FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes

By *ottsguy44 OP Man
over a year ago

nottinghamshire

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

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By *ottsguy44 OP Man
over a year ago

nottinghamshire

woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Would you like to buy some?’ ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman. ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’

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By *ndie_pairCouple
over a year ago

blackpool

What do gay horses eat?? Haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man logs on to fab swingers and finds 10 messages all from women!

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By *ottsguy44 OP Man
over a year ago

nottinghamshire

I found a hole in my trainer the other day, big enough to get my finger in..

She's made an official complaint and my gym membership has now been suspended.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do gay horses eat?? Haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy"

What do 3 gay horses eat?

Hay hay haaayyyy

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By *he_Raggedy_DoctorMan
over a year ago

Some where in West Sussex

Man walks into a bar

Ouch

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

More chat up than joke but funny

Are you my wee toe?

Cos I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur .... Adoyouthinkhesaurus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a one eyed dinosaur .... Adoyouthinkhesaurus "

Or the lesbian dinosaur.....Lickalotopuss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a one eyed dinosaur .... Adoyouthinkhesaurus

Or the lesbian dinosaur.....Lickalotopuss "

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

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By *night690Man
over a year ago

notts

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet £50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back in a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you £100

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says "What are you fooling around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pyjamas off I'm gonna fuck it"

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

A duck walks into a bar and orders a burger and a pint. The barman is shocked, but serves him.

"You know," he tells the duck, "I could get you a great job. In a circus"

The duck calmly drinks his pint before asking, "A circus? you mean, the kind of place where they put animals in cages and make them jump through flaming hoops?"

"Well, yes," the barman admits. "But it pays really well."

The duck has another think. "Isn't the circus that place in a tent with a pole up the middle and a hole on top?"

The barman nods.

"Hm," the duck says. "What the fuck would they need a plasterer for?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More chat up than joke but funny

Are you my wee toe?

Cos I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house!"

Someone messaged me that yesterday lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Man logs on to fab swingers and finds 10 messages all from women!"

That's not a joke, just a statistical improbability.

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By *aughtybooyMan
over a year ago

maidstone

How do you make lady ga ga cry?

Poke er face!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the Irish cat?

Had a shit then buried itself.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

How do you know when you've had Gay Burglars?

Before they leave, they'll have tidied up the house and done the dusting!

(I'll get my coat!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

Haha good 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the differece between a g spot and a golf ball??

A bloke will actually search for a golf ball

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

How to find out your filthy whore name .. write down your mother's name ... Then her maiden name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms??

Ones a goodyear, ones a great year!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a pub and on the bar is a jack Russell terrier reading the racing section of the paper

What's with the dog,he asks the barman?

He's studying form,replies the barman,he's an expert on horse racing, predicts every winner without fail.

He's for sale if you're interested, twenty quid to you.

Your on, says the man, hands over a twenty, picks the dog up and walks out the pub.

Landlords mate comes over and says,what did you sell that dog so cheap for if it's so good at predicting winners?

Not my dog, says the barman, his owners in the toilet!

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By *night690Man
over a year ago

notts

woman answers a knock on the door, with only a towel wrapped around her. The man at the door says he would give her £500 to drop her towel. .....she obliges and the man walks off with a huge smile on his face. As she closes the door, her husband shouts from the kitchen "was that Gary dropping of the £500 he owed me?"

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By *night690Man
over a year ago

notts

Three fathers are talking about their sons. The first father says, "my sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini". The second father said, "my sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht". The third father says, "my sons the CEO of a big company. He's so rich he just bought his best friend a castle". Right then, a fourth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?" The fouth father says, "well my sons a gay stripper." The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed." The fourth father replies with, "well not really, he's doing really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a yacht, and a castle."

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

I once had a one night stand with a beautiful woman who happened to be an Optician. We went out and had a great evening, so much so that she invited me back to her place.

Inevitably, we ended up in bed but the sex was disappointing because she kept muttering throughout the whole act. Every few seconds into my ear,she would ask "Is it better like this or like that?"

I'll get my own coat on the way out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Man logs on to fab swingers and finds 10 messages all from women!"

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

What do you call a Serbian prostitute?

Sloberdownmecockyoubitch

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By *azkinsWoman
over a year ago

leeds

A bear goes into a bar and says "can I have 2 beers a packet of crisps and .........(wait 2mins).The barman says

" why the long pause"? I'm a

F***ing bear was the reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bill and Ben in bed.

Bill says "flob a lob"

Ben says "swallow it down ya soft bastard!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BBC NEWS

- Suicide Bombers Go On Strike

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FUNNIER WHEN COPIED & PASTED ON2 SOMEBODYS FB TIMELINE...

Hey sorry, I had to post this here but I tried to call you and I can't get a hold of you, and you didn't respond to my text. I found the information that you asked me about.... It's called pruritus anusitis, in other words itching anal - it's quite common and is not dangerous. It can happen if you don't wipe your bum properly. It can also be a sign of hemorrhoids in or near your sphincter, I still recommend you go see the doctor. Wash it and keep it really clean and also wash your hands before you scratch, that way you don't get pink eye like last time. If kept clean, the anal odor should be bearable. I hope my answer helped you.

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

2 bags of vomit walking down the road .one says to the other one . why are you crying. .other one says. I was brought up round here

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By *idan31Man
over a year ago

ashby

Woman from next door came round complaining that her underwear was being stolen from her washing line and she was thinking about going to the police.

I nearly shit in her knickers.

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

I had some good news from the Doctor about my penis turning yellow, he advised me not to watch porn whilst eating cheesy wotsits

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By *night690Man
over a year ago

notts

Pulled a gypsy bird last night, she asked me did I want to go back to hers for a good time, she wasn't fucking kidding!

I went on the dodgems,waltzer,ghost train and went home with a gold fish...

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By *ommyfuckerMan
over a year ago

Southport

Do You know what the donkeys on Blackpool pleasure beach have for their dinner ..............

An hour !

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By *ommyfuckerMan
over a year ago

Southport

Do You know what the donkeys on Blackpool pleasure beach have for their dinner ..............

An hour !

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