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Feeling angry

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Need a little bit of reassurance and reasoning please fabberz. My uncle died last year and yesterday I bobbed to widnes to his grave. The grave is beautiful but there's nothing there to represent the fact he was a brother to my mum or an uncle to me and my Bros.

This morning me being a glutton for punishment has looked at his obit n again there's no mention of my mother. Now you may remember there's a bit of amamosity between our side of the family and his wife. Should I suggest to my mum that she gets something for the grave to represent us, I know what's on the grave is from my cousin. Or should I leave it. My mother prob doesn't want the hassle as far as she is concerned once your dead your dead. I'm the emotional one.

PTU XXX

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I've never seen a gravestone referring to anyone apart from spouses and children. 'Loving husband and father etc etc', not 'loving brother and uncle'.

I suppose it depends on who paid for the grave and headstone. Same for the obituary.

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

There are some nice stone vases available that can have words on, just chose something from your heart ...we did in similar circumstances, it helped.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've never seen a gravestone referring to anyone apart from spouses and children. 'Loving husband and father etc etc', not 'loving brother and uncle'.

I suppose it depends on who paid for the grave and headstone. Same for the obituary."

OK thank you, it probably is me just being sensitive when it's not needed. Xxx

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By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

Only advice is to do what you feel is right, if it feels right it probably is, sorry for your loss x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most graves tend to represent their sons/daughters and husband/wife.

It costs a lot to get writing put on a headstone, it was probably a cost thing more than anything x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often think these type of things can hurt more than heal. Your mother knows in her heart what she meant to her brother and you to your uncle.

Recognise him in your heart and memories, where it actually matters.

Hugs Tink

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

My mum past two years ago yesterday. Her obituary only mentioned my dad, brother myself and my children no other family members were mentioned.

Same with the headstone.

It depends on who wrote it really.

Try not to get upset about it.

I bet your uncle wouldn't want you to nor your mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Only advice is to do what you feel is right, if it feels right it probably is, sorry for your loss x"

I disagree with this, under the circumstances, it would be wise to run through any thing you wish to add to a grave with wife/daughter.

I know you loved your Uncle, but sometimes you just have to take the higher ground and leave things be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could ask if you could plant some bulbs that flower every year, either on the grave or just behind the headstone, that would be a nice thing to do.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Need a little bit of reassurance and reasoning please fabberz. My uncle died last year and yesterday I bobbed to widnes to his grave. The grave is beautiful but there's nothing there to represent the fact he was a brother to my mum or an uncle to me and my Bros.

This morning me being a glutton for punishment has looked at his obit n again there's no mention of my mother. Now you may remember there's a bit of amamosity between our side of the family and his wife. Should I suggest to my mum that she gets something for the grave to represent us, I know what's on the grave is from my cousin. Or should I leave it. My mother prob doesn't want the hassle as far as she is concerned once your dead your dead. I'm the emotional one.

PTU XXX "

leave it pretty its petty behaviour from the other side of the family towards you .

that's on them not you or your mother but what you do about the fact your angry over there behaviour is on you .

by leaving it you are taking the high ground the minute you act over your anger you are coming down to there level .

they have wronged not only your side of the family but also the man in the grave

if he's looking on I'm sure he will not be impressed by there actions and at the end of the day its his memory dead or alive that they are using for petty point scoring.

on them grounds where ever he is I'm sure hes not impressed darling .

honour his memory by causing no troubler as I'm sure that is what he would wish if you could voice a opinion on your problem darling xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some wise words already said. Perhaps you could plant something in your moms garden with a small sign or something in his memory, then it can be your personal memories that you can share together. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your just having a moment.

In which things dont make sense. Its called Greif and for a while stuff just makes no sense.

Take a moment and then let it go. X

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By *ove bi guysWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

If there is bad feeling I'd probably not put anything on the grave that would upset.

Maybe get your mom or yourself a rose ... country garden roses do named roses, maybe his nick name or similar. Something to see each year and remember him.

It's a shame when families fall out, but no one can take your memories. Keep them memories alive by talking about him and doing the things you enjoyed together x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all. I knew you would sort me out. xxx

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

My dad died a couple of tears ago and I made sure we had something inclusive, as we each have separate relationships but solitary time when others would visit. If you're likely to visit in spring, then bulbs for flowers, as others mention, would be great, crocus, Tete a Tete daffodils etc.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

My mum and dad are buried together and there is only mention of me and my sis,i think this is usual ptu and not a snub xx

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually just the husband and wife on the gravestone or immediate family like sons or daughters at a push.

But thats about it.

Like if my bro died hes not going to have hes a brother to me and my sister on his gravestone is he ?

You just dont.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?"

she hasn't been yet!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet! "

xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yea I reckon your all rite I'm just being sensitive on behalf of my mum n truth be told my mum prob doesn't give a shit. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx"

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X"

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X"

there is no harm in planning ahead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x"

although I hope you are reassured now lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x"

Well I hope you have got your parking sorted by now

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Sorry for your loss.

A nice tree planted in the garden would be a nice remembrance of your Uncle.

Take care x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x

although I hope you are reassured now lol xx"
yes all good and I've even found a car park n set our route. Although I need our second route postcode if you could inbox me. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x

Well I hope you have got your parking sorted by now "

Yup now I've gotten over the price of the underground car park! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some wise words pretty. Now a little change of subject.

How did your trip to Liverpool go.....and what did you think of the place now?

she hasn't been yet!

xxx

You do some long range planning....thought you were going the next day

X

Lol no. Next week we are going. I'm a panicker lol x

Well I hope you have got your parking sorted by now

Yup now I've gotten over the price of the underground car park! X"

x

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