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Lost interest

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ask for advice please as I live with my partner of 13 years and always had her adult kids around so fun only on holidays or rare opportunity (not been major problem.) now due to circumstances my 22 year old come to live with us and she constantly moaning about it! I'm just a simple guy who wants quiet life and bit of fun/weekends away but am I wrong and should i be more understanding of her feelings?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not able to help, but after 13 years together you should have a handle on it by now. There are o kids I presume, so why are you not getting out together?

Maybe start with a couples profile here?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Ask for advice please as I live with my partner of 13 years and always had her adult kids around so fun only on holidays or rare opportunity (not been major problem.) now due to circumstances my 22 year old come to live with us and she constantly moaning about it! I'm just a simple guy who wants quiet life and bit of fun/weekends away but am I wrong and should i be more understanding of her feelings?"

Why is she complaining now, is it because she resents your 22 year old? These are questions you need to ask your partner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?"

Unless the two of you communicate you will always wonder. That is the only useful advice I can give, none of us know what your partner is thinking.

Why have you titled this Lost Interest?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Has she ever liked your son?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Would it not be better to discuss this calmly, rationally, openly and honestly with your partner OP - explain to her how you're feeling and work out a compromise? Rather than a bunch of people on an internet forum who don't know the finer detail?

Does she know you have this profile by the way?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

That's what I'm wondering and trying to get to the bottom of. To be fair my son is understanding and would make himself scarce if I asked. I know we not so young we wanting to be rampant all the time but I just wonder if we want different things from life now or if I'm being unreasonable?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"That's what I'm wondering and trying to get to the bottom of. To be fair my son is understanding and would make himself scarce if I asked. I know we not so young we wanting to be rampant all the time but I just wonder if we want different things from life now or if I'm being unreasonable?"

Firstly you need to use the reply+quote button so we know who you're answering.

As I said earlier it's no good asking us, we can tell you all sorts of possible answers but the only person who can give you proper insight is the woman you live with. Please talk to her.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Has she ever liked your son? "

To be fair she not had much dealings' with my son as relationship was distant due to his mum. Obviously he is somewhat a stranger coming to live with us as he couldn't cope after his mum passed.

He is a nice lad but I don't think she understands he only young and needs some emotional support

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

Unless the two of you communicate you will always wonder. That is the only useful advice I can give, none of us know what your partner is thinking.

Why have you titled this Lost Interest?"

Thank you for response.

I titled it lost interest as that's how I feel the relationship is at the moment. Maybe being selfish but I feel we too much about problems and other people instead of enjoying our time together?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

Unless the two of you communicate you will always wonder. That is the only useful advice I can give, none of us know what your partner is thinking.

Why have you titled this Lost Interest?

Thank you for response.

I titled it lost interest as that's how I feel the relationship is at the moment. Maybe being selfish but I feel we too much about problems and other people instead of enjoying our time together?

"

It can't be nice to feek that way.

Sorry to bang on about this but how do you feel about my suggestion that the two of you talk?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers. "

I kind of asked the question and pointed out that her oldest is 35 and still at one but she just said that's different somehow?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?"

That last few words worries me... why should she have chores? shares a house with 5 ADULT men, who should be sharing the chores...

To be honest if her boys are grown, there is a good chance she was looking forward to them leaving, an extra one arriving was probably not in her long term plans.

You need to talk, away from the boys, and somewhere remember the relationship is between the 2 of you, they are just important but temporary lodgers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

Unless the two of you communicate you will always wonder. That is the only useful advice I can give, none of us know what your partner is thinking.

Why have you titled this Lost Interest?

Thank you for response.

I titled it lost interest as that's how I feel the relationship is at the moment. Maybe being selfish but I feel we too much about problems and other people instead of enjoying our time together?

It can't be nice to feek that way.

Sorry to bang on about this but how do you feel about my suggestion that the two of you talk?"

That's what I hope to do is talk and without having a go at each other. I do want to know that we can have a future together or if we should quit. It is doing my head in but I just needed reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable I guess?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers.

I kind of asked the question and pointed out that her oldest is 35 and still at one but she just said that's different somehow?"

Then she should explain why it's different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers.

I kind of asked the question and pointed out that her oldest is 35 and still at one but she just said that's different somehow?

Then she should explain why it's different. "

Even though he says he never wants to leave home she says its kind of different because he always been there and pays his board on a Friday (my son pays his at some point during the weekend) maybe she not giving it chance to get to know him .. I don't know what problem is really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers.

I kind of asked the question and pointed out that her oldest is 35 and still at one but she just said that's different somehow?

Then she should explain why it's different.

Even though he says he never wants to leave home she says its kind of different because he always been there and pays his board on a Friday (my son pays his at some point during the weekend) maybe she not giving it chance to get to know him .. I don't know what problem is really."

The only way you'll find out is by asking, and explaining to her how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I would ask her what the problem is with having your son with you, that wasn't a problem with hers.

I kind of asked the question and pointed out that her oldest is 35 and still at one but she just said that's different somehow?

Then she should explain why it's different.

Even though he says he never wants to leave home she says its kind of different because he always been there and pays his board on a Friday (my son pays his at some point during the weekend) maybe she not giving it chance to get to know him .. I don't know what problem is really.

The only way you'll find out is by asking, and explaining to her how you feel.

"

Thanks babe. I will keep talking and we either work through this or quit I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?"

Is your son treating the place like a hotel? Clearing up after her own kids is annoying but mums do that. Clearing up after a grown man that isn't your kid is a crappy 'chore'. She's a person not a maid.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

Is your son treating the place like a hotel? Clearing up after her own kids is annoying but mums do that. Clearing up after a grown man that isn't your kid is a crappy 'chore'. She's a person not a maid. "

My son is quite untidy in his own room as is her older son in his room. I have told her to not go on their room and let them do it but she still goes in their rooms.

If anything my son is more independent and much less demanding than hers. I don't expect her to be a maid to any of us. I know from her point of view he is a grown man moving in to our home but my Son only wants to stay for a while till he gets his head straight yet her son has no intention of leaving.

Am I being unreasonable to say that she should give him a little breathing space instead of her asking him if he found somewhere else yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has she ever liked your son?

To be fair she not had much dealings' with my son as relationship was distant due to his mum. Obviously he is somewhat a stranger coming to live with us as he couldn't cope after his mum passed.

He is a nice lad but I don't think she understands he only young and needs some emotional support "

sorry to be harsh here and not knowing all the facts on both sides so hard to comment - but your partner is being selfish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just chuck in an aside comment - shall me and my bereft son go and get a place together then - see what reaction you get

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"just chuck in an aside comment - shall me and my bereft son go and get a place together then - see what reaction you get"

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

It does actually feel like an agony aunt thread

It's a swingers site and I realise we all chat about allsorts but we get this thread tomoften

Xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It does actually feel like an agony aunt thread

It's a swingers site and I realise we all chat about allsorts but we get this thread tomoften

Xxxx"

What's your point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No there no young kids and i probably shouldn't post on here as it's not an agony aunt site. After 13 years of having her sons round us I grown understanding that private time hard to find. Now though I'm seeing a different side of her as it's my son! We can get away from it though but I just wonder if she wants to spend time with me or just for us to be alone so she don't have so many chores?

Is your son treating the place like a hotel? Clearing up after her own kids is annoying but mums do that. Clearing up after a grown man that isn't your kid is a crappy 'chore'. She's a person not a maid.

My son is quite untidy in his own room as is her older son in his room. I have told her to not go on their room and let them do it but she still goes in their rooms.

If anything my son is more independent and much less demanding than hers. I don't expect her to be a maid to any of us. I know from her point of view he is a grown man moving in to our home but my Son only wants to stay for a while till he gets his head straight yet her son has no intention of leaving.

Am I being unreasonable to say that she should give him a little breathing space instead of her asking him if he found somewhere else yet?"

No you're not being unreasonable. Together 13 years you should be a couple by now. Seems like a war.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

she seems unreasonable by having her son there and not wanting yours to be there. but it seems hers have been there forever and she's used to that, it could be she's just taking time to adjust.

maybe you could sometimes help your son tidy his room (if that seems to be the main issue), it'd also be a bonding experience for you both as well coz you can chat while doing it.

you'd also be helping him fit in by doing this and she shouldn't be so objective of him.

i know she should probably be happy to have him there because he's your son and you want that it's not always that easy because some people (most of them) aren't that flexible and don't like change or things that upset routines.

like nice couple keep saying you need to chat to her but that's my guess at what's up.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"That's what I'm wondering and trying to get to the bottom of. To be fair my son is understanding and would make himself scarce if I asked. I know we not so young we wanting to be rampant all the time but I just wonder if we want different things from life now or if I'm being unreasonable?"

i wonder if you see her rejection of your son as rejection of you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's what I'm wondering and trying to get to the bottom of. To be fair my son is understanding and would make himself scarce if I asked. I know we not so young we wanting to be rampant all the time but I just wonder if we want different things from life now or if I'm being unreasonable?

i wonder if you see her rejection of your son as rejection of you? "

I don't see it so much as a rejection of me but it does seem an issue that it's a far too often topic raised instead of us having time for a laugh and focusing on each other more.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"That's what I'm wondering and trying to get to the bottom of. To be fair my son is understanding and would make himself scarce if I asked. I know we not so young we wanting to be rampant all the time but I just wonder if we want different things from life now or if I'm being unreasonable?

i wonder if you see her rejection of your son as rejection of you?

I don't see it so much as a rejection of me but it does seem an issue that it's a far too often topic raised instead of us having time for a laugh and focusing on each other more."

she's gonna have to be very honest with you and say what's really up then. all we can work out really is what your issues are, and you just said there.

it's ok for her to vent occasionally as that often helps clear the air but it seems this is way more than that.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

As your son needs support due to grief, consider establishing some sort of routine for you both as well as your partner. But as others point out, you need to regain the closeness with your partner which will largely come from more communication

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She sounds awful. You've had her kids there with no problem now your son is having hard time with life and she doesn't want him??

Time for some honest hard conversation I think

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