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Female Libido - can you increase it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am clearly setting myself up for a mountain of abuse here but please take this in the positive spirit it is intended? I know that a number of people here think the cheating marrieds should just fuck off and leave Fab alone. Bear in mind that is sort of the aim of this thread.

Since the contraceptive thread suggested that the pill the Mrs is on could be affecting her libido, I've been wondering what else I can try to help her. I have subtly slipped in that we might want to change her pill to see if it helps.

Now it is perfectly possible that she just isn't interested in all things sexual but I need to at least try something.

Any tips or suggestions welcome. Fire away with any questions and I'll be grateful for any tips. If you want to be negative then go for it as well - I can always just ignore you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long has she been on the pill? Has her libido always been low or is it a recent thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

are there kids around and/or demanding job - just being generally worn out makes you just want to cuddle up and kip rather than have sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How long has she been on the pill? Has her libido always been low or is it a recent thing?

"

She went on to this type of pill about 16 years ago.

I'll be honest I don't know if it has always been low as it's been low for such a long time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"are there kids around and/or demanding job - just being generally worn out makes you just want to cuddle up and kip rather than have sex"

1 munchkin but before trying for a baby we went 3.5 years without any sex. Activity yes, sex no.

She is pretty hard to prise away from work so is tired a lot. It makes it hard to make time for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more I have, the more I want. If I go without sex for any length of time, I go off it completely.

I know you can't just go jumping on your missus if she's not in the mood but do you flirt, tease, get her pulse raising a bit? Do that for a few weeks regularly and you might find that is enough to get her back in the mood more regularly x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

there is nothing guaranteed to increase a woman's libido more than talking. Open and honest communication with her about what you want and what she wants, not just sexually but in every area of your lives . If you think she should change the method of contraception you both use talk to her about it, research alternatives, offer to go to the doctors with her to discuss it.

In talking about what she wants you will discover how to increase her libido because you'll be equipped with the knowledge of what's going on in her head.

If she refuses or is reluctant to talk you need to impress on her how important this is to you.

There isn't a secret way to do this so that she wont be aware, no behind the scenes magic potion you can drop in her tea. It takes time and patience.

Good luck

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

and ps the things you are saying on here you should be saying to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How long has she been on the pill? Has her libido always been low or is it a recent thing?

She went on to this type of pill about 16 years ago.

I'll be honest I don't know if it has always been low as it's been low for such a long time. "

Have you tried broaching the subject with her? Sitting down and telling her how you feel. That she may not be bothered but it is an issue for you. A serious issue.

If you go on parenting forums in the sex bit, you'll find shedloads of women saying they dkn't feel like sex that they are knackered from kids, job, other stuff etc., BUT that they are lucky because their fella understands and he never seems to want it anyway.

In actual fact he's probably getting it elsewhere because he's gagging for it and doean't want to cause trouble at home.

Some people have incompatible sex drives and there isn't much you can do about that.

But a low sex drive that hasn't always been low needs investigating.

16 years does seem a long time on one pill, but if it works it works and she may be reluctant to change it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you had an open discussion with her about it ? Is there a reason she doesn't feel like it? Do you help inspire her confidence in herself, because some people lose that and then they just don't feel sexy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have spoken to her and she has expressed a regret that she doesn't want to do more.

When we do get it on, she will say that we should do it more often but then following that up never happens.

Every day I tell her I love her and that I want her. Just today, for example, she was trying on a new dress for a work event and I told how great it looks and how I'd happily skip the dessert to peel it off her.

It gets to the point where I no matter how much I tease and flirt it's like hitting my head against a brick wall.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"I am clearly setting myself up for a mountain of abuse here but please take this in the positive spirit it is intended? I know that a number of people here think the cheating marrieds should just fuck off and leave Fab alone. Bear in mind that is sort of the aim of this thread.

Since the contraceptive thread suggested that the pill the Mrs is on could be affecting her libido, I've been wondering what else I can try to help her. I have subtly slipped in that we might want to change her pill to see if it helps.

Now it is perfectly possible that she just isn't interested in all things sexual but I need to at least try something.

Any tips or suggestions welcome. Fire away with any questions and I'll be grateful for any tips. If you want to be negative then go for it as well - I can always just ignore you "

Get the chop then she can come off the pill and have no worry about getting pregnant. That is often a real problem for women. Quick simple and she can get her mojo back.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have spoken to her and she has expressed a regret that she doesn't want to do more.

When we do get it on, she will say that we should do it more often but then following that up never happens.

Every day I tell her I love her and that I want her. Just today, for example, she was trying on a new dress for a work event and I told how great it looks and how I'd happily skip the dessert to peel it off her.

It gets to the point where I no matter how much I tease and flirt it's like hitting my head against a brick wall."

If you aren't feeling it teasing and flirting can actually make you feel worse.

Truly, the only way you're going to move forward with this is by talking to her. Not in a how can we make you want sex more way but in a how can we both approach this way.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"The more I have, the more I want. If I go without sex for any length of time, I go off it completely.

"

Yep That exactly.. I go for years /months without but if my Totty comes round I want more and more.

_________

If your wife has been on the pill 16 years it is time to take your turn. She been pumping her body with chemicals all that time how do you expect her to feel

Book your Docs appointment Monday give the poor woman a break.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I think your wife probably has lost herself. Too caught up in being mum, having a career,running a home and doing it all. My advice would be to help her find time for herself, encourage her to do things she loves that she feels she doesn't have time for. Communicate and take the focus off sex. Making it feel like she has an issue isn't conducive for anything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think your wife probably has lost herself. Too caught up in being mum, having a career,running a home and doing it all. My advice would be to help her find time for herself, encourage her to do things she loves that she feels she doesn't have time for. Communicate and take the focus off sex. Making it feel like she has an issue isn't conducive for anything. "

I have been trying. I've never made anything about the lack of sex and it never has been the focus. Even if feeling frustrated by it, I've always told myself to not let it show as it won't help.

She mentions it more than I do.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Great post OP.

I'm in a similar boat to you. I know I have to have 'the chat' at some point. All the advice you've been given so far is spot on, but difficult in reality hey?

I don't know about you but we are firmly in the mates zone and it's very difficult to get out of it x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Great post OP.

I'm in a similar boat to you. I know I have to have 'the chat' at some point. All the advice you've been given so far is spot on, but difficult in reality hey?

I don't know about you but we are firmly in the mates zone and it's very difficult to get out of it x"

Yes it is difficult but I am very grateful for everyone who has commented.

For those commenting on the contraceptive angle, she takes the one she does because she is period free. No pain, no bleeding, no mood swings. It works for her. I would be willing to try a male version if it allows her to come off her pill but would you trade libido for periods? Part of the conversation to have I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think your wife probably has lost herself. Too caught up in being mum, having a career,running a home and doing it all. My advice would be to help her find time for herself, encourage her to do things she loves that she feels she doesn't have time for. Communicate and take the focus off sex. Making it feel like she has an issue isn't conducive for anything.

I have been trying. I've never made anything about the lack of sex and it never has been the focus. Even if feeling frustrated by it, I've always told myself to not let it show as it won't help.

She mentions it more than I do. "

Then it's time to let her know how important it is to you.

You are both young, too young to go without sex. Sex IS important in a relationship. It's not the be all and end all.

If she has mentioned it then she knows there is a problem, she may think you are not that bothered because you've not kicked up a storm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a good book with an unusual title but it makes sense when you read it

"How to make love like a prairie vole "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shaz was on the pill for about 6 month and went from a sex raving lunatic to totalyy frigid

She came of the pill and went on the implant and her sex drive returned very quick

It's great, only has to be done once every 3 years, periods are maybe once a year if that, no weight gain and sex drive not affected

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Great post OP.

I'm in a similar boat to you. I know I have to have 'the chat' at some point. All the advice you've been given so far is spot on, but difficult in reality hey?

I don't know about you but we are firmly in the mates zone and it's very difficult to get out of it x

Yes it is difficult but I am very grateful for everyone who has commented.

For those commenting on the contraceptive angle, she takes the one she does because she is period free. No pain, no bleeding, no mood swings. It works for her. I would be willing to try a male version if it allows her to come off her pill but would you trade libido for periods? Part of the conversation to have I guess."

there are alternatives to the pill which allow you to be period free. Mirena coil is one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

there are alternatives to the pill which allow you to be period free. Mirena coil is one"

Thank you - I'll have a look and see what it involves then add it to the discussion.

I don't want the discussion to just be 'we aren't doing it enough, it needs to change' because I want us to work together.

I want to know what I can do to help and offer some ideas that we can try so that I try to take as much on my shoulders as I can and leave her to find herself again.

I have a lot to think about.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

there are alternatives to the pill which allow you to be period free. Mirena coil is one

Thank you - I'll have a look and see what it involves then add it to the discussion.

I don't want the discussion to just be 'we aren't doing it enough, it needs to change' because I want us to work together.

I want to know what I can do to help and offer some ideas that we can try so that I try to take as much on my shoulders as I can and leave her to find herself again.

I have a lot to think about. "

Forgive me, I don't know you or your wife but personally I think you'd be better approaching this as a couple rather than you trying to take it on your shoulders. Taking other peoples ideas and offering them to her is no substitute for finding out what she would like and working on that together along with what you would like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to talk to each other frankly and discuss what the lack of sex means to you. But you also need to build on your levels of intimacy, just holding her and making her feel loved will make you closer and that will in turn increase her libido.

Do you help with the kids and house work, as her working and running the house can make her too tired for sex. Have you tried date nights. Take sex off the table just learn to be together and enjoy each other's company, learning to be a couple again is important as you've probably both slipped into mom and dad roles.

Hope some of that helps x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"there is nothing guaranteed to increase a woman's libido more than talking. Open and honest communication with her about what you want and what she wants, not just sexually but in every area of your lives . If you think she should change the method of contraception you both use talk to her about it, research alternatives, offer to go to the doctors with her to discuss it.

In talking about what she wants you will discover how to increase her libido because you'll be equipped with the knowledge of what's going on in her head.

If she refuses or is reluctant to talk you need to impress on her how important this is to you.

There isn't a secret way to do this so that she wont be aware, no behind the scenes magic potion you can drop in her tea. It takes time and patience.

Good luck"

THIS

Also... when did you last take her on a date? When did you last try to woo her? When did you last make her feel like she was the sexiest, horniest woman in the planet? If you don't make her feel sexy.... she probably won't want to be sexy for you? You have a wandering eye, she will pick that up and nothing kills a woman's libido more than thinking you're not interested in her.

You need to sweep her off her feet again....... now go get her!!!

Oh... just don't forget to tell her about the filandering.... fairs fair.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

there are alternatives to the pill which allow you to be period free. Mirena coil is one

Thank you - I'll have a look and see what it involves then add it to the discussion.

I don't want the discussion to just be 'we aren't doing it enough, it needs to change' because I want us to work together.

I want to know what I can do to help and offer some ideas that we can try so that I try to take as much on my shoulders as I can and leave her to find herself again.

I have a lot to think about.

Forgive me, I don't know you or your wife but personally I think you'd be better approaching this as a couple rather than you trying to take it on your shoulders. Taking other peoples ideas and offering them to her is no substitute for finding out what she would like and working on that together along with what you would like."

Sorry I didn't explain myself very well. What I want to do is be able to offer suggestions. I don't want to get to the point where we sit down, talk about it and when the question 'what can we do about it' comes up, we both shrug our shoulders.

I want to have something to offer along the lines of 'maybe we could try this' or 'what if I did more of that' and at least it will give us things to start thinking about and maybe prompt her to open up and start thinking about what she wants.

So I now have some ideas to think about with the contraceptive angle for example. We can discuss that and see if we can make changes to see if that makes a difference.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"I am clearly setting myself up for a mountain of abuse here but please take this in the positive spirit it is intended? I know that a number of people here think the cheating marrieds should just fuck off and leave Fab alone. Bear in mind that is sort of the aim of this thread.

Since the contraceptive thread suggested that the pill the Mrs is on could be affecting her libido, I've been wondering what else I can try to help her. I have subtly slipped in that we might want to change her pill to see if it helps.

Now it is perfectly possible that she just isn't interested in all things sexual but I need to at least try something.

Any tips or suggestions welcome. Fire away with any questions and I'll be grateful for any tips. If you want to be negative then go for it as well - I can always just ignore you

Get the chop then she can come off the pill and have no worry about getting pregnant. That is often a real problem for women. Quick simple and she can get her mojo back. "

I had the chop ... In the end it didn't matter .. we parted .. some things aren't meant to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excercise, good diet and nutrition gealthy body makes for a more horny mind.

But also you can do the same yourself.

Get in great shape for her mentally and physicslly and ir mighr help reignite the old spark

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