FabSwingers.com forum: Falling out

By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Now I'm aware theres gonna be divided opinion on this subject and its not so much the foundation topic I am interested in your opinions on. Its the 'apologising'

Ive fallen out with my best friend of 17 years to the point she is ignoring my texts (she lives on my street but I darent go round!)

So in short. A few of us are going to a fancy dress do. The theme is 'the 80s'. One girl (who is white) wanted to go as Mr T and black up her face to match the arms of the costume. To which I said that *I* wouldnt be upset but theres many that would. She wasn't having it and was gonna pay £40 off ebay. So I wrote a fb status saying 'is it wrong for a white person to black up for cool runnings'

Well. My mate (white witj two mixed race kids) went MAD. But the general answer from other people was 'no. Its fun not spite and what about that film white chicks, that was the same' Deleted me and now ignoring my text.

My other friends have told me not to dare apologise as I only asked a question but I'm a soft soul and feel awful. What would you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you explained this to her as you have in the post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should never apologise for voicing your opinion.

For me personally, I have no issue with white people dressing up as black people or vice versa, but I can understand why some people would have an issue.

If you want to we could discuss this in person over drinks sometime (smooth)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know that friends of mine with brown or dark skin do get offended when they see people do it.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I think she's over reacted tbh. You should talk to her at some point, sounds like you're good friends and it would be a shame to lose each other over this

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

It sounds a classic misunderstanding. You had no intention of "blacking-up", as you feel some people don't like it.

So when the other friend was going to go ahead and do it, you thought you would do a bit of research to put them off?

At which point the upset friend seems to think you were planning on doing so.

You might ask a common friend to put the whole story to her in "passing".

She seems to over-reacted, but now you are both caught in a "I was the one wronged" loop...

Someone needs to blink first, then you will be ok again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were right - it is offensive when white people employ "blackface" for comedy, or any purposes really.

And your friend was wrong to fly off the handle when you were just asking for opinions. It wasn't you who was considering doing the culturally insensitive thing.

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I must admit I did state that *I* wouldn't find it offensive myself (honest opinion - and thats all it is. My opinion) but I also made it quite clear it wasn't ME considering doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she possibly pissed off by the fact that you don't see it as offensive ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I proberbly wouldn't talk to someone again if they thought that blacking up for a fancy dress party was acceptable, to be honest.

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Is she possibly pissed off by the fact that you don't see it as offensive ?"

Yes. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the friendship was important to you, suggest it maybe an idea to give her some time and then go round to try and talk. If she is still angry then at least you tried.

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?"

This is my exact feeling too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too. "

I do. I see our differences in cultural heritage when I look at a person who is from a different background to myself. I look at their cultural struggles. Their challenges. The way that they have been knocked down over the years. And I see my own privilege, which lets me have the option of choosing not to give a fuck about those things, and say 'I don't see people as a skin colour' when their skin colour has had a huge impact on the person that they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too. "

Shall we get married ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By drawing attention to it and putting a status about it sort of makes it look like you think it's wrong.

I don't think it's wrong, I think it's funny. If they were dressing up as the mask or the hulk then I assume they would green up. If they were going as Mr T who is black then I would assume to imitate his look would also involve imitating his skin colour and also wearing a big fuck off gold chain.

People look for things to be offended by. I wouldn't have put a status asking about whether it was right or wrong though.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if I choose to go as someone I admire and they have different colour skin to mine it is offensive??

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

She sounds like she's felt humiliation from the faceb posting, as well as possibly that it wasn't quite the right dressing up etc. It's not so much about apologizing as sharing your thoughts and feelings Imo. Saying sorry for fb may be a good thing but only if you mean it.

I'd probably write a letter and share thoughts and ask to meet. It's then in her court. She may need some time to cool down and get calmer.

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By *imetoexplore69Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"You were right - it is offensive when white people employ "blackface" for comedy, or any purposes really.

And your friend was wrong to fly off the handle when you were just asking for opinions. It wasn't you who was considering doing the culturally insensitive thing."
being offended is subjective though.don't you think if nobody cared or made a big deal out of it then problem solved.I don't see why anyone black or white should be offended and if they are then tough.genuinly don't understand why anyone could find offence in it.it's time to move on from the racisim it used to mean that u hated someone for there culture/skin colour now it's if someone dressed up as Mr T or dont feel atracted to black guys like a few threads have went on here then u are racist. lol.I like how Morgan Freeman put it."if y'all stop talking about it then it will go away by itself,just stop talking about it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why has she fallen out with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Blacking up' I have no problem with.

Apologising to your best friend of 17 years.... I would walk to China with broken glass in my shoe for my best friend even if she was the one in the wrong.

Put it in perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You were right - it is offensive when white people employ "blackface" for comedy, or any purposes really.

And your friend was wrong to fly off the handle when you were just asking for opinions. It wasn't you who was considering doing the culturally insensitive thing.being offended is subjective though.don't you think if nobody cared or made a big deal out of it then problem solved.I don't see why anyone black or white should be offended and if they are then tough.genuinly don't understand why anyone could find offence in it.it's time to move on from the racisim it used to mean that u hated someone for there culture/skin colour now it's if someone dressed up as Mr T or dont feel atracted to black guys like a few threads have went on here then u are racist. lol.I like how Morgan Freeman put it."if y'all stop talking about it then it will go away by itself,just stop talking about it.""

Agreed.

Too many people like to be offended and if they have nothing to be offended about then they will be offended about that too

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Why has she fallen out with you? "

Well. I can only assume that it's because I said I didn't personally see the 'offence' in it. Or it could be that it was my status she took a bashing on (not by me. There was 'im right. You're not) from both sides. Like I say I reached out with the first 'r u ok?' text but no. Nothing.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Thank fuck someone already typed this so I don't have to!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is she possibly pissed off by the fact that you don't see it as offensive ?

Yes. X"

Then there's no point in apologising unless you have now changed your mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd go as Al Jolson

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and the people who have made comments such as 'some people will find any reason to be offended ' should probably read up on the history of 'blacking up'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has she fallen out with you?

Have you sent any other messages?

If it was my friend I'd go round and ask why she was ignoring me. She might be pissed off about something entirely different. Or she may have dropped her phone down the loo and that's why she hasn't replied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd go as Al Jolson "

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i think it can be offensive. if your mate admires mr T and is dressing up as him because of that then it's not really offensive, if she thinks it would be funny to be black then no that's not funny and is offensive.

i would text your mate, apologise and ask her to vent her feelings to you so that you understand why she isn't speaking to you.

doesn't matter if you find it offensive at this point or not really because she does and this is one of those times your own feelings should be dampened for someone elses feelings.

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"i think it can be offensive. if your mate admires mr T and is dressing up as him because of that then it's not really offensive, if she thinks it would be funny to be black then no that's not funny and is offensive.

i would text your mate, apologise and ask her to vent her feelings to you so that you understand why she isn't speaking to you.

doesn't matter if you find it offensive at this point or not really because she does and this is one of those times your own feelings should be dampened for someone elses feelings."

Well this is it isn't it. She genuinely did just like the A-Team.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

She's your friend, how important is that to you? More to the point how important is it to her?

Is there something else going on in her life or other things that could have led up to this?

Speak to her if you want to maintain your friendship or attempt to at least.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

i would text your mate, apologise and ask her to vent her feelings to you so that you understand why she isn't speaking to you.

doesn't matter if you find it offensive at this point or not really because she does and this is one of those times your own feelings should be dampened for someone elses feelings.

Well this is it isn't it. She genuinely did just like the A-Team. "

i don't see a problem with that personally, but i'm white so might not get it and i'd be ok with someone not white dressing up as a white person.

my gut still says you should try to understand her feelings over your own right now.

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

Putting aside whether it was right or wrong you have held out the olive branch

to your friend.It is now up to her to meet you half way.True Friendship is a two way street.

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Personally I'd take the first step even though you feel that you shouldn't and maybe have a coffee to explain things better than a post on fb or a text message!.

On the other front I've got many black friends and colleagues, some would find it offensive, some wouldn't give a fuck, it's like saying I'm dressing as the pope do you thing Catholics will be insulted, some will, some won't.

Arbitrary binding people together by there colour as if there one homogeneous mind is futile at best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Exactly this

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I'd say sorry I didn't mean to upset you and sorry I offended you .. let's be friends again... If she doesn't want to know.. it's upsetting but at least you made the effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best Friends"?...

Yet something as fucking tedious as this sounds is enough to fall out?..

Makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she sounds up her own arse

couple of my mates are brilliant, one's scottish and one from ghana and now and again when say arriving somewhere like a hotel or through a train station they sort of break into an impromptu 'act' where the scottish one will start barking orders at the other to carry his cases and hurry up as if he was a slave of old, the other bows and won't make eye contact saying only yes sir. folk are so fucking uptight about race now a days that the publics reactions are brilliant, half of them don't know where to look, folk staring, folk looking anywhere but at them, folk open mouthed, it's quite a thing to see so many people out of their comfort zone

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"she sounds up her own arse

I actually lol'd at this. Top mates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she sounds up her own arse

Hes white hes indian black chinese ??

Who gives a fuck.

Like i said before i dont see colour or race.

I see people for who they are.

Too many people making issues where there usually isnt any ?

Starting the politically correctness fight when half the time theres no fight to be had in the first place ?

Just so they are seen as some delusional crusader.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"she sounds up her own arse

Hes white hes indian black chinese ??

Who gives a fuck.

Like i said before i dont see colour or race.

I see people for who they are.

Too many people making issues where there usually isnt any ?

Starting the politically correctness fight when half the time theres no fight to be had in the first place ?

Just so they are seen as some delusional crusader."

I thought you would say turn the other cheek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she sounds up her own arse

Hes white hes indian black chinese ??

Who gives a fuck.

Like i said before i dont see colour or race.

I see people for who they are.

Too many people making issues where there usually isnt any ?

Starting the politically correctness fight when half the time theres no fight to be had in the first place ?

Just so they are seen as some delusional crusader.

I thought you would say turn the other cheek

My bum cheek

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, so she's a mum with two mixed race kids who have probably been on the receiving end of racism in one form or another. Blacking up in the past was humour for white people at the expense of people of colour. I can absolutely see why she is offended. It's easy for people to dismiss something as 'pc gone mad' when they don't have first hand experience of regularly being on the receiving end of it.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"she sounds up her own arse

Hes white hes indian black chinese ??

Who gives a fuck.

Like i said before i dont see colour or race.

I see people for who they are.

Too many people making issues where there usually isnt any ?

Starting the politically correctness fight when half the time theres no fight to be had in the first place ?

Just so they are seen as some delusional crusader.

I thought you would say turn the other cheek

My bum cheek

Just wait till I tell your dad

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Ok, so she's a mum with two mixed race kids who have probably been on the receiving end of racism in one form or another. Blacking up in the past was humour for white people at the expense of people of colour. I can absolutely see why she is offended. It's easy for people to dismiss something as 'pc gone mad' when they don't have first hand experience of regularly being on the receiving end of it. "

I am fed up of being told I am being offended for the sake of it by people who have not had my experiences. Or, given the examples of other black people who are happy to take the piss out of the whole thing and assume that means we should all behave like that. You can guess what I think of that.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Did anyone else listen to the to sir with love programs on BBC 4 extra ... So heartbreaking .. and not like the film

spoiler .. a heartwarming ending

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

OP, if the friendship is important it will stand the test of time. All friends fall out over silly stuff at different times and you just have to let a bit of time pass and get past it. The closest friends are family you have chosen. Family makes up, often without talking about it all but just getting back to doing the normal stuff together.

Make it a big deal and it becomes a big deal. Involving other people who know your friend (who are 'advising' you to not apologise) is a recipe for making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. It's much harder to go back to being normal when people are calling your name behind your back. Stop posting about any of it on Facebook!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I agree with lickety about the Facebook posts ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

absolutely this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, if the friendship is important it will stand the test of time. All friends fall out over silly stuff at different times and you just have to let a bit of time pass and get past it. The closest friends are family you have chosen. Family makes up, often without talking about it all but just getting back to doing the normal stuff together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she sounds up her own arse

Hes white hes indian black chinese ??

Who gives a fuck.

Like i said before i dont see colour or race.

I see people for who they are.

Too many people making issues where there usually isnt any ?

Starting the politically correctness fight when half the time theres no fight to be had in the first place ?

Just so they are seen as some delusional crusader."

or it's just funny

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

Don't apologise for what you said, but apologise for upsetting her. Explain how you meant it and leave it at that.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

First Jesus .. then Christos .. anyone on here called holly ghost?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First Jesus .. then Christos .. anyone on here called holly ghost?

alomost

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"First Jesus .. then Christos .. anyone on here called holly ghost?

alomost"

A ghostly (almost) lurker.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

the play Hamilton had black people playing white people and white people playing black slaves which is contriversal.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

[Removed by poster at 22/02/17 22:41:49]

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"the play Hamilton had black people playing white people and white people playing black slaves which is contriversal. "

No one thought it at all controversial when for hundreds of years white men have played Othello. Double standards even with acting it would seem. Ira Aldridge was driven out of London for being a black man playing a black man.

It's acting not making fun of something. There is a difference.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-the-hamilton-casting-call-for-non-white-actors-is-not-reverse-racism_us_56fd2c83e4b0daf53aeed9b9

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"
.

So are you offended by somebody dressing up as Mr t and blacking their face?

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

"I proberbly wouldn't talk to someone again if they thought that blacking up for a fancy dress party was acceptable, to be honest."

Aye. The fact that so few of you can't see that blacking up in any context disturbs me somewhat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hopefully this thing can resolve itself as you have been friends for so long, that it's not worth losing each other over a simple Facebook post.

Dressing up as Mr T is fine - blacking up is not.

To emulate something which a person has no control over ie skin colour, is not a very nice thing to do. Would you skew your eyes to appear Chinese? Would you dress up as blind person or an amputee? Impersonate a person with Downs Syndrome?

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste.

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste. "
.

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?"

People's personal feelings. We're quite lucky in this country of our equality laws but prejudice and discrimination can creep in.

The amount I have to put up with due to my skin colour and ethnicity I wouldn't wish upon anyone. To be profiled on the kind of person you MIGHT be due to your skin colour isn't nice. This is both in my personal life and my time on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste. .

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?"

Ah. You're one of those people who say "laws are equal now, stop complaining" as if changing the law automatically stops people treating others poorly.

Well, it's illegal to drive while using a mobile phone, but pricks still do it. Regularly.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"the play Hamilton had black people playing white people and white people playing black slaves which is contriversal.

It's acting not making fun of something. There is a difference.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-the-hamilton-casting-call-for-non-white-actors-is-not-reverse-racism_us_56fd2c83e4b0daf53aeed9b9

recently Michael Jacksons daughter complained about a comedy where the actor of her father was white.

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By *oxesMan
over a year ago

Southend, Essex

"the play Hamilton had black people playing white people and white people playing black slaves which is contriversal.

It's acting not making fun of something. There is a difference.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-the-hamilton-casting-call-for-non-white-actors-is-not-reverse-racism_us_56fd2c83e4b0daf53aeed9b9

recently Michael Jacksons daughter complained about a comedy where the actor of her father was white."

* actor playing her father was white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you value your friendship, I'd try to resolve it. If they mean nothing to you, don't bother as your other friends have said.

If only ever apologise to someone I cared about.

It sounds like you've a long history and you know if she's took it the wrong way or not. maybe they're a sensitive soul too, and thought you meant something you didn't. Hope you can sort it out.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"Now I'm aware theres gonna be divided opinion on this subject and its not so much the foundation topic I am interested in your opinions on. Its the 'apologising'

Ive fallen out with my best friend of 17 years to the point she is ignoring my texts (she lives on my street but I darent go round!)

My other friends have told me not to dare apologise as I only asked a question but I'm a soft soul and feel awful. What would you do? "

as your post was clearly apart of and a by product of your chat with your friend you cross a line ,

op I cant believe you can not see how posting what you did disrespected her and kind of said in a back handed way I'm not happy with what your doing and I'm looking for reassurance of my unhappiness over what your doing in the eyes of others .

even this post she could view as a disrespectful act towards her and yes your friendship ,

a friendship is a friendship it should not be disrespected when its on going nor should it be disrespected when its in trouble or on the rocks .

after reading those words op do you think by discussing your friendship with strangers could be seen by the other person in that friendship as disrespectful .

I feel your pain op but in my opinion you should have sent a couple of messages when she didn't respond you should have asked her what you did wrong . if that message was unanswered you should have back off for a week or two allowing things to calm down them send one last messaging say hay missed our chats how are you .

no response from that message you move on respecting your friends choice to drop you from there circle of friends .

this post I'm sorry to say op does you no credit in my opinion for reasons I've already outlined in this post,

I wish you all the best and truly hope she can see past the behaviour that has upset her but that's her decision op never yours .

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?

People's personal feelings. We're quite lucky in this country of our equality laws but prejudice and discrimination can creep in.

Well yes I agree with you that some people have prejudices and probably some people will forever?, I've felt that myself through my religious beliefs but it brings me back to what I said originally about somebody doing fancy dress as the pope some will be offended some won't, it probably comes down to intent and wether one thinks the person has alternative motives than impersonation

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Depends on the value you place on the friendship.

If it's important, you should do everything in your power to fix it. Try and explain what you meant face to face rather than by text/email.

People who say you should never apologise are talking bollocks, sometimes you need to do whatever is right for the bigger picture...

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste. .

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?

Ah. You're one of those people who say "laws are equal now, stop complaining" as if changing the law automatically stops people treating others poorly.

Well, it's illegal to drive while using a mobile phone, but pricks still do it. Regularly."
.

No I don't think I wrote anybody should stop "complaining"?.

"Your one of those people"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others. "

I disagree with your opinion that seeing people as people and not a skin colour is disrespectful.

But you're entitled to your opinion and thought process as others are theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste. .

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?

Ah. You're one of those people who say "laws are equal now, stop complaining" as if changing the law automatically stops people treating others poorly.

Well, it's illegal to drive while using a mobile phone, but pricks still do it. Regularly..

No I don't think I wrote anybody should stop "complaining"?.

"Your one of those people"

If you weren't one of those people, you wouldn't have pointed out that the law says we're equal, while seemingly suggesting that peoples feelings aren't valid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on the value you place on the friendship.

If it's important, you should do everything in your power to fix it. Try and explain what you meant face to face rather than by text/email.

People who say you should never apologise are talking bollocks, sometimes you need to do whatever is right for the bigger picture..."

Anything can be sorted out if a friendship is strong.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

I disagree with your opinion that seeing people as people and not a skin colour is disrespectful.

But you're entitled to your opinion and thought process as others are theirs.

I don't recall suggesting people were not 'entitled' to an opinion. I also don't recall asking for Mine to be validated by anyone.

Not seeing the differences in people is not the solution to discrimination. We should celebrate differences. Learn about them and understand them.

Not seeing skin colour is the equivalent if sweeping history under the rug of life. For a lot of people the history of their skin colour is hugely important to them and so to say it doesn't register with you is disrespectful whether you agree with it or not.

You may think you are being all modern and accepting of differences but you really aren't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I'm not sure I'd have put a status on Facebook about it.

Most importantly, it's your best friend of 17 years, just go and hug her. There's nothing worth falling out about, let alone what someone wants to dress up as for a party. Put it into perspective. Life is far too short.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

I disagree with your opinion that seeing people as people and not a skin colour is disrespectful.

But you're entitled to your opinion and thought process as others are theirs.

I don't recall suggesting people were not 'entitled' to an opinion. I also don't recall asking for Mine to be validated by anyone.

Not seeing the differences in people is not the solution to discrimination. We should celebrate differences. Learn about them and understand them.

You may think you are being all modern and accepting of differences but you really aren't."

Sorry I dissagree with your views.

But their your views and you are entitled to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the Facebook status is what's pissed her off most, you've gone very public over something allowing others to comment. Maybe you should have just said nothing, if you as you say didn't have an issue with it, then you should have just left it and see what happened at the party.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

I disagree with your opinion that seeing people as people and not a skin colour is disrespectful.

But you're entitled to your opinion and thought process as others are theirs.

I don't recall suggesting people were not 'entitled' to an opinion. I also don't recall asking for Mine to be validated by anyone.

Not seeing the differences in people is not the solution to discrimination. We should celebrate differences. Learn about them and understand them.

You may think you are being all modern and accepting of differences but you really aren't."

I think that's maybe a little harsh to assume that just because people choose to not see colour that they're somewhat in the wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

I disagree with your opinion that seeing people as people and not a skin colour is disrespectful.

But you're entitled to your opinion and thought process as others are theirs.

I don't recall suggesting people were not 'entitled' to an opinion. I also don't recall asking for Mine to be validated by anyone.

Not seeing the differences in people is not the solution to discrimination. We should celebrate differences. Learn about them and understand them.

You may think you are being all modern and accepting of differences but you really aren't.

I think that's maybe a little harsh to assume that just because people choose to not see colour that they're somewhat in the wrong."

Thankyou

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Regardless of all this arguing about skin colour and blah blah blah, your friend would look pretty shit as a white Mr T if she dosnt put on some brown.

How is anyone supposed to know she is Mr T and not some Eddie hall gym wanna be..

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others. "

When I sat on interview panels I'd always mark down anyone who responded to the equality question with "I treat everybody the same regardless" as it showed lack of understanding.

That means they'd be unable to provide reasonable adjustments as they'd treat everyone the same. Not provide braille for the blind, vegetarian options for catering, check meetings are not scheduled during school holidays etc.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Wouldn't bother me personally.

I wouldnt find it offensive.

Just the same as i wouldn't find it offensive if a black person whitened their face and pretended to be white ?

Maybe its because i dont look at people as a skin colour?

This is my exact feeling too.

Shall we get married ?

Not seeing someone's skin colour is massively disrespectful of their racial and cultural heritage.

I'd suffer the OP reads up on the history of 'blacking up' to discover why it is offensive to your friend and many others.

When I sat on interview panels I'd always mark down anyone who responded to the equality question with "I treat everybody the same regardless" as it showed lack of understanding.

exactly, or facilitate leave for different religious festivals that dont fit with this countries 'traditional' ones. When i was a manager i had staff who celebrated Eid. I always allowed them to take leave at that time regardless of who else was off because i understood how important it was to them. they also repaid the favour by working over Christmas to allow their colleagues to have time off (we worked 24/7, 365 days a year).

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

We haven't yet become the society where everyone is treated equally so to take skin colour as joke is in very poor taste. .

I don't follow that logic

Perhaps you could point me to a law thats racist by definition or intent?.

Or are you just talking about people's personal feelings?.

In this case of fancy dress, somebody is attempting to impersonate a black guy (they happen to be female) where's the joke?

Ah. You're one of those people who say "laws are equal now, stop complaining" as if changing the law automatically stops people treating others poorly.

Well, it's illegal to drive while using a mobile phone, but pricks still do it. Regularly..

No I don't think I wrote anybody should stop "complaining"?.

"Your one of those people"

If you weren't one of those people, you wouldn't have pointed out that the law says we're equal, while seemingly suggesting that peoples feelings aren't valid."
.

I pointed that out because as a society we are equal before the law, individually some are flawed with prejudice?.

There's some proper racism out there in society I agree, white/black black/white white/Asian Indian/Pakistani etc etc etc.

We are all still equal before the law though!.

For most black people equality problems are not in the main racial but economical, it seems to me that instead of bringing black people up economically were just dragging white people down and creating equality that way.

Whoop whoop were all equal in poverty.

If you travel through the third world you hardly ever encounter racism