FabSwingers.com forum: Very serious question

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

After 2 marriage break downs I find I'm left with practically no friends. At times like these it becomes apparent just how important your family can be, not for everyone obviously, but in my case they have been very supportive.

My quandry is this, due to many reasons I have not had contact with my eldest daughter, who is 19 next month, for 8 years and of course this has hurt every day. Recently she went, with her younger sister and mother, to see my Mum for the first time in that 8 years. I have just found her on Facebook and she has been in the local paper due to a project she has done at university and I don't know whether to send her a message or not.

I know this isn't the ideal place to ask such important questions but I'm interested on your opinions.

Thank you

Roy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wat do u have 2 loose wi getting in touch her, she may regect you and ur feelings may b hurt, but surly that a risk worth taking, 2 reconect with ur daughter. Im giving this advice from being in the same postion as ur daughter, 2day me and my dad av a wonderful relationship, and im so glad he contacted me, after being absent from my life 4 many yrs. Hope this helps.xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would maybe send her a wee message, congratulating her on her picture in the paper, and tell her that you haven't stopped thinking about her or ever stopped missing her.

Then leave it down to her

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"After 2 marriage break downs I find I'm left with practically no friends. At times like these it becomes apparent just how important your family can be, not for everyone obviously, but in my case they have been very supportive.

I know this isn't the ideal place to ask such important questions but I'm interested on your opinions.

Thank

Roy"

If you like talk to me in private... to protect you that is. I am professional but dont mind helping out

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Go for it Roy, if you don't you will always wonder.

Just a simple message of congrats and take it from there.

if nothing else she will know you are thinking of her and it may encourage her to contact you.

Just take it slowly, hope it works out for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tricky one honey, best thing is to do is go with your gut feelings. As you have raised it on here I think you maybe just need a little reassurence in you are doing the right thing. No one can tell you that what you do is right or wrong. follow your heart and good luck xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah good luck matey whatever you decide. Not sure what I'd do in your boots.....

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont think you have anything to loose by it, in fact there is only things to gain. If your daughter realizes your on facebook or knows that you are aware of her achievements and havent been in touch it could be very hurtful for her.

Even if she decides (hopefully not) that she doesnt want to be in contact with you, you will have peace of mind knowing that you tried.

The hardest thing is for you to make that first step of contact with her.

I have had something similar with my father and i know that the first step is the hardest.

Good luckxxkarenx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is short dont leave it for long x

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it hun, like someone else said, "what do you have to lose ?"

this at least could be the start and if it isnt then you cant say you didnt try.

i havent spoke to my son for nearly 5 yrs, well he hasnt spoke to me .

He is in america and i have no contact details, address, nothing.

He is my only son and he changed bigtime when he met and married some gal over there and joined a cult.

So grab each chance thats offered hun as i know how painful it can be.

ok...off me box now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

one thing you have got to be ready for is if you do decide to contact her is shes going to want to know why you have neglected her for the past 8 years!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would like to thank you all for your input, the general feeling is to go for it and I have had the Facebook page open for nearly 4 hours hovering over the 'invite as a friend' button but still not pressed it.

If you invite as a friend do you get the opportunity to write a message or does it just send an invite?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont no about facebook, i dont use it, with bebo n tagged if u send a friend invite u dont av the option 2 send a message, good luck.xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes you can send a message at the same time as you ask to be added as a friend on Facebook

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i agree, send a little message at the same time as a friend request.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fingers crossed Roy xx

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Hope it goes well Hun

We all thinking about you

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

go for it roy but you will need to be prepared for the questions she will ask but after all you are her dad and that counts for a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my thoughts r with u, hope it goes well and u reconnect with ur daughter.xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally my advice is don't do it on facebook!! I dont know the surrounding circumstances but she may find it a bit of a feable attempt to make contact after 8 years that way...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally my advice is don't do it on facebook!! I dont know the surrounding circumstances but she may find it a bit of a feable attempt to make contact after 8 years that way..."

I see your point, but I don't have any other contact details.

Anyway, I'm going to take a deep breath and go for it.

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

I share el nino's view about Facebook not being the best way but, if it's the only way, go for it. You clearly want to get in touch - you were looking for her on Facebook after all - and it's maybe better to know how you stand in her eyes that not, even if the answer isn't the one you're hoping for.

I hope things go well for you.

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By *andJ2227Couple
over a year ago

Swadlincote

Good for you Roy. Makes a change for the absent parent to be making the first move rather than the child. She maybe trying to pluck up the courage to contact you. Good luck :0) x

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

Royvue, I'd have contacted you direct but you've blocked single guys from getting in touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a tricky one. Am just going through a divorce myself so i know how difficult things can get. I obviously dont know how your relationship with your mum is but perhaps if you could ask her to pass a letter on for you. Im not a fan of facebook i think it does more harm than good but thats my experience of it. Good luck anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah good luck matey whatever you decide. Not sure what I'd do in your boots....."

did someone rob me...u know wots...not mentioning the word

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Of course you send a massage hun.

Life travels pretty quick when your a kid , but am sure she hasnt forgotten you and may really appreciate the nudge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nothing gained...nothing lost

send message

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By *ayceeCouple
over a year ago

northampton

"Of course you send a massage hun.

Life travels pretty quick when your a kid , but am sure she hasnt forgotten you and may really appreciate the nudge."

Massage on the brain Debz??

Roy, I would contact if that is the only way to do it. Then leave it to her to make further contact. xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all again for your kind words of advice, encouragement and caution.

I have just this minute sent a message and to be honest feel quite sick. I will let you all know if or when I get a reply.

Thank you

Roy xx

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By *andJ2227Couple
over a year ago

Swadlincote

Any news hun? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any news hun? x"

Hi, yes, see page 2 near the bottom, but no happy ending.

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