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out of the mouths of babes....

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By *ummy mummy OP   Woman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

even when I am at my most stressed or like currently ill, my kids always come out with things that can make me smile... today we were late leaving the house to go and get my eldest from school and the twins are constantly dilly dallying along the way so I said "come on please,we are already running late so you can stop and pick flowers on the way home from picking up your brother" so one of them turns to me and says "no mummy, we are walking late, you said that we are not allowed to run" lol

anyone have any others that have made them smile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol that just made me smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst ever thing my child said was to his nursery teacher, he was 3 at the time.

Every morning I would get him dressed and then sit him on a chair whilst I got hurriedly dressed. I used to put a carriage clock on the loo seat so he could see where the big hand was and not mess about whilst I was trying to wash and do his teeth etc.

One day I forget the clock was there and sat down on the loo seat to pull my tights on. It was a square clock with sharp edges and it cut the top of my thigh as I sat on it.

took my lovely baby to nursery, nursery teacher said, good morning young man how are you, he promptly said, Mummy sat on a cock and it made her bottom bleed.

The ability of speech left me for once and I just spluttered and went bright red.

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn


"The worst ever thing my child said was to his nursery teacher, he was 3 at the time.

Every morning I would get him dressed and then sit him on a chair whilst I got hurriedly dressed. I used to put a carriage clock on the loo seat so he could see where the big hand was and not mess about whilst I was trying to wash and do his teeth etc.

One day I forget the clock was there and sat down on the loo seat to pull my tights on. It was a square clock with sharp edges and it cut the top of my thigh as I sat on it.

took my lovely baby to nursery, nursery teacher said, good morning young man how are you, he promptly said, Mummy sat on a cock and it made her bottom bleed.

The ability of speech left me for once and I just spluttered and went bright red. "

lol that made me giggle

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

In my time in Hotel Management, I've heard some howlers by kids, but the best just has to be this....

I was acting as Toastmaster at a Wedding; it was during the traditional speeches after the meal.

The Bride's father had said his speech, then so did the Groom. As he was sitting down after completing his speech, I was making my way down the back of the Top Table, only to hear a little voice (from one of the 3 kids, all toddlers) call out and who could be heard across the entire function room

"Mummy, Daddy, is this now the time when the bride and groom go away and do naughties???"

Cue, everyone collapsing with laughter!

When we'd all composed ourselves, and I announced the Best Man, his first words were off the cuff..."how does someone so young, know so much??"

Perfect.

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By *ummy mummy OP   Woman
over a year ago

southampton-ish


"The worst ever thing my child said was to his nursery teacher, he was 3 at the time.

Every morning I would get him dressed and then sit him on a chair whilst I got hurriedly dressed. I used to put a carriage clock on the loo seat so he could see where the big hand was and not mess about whilst I was trying to wash and do his teeth etc.

One day I forget the clock was there and sat down on the loo seat to pull my tights on. It was a square clock with sharp edges and it cut the top of my thigh as I sat on it.

took my lovely baby to nursery, nursery teacher said, good morning young man how are you, he promptly said, Mummy sat on a cock and it made her bottom bleed.

The ability of speech left me for once and I just spluttered and went bright red. "

omg that sent me into a fit of laughter..followed by a massive coughing fit...I hurt now...lol...but that was funny. my twins who are 4 are very much into asking questions especially about bodies etc and they say girls have woowoos and boys have winkys...but then they start to name people and ask do they have a woo woo or winky..we were out in the backgarden and the topic came up again and they asked about our next door neighbor"mummy, does "c"'s Daddy have a winky?"now he was painting his side of the fence at the time and just started giggling...I quickly changed the subject. Another time one of my girls came out with the statement "daddy has 2 winkys" I informed her trust me...I know...daddy does not have 2 winkys...lol maybe we would have still been together if he had...hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Youngest daughter (then 6) - "Mummy - how long do you think my bum crack is?"

Me (shocked) - "Errm - why do you want to know?"

Youngest daughter - "My maths homework is to estimate the length of something"

Me - "Maybe it'd be better if you estimate the length of a book"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Youngest daughter (then 6) - "Mummy - how long do you think my bum crack is?"

Me (shocked) - "Errm - why do you want to know?"

Youngest daughter - "My maths homework is to estimate the length of something"

Me - "Maybe it'd be better if you estimate the length of a book"

"

O M G coffee everywhere out of nose over keyboard what a mess

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

I can supply details of another one, supplied by an aunt of mine.

She and her husband were attending the Xmas Nativity play many years ago, of their first daughter.

This was taking place in a school in Central Scotland; the usual chaos, missed cues, mixed up words, and everyone talking in Rab C. Nesbitt tones etc etc.

It came to the time when "Joseph and Mary" walk across the stage and knock on the Inn door, calling out, "Have you any room here tonight?" to which a very audible cry comes from 'inside' the Inn and shouts out, in true Glaswegian dialect...

Nae, It's Fu****g Xmas! Don't you morons know hotels always get Fu****g full at Xmas? F*** Off!!

A momentary stunned silence followed by nervous laughter at first after some child piped up, "Miss, did he swear?"

It took teachers 10 minutes to achieve calm so the play could carry on!

Priceless

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By *hropscouple27Couple
over a year ago

Sth Staffs

OK, I'll get slated for this when she gets in but...

I was driving down the A5 with the missus in our car, and she said "I bet it wastes loads of electricity running all those little lights in the road" I then spent the next minute explaining that the cats eyes were reflectors and didn't run on electricity. She has never lived it down and hates it when I bring it up with friends

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull


"OK, I'll get slated for this when she gets in but...

I was driving down the A5 with the missus in our car, and she said "I bet it wastes loads of electricity running all those little lights in the road" I then spent the next minute explaining that the cats eyes were reflectors and didn't run on electricity. She has never lived it down and hates it when I bring it up with friends "

Like it, Like it, Like it!!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

kev took the boys swimming,and getting changed the youngest piped up,

"Daddy your willy is very big and hairy!"

He heard an explosion of giggles from the next cubicle,and when he left,a red faced mum couldn't stop blushing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"kev took the boys swimming,and getting changed the youngest piped up,

"Daddy your willy is very big and hairy!"

He heard an explosion of giggles from the next cubicle,and when he left,a red faced mum couldn't stop blushing! "

I similar scenario happened to a friend of mine. He took his 3 yr old daughter to the toilets in a restaurant. After she had been to the toilet in the cubicle he thought he would have a wee as wee as well. At this point a little voice pipes up "daddy you have a really lovely willy....". Promptly ensuring laughter from the other cubicles !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"kev took the boys swimming,and getting changed the youngest piped up,

"Daddy your willy is very big and hairy!"

He heard an explosion of giggles from the next cubicle,and when he left,a red faced mum couldn't stop blushing! "

A similar scenario happened to a friend of mine. He took his 3 yr old daughter to the toilets in a restaurant. After she had been to the toilet in the cubicle he thought he would have a wee as well. At this point a little voice pipes up "daddy you really do have a lovely willy....". Promptly ensuring laughter from the other cubicles !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"kev took the boys swimming,and getting changed the youngest piped up,

"Daddy your willy is very big and hairy!"

He heard an explosion of giggles from the next cubicle,and when he left,a red faced mum couldn't stop blushing! "

A similar scenario happened to a friend of mine. He took his 3 yr old daughter to the toilets in a restaurant. After she had been to the toilet in the cubicle he thought he would have a wee as well. At this point a little voice pipes up "daddy you really do have a lovely willy....". Promptly ensuring laughter from the other cubicles !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In Sainsbury's one day when my daughter was 5 she said something that made me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. In her bestest loudest voice ever she pointed at a rather large lady bending over in the freezer section and said, "Daddy, why is that woman so fat!?"

We scarpered very quickly, me with a face like a beetroot and her twisting around saying it again, and again, and again and not understanding why we had to get out of there.

The woman had her her and was glaring at us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*heard her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

waiting in line at checkout in sainsburys with my then 2and a half yr old daughter when this huge big black man joins , my daughter looked up at him and said in a very loud voice "Mummy why has that man got a black face".

Lucky for us the man was lovely and as i explained to daughter that there are lots of different coloured ppl but that we are all the same underneath he listened and then said hiya to her ,1 very happy little girl who never again bothered about the colour of someones skin x

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

Many years ago we used to bread dogs, and as the kids were young and the mummy dog had to go away for a few days the kids were told she had gone away to meet a daddy dog and they would mate. Well you guessed it mummy dog got bigger and bigger as the puppies were nearing completion of their cooking time (ok we were talking to 4 & 5 year olds!) when our son went up to a a very pregnant lady in the supermarket and said 'where were you sent to get mated!!!! yes we did want the ground to open up and swallow us but thats what you get for being honest with kids I suppose pmsl

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