FabSwingers.com forum: Rio Ferdinand

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a fan of the man but fair play to him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

He's brave promoting an issue that many of us wouldn't consider. There will be many more but would you have considered people in that position before it happened to him?

I don't think it's about him but about everyone in that position. That said I do understand your point, on the face of it its about him.

Whatever a dreadful position, and it proves some men do care. Makes you think how quickly life can change.

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

Think it's part of the reason he's doing it. To highlight that it does happen and that men find it a lot harder to seek help. Whether he has money or not, what an awful thing to have happened.

I take my hat off him for doing it.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

Telling his story might help other people. He's talking to people from a group in the south east at the moment, it might encourage other people to contact them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Im pretty sure he'd much rather not be in a position to make the programme at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

He's not just talking about himself though,mainly his kids. And he's involved other men in similar situations to him too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im pretty sure he'd much rather not be in a position to make the programme at all.

Very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage "

That's true in many ways but I'm not sure it makes it easier, he can't buy his kids their Mum back. Money does make life easier though.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Tough ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

Yes but he's involved other widowers who have their own support group and teens who lost a parent young. I lost my own father as a teen so am glad those teens have had an outlet for their grief. Talking is so important.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Just put it on. It's going to help a lot of people who are facing this situation atm.

My friend has just been told her cancer has returned on her hip bone. She's just turned 40 and can't have any more chemo. She'll need a big hug if she's watching.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast.

Absolutely. When I lost my mother at a young age my dad closed off, didn't help anyone. If only these kind of groups existed back then. Well, they perhaps did....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not about money it's about the emotions . Kids have lost their mum at a young age - I don't think they care whether they are rich or not .

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

fact is that his status and profile is part of why he was asked to do the programme, the BBC would not have asked some bloke who works in the local builders..

if some other grieving parent (and men are not the best at asking for help and support in many area's of life) watch it because its about an ex England player and seek support or help then it can only be a positive..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast.

Absolutely. When I lost my mother at a young age my dad closed off, didn't help anyone. If only these kind of groups existed back then. Well, they perhaps did....

I don't think they did, but they do now. Although certain areas of the country have better coverage than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wanting to sound harsh but he isn't the only man in that position I'm sure, just that he's famous he gets his story broadcast."

More people are likely to watch though if it's someone they have heard of. If it's just Joe blogs from up the road, would anyone really be talking about it as much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think he's trying his best hats off to him bet he would sooner be broken penniless and have rebbeca back

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Loss is Loss & money doesn't change that. For those saying its easier its possibly not if you think about it.

After all your kids are at school, you can't piss off round the world etc or continually go on holiday so you possibly have to find things to do or you sit at home on your own till time to get the kids.

I'd rather be at work, busy with stuff taking my mind off it for a few hours a day.

Perhaps even making this very programme was him doing just that?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think grief can be easier with money, how can it be? The practicalities are easier, you don't need to worry about bills etc on top of your grief. Rio Ferdinand wrote an article saying how unfair government changes are that mean bereaved parents now only get benefits connected to bereavement for 18 months rather than until the children are 16. They're means tested too so on top of dealing with the death of a loved one you have that to face. Obviously he didn't need to claim them.

I didn't want to watch the programme but I'm glad I did. It was deeply moving I thought.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

The program I thought was excelant - yes it spoke about grief of a loved one, and parent to his children but it also touched the stigma of counciling, and that it's ok to cry and have feelings, and men especially shut themselves

For me my mum is stugling with the loss of her mum recently and she said she wont watch the show, and I told her she should. I think it may help

I thought also it was good that he mentioned drinking as well as that is a way a lot of men with it, as well as getting themselves involved with work.

I agree rio has money so probably doesn't need to get help with the kids but the kids needs a father figure something sometimes he didn't have.

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By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes."

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits. "

How anyone can bring money into the equation when a spouse and parent has been lost is beyond me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits.

How anyone can bring money into the equation when a spouse and parent has been lost is beyond me.

I don't really understand the connection. I think the perception is that grief is easier to bear if you have money and fame. As I said above the practicalities are easier to deal with if you don't need to worry about money but grief must be just as difficult in a palace or a council flat.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits. "

There are, my Mum was one of those who was in that position. But grief is grief and money makes no difference. Yes it can make life easier but not make the loss any less.

I remember my Mum telling me she asked my Dad's consultant if she remortgaged her house could they do more treatment. He said there was nothing more they could do. Money can't solve everything.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Quite shocking some of the replies in here, although I probably shouldn't be.

As a widow myself of 17 months, and mother of one, I couldn't even begin to describe the horrors we have gone through. Dealing with a terminal illness , just ten months, in our case.

I haven't nor will I watch the Rio programme. Too upsetting for me. Yes having money makes it somewhat easier to cope with, but I'm sure Rio would sooner be a peasant with his wife at his side.

It's a very sobering experience and I appreciate so much that I have a life still to live, because my husband certainly mourned his life been cut short too soon.

And finally I commend Rio for speaking out because being widowed on any circumstance is hard, but at a young age with a family it makes you feel like a social leper sometimes.... well it did in the past anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a about money. That's not the reason he chose to do it. It's about him and emotions and hopefully being able to help others.

Just goes to prove, rich or not - cancer doesn't care who you are! X

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits. "

So if you lost your partner, you would feel that families on benefits were worse off than you? Come on. Really? And for your information, whilst I have been lucky, in my group of widow friends (about 8 of us) 3 have lost their homes. 1 has never returned to work - 14 months since her partner died. One lady did return to work and has since signed off for four months. Throw in the need for counselling for the widow and children potentially, medication to prop us up - sleeping tablets, anxiety pills, anti depressants.

A death is final and can have devastating effects. Death of a partner even more so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't bring myself to watch it but I might.

I applaud Rio for opening up and sharing how the death has affected his family. If only one person can get help from watching it then it's a good thing, however I am sure there will be many.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits.

How anyone can bring money into the equation when a spouse and parent has been lost is beyond me.

I think maybe the connection is that there is no loss of wage so less to worry about on top of the grief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a horrible disease. Very topical this week as my friends stepmom passed away yesterday from breasts cancer. The horrible thing, if could get any worse, was that his real mum died of the same thing several years before. His poor family. I was doing the mate thing yesterday but it's so hard knowing what to say. Evil disease

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's on BBC 1 now showing the year following his wife's tragic death from cancer and him coming to terms with it along with his three children.

Brave man to do the docu in my eyes.

dont want to sound harsh, BUT there are lots more in a worse position, being Mom and Dad on a single wage or benefits. "

It does sound harsh. Grief is grief. Money doesn't come into the equation at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus H Christ there are some small minded people about.

Can't even see something genuinely inspiring without displaying their envy.

Wealth does not lessen grief nor the overwhelming sense of loss, nor does wealth make it any easier to deal with.

Some people really do need to give their head a wobble...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage "

Money makes no difference to grief, unless people think money is more important of course

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

After just watching the programme, I am guessing he would have given up all his wealth to have his wife back. I can't believe that people think money will make things better for grief.

I think the programme could help a lot of people especially men who think to show their emotions when grieving is a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After just watching the programme, I am guessing he would have given up all his wealth to have his wife back. I can't believe that people think money will make things better for grief.

I think the programme could help a lot of people especially men who think to show their emotions when grieving is a bad thing.

This.....

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is it jealousy that he has more money ? It didn't stop him losing his wife so money is not everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it jealousy that he has more money ? It didn't stop him losing his wife so money is not everything."

I "may" have alluded to that myself...

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage

Money makes no difference to grief, unless people think money is more important of course"

All I was pointing out was he will not have lost half the money to run the house and family,

The practicalitys of worrying how you are going to feed and clothe your kids and keep the house going all add to the grief.

Me personally I had no time to wallow in self pity as I was too busy keeping the rest of the family together.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Grieving is not self pity

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage

Money makes no difference to grief, unless people think money is more important of course

All I was pointing out was he will not have lost half the money to run the house and family,

The practicalitys of worrying how you are going to feed and clothe your kids and keep the house going all add to the grief.

Me personally I had no time to wallow in self pity as I was too busy keeping the rest of the family together."

Grief is not self pity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try doing the same on a motor mechanics wages,

It's a lot easier on his money.

No working out to buy food or heating or pay the mortgage

Money makes no difference to grief, unless people think money is more important of course

All I was pointing out was he will not have lost half the money to run the house and family,

The practicalitys of worrying how you are going to feed and clothe your kids and keep the house going all add to the grief.

Me personally I had no time to wallow in self pity as I was too busy keeping the rest of the family together."

I can see how financial hardship would add to the distress of an incredibly traumatic experience, but to say grief is self pity makes me wonder how much you loved your partner, I hope it wasn't just the money you missed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having money would help if he chose to get help in to help look after the children, he hasn't got the worry about mortgage/rent payments or getting behind on major bills that could land the family in dire straits. If his children need time off School he can afford (hopefully) to stay off work and be at home with them for as long as they need him.

Like it or not this is what everyday folk who lose a partner/breadwinner have to worry about, especially if no life insurance. It might seem crass, but it's reality. It's not a matter of jealousy, it just is what it is.

However, having money in no way takes away from the fact that a man has lost his wife and his children have lost their mum and the emotional impact that has on all their lives and their sense of loss.

Money cannot replace the love of someone that you have lost, obviously. I'm sure given a choice they'd give away all they had to get their loved one back.

The programme highlighted other families who had gone through similar and how they coped.

I personally thought it was a thought provoking and informative programme.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Its hard enough for a woman ....must be even tougher for a man

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By *i winkersCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Most men that go through this aren't millionaires with access to nanny's and lots of help.

There isn't that much of a struggle for rio especially as he has a film crew following him around doing endless takes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most men that go through this aren't millionaires with access to nanny's and lots of help.

There isn't that much of a struggle for rio especially as he has a film crew following him around doing endless takes."

I'm curious, at what level of financial security do you think grief disappears?

30k a year, 50k, 100k?

Wealth does not negate loss.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

So if you don't have the burden of finances, you're okay and your grief is lessened is it?

Well I don't have any financial problems but this path hasn't been a bed of roses. Unveieveable some people and their ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So if you don't have the burden of finances, you're okay and your grief is lessened is it?

Well I don't have any financial problems but this path hasn't been a bed of roses. Unveieveable some people and their ignorance. "

Ignorance frequently based on envy.

My question to this posture is always the same;

"what would you rather have, a million in the bank or your loved one back in your arms?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My response isn't based on envy. I've lost more family members than i care to mention and have watched my mum suffer the loss of her husband and have the added financial pressure of her nearling losing her home.

Unfortunately banks and other such places don't share the same view on grief when it comes to getting their money and their bills paid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My response isn't based on envy. I've lost more family members than i care to mention and have watched my mum suffer the loss of her husband and have the added financial pressure of her nearling losing her home.

Unfortunately banks and other such places don't share the same view on grief when it comes to getting their money and their bills paid."

unfortunately the last paragraph of your post is spot on.

Jackals.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most men that go through this aren't millionaires with access to nanny's and lots of help.

There isn't that much of a struggle for rio especially as he has a film crew following him around doing endless takes."

Explain your last paragraph please.

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By *rishguy123444Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 29/03/17 12:43:26]

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By *rishguy123444Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

He is getting grief for bein famous and doin the documentary.how many wud have tuned in if it was a non famous.he highlighted the issue and came across as a good man who loves his kids.some say he cheated on her wen she was alive.everyone makes mistakes if this true and his love for her is clear to see.and this is coming from a Liverpool fan.give him a break.wouldn't wish it on anyone

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Having money would help if he chose to get help in to help look after the children, he hasn't got the worry about mortgage/rent payments or getting behind on major bills that could land the family in dire straits. If his children need time off School he can afford (hopefully) to stay off work and be at home with them for as long as they need him.

Having money for practicalties doesn't mean grief is any easier. It just means you are not worrying about money on top of the grief . The grief is still there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having met the guy in passing about 20years ago I thought he was an arrogant arse and had little interest in him.

But I am interested in the subject and mental health, whether rich, poor, male or female, is still a difficult subject to discuss openly.

My view was that he came across as a deeply depressed individual who is probably still a high suicide risk and that I would guess making the programme was an important part of his recovery.

I think he came across as a down to earth guy who has realised that you can go from not having anything to worry about to rock bottom very quickly because of grief and it isn't the distance you fall, but the place that you end up in which gives the sense of lonliness and helplessness.

Hopefully the programme and subsequent discussions will help him and others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having money for practicalties doesn't mean grief is any easier. It just means you are not worrying about money on top of the grief . The grief is still there."

That's what i was trying to say in my first post.

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

Unfortunately banks and other such places don't share the same view on grief when it comes to getting their money and their bills paid."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heart breaking all the stories on the program.

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Rio Ferdinand - Being Mum and Dad