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Sub, Dom or pleaser?

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By *itmanAndHerr OP   Couple
over a year ago

st helens

Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature? "

I'm naturally submissive, I like to please.

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By *itmanAndHerr OP   Couple
over a year ago

st helens


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature?

I'm naturally submissive, I like to please. "

That could work well for us. Haha

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature? "

most of the time as a dom I'm a pleaser playing by guild lines set out before hand which ive agreed to because it worked for me at the time .

i stopped spanking and caning basically all impact play at parties because although on a superficial level it was fun it wasn't truly my scenario my rules so i stopped giving others what they wanted of me .

for the last almost two years I've took on no new play partners because the truth is I've not been inspired to D anyone once I've met them in the flesh on a social because i didn't feel they were for me .

all play I've had in them two years has been kinky but I've not played in d mind-set think just dominate and encouraging .

two true subs on here are helping me by being my friend making no demands on me in the process as they help me work through this empathy a feel for the dynamic that I truly love and need to fill sexually fulfilled .

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally "

oh my god do i understand those lines selfish subs draining my skills and energy wish i had written it myself in that way .

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature?

I'm naturally submissive, I like to please. "

Well Hello Ms B

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature?

I'm naturally submissive, I like to please. "

I'm naturally more submissive than I am dominant but that doesn't make me a sub.

I like pleasing but that needs to be reciprocal.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Have slightly assertive tendencies, whilst play at a superficial level can be fun.... it doesn't have the same dynamic as full play...

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

this is gonna sound weird but i'm naturally submissive (while i weigh people up) until i feel confident i can dominate them and then i'm naturally dominant.

some people, like my sister who i care for a lot and is sensitive in nature, i happily submit for her, not sexually obviously but i know if i dominate over someone like her she'd not like it and it'd be upsetting. so some people i just will not ever feel like i could dominate them.

idk if that makes sense? i'm talking personality here mostly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you OP. I do understand what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes we engage in conversations with people who know specifically what they want. They want to dominate you or be your sub. Obviously there are greater and lesser degrees of both.

We don't see ourselves as either so find it difficult to agree to play the role before we've met because what feels right with one person might not feel right with another. If the sub/Dom scenario is something our meet really wants then we prefer to get to know that person and see if the requested role feels natural. We always try to please as we like all involved to have as much fun as possible but it has to feel natural. So far we have only met other pleasers.

I hope this makes sense.

We're just wondering what the forums thoughts and experiences are.

Do you understand where we are coming from? Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature? "

So nice to read that other people need to talk and have brains they use. Thank you.

I'm me. I like to be exactly who I am when I meet someone for the first time, be it social or sexual.

I need to feel there is a degree of honesty, trust and an attraction or lust to who I am as myself as. And that what someone is telling me, isn't because it's what they think I want to hear, but because it's what they want.

Once I've got that feeling, usually after a sexual meet or two.. I can slip into any role I like. Dom, sub, teacher, student, thug, bad boy, innocent boy etc.

Not to please another, to please myself and others. I enjoy being kinky, but it's a vulnerable position to be in. I'm not a dominant person, but I've watched enough and tried it enough to do it quite well.. But I draw lines at bats, restraints and what I'd consider excessive pain. I've got to enjoy things as much as everyone else.. Or I'll pull plug just like anyone else would.

Strokes for folks.. Which is why being able to communicate honestly will help all involved have great sex instead of awkward, but awkward can be more exciting than none.. So never give up lol

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By *itmanAndHerr OP   Couple
over a year ago

st helens


"this is gonna sound weird but i'm naturally submissive (while i weigh people up) until i feel confident i can dominate them and then i'm naturally dominant.

some people, like my sister who i care for a lot and is sensitive in nature, i happily submit for her, not sexually obviously but i know if i dominate over someone like her she'd not like it and it'd be upsetting. so some people i just will not ever feel like i could dominate them.

idk if that makes sense? i'm talking personality here mostly."

This makes perfect sense and is exactly where we are coming from.

Whether you are dominant or dominated depends on the personality of the other person. Any other approach would be play acting.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"this is gonna sound weird but i'm naturally submissive (while i weigh people up) until i feel confident i can dominate them and then i'm naturally dominant.

some people, like my sister who i care for a lot and is sensitive in nature, i happily submit for her, not sexually obviously but i know if i dominate over someone like her she'd not like it and it'd be upsetting. so some people i just will not ever feel like i could dominate them.

idk if that makes sense? i'm talking personality here mostly.

This makes perfect sense and is exactly where we are coming from.

Whether you are dominant or dominated depends on the personality of the other person. Any other approach would be play acting."

oh right.

i do enjoy role play as well. tended to feel like i was always role playing dominant with my last ex, even though he thought he was submissive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess I can switch. I am naturally dominating but I do like to be submissive now and then too.

Eve. X

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"this is gonna sound weird but i'm naturally submissive (while i weigh people up) until i feel confident i can dominate them and then i'm naturally dominant.

some people, like my sister who i care for a lot and is sensitive in nature, i happily submit for her, not sexually obviously but i know if i dominate over someone like her she'd not like it and it'd be upsetting. so some people i just will not ever feel like i could dominate them.

idk if that makes sense? i'm talking personality here mostly.

This makes perfect sense and is exactly where we are coming from.

Whether you are dominant or dominated depends on the personality of the other person. Any other approach would be play acting."

Yup, I don't ever do that. I have a strong personality and I am used to directing in my professional life, but I seek he who's persona makes me want to be submissive to him.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Are you strictly a sub or Dom? Are you a pleaser? Do you role play or is it your nature? "

Nothing I do is role play, it is who I am but that is complex and complicated. I switch but have a natural dominance. I Domme men but I favour submissive women. Those who deserve my full submission (and are capable of it) are very very rare and complicated themselves. One man so far succeeded, I'm hoping I've found another but only time will tell (and doing my homework like a good girl lol). I'm open to finding a Domme. I am a pleaser in all ways and I have little tolerance of selfish people, dom sub or otherwise.

An interesting question OP.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

oh my god do i understand those lines selfish subs draining my skills and energy wish i had written it myself in that way ."

Yep me too!

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By *itmanAndHerr OP   Couple
over a year ago

st helens


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

oh my god do i understand those lines selfish subs draining my skills and energy wish i had written it myself in that way .

Yep me too! "

Is it not true that there are equally selfish doms? Or is this a common trait with serious subs?

Sorry if that is a silly question. I'm starting to see this as more complicated than I first thought.

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

oh my god do i understand those lines selfish subs draining my skills and energy wish i had written it myself in that way .

Yep me too!

Is it not true that there are equally selfish doms? Or is this a common trait with serious subs?

Sorry if that is a silly question. I'm starting to see this as more complicated than I first thought. "

My post immediately above this one said I have little tolerance of selfish people dom sub or otherwise - selfishness is a trait in some humans, who can be of any persuasion

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

I'd say i'm gravitating towards being more selfish, and tend to only want to meet lady pleasers.

They're surprised they get anything back from me as well, which might say something about selfish dommes? I'll ask them about it, bt submissive lady pleasers probably are different to submissives, where i feel it is more about their pleasure and you controlling that (but getting something out of this yourself too).

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"I'd say i'm gravitating towards being more selfish, and tend to only want to meet lady pleasers.

They're surprised they get anything back from me as well, which might say something about selfish dommes? I'll ask them about it, bt submissive lady pleasers probably are different to submissives, where i feel it is more about their pleasure and you controlling that (but getting something out of this yourself too)."

It's funny but submissive men do little for me sexually so even if they're an unselfish lady pleaser it doesn't float my boat. A dominant lady pleaser though...swoon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i love to please but everything else can swing either way

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•


"I'd say i'm gravitating towards being more selfish, and tend to only want to meet lady pleasers.

They're surprised they get anything back from me as well, which might say something about selfish dommes? I'll ask them about it, bt submissive lady pleasers probably are different to submissives, where i feel it is more about their pleasure and you controlling that (but getting something out of this yourself too).

It's funny but submissive men do little for me sexually so even if they're an unselfish lady pleaser it doesn't float my boat. A dominant lady pleaser though...swoon "

i'm just more comfortable around submissive men and feel like i can be me.

didn't even know there were dominant pleasers, learned something new today.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton

I'm a submissive. I err on the princess/brat side but although I push boundaries I'm only truly at peace when I am mentally dominated. I could play at being dominant if it pleased Sir (it wouldn't) but I'm not a switch. I can top and enjoy it, as long as I'm collared and know my will is guided by his. I do worry that my submission is a burden sometimes, I'd hate to think it made me selfish. Hmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally "

What do you mean by this? Can you give generic examples please? I don't want to inadvertently be like that and not know about it!

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoy both Sub and Dom, but nothing very extreme at all. I'm a natural switch, but only ever do it in a fun flirty day, never seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally "

Dom....but can completely understand the
"bottom but not submit mentally "
but only for certain people...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whatever is fun at the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone else see themselves as neither sub or dom? We both just enjoy sex and see ourselves both on an equal level, we try and enjoythings that may well fit within the D/S spectrum but would never label ourselves as such.

I do find it really annoying when talking to someone and they come out with things such as me enjoying being bent over for sex is mysub side coming out - no it just feels bloody amazing.

Ginger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does anyone else see themselves as neither sub or dom? We both just enjoy sex and see ourselves both on an equal level, we try and enjoythings that may well fit within the D/S spectrum but would never label ourselves as such.

I do find it really annoying when talking to someone and they come out with things such as me enjoying being bent over for sex is mysub side coming out - no it just feels bloody amazing.

Ginger"

this

i'm neither really, i probably can be one or the other if the time is right for it, but i'm neither of those things at the same time, it's just a bit of a sliding scale i'm on, normally hovering right about the middle. i don't like marking a little box out for myself really, i'm all and nothing at the same time.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i am a willing compliant sub (with slave tendencies) to the right Dom in a structured D/s dynamic.

what i like best sexually comes out at this level of play.

i don't play casually with kink.

and i dont sub to women.

I have had a long term sub in the past, but its rare i found one i wanted to put in the time with, as i wouldnt do this casually either. im into the psychological aspects too much and the empowerment of another and the responsibility of such trust, to just role play.

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By *eviant and BemusedCouple
over a year ago

Burton


"i am a willing compliant sub (with slave tendencies) to the right Dom in a structured D/s dynamic.

what i like best sexually comes out at this level of play.

i don't play casually with kink.

and i dont sub to women.

I have had a long term sub in the past, but its rare i found one i wanted to put in the time with, as i wouldnt do this casually either. im into the psychological aspects too much and the empowerment of another and the responsibility of such trust, to just role play."

Hell yes

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"i am a willing compliant sub (with slave tendencies) to the right Dom in a structured D/s dynamic.

what i like best sexually comes out at this level of play.

i don't play casually with kink.

and i dont sub to women.

I have had a long term sub in the past, but its rare i found one i wanted to put in the time with, as i wouldnt do this casually either. im into the psychological aspects too much and the empowerment of another and the responsibility of such trust, to just role play.

Hell yes "
why thankyou

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By *eatrice!Woman
over a year ago

Wales

Sub at the moment I'm a 24/7 sub for my master

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

What do you mean by this? Can you give generic examples please? I don't want to inadvertently be like that and not know about it!

Ruby"

I've had selfish private subs of all genders, so it's not exclusive. They want the mind fuck, the sub space, all the toys and fabulous activities, try to top from the bottom etc. They want it to all be about them and their pleasure while receiving it like a spoilt cat/sack of spuds. Professionally, I'm more relaxed about kinky shopping lists but in my private life, I want subs who accepts and respects that I'm in charge. I enjoy pleasing but I expect to be pleased foremost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real life I'm easy going but in private I'm dom finding more about my needs and needs of others .

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Domme.

But returned to it professionally as tired of selfish subs draining my skills and energy. Can't switch though. Can bottom but not submit mentally

What do you mean by this? Can you give generic examples please? I don't want to inadvertently be like that and not know about it!

Ruby

I've had selfish private subs of all genders, so it's not exclusive. They want the mind fuck, the sub space, all the toys and fabulous activities, try to top from the bottom etc. They want it to all be about them and their pleasure while receiving it like a spoilt cat/sack of spuds. Professionally, I'm more relaxed about kinky shopping lists but in my private life, I want subs who accepts and respects that I'm in charge. I enjoy pleasing but I expect to be pleased foremost. "

well put I have feeling such sentiment will be miss interpreted by manly on here and if I guy said just a thing I have no doubt it would be ripped apart by many .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dom pleasers

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