here, removing the married badge would be helpful "Ah, moving on.....it's a massive change if you truly 'cleaved' in the first place. | |||
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and maybe start learning to cook | |||
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"My bank balance could do with growing and maybe start learning to cook "Hmm, yes at 39 you're quite a late starter there lol!! | |||
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"not sure, probably loads of stuff. i need to stop being so cynical, but was talking to my sister today and she said it's shit being cynical but necessary because plenty of people will fuck you over given the chance and can't be trsuted. i agree with her. need to be more trusting. i've taken myself out of the toxic environment i was relying on to do this and it's going really well. never thought i'd be able to do this.
i'm also getting some memory back so able to be more structured with my life and doing this. i waste a lot less time also because i'm focusing on becoming who i want to be.
think i need to stop being so independent but not sure as i do enjoy being like that.
Sounds like you are moving ahead apace on all kinds of fronts though! "yeah. i'm really enjoying it too. love being the best me i can be with the experiences and knowledge i have at this time, and although i've changed a lot from who i was 2 years ago i'm getting back to who i was before then. on a shallow level i doubt anyone could tell the difference. | |||
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"My bank balance could do with growing and maybe start learning to cook "Cooking is fairly easily tbh, i can see from your pics you are military so if you can take follow and take orders and implement them its really the same with cooking just see the instructions in a cook book as orders and handle the timing well. | |||
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"Not sure, I've been doing a ton of that over the last 5 years or so
Care to share some of your successes?"Going from an abusive relationship with no self esteem or self confidence to being able to be happy in myself. Learning a lot about myself and that it's ok to like sex and even admit that | |||
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"not sure, probably loads of stuff. i need to stop being so cynical, but was talking to my sister today and she said it's shit being cynical but necessary because plenty of people will fuck you over given the chance and can't be trsuted. i agree with her. need to be more trusting. i've taken myself out of the toxic environment i was relying on to do this and it's going really well. never thought i'd be able to do this.
i'm also getting some memory back so able to be more structured with my life and doing this. i waste a lot less time also because i'm focusing on becoming who i want to be.
think i need to stop being so independent but not sure as i do enjoy being like that.
Sounds like you are moving ahead apace on all kinds of fronts though!
yeah. i'm really enjoying it too. love being the best me i can be with the experiences and knowledge i have at this time, and although i've changed a lot from who i was 2 years ago i'm getting back to who i was before then.
on a shallow level i doubt anyone could tell the difference.
"Yes, I remember after I divorced I had to 'go back' to who I was before, it was fascinating to see how much of me I had lost in a marriage to a narc., parts of me I had totally forgotten, like my dancing. A college chum said 'My goodness yes, if there was ANYTHING even remotely dancable you would be up there...' and I had no memory of that. 'She's' back with a vengeance though, lol, first one up, last one to leave the floor!  | |||
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"Not sure, I've been doing a ton of that over the last 5 years or so
Care to share some of your successes?
Going from an abusive relationship with no self esteem or self confidence to being able to be happy in myself.
Learning a lot about myself and that it's ok to like sex and even admit that "Oh those are huge strides, you must be feeling proud of your progress! | |||
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"I'd benefit from slowing down more frequently - I'm fairly relaxed but sometimes fall into the habit of just being quick, without any real need. Can't say it's my biggest issue but it can leave others behind or excluded " Yes, I know people like that.......troubled horses are marvellous for teaching that, if people have ears to listen. They mirror so vividly when we quiet our insides. | |||
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"being on touch with my own feelings. and change my sleeping habits. it's too late again "Feeeeeel your eyelids getting heavy.....  | |||
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"Ommmmmmm Mwah x " Heyyyy bright lady!!! | |||
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"not sure, probably loads of stuff. i need to stop being so cynical, but was talking to my sister today and she said it's shit being cynical but necessary because plenty of people will fuck you over given the chance and can't be trsuted. i agree with her. need to be more trusting. i've taken myself out of the toxic environment i was relying on to do this and it's going really well. never thought i'd be able to do this.
i'm also getting some memory back so able to be more structured with my life and doing this. i waste a lot less time also because i'm focusing on becoming who i want to be.
think i need to stop being so independent but not sure as i do enjoy being like that.
Sounds like you are moving ahead apace on all kinds of fronts though!
yeah. i'm really enjoying it too. love being the best me i can be with the experiences and knowledge i have at this time, and although i've changed a lot from who i was 2 years ago i'm getting back to who i was before then.
on a shallow level i doubt anyone could tell the difference.
Yes, I remember after I divorced I had to 'go back' to who I was before, it was fascinating to see how much of me I had lost in a marriage to a narc., parts of me I had totally forgotten, like my dancing. A college chum said 'My goodness yes, if there was ANYTHING even remotely dancable you would be up there...' and I had no memory of that. 'She's' back with a vengeance though, lol, first one up, last one to leave the floor! "they steal your soul, well can destroy it too. not with abuse i felt coz being kicked/punched/slapped/shamed/whatever just made me more rebellious and stronger as a person coz i needed to be heard. but they can destroy you with fake love, where you think you're being cared for because they tell you they are but you aren't really coz you haven't a clue what being cared for is. know how you can lose your memory, not sure why it happens but i guess it's easier to lose yourself and forget who you are than remember yourself being destroyed and you think you don't even matter any more so you just fade away to nothing. my mum is still like this now, it's sad but she'll never get better i reckon. | |||
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"...... but they can destroy you with fake love, where you think you're being cared for because they tell you they are but you aren't really coz you haven't a clue what being cared for is. know how you can lose your memory, not sure why it happens but i guess it's easier to lose yourself and forget who you are than remember yourself being destroyed and you think you don't even matter any more so you just fade away to nothing..... " Wow - you do write some amazing stuff sometimes, this is a priceless description! I had been loved well before and never thought I didn't matter, but, like a frog being boiled alive by putting him in old water and turning the heat up gradually, eventually you're just too tired banging your head on the wall to care. It's like watching your own death in slow motion. | |||
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"...... but they can destroy you with fake love, where you think you're being cared for because they tell you they are but you aren't really coz you haven't a clue what being cared for is. know how you can lose your memory, not sure why it happens but i guess it's easier to lose yourself and forget who you are than remember yourself being destroyed and you think you don't even matter any more so you just fade away to nothing..... Wow - you do write some amazing stuff sometimes, this is a priceless description! I had been loved well before and never thought I didn't matter, but, like a frog being boiled alive by putting him in old water and turning the heat up gradually, eventually you're just too tired banging your head on the wall to care. It's like watching your own death in slow motion." i'm just getting better at explaining emotions now that i am in a safe enough place to feel them.
i have been to the point where i didn't matter. because that is how they make you feel, and i'm sure some cognitive dissonance is going on but you pretend that what the person is saying is real because you want to believe it. but their actions contradict what they say and at some point you have just gotta come out of the fog (or boiling frog pot) they put you in.
everybody wants to be loved. now i understand exactly that love has to start with yourself. i knew it did before now, and like you my self esteem has been doing alright (but maybe more off other people confirming me). now self care is the way to go and i'm managing this properly for the time being. | |||
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night. much as i love talking about this stuff i gotta be up soon. might join a psyche site when i've done with my studies. | |||
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"yeah they don't want to address anything because they're not the problem (or part of it), in their opinion. covert abusers, fucking the world up one person at a time.
night. much as i love talking about this stuff i gotta be up soon. might join a psyche site when i've done with my studies."Wish I had your insight! Sometimes I think I've worked some 'issues' out but then the 'drowning' sensation returns. Wouldn't it be great to have ALL the answers! ( not sure this makes much sense but I know what I mean ! ) | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?"" I need to do nothing | |||
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"... Never believe someone's words if their actions say different."  | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?" I need to do nothing " Ah now, according to psychologists that suggests a high degree of narcissism. ..... are you a narcissist? | |||
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"yeah they don't want to address anything because they're not the problem (or part of it), in their opinion. covert abusers, fucking the world up one person at a time.
night. much as i love talking about this stuff i gotta be up soon. might join a psyche site when i've done with my studies.
Wish I had your insight! Sometimes I think I've worked some 'issues' out but then the 'drowning' sensation returns. Wouldn't it be great to have ALL the answers! ( not sure this makes much sense but I know what I mean ! ) "Indeed - though I would say personal growth is one of the most rewarding aspects of life! | |||
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"I need to stop combing my hair to the left, it gives me an authoritarian type. " Side parting? | |||
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"I need to stop combing my hair to the left, it gives me an authoritarian type. Side parting? " Sort of | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... " That rings close to home for me. Eventually you have nothing left to give. | |||
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"I need to stop combing my hair to the left, it gives me an authoritarian type. Side parting? Sort of " Hmmm - you may have issues. ..  | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... " Velocoraptor?.. But yes, true acceptance is deeply life affirming | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... " That could describe me as well. I am learning after a very destructive abusive marriage that I am worth something. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, and that I like sex and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just need to learn to accept myself as slightly flawed but still lovable. So more self acceptance is what I need to change. X | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That could describe me as well. I am learning after a very destructive abusive marriage that I am worth something. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, and that I like sex and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just need to learn to accept myself as slightly flawed but still lovable. So more self acceptance is what I need to change. X " xxxxxxxxxxx | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?"" For me something completely out of my control has recently been settled. Wanting vindication isn't wrong, though letting others take the weight has paid off throughout - something I have found extremely hard. | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That could describe me as well. I am learning after a very destructive abusive marriage that I am worth something. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, and that I like sex and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just need to learn to accept myself as slightly flawed but still lovable. So more self acceptance is what I need to change. X " A good goal! | |||
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""In what way do you need to grow or change?" For me something completely out of my control has recently been settled. Wanting vindication isn't wrong, though letting others take the weight has paid off throughout - something I have found extremely hard. " Sounds complex but I hope you got a satisfctory resolution. | |||
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"To learn to not be so desperate to be liked that I let people repeatedly crap on me. " I have a pic on my fb timeline - a man in a suit and goggles riding a tiny yellow and blue kids trike with a huge grin on his face, and the headline reads: "When you truly don't care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom!" Buy some dungarees - they make me feel like that!! And you know what - I get complimented on them EVERY time I wear them!! I wish I'd bought the Andy Pandy ones I saw in Primark once...... | |||
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"Excellent advice, thanks my fridge door is covered with recipes x" Enjoy! | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That rings close to home for me. Eventually you have nothing left to give. " Yes!!!!!! I've come to realise that there's a huge gulf between being with someone who is a taker and someone who is an acceptor..... One drains you, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. One fills you, lifts you, and inspires you. One wants nothing more than to empty. One wants nothing more than to make you whole. | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That rings close to home for me. Eventually you have nothing left to give. Yes!!!!!! I've come to realise that there's a huge gulf between being with someone who is a taker and someone who is an acceptor..... One drains you, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. One fills you, lifts you, and inspires you. One wants nothing more than to empty. One wants nothing more than to make you whole." Very true. You almost feel guilty at first! | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That rings close to home for me. Eventually you have nothing left to give. Yes!!!!!! I've come to realise that there's a huge gulf between being with someone who is a taker and someone who is an acceptor..... One drains you, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. One fills you, lifts you, and inspires you. One wants nothing more than to empty. One wants nothing more than to make you whole. Very true. You almost feel guilty at first!" | |||
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"yeah they don't want to address anything because they're not the problem (or part of it), in their opinion. covert abusers, fucking the world up one person at a time.
night. much as i love talking about this stuff i gotta be up soon. might join a psyche site when i've done with my studies.
Wish I had your insight! Sometimes I think I've worked some 'issues' out but then the 'drowning' sensation returns. Wouldn't it be great to have ALL the answers! ( not sure this makes much sense but I know what I mean ! ) "it's not that complicated if you have help. i just googled about things that didn't make sense to me...found a great self help site and things escalated really quickly from there. having over 10 years psychology study helped but living it probably helped even more a i fully understand some things via experience. | |||
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"I've always known that I'm a giver. Unfortunately my past relationships have been with takers. For some time I've been totally empty emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Now I understand, I don't need or want to be with a taker. What fits me best is an acceptor..... That rings close to home for me. Eventually you have nothing left to give. Yes!!!!!! I've come to realise that there's a huge gulf between being with someone who is a taker and someone who is an acceptor..... One drains you, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. One fills you, lifts you, and inspires you. One wants nothing more than to empty. One wants nothing more than to make you whole." I can dream..... | |||
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"I need to go to bed earlier! And be less hot-headed!!" Ginger snap!!  | |||
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"I need to go to bed earlier! And be less hot-headed!!" Horse whispering with a very troubled horse taught me a lot about that, about stilling myself inside - he would react to the little sharp intake of breath that was my initial reaction and brace to his OTT behaviour - and in fact it would precipitate the real dangerous explosions. I had to become his rock, his safe place of stillness....I learned so much from him, and then later how to apply it in relationship with someone very volatile. | |||
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"I doubt I'll ever change. " But you're only 36 - don't you think you will grow personally in your life, mature..? | |||
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)I've tried to change in the past for people around me and it made me uncomfortable.
If I was to grow, it's happening now. I'm now a fountain of knowledge for my kids, hopefully when they are older I can see what I taught them guide them through their own lives. | |||
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"Merely being on fab is Cognitive dissonance for us. " Interesting - could you expand on that? I could say the same. | |||
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"I think I'm a well rounded individual. There's little I can do to change,I'm set in my ways but Ive never been chastised for me being me..... " Don't you feel that life itself gives rise to change through experience - that learning is gained and therefore changes you? | |||
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"I need to go to bed earlier! And be less hot-headed!! Horse whispering with a very troubled horse taught me a lot about that, about stilling myself inside - he would react to the little sharp intake of breath that was my initial reaction and brace to his OTT behaviour - and in fact it would precipitate the real dangerous explosions. I had to become his rock, his safe place of stillness....I learned so much from him, and then later how to apply it in relationship with someone very volatile. "You know- I have a knack with shy and difficult horses, in fact animals generally. I am very patient with them...humans...not so much!  | |||
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"I think I'm a well rounded individual. There's little I can do to change,I'm set in my ways but Ive never been chastised for me being me..... Don't you feel that life itself gives rise to change through experience - that learning is gained and therefore changes you? " Experiential learning is widely acknowledged as one of the most powerful forms. But ones own fears of failure, procrastination, self doubt etc often is the lock on change. | |||
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