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The Dynamics of Swinging from a New Member

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Good evening all!

Very new to all this so please indulge me in what I can only say is a brief analysis of how the mechanics and dynamics of the site seem to work from a new male member point of view.

It is strange when joining a new site seeing how it works and how people interact. Like on most sites I've looked at it seems to be very female orientated in the sense that it is the ladies that hold all the cards (and rightly so too, I'll highlight reasons why). This is not a bad thing, can't have silly men running around sending fucked up messages and thinking it's perfectly normal behaviour because it isn't. I wouldn't be too pleased receiving messages that are rude and impolite, it's just not right. Now having said this I'll outline why it is strange and some of the practises that strange to me.

Obviously having joined a swinging site you'd be inclined to think that you're joining a community of like minded people but it hardly seems the case. People won't accept messages off newbies, no face pic, no reply (coming from people with no pics themselves), you must stand out (which can be hard, most people don't lead the glamour lifestyle that people want from their electronic chat buddy), you must not be rude (on a swinging site, I repeat on swinging site), I could go on and on but this isn't a rant, like I said I understand the reasoning behind such things as men can be very abrupt and bullish in their pursuit of sex. I just find it strange that in this utopian swinging site (haha) we dont all get along .

I've had a lovely people message me and that is great, people generally using the site for what it's for. Ultimately men can be pigs but so can women and why can't we all roll in the mud together?!

I'm looking forward to any replies, hopefully not just shite about what you on about etc, if you have advice for a new male, let me know, if you're a divine goddess tell me your experiences and if you're a hound of a man tell me why!

All have a good one and happy swinging!x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, are you liking it so far, OP? Or do you feel that the dynamics (as you see them) lessen the experience for you? I'm genuinely curious.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's a friendly site that has a good atmosphere from what I can gather. I am mindful of my relative inexperience on this site which can be somewhat of a hindrance but over all I've had a good positive introduction to the site.

When I read through people's profiles they can be confusing but I think that's more of grammatical issue than bad profiles although some of themy are quite hilarious reading.

In general I'm looking forward to getting more knowledgeable about the site and getting more interactionsleep, my forum post isn't a rant or meant in a negative sense, more just a casual observation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And you came up with all that at 3am, and after only 3wks. Have you been here before?

No matter how eloquently you put your point across. Some will think its a rant. And some are going to agree with your points.

Women hold all the cards, and rightly so. ??

Well, sex is a shared experience, Isn't it? So why do you believe that the women should be put up on high ground so quickly when you don't know even know them? I'd like to think I have a few aces up my sleeve myself thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

They hold the cards because from what I can gather through reading through ladies profiles (at 3am because I work nights) us they seem to get constant messages of men pestering them for whatever. I don't think it is the same way round as I don't see many male profiles saying font be rude, treathe me with respect etc.

It mirrors real life. In every aspect of an animals mating ritual the female holds power. The males contend for a chance but ultimately the female chooses the partner she desires. This site only mimics real life in that aspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a profile -she has a profile

I like sex -she likes sex

I can on her-she can pm me

I can ask her to meet -she can ask me to meet

If we meet:

I can say no-she can say no.

At what point does she hold all the cards? I'm just not getting your point. I'm not a peacock.

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife


"Good evening all!

Very new to all this so please indulge me in what I can only say is a brief analysis of how the mechanics and dynamics of the site seem to work from a new male member point of view.

It is strange when joining a new site seeing how it works and how people interact. Like on most sites I've looked at it seems to be very female orientated in the sense that it is the ladies that hold all the cards (and rightly so too, I'll highlight reasons why). This is not a bad thing, can't have silly men running around sending fucked up messages and thinking it's perfectly normal behaviour because it isn't. I wouldn't be too pleased receiving messages that are rude and impolite, it's just not right. Now having said this I'll outline why it is strange and some of the practises that strange to me.

Obviously having joined a swinging site you'd be inclined to think that you're joining a community of like minded people but it hardly seems the case. People won't accept messages off newbies, no face pic, no reply (coming from people with no pics themselves), you must stand out (which can be hard, most people don't lead the glamour lifestyle that people want from their electronic chat buddy), you must not be rude (on a swinging site, I repeat on swinging site), I could go on and on but this isn't a rant, like I said I understand the reasoning behind such things as men can be very abrupt and bullish in their pursuit of sex. I just find it strange that in this utopian swinging site (haha) we dont all get along .

I've had a lovely people message me and that is great, people generally using the site for what it's for. Ultimately men can be pigs but so can women and why can't we all roll in the mud together?!

I'm looking forward to any replies, hopefully not just shite about what you on about etc, if you have advice for a new male, let me know, if you're a divine goddess tell me your experiences and if you're a hound of a man tell me why!

All have a good one and happy swinging!x"
do you want to be rude to females? As you don't seem too happy that you must not be rude?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good evening all!

Very new to all this so please indulge me in what I can only say is a brief analysis of how the mechanics and dynamics of the site seem to work from a new male member point of view.

It is strange when joining a new site seeing how it works and how people interact. Like on most sites I've looked at it seems to be very female orientated in the sense that it is the ladies that hold all the cards (and rightly so too, I'll highlight reasons why). This is not a bad thing, can't have silly men running around sending fucked up messages and thinking it's perfectly normal behaviour because it isn't. I wouldn't be too pleased receiving messages that are rude and impolite, it's just not right. Now having said this I'll outline why it is strange and some of the practises that strange to me.

Obviously having joined a swinging site you'd be inclined to think that you're joining a community of like minded people but it hardly seems the case. People won't accept messages off newbies, no face pic, no reply (coming from people with no pics themselves), you must stand out (which can be hard, most people don't lead the glamour lifestyle that people want from their electronic chat buddy), you must not be rude (on a swinging site, I repeat on swinging site), I could go on and on but this isn't a rant, like I said I understand the reasoning behind such things as men can be very abrupt and bullish in their pursuit of sex. I just find it strange that in this utopian swinging site (haha) we dont all get along .

I've had a lovely people message me and that is great, people generally using the site for what it's for. Ultimately men can be pigs but so can women and why can't we all roll in the mud together?!

I'm looking forward to any replies, hopefully not just shite about what you on about etc, if you have advice for a new male, let me know, if you're a divine goddess tell me your experiences and if you're a hound of a man tell me why!

All have a good one and happy swinging!x"

Some good points, eloquently put. However it's all been said before:

Newbies - some will, some won't.

Face pics - it isn't blind date. Read the FAQ about replies.

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Being rude - you can if you want to. See where it gets you.

Not a divine goddess - bit of a bitch who knows the score and what she wants.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hahaha no I despise being rude especially on a swinging site for people who like sex.

In all seriousness though I do like to be rude but I prefer to chat to someone before I say anything impolite as you can still be a gentleman and be a freak.

We are all different and it's these differences that make sites like this work. If we were all vanilla then it would be a boring site I should imagine.

And to finish here is me being rude; I think Kate Moss isn't attractive, how rude am I?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good evening all!

Very new to all this so please indulge me in what I can only say is a brief analysis of how the mechanics and dynamics of the site seem to work from a new male member point of view.

It is strange when joining a new site seeing how it works and how people interact. Like on most sites I've looked at it seems to be very female orientated in the sense that it is the ladies that hold all the cards (and rightly so too, I'll highlight reasons why). This is not a bad thing, can't have silly men running around sending fucked up messages and thinking it's perfectly normal behaviour because it isn't. I wouldn't be too pleased receiving messages that are rude and impolite, it's just not right. Now having said this I'll outline why it is strange and some of the practises that strange to me.

Obviously having joined a swinging site you'd be inclined to think that you're joining a community of like minded people but it hardly seems the case. People won't accept messages off newbies, no face pic, no reply (coming from people with no pics themselves), you must stand out (which can be hard, most people don't lead the glamour lifestyle that people want from their electronic chat buddy), you must not be rude (on a swinging site, I repeat on swinging site), I could go on and on but this isn't a rant, like I said I understand the reasoning behind such things as men can be very abrupt and bullish in their pursuit of sex. I just find it strange that in this utopian swinging site (haha) we dont all get along .

I've had a lovely people message me and that is great, people generally using the site for what it's for. Ultimately men can be pigs but so can women and why can't we all roll in the mud together?!

I'm looking forward to any replies, hopefully not just shite about what you on about etc, if you have advice for a new male, let me know, if you're a divine goddess tell me your experiences and if you're a hound of a man tell me why!

All have a good one and happy swinging!xdo you want to be rude to females? As you don't seem too happy that you must not be rude?"

I think he meant as in sexy talk rude, not pig ignorant rude. That's how i took it anyway...women going on about no cock pics in profiles etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good evening all!

Very new to all this so please indulge me in what I can only say is a brief analysis of how the mechanics and dynamics of the site seem to work from a new male member point of view.

It is strange when joining a new site seeing how it works and how people interact. Like on most sites I've looked at it seems to be very female orientated in the sense that it is the ladies that hold all the cards (and rightly so too, I'll highlight reasons why). This is not a bad thing, can't have silly men running around sending fucked up messages and thinking it's perfectly normal behaviour because it isn't. I wouldn't be too pleased receiving messages that are rude and impolite, it's just not right. Now having said this I'll outline why it is strange and some of the practises that strange to me.

Obviously having joined a swinging site you'd be inclined to think that you're joining a community of like minded people but it hardly seems the case. People won't accept messages off newbies, no face pic, no reply (coming from people with no pics themselves), you must stand out (which can be hard, most people don't lead the glamour lifestyle that people want from their electronic chat buddy), you must not be rude (on a swinging site, I repeat on swinging site), I could go on and on but this isn't a rant, like I said I understand the reasoning behind such things as men can be very abrupt and bullish in their pursuit of sex. I just find it strange that in this utopian swinging site (haha) we dont all get along .

I've had a lovely people message me and that is great, people generally using the site for what it's for. Ultimately men can be pigs but so can women and why can't we all roll in the mud together?!

I'm looking forward to any replies, hopefully not just shite about what you on about etc, if you have advice for a new male, let me know, if you're a divine goddess tell me your experiences and if you're a hound of a man tell me why!

All have a good one and happy swinging!x"

Because your question was so well worded and had some thought put in, I'm happy to help.

As a single guy remember these tips.

1. No cock pic as a profile picture, just leave one as a public pic, keep the rest as private. Then have a selection of body shots as your public pictures.

2. Be reasonably honest in your profile text and try to convey a sense of your personality. You can write, not everyone can or wants to.

3. Most importantly. When writing a message, make it stand out. Yes it's got to show some interest in the other person. But... You have two lines, one sentence.. To give you a chance.. That includes the message title and the first line.

For God's sake don't put "Hello my name is..." Or "Fancy a fuck". It's not that there's anything specifically wrong with that.. It's just, everyone else does it. Your message will be lost in a sea of "HI my name is...". And attach your face to the first message.

4. Read and write in forums.. It'll help you understand how others feel, might help you further d a kindred spirit also.. Plus it's quite good fun.

Good luck pal..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

"

Seriously?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Don't over think it OP, just accept that some people think they are the ones needing pleasing and you don't matter, then avoid those people and find someone who thinks you are equal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously? "

It's international woman's day I see.

I've seen that posted on a lot of profiles, I often wonder how many guys have wanted to serve a king or queen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously? "

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion. "

i get what you mean. a lot of men approach us with their fantasies in mind and don't care what we want.

i'm not here to fulfil what a man wants. we need to be compatible and want the same things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion. "

I'll remember that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

I'll remember that! "

Mm I'm sure I've told you that lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

I'll remember that!

Mm I'm sure I've told you that lol."

Er no!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't over think it OP, just accept that some people think they are the ones needing pleasing and you don't matter, then avoid those people and find someone who thinks you are equal "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

I'll remember that!

Mm I'm sure I've told you that lol.

Er no! "

Yep here for my fantasies and fun and not just to fit into randoms fantasies off here. Does this really shock people?? A single fem who wants her own kind of fun?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I wish people on here wouldn't treat this site as some kind of warfare between men and women. We may not all be here for the same thing, but there is a common interest, and if someone doesn't float your boat you can either ignore them or just say so.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion. "

It goes without saying that if your fantasy doesn't match another persons then you are obviously not suited but your post comes across more of that the men don't fit into a womans equation when getting what you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish people on here wouldn't treat this site as some kind of warfare between men and women. We may not all be here for the same thing, but there is a common interest, and if someone doesn't float your boat you can either ignore them or just say so.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

It goes without saying that if your fantasy doesn't match another persons then you are obviously not suited but your post comes across more of that the men don't fit into a womans equation when getting what you want."

That is how you have chosen to interprete it. All be incorrectly.

I am here to fulfil my fantasies, obviously with people who meet my preferences and of course I meet theirs. At no point did I say that the men I meet dont fit into that equation, so your post doesn't really reflect what I am saying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread explains a fucking lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Audioslave - Be Yourself

https://youtu.be/WC5FdFlUcl0

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

It goes without saying that if your fantasy doesn't match another persons then you are obviously not suited but your post comes across more of that the men don't fit into a womans equation when getting what you want.

That is how you have chosen to interprete it. All be incorrectly.

I am here to fulfil my fantasies, obviously with people who meet my preferences and of course I meet theirs. At no point did I say that the men I meet dont fit into that equation, so your post doesn't really reflect what I am saying. "

"You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

It goes without saying that if your fantasy doesn't match another persons then you are obviously not suited but your post comes across more of that the men don't fit into a womans equation when getting what you want.

That is how you have chosen to interprete it. All be incorrectly.

I am here to fulfil my fantasies, obviously with people who meet my preferences and of course I meet theirs. At no point did I say that the men I meet dont fit into that equation, so your post doesn't really reflect what I am saying.

"You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours""

Ah I can see how you have twisted my words. Yes I believe the men must stand out. If they are to attract the ladies. The ladies are here for their fantasies and not to just fulfil others needs . That is my opinion, which I am entitled to. I will leave you to whatever interpretation you chose but I know what I meant: I am here for my fun. Not others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging is about equality and if it's not your no doing it right.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours. Understand that early on and you may have fun.

Seriously?

In my opinion yes. I am here for my fantasies not others. I doubt I am alone in my opinion.

It goes without saying that if your fantasy doesn't match another persons then you are obviously not suited but your post comes across more of that the men don't fit into a womans equation when getting what you want.

That is how you have chosen to interprete it. All be incorrectly.

I am here to fulfil my fantasies, obviously with people who meet my preferences and of course I meet theirs. At no point did I say that the men I meet dont fit into that equation, so your post doesn't really reflect what I am saying.

"You must stand out - the ladies are here for their fantasies, not yours"

Ah I can see how you have twisted my words. . "

I didn't twist them, I quoted them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The absolute reason that at times swinging doesn't work is because some people are just looking to fulfil there own wants at the expense of others, we are all here to have fun and that's enevitably a selfish pursuit, however clutter bit of give and take and there would be far more people having fun with this hobby

No Guy/girl or couple is here to satisfy anyone else's needs and anyone who thinks they are, good luck! Eventually your selfish attitude will catch up with you and you'll be moaning about being treated like a free hooker (we've all seen this on here) people tend to attract people with similar traits.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to the wonderful world of the fab forum

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I got the impression op that you were mind!reading that people weren't replying as you're new, ad well as some of your other assumptions. Like you are, everyone here is unique and will have their own reasons for not replying.

The standard is for no reply to mean no interest ! Invariably they'll have more incompatible interest than compatible.

I think it takes a lot of time to understand how this can work for you.

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