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"I'm just talking to one of my friends about mine. The abusive one I was with for 11 yrs, the one who I mentioned in my thread a fee weeks back about how far I'd come in a year. Yeah him, he's got back in touch with all the bullshit "I've messed up my life, I'm sorry, I love you" I'm never going back down that route but it's made me feel crap. Didn't realise I was still bothered by it all. It just brought the feelings of loss of control and being made to feel shit daily flooding back." Men like that aren't worth shit! I had an abusive one for 7 years. Made me question who I am a person. Million times better off with him out my life. Scum sucking reprobate of an individual. It's horrible when it hits you. It's like a mini anxiety attack. The ex I'm referring to is just a narcissistic asshole who knows he broke my heart and takes pleasure in reaffirming he did. Even likes flaunting who he's met from fab just in case our paths happen to cross. I was just "never good enough" for his fucked up little world. Take a lot of positives in the steps you've made. They are massive milestones and don't listen to his bs. He fucked up. His own fault and no amount of sorry fixes that x | |||
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"I'm just talking to one of my friends about mine. The abusive one I was with for 11 yrs, the one who I mentioned in my thread a fee weeks back about how far I'd come in a year. Yeah him, he's got back in touch with all the bullshit "I've messed up my life, I'm sorry, I love you" I'm never going back down that route but it's made me feel crap. Didn't realise I was still bothered by it all. It just brought the feelings of loss of control and being made to feel shit daily flooding back. Men like that aren't worth shit! I had an abusive one for 7 years. Made me question who I am a person. Million times better off with him out my life. Scum sucking reprobate of an individual. It's horrible when it hits you. It's like a mini anxiety attack. The ex I'm referring to is just a narcissistic asshole who knows he broke my heart and takes pleasure in reaffirming he did. Even likes flaunting who he's met from fab just in case our paths happen to cross. I was just "never good enough" for his fucked up little world. Take a lot of positives in the steps you've made. They are massive milestones and don't listen to his bs. He fucked up. His own fault and no amount of sorry fixes that x " Oh I'd never go back. I'd rather die than go back to that. You're totally right about a mini anxiety attack. It's exactly how I'd describe it. I'd happily exchange messages about the dog etc, and have been this past year. Up until now that's all it had been. "How's the dog?" Me: "doing great, happy as always" then send photo. Out of the blue wallop. I was proper caught off guard and had instant dread belly. | |||
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"I'm just talking to one of my friends about mine. The abusive one I was with for 11 yrs, the one who I mentioned in my thread a fee weeks back about how far I'd come in a year. Yeah him, he's got back in touch with all the bullshit "I've messed up my life, I'm sorry, I love you" I'm never going back down that route but it's made me feel crap. Didn't realise I was still bothered by it all. It just brought the feelings of loss of control and being made to feel shit daily flooding back. Men like that aren't worth shit! I had an abusive one for 7 years. Made me question who I am a person. Million times better off with him out my life. Scum sucking reprobate of an individual. It's horrible when it hits you. It's like a mini anxiety attack. The ex I'm referring to is just a narcissistic asshole who knows he broke my heart and takes pleasure in reaffirming he did. Even likes flaunting who he's met from fab just in case our paths happen to cross. I was just "never good enough" for his fucked up little world. Take a lot of positives in the steps you've made. They are massive milestones and don't listen to his bs. He fucked up. His own fault and no amount of sorry fixes that x Oh I'd never go back. I'd rather die than go back to that. You're totally right about a mini anxiety attack. It's exactly how I'd describe it. I'd happily exchange messages about the dog etc, and have been this past year. Up until now that's all it had been. "How's the dog?" Me: "doing great, happy as always" then send photo. Out of the blue wallop. I was proper caught off guard and had instant dread belly." The dog is just his way in. If you don't have kids together block his number and have no contact. It'll make life easier for you in the long run. Men like that will always try and find an in. | |||
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"I'm just talking to one of my friends about mine. The abusive one I was with for 11 yrs, the one who I mentioned in my thread a fee weeks back about how far I'd come in a year. Yeah him, he's got back in touch with all the bullshit "I've messed up my life, I'm sorry, I love you" I'm never going back down that route but it's made me feel crap. Didn't realise I was still bothered by it all. It just brought the feelings of loss of control and being made to feel shit daily flooding back." hope this helps: “Hoovering” is a term describing a ploy that occurs when someone with a personality disorder tries to suck an ex partner back towards them after a period of separation. It often happens when the realisation hits the hooverer that the person they nonchalantly walked away from has garnered some strength, is doing just fine and building up with their life after having broken free from a toxic entanglement. This form of mind-game playing can happen after a week, a month or shockingly even years after a relationship has broken down. They will just try to walk straight back into their past life without a single care for the destruction they left behind. The reason people, usually narcissists, hoover is so that they can top themselves up with a vital supply of energy. Their intention is to suck the energy from someone who they know is still vulnerable to their advances and who is very easy to cast a spell over. This often happens when a hooverer is at a low point in their life and they need a quick-fix so they look for the easiest and quickest source. It won’t matter whether the person who is doing the hoovering is in a serious relationship, has just broken out from one or whether the person they are now hunting down was someone they left devastated by the wayside when they ventured out to seek newer pastures. Moral code does not come into question when hooverers are desperately seeking a top up. They will shamelessly try to gather up the fragmented pieces right where they left off with no regard as to the emotional or psychological damage that might have been caused to, or will cause, anyone who may be involved. They determinedly want to lure their victim back in and weave them into their maliciously spun web so that their prey is cocooned within the illusion that a reconciliation will take place. Then, the devastating dynamic can begin once again. One of the worst parts about hoovering is that the perpetrator is aware of exactly who they can and who they can’t subtly but forcibly manipulate. They know where their trails of carnage lead so they swiftly follow the route towards it while deliberately and meticulously mapping out a plan to hook their sitting duck back in. The other harsh truth is that the person hoovering has no intention of eternal love or happy-ever-after. They simply want an instant pick-me-up as something in their life at that time is not quite right and they do not intend to take any responsibility for their actions or for any repercussions. Unfortunately, someone who carries out hoovering has no conscience, so when they place their cards on their table, we really need to be aware of what dastardly weapon is being held in their other hand. Hooverers always have a back up plan. The person who is targeted at this stage absolutely has to put firm boundaries in place to prevent an emotionally dangerous dance from starting up when the hypnotic music begins to play. It is vital to sift back through everything that has happened up until this point. Back to how they left, why they left, how they showed little remorse and no consideration for the disturbance they left behind. If we don’t pay attention we will be foolishly tricked into believing that their intentions are genuine and we will trust that they now mean each of the deceptive words that are finally spilling out. | |||
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   hope this helps A n D  | |||
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