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I'm paranoid, Ok ...

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By *ushroom7 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford

so who's out to "get" me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not guilty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wish someone would get me a new TV, cant tune this thing in!!!

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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline. Please listen carefully to the menu selections, because they change every hour.....

If you are Obsessive Compulsive . . . press 1, repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent . . . please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities . . . press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are Paranoid . . . we know who you are, and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional . . . press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mothership.

If you are Schizophrenic . . . listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Depressed . . . it doesn't matter what number you press . . . no one will answer.

If you are Dyslexic . . . press 969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder . . . please fidget with the Asterisk key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia . . . press 8 and then state your Name, Address, Phone Number, Date of Birth, Social Security Number and your Mother's and Grandmother's maiden names.

If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder . . . slowly and very carefully press 000.

If you have Bi-Polar Disorder . . . please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss . . . please try to call again later.

If you have Low Self-Esteem . . . please hang up. Our operators are far too busy to talk to you

If none of the above apply . . . you have the wrong number, though it might be the right time to at least see our doctor.

If you find this to be an error, please call again.

Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pressed 8,,,,brb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We pressed 3 to 6...

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

hello... hello... ohh dear i cant remember why i was calling you..

ohh maybe i was ordering a pizza.. . do i like pizza.

hello... you called me..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello is that the Pizza Delivery ....

Well I just wanted to say that I received your flyer and whilst I'm very flattered, its a no this time.

Hello is that Express Carpet Cleaning ...

Well I just wanted to say ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello, you've reached Malcolm's Morgue, you stab 'em, we'll slab 'em. 24-hour stiff service.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hello is that the Pizza Delivery ....

Well I just wanted to say that I received your flyer and whilst I'm very flattered, its a no this time.

Hello is that Express Carpet Cleaning ...

Well I just wanted to say ... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so what you heard about me then????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"so what you heard about me then????????"

Press 7

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