FabSwingers.com forum: quesjon to the guys

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Ive been arsked by a frend to help them and if I do I mite be about to be a surgoot dad.

(I've not sed yes or no yet)

Il be helping out a Frend in need but end up having nothing to do with the kid as her hubby will be on all the paper work and be clarsd as the dad ect.....

Have aney of you guys dun sumthing like this and wot is it like noing you will have a sun or dortror that you will never see and thay will never no you ?

THIS IS A SEROUS THREAD

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Sounds like a recipe for emotional upset to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't even consider it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iscean MaleMan
over a year ago

Darlaston

And also long term.. a knock on your door and the voice says "hello daddy".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Three little letters ... CSA

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all and ChainWoman
over a year ago

Truro

why would she want this, sperm donation gets her/them the same thing, with none of the potential future complications or implications.

It doesn't make sense why anyone would ask for this, ergo there is more going on than we or the OP have been told about... and *that* means run away.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they need a surrogate, then there are far better ways than using a friend.

I wouldn;lt go near this suggestion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone who has done this.....and no! It's not me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's potential for so much emotional trauma down the line. You can't predict how you'll feel about the child in 5yrs, 10yrs, beyond that. They can get sperm donors anonymously through assisted conception services that the NHS/Private clinics are able to provide. You're better off telling them to explore that avenue.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *idan31Man
over a year ago

ashby

So pulling out at the vinegar stroke and splashing it all over her face and tits isn't an option then?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onforming_deviantWoman
over a year ago

Hull

I know im not a guy... But there are correct routes to go through... The csa issue is a valid one and how are you going to feel watching 'their' child growing up?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

It's not something I could even consider with a friend

Though I was a donor when at uni

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A timely scenario was just aired on corrie tonight....things can get messy when emotions kick in

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Has the potential for all sorts of trouble.

I would think very carefully about this xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally couldn't do it, it would still be my child and I would still have that emotional attachment

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive been arsked by a frend to help them and if I do I mite be about to be a surgoot dad.

(I've not sed yes or no yet)

Il be helping out a Frend in need but end up having nothing to do with the kid as her hubby will be on all the paper work and be clarsd as the dad ect.....

Have aney of you guys dun sumthing like this and wot is it like noing you will have a sun or dortror that you will never see and thay will never no you ?

THIS IS A SEROUS THREAD "

I'd like to think I could help someone, but the emotional connection is something I cannot predict. So probably wouldn't choose to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What she look like

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r Costa xxMan
over a year ago

stirling

Definitely sounds like an emotional train wreck, if not now, it will at a later day!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Wot dus CSA stand for ???????

It's come up trice ??????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wot dus CSA stand for ???????

It's come up trice ??????"

Child support agency.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wot dus CSA stand for ???????

It's come up trice ??????"

You're soon find out after 9 months

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"why would she want this, sperm donation gets her/them the same thing, with none of the potential future complications or implications.

It doesn't make sense why anyone would ask for this, ergo there is more going on than we or the OP have been told about... and *that* means run away."

Pretty ironic that you username is Ball and Chain

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

bedore being a parent I did not want children. Then my eldest daughter was born and I could not believe how my feelings and my life changed the moment I held her in my arms for the first time. I actually held her all night long and the midwifes could not pry her from my arms. I now have 4 daughters and I could not imagine any one of them being in this world and not being a part of their lives and not being able to tell them how much I love them. They really are the most amazing things I will ever do.

You have no idea how it will affect you if you proceed with the arrangement but if you are anything like me you will have a hole in your life until you die.

Ha, I realise that was quite heavy and not without a little nausea inducing sentiment but I honestly think it's a bad idea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Thanks for your vues all.

Lots to think about.

Talk about being in the deep end.

I thort I wos diveing in the deep end joing this site going from 0-100

But this is like 0-1.000.000

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"I know someone who has done this.....and no! It's not me!"

And how did it go ?????

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Anyone on hear hoo has dun this ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Ive been arsked by a frend to help them and if I do I mite be about to be a surgoot dad.

(I've not sed yes or no yet)

Il be helping out a Frend in need but end up having nothing to do with the kid as her hubby will be on all the paper work and be clarsd as the dad ect.....

Have aney of you guys dun sumthing like this and wot is it like noing you will have a sun or dortror that you will never see and thay will never no you ?

THIS IS A SEROUS THREAD "

Please don't go there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having worked for csa, tell them to adopt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple
over a year ago

dukinfield

She fit?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Wot dus CSA stand for ???????

It's come up trice ??????"

It stands for Child Support Agency, although they no longer exist - it's now called the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) and they could hold you legally accountable to pay around 20% of your after tax income to the mother of your child until that child is 18 (or possibly older depending on any full time education the child may do).

My advice to you would be not to do this - the emotional impact could be huge and that's before you even consider the financial one. It might seem a "nice thing to do" for a friend on the surface but it goes way way deeper than that. As others have said there are other options available to them than this one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *annylickerMan
over a year ago

Chester-le-Street

Hello, and welcome to the Jeremy kyle show

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I'm not a guy but my advise is don't do it, you might be opening yourself up to a world of hurt and if things go wrong you will end up supporting a child you didn't want, there are enough children in the world that aren't wanted.

I would suggest your friend goes through the anonymous donor route as there will be no repercussions for you to face later in life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't do it. And your exactly in the same place as you are now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

1 word no no no. OK I know that's 3 words but I thought it that important I'd say it 3 times

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I wouldn't eveb consider it, recipe for disaster..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in response to the o.p.

only you can decide but please think of your own personal feelings and listen to them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/02/17 08:31:01]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't do it Seeside, as nice as it would be to help out a friend, there's far too many factors to consider x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Everyone keeps saying no don't cos of too meney problems but no one is saying wot thees problems are.......

Emoshouns I can dill with as Thar will be a 300 mile gap......

As for chiled surport....

Her hubby will be on all the paper work inclooding the burth surtifikut witch meens I shoodount have any rites too the chiled. Rite ???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Ive been arsked by a frend to help them and if I do I mite be about to be a surgoot dad.

(I've not sed yes or no yet)

Il be helping out a Frend in need but end up having nothing to do with the kid as her hubby will be on all the paper work and be clarsd as the dad ect.....

Have aney of you guys dun sumthing like this and wot is it like noing you will have a sun or dortror that you will never see and thay will never no you ?

THIS IS A SEROUS THREAD "

Don't go there

Only my opinion of course

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your opening a tin of beans that you might not like. You asked for advice.

Mine Is don't do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone keeps saying no don't cos of too meney problems but no one is saying wot thees problems are.......

Emoshouns I can dill with as Thar will be a 300 mile gap......

As for chiled surport....

Her hubby will be on all the paper work inclooding the burth surtifikut witch meens I shoodount have any rites too the chiled. Rite ???"
till it goes wrong and they come after you. There are other ways to do this.. let them use a sperm bank.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone keeps saying no don't cos of too meney problems but no one is saying wot thees problems are.......

Emoshouns I can dill with as Thar will be a 300 mile gap......

As for chiled surport....

Her hubby will be on all the paper work inclooding the burth surtifikut witch meens I shoodount have any rites too the chiled. Rite ???"

How are they proposing it happens? Are there doctors involved or are they expecting a natural conception?

Emotions you can deal with now but when they let you know that they've had a baby boy or girl? A whole world of emotions there - what do they look like? Do they look like me?

At some point in the future the parents might decide to tell the child that the dad is legally but not biologically the dad. How are you going to feel if they then decide they want to meet you?

Just a few things off the top of my head

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

This is a joke right?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say you can deal with emotions. What about when your mate starts bombarding you with pictures of their newborn baby...your baby. How might you feel then? You can't say for sure now.

If times get hard for them financially, there's nothing to stop them from contacting the CSA and instigating claims against you.

How would you react if, in 18 years time they decide to tell the child the truth and he/she comes looking for you? Again, you can't say how you'll react then, now.

What you're considering comes with so many pitfalls and minefields legally and emotionally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if they split up? What if her current partner gets difficult and says the child isn't his. What if they do a DNA Test and prove its not.

What if he decides to stop paying for the child?

What if she can't financially afford to keep the child so goes to court to get the biological father (you) to pay.

DNA proves it's yours. You end up paying for a child until they are 18 you may never see and have no real say in the upbringing off. Distance doesn't mean you won't have to pay. They will find you and an Attachment of Earnings may be slapped on you.

It's complicated and the potential for it to go tits up is very real.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I'd suggest to the woman that you want to get it right so you need at least a dozen practice goes with a condom

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"Everyone keeps saying no don't cos of too meney problems but no one is saying wot thees problems are.......

Emoshouns I can dill with as Thar will be a 300 mile gap......

As for chiled surport....

Her hubby will be on all the paper work inclooding the burth surtifikut witch meens I shoodount have any rites too the chiled. Rite ???"

If 90% of people on the tread are saying don't go there that must tell you something right ? I really think you don't have any idea about how this can impact your life and the child's life, just let them find an anonymous donor and be happy for them once they have the child they want.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you think you could handle the emotional trauma that this scenario could cause then go for it. But personally I think this could cause a lot of pain and drama for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeside OP Man
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Thanks for the thorts all

Lods to think about.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

do you have children already? otherwise, another thing to consider is your own fertility..would they not want you to get that checked out first?..check your family medical history?...another reason to go via a clinic, where those questions will have been dealt with already?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread