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Life vs Work

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

For some people work is life and it sounds like you two have different perspectives. For the sake of your child and relationship you need to work out what you can each compromise on.

Generally, our epitaph isn't about work but for a few their work changes lives and the world.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No, we've never been in quite that situation but at times in our life work or family has meant that one or the other of us has needed to be less available emotionally and physically. The way we deal with it is by the less busy person supporting the more busy person in various ways so they have more free time. The way we look on it is that we're likely to both need such support at different times in life. There's no substitute for negotiation and communication in situations like this.

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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Work sometimes takes over and thats when you "NEED" make time for each other. As much as you dont want to argue, you do need to talk about it , weather its what the other person wants to hear or not as the longer its kept as it it the more problems it causes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Marc is similar about his work. It's not just what he does - it's who he is.

Years ago, when we were dating, it was a pretty contentious issue between us. But we had a few talks and he's since learned to have a balance that works for us both. But then we also don't have children, which helps because they can take up quite a bit of time.

Maybe you guys just need to sit down and have a proper discussion. You also have to realize that your partner puts time into their work because they enjoy it/believe in it. If you just view it as "work vs life" then you're stripping work of the importance that your partner clearly places on it. Meet in the middle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life has always been my priority. Even more so now, as I realised I started to get dragged into the working system again. I don't shy from work as we all have our books to pay or that thing you need.

But seriously, money doesn't make me happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My philosophy is, you work to live, not live to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For many years I put work before life and where did it get me....?

Right Here!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"For many years I put work before life and where did it get me....?

Right Here! "

Weren't you alive while you were working Soxy?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think there are times in all our lives when work is a primary focus. Someone else telling you it isn't that important is meaningless as it is important to you at that point. It may not always be the most important thing forever but it's a lesson you can only learn on your own.

Look how miserable many of us are when we are stripped of the ability to work and how content we are when we choose to have work as a lower priority or to leave it behind us.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"My philosophy is, you work to live, not live to work"

Oh very true..but often we got carried away.

In 1999 I attended an interview and the interviewer asked if I'm the type who wants an easy life.

My answer is yes and I'm very committed to work very hard to achieve an easy life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For many years I put work before life and where did it get me....?

Right Here!

Weren't you alive while you were working Soxy? "

I'm truth I had the perfect career where I loved every single minute to a point where it never felt like work .....

I wouldn't change any of it ....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"For many years I put work before life and where did it get me....?

Right Here!

Weren't you alive while you were working Soxy?

I'm truth I had the perfect career where I loved every single minute to a point where it never felt like work .....

I wouldn't change any of it .... "

lucky thing.

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By *et-shortyMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"For many years I put work before life and where did it get me....?

Right Here!

Weren't you alive while you were working Soxy?

I'm truth I had the perfect career where I loved every single minute to a point where it never felt like work .....

I wouldn't change any of it .... "
.

I get paid well to do what in reality is a hobby, every day I think how lucky I've been but on the same side I've also worked very hard and committed alot of my time to it, where the line of work/life is for me is very blurred

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I worked very hard to get where I wanted. My ex-husband afforded me the time to devout to work. At one point he worked nights to enable me to progress.

I landed my dream job. My boss had a meeting at the Cabinet Office, really important and asked if I could come in at 7.30 to finalise a few bits. That night when I got home all my kids were sick. After a fretful night I phoned my husband to say I had to go into work early, he got home at 8 and I'd go to work.

I drove to work with tears in my eyes feeling the worst mum ever, but convinced myself they'd be okay and I was doing it for them.

I got into work but my boss wasn't there. 8am came and went, 9...and the Cabinet Office called and I made his excuses but was worried about him, this was the days before everyone had mobiles.

Midday he called. His dog was sick and he'd taken it to the vet. I remember bursting into tears after hanging up. I'd left three kids in bed sick to come to work yet my boss had blown everyone out for a fucking dog!

Turning point for me: work never came before my family again. This was twenty years ago and I still feel guilty.

Having a good work ethic is fine, but family is more important. Talk to each other before it's too late.

Good luck to you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my job, but sometimes it takes much more of my time than i'd like, but i want to progress and have a career, so sometimes work has to take priority but when it does we ensure that our family time that we have is extra special. I'd struggle if i didn't have a supportive husband when work takes over..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless your in Dire Straits, work should not rule. At times sacrifices have to be made to meet deadlines, covering for someone etc. Again people will be where they want to be. (Work it out).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all for your replies. I am working for my father and love my job helping him build his business which will one day be mine. But I have always stood by the fact I will not let it overrule my life. We are both working similar hours a week but it's the shifts and days she has to work that is the problem. I understand there is not much she can do about that but to me the problem relies on the fact she is not taking control of the situation and trying to do something about it. I know I am not the only one around her that has noticed this and a few family members are as worried as I am. Knowing it is ruining our relationship and has affected the bond with her son, hopefully she wakes up soon and tries to fix the situation

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks all for your replies. I am working for my father and love my job helping him build his business which will one day be mine. But I have always stood by the fact I will not let it overrule my life. We are both working similar hours a week but it's the shifts and days she has to work that is the problem. I understand there is not much she can do about that but to me the problem relies on the fact she is not taking control of the situation and trying to do something about it. I know I am not the only one around her that has noticed this and a few family members are as worried as I am. Knowing it is ruining our relationship and has affected the bond with her son, hopefully she wakes up soon and tries to fix the situation "

Does she know how you feel? Why do you feel that the problem is hers rather than yours or a joint concern if you're both working similar hours? Why do you feel its up to her to fix the situation when it doesn't appear that you've discussed it with her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Marc is similar about his work. It's not just what he does - it's who he is.

Years ago, when we were dating, it was a pretty contentious issue between us. But we had a few talks and he's since learned to have a balance that works for us both. But then we also don't have children, which helps because they can take up quite a bit of time.

Maybe you guys just need to sit down and have a proper discussion. You also have to realize that your partner puts time into their work because they enjoy it/believe in it. If you just view it as "work vs life" then you're stripping work of the importance that your partner clearly places on it. Meet in the middle. "

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire

Working 2 jobs can be tough, ive had periods when ive work 6/7 days a week for months at a time, but my thought at the time was purely finance focused (as any extra was going towards getting me out of debt sooner).

I have an understanding with my boss that if shes stuck and theres no one else to work then if im free ill do it, but if she doesnt need me one week then she doesnt put me in. Im one that feels loyal to my work/bosses because they have been so good to me in tough times. But i enjoy my work so its never too bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?"

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

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By *imited 3EditionCouple
over a year ago

Live in Scotland Play in England


"I worked very hard to get where I wanted. My ex-husband afforded me the time to devout to work. At one point he worked nights to enable me to progress.

I landed my dream job. My boss had a meeting at the Cabinet Office, really important and asked if I could come in at 7.30 to finalise a few bits. That night when I got home all my kids were sick. After a fretful night I phoned my husband to say I had to go into work early, he got home at 8 and I'd go to work.

I drove to work with tears in my eyes feeling the worst mum ever, but convinced myself they'd be okay and I was doing it for them.

I got into work but my boss wasn't there. 8am came and went, 9...and the Cabinet Office called and I made his excuses but was worried about him, this was the days before everyone had mobiles.

Midday he called. His dog was sick and he'd taken it to the vet. I remember bursting into tears after hanging up. I'd left three kids in bed sick to come to work yet my boss had blown everyone out for a fucking dog!

Turning point for me: work never came before my family again. This was twenty years ago and I still feel guilty.

Having a good work ethic is fine, but family is more important. Talk to each other before it's too late.

Good luck to you both."

Wow, there is so much in this one story! A great lesson learned.. thanks for sharing.

I'm still at a point where I allow work/life boundaries to be blurred. I see others walk away without a care while I know I care too much about doing a good job to walk away at critical points.

I think I am cursed with being a perfectionist and it really makes my personal life suffer!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I barely work as it is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/02/17 07:26:21]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

"

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work 29 days out of 31

Weekdays in the office

Weekends from home

It can become very draining

Thankfully I have a partner who accepts it

His over riding concern is my health

I have recently brought it to the attention of my employers who have

a) promised change and

b) asked me to sign a document saying my recent health issues are not work related

I am looking elsewhere, but finding a similar salary with less accompanying shit is proving difficult

The 7 day a week culture we now have as a nation doesn't help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dream job is a part time one!

Moderation in everything we do is the key!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I work 29 days out of 31

Weekdays in the office

Weekends from home

It can become very draining

Thankfully I have a partner who accepts it

His over riding concern is my health

I have recently brought it to the attention of my employers who have

a) promised change and

b) asked me to sign a document saying my recent health issues are not work related

I am looking elsewhere, but finding a similar salary with less accompanying shit is proving difficult

The 7 day a week culture we now have as a nation doesn't help "

Everyone expects an answer the minute they press send on an email or text.

I expect people who work for me to be fully at work and performing during their contracted hours but to stop outside those hours. Culture plays such a big role in how people engage with their work.

Do you believe your employers will change?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"My dream job is a part time one!

Moderation in everything we do is the key!

"

Even that can be difficult. A friend and I were discussing the nature of part time for our types of work. Sometimes it is closer to full time just because people call, text, send emails and demand input immediately to support their work.

I'm part time at the moment and it's great when you can get it right.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site "

Does she find this a problem or is she happy to work around the demands of your job?

So far all I understand from this is that you aren't prepared to support your partner and are trying to canvas support against both here and with family.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*against her, that should say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work 29 days out of 31

Weekdays in the office

Weekends from home

It can become very draining

Thankfully I have a partner who accepts it

His over riding concern is my health

I have recently brought it to the attention of my employers who have

a) promised change and

b) asked me to sign a document saying my recent health issues are not work related

I am looking elsewhere, but finding a similar salary with less accompanying shit is proving difficult

The 7 day a week culture we now have as a nation doesn't help

Everyone expects an answer the minute they press send on an email or text.

I expect people who work for me to be fully at work and performing during their contracted hours but to stop outside those hours. Culture plays such a big role in how people engage with their work.

Do you believe your employers will change?"

I believe some of them will

I believe we need a change of management / directorship for the culture to change

The emphasis is on sales and growth and little else

This has seen us treble in size in just over two years

Because the emphasis has been so focussed it has left us behind on other areas that (I believe) are business critical

There is no training plan in place or staff induction periods. Literally, there's your desk, get on with it.

We don't have an HR Manager despite employing 60 people - cos HR Managers cost money rather than make money

We don't have a H&S Manager either - cos H&S Managers cost money rather than make money

There are no welfare schemes in place, no sick pay save for SSP

To be fair, all the Directors work their bollocks off so I can't say it is just me and, like you say, I think it is cultural

I also think though that some of the guys have reached their limit now we are a proper business and the 'back of the fag packet' and 'wing it' approach isn't as effective as it used to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site

Does she find this a problem or is she happy to work around the demands of your job?

So far all I understand from this is that you aren't prepared to support your partner and are trying to canvas support against both here and with family."

No she doesn't find this a problem because I may work late twice a month and work away 3-4 times a year for no more than 2 nights. My dad makes sure I am never away from home for too long. I am always here to support her but being a job she has done for the past 6 years and an average just above minimum wage I wouldn't say it's worth giving your soul to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site

Does she find this a problem or is she happy to work around the demands of your job?

So far all I understand from this is that you aren't prepared to support your partner and are trying to canvas support against both here and with family.

No she doesn't find this a problem because I may work late twice a month and work away 3-4 times a year for no more than 2 nights. My dad makes sure I am never away from home for too long. I am always here to support her but being a job she has done for the past 6 years and an average just above minimum wage I wouldn't say it's worth giving your soul to "

What if she enjoys it?

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield


"

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site "

So, basically you are saying she works shifts, but no more hours than you, and she is therefore ruining the relationship.

Whereas you occasionally work nights and spend a few days away, but that's different somehow?

You'll have to explain that for me.

MrB

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Please tell me I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with people who will put work before life.

My partner has recently let work rule her life and she is either fine with it or doesn't realise because it's the job she wanted. It means we get one full day a month for family time with our son, the rest of time we might get an hour a day together during the week. It's causing all sorts of problems in the relationship which is leading to a rather unpleasant outcome. We are fine for a few hours together but come the end of a day together it's amazing we are both still alive

I can sometimes end up working late or occasionally spend the night away but will make sure I spend every bit of free time with my son often turning down friends or pushing hobbies to one side.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

When you say 'work late or occasionally night away" do you actually mean meet others for a fuck?

Nope I mean work late or overnight. I work on shops sometimes on busy high streets all over the country meaning I have to work out of hours, or spend a couple of days on site

Does she find this a problem or is she happy to work around the demands of your job?

So far all I understand from this is that you aren't prepared to support your partner and are trying to canvas support against both here and with family.

No she doesn't find this a problem because I may work late twice a month and work away 3-4 times a year for no more than 2 nights. My dad makes sure I am never away from home for too long. I am always here to support her but being a job she has done for the past 6 years and an average just above minimum wage I wouldn't say it's worth giving your soul to "

What's her opinion on all this? You have discussed with her haven't you?

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