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letting your son/daughter return Home

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My son and his girlfriend have split after 9 years and he's asked to come home. I was just wondering if any of you sexy lot have had this happen and did it work out for you. Thing is we have a four bedroomed house and we already have the 3 biggish rooms used. Me and Mark occupy one, our 15 year old son and our 13 year old daughter the other 2. My eldest son wanting to come home and is expecting my daughter to move into the 4th box room so he can have a big room. I want to help him out but I aint happy with what he expects and also have no idea what to charge him board.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he comes back it should be on your terms not his

When I went 'home' for the very same reason my bed was a blow up mattress on the living room floor

It was a great incentive to not get comfy and move on again as soon as was feasible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well im moving home temporarily so im the other side, i wouldnt dare dream of telling anyone to move for me, thats your daughters bedroom and if he wants to be in the house then he will have to make do with the small room, it can be his incentive to look for a new place or a house share with more room.

Im planning on paying £50 a week (they dont have a mortgage so its just to utilities) I will also buy food and help with the cooking and cleaning.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sorry admin I had not seen ScarlettAngel's thread which is very similar , please close this one and I shall just see the responses on her thread, thanks Ali

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your his parents and hes your child regardless of age that will always be the case.

You are family.

If you cant have sanctuary from your parents on rimes of need and visa versa then that would be a shame in my opinion.

Give him the help he needs and discuss ground rules too.

Im sure he wont be looking forward to moving back home either but he obviously has limited options at the moment.

Hes your son so support him in his time of need.

Only my opinion of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry admin I had not seen ScarlettAngel's thread which is very similar , please close this one and I shall just see the responses on her thread, thanks Ali "

Dont do that yours is from the other side mine is very different x

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By *edheadsruleCouple
over a year ago

lancashire

I would welcome him home, but not move your daughter, let him take the smaller room x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have moved home in the past due to the break up of a relationship and al very grateful to my Mum for letting me (especially as I had asked my sister could I stay with her first and she said ummm I like my own space ) however I wouldn't in a million years expect her and my step dad to have changed things round for my liking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't move you're daughter out of her room it will make her feel second class to her brother.

I would wellcome him back into the fold but state you're terms, sit down and talk it through with him first.

It's you're house you're rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would offer him the spare boxroom and charge him a rent comparable to others in the area. He's had a breakup, he's not homeless or destitute, is he? He sounds a tad selfish to expect his sister to downgrade her room.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean .

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Let your daughter keep her room, it is her home after all

If he needs to come back then whatever you can offer should be sufficient otherwise maybe let him find somewhere himself.

In terms of rent/lodge I guess it depends on your situation.

I wouldn't be letting mine come back and do sod all that is for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean ."

Well thats bull.. anyone can sleep on a single bed, he will just have to put his bed into storage. As for his son argos do great bed by jay bee i think they are called that fold up (bit like a camp bed but better quality) lots of hotels use them as an extra bed. That can go up anywhere in the house.

Dont be scared of upsetting him as you will then upset your daughter and that isnt fair on her.

Your house, your rules, put your foot down now or he will take advantage majorly. If he doesnt like it tell him there is always the website spareroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean ."

Sorry, but a bit of tough love is needed here IMO. I'm assuming his child is quite young, small kids tend to be quite happy with a campbed or sofa. You're offering a temporary shelter, he's not in a position to make demands IMO. If he's "upset" or angry with you, he's quite free to make alternative arrangements as most other adults in that situation would do.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

When they are upset it is hard for them. Yes certainly would not move your daughter that is her room.

£50 a week food and housekeeping on top perhaps. Dont take on the washing and ironing though lol .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean .

Well thats bull.. anyone can sleep on a single bed, he will just have to put his bed into storage. As for his son argos do great bed by jay bee i think they are called that fold up (bit like a camp bed but better quality) lots of hotels use them as an extra bed. That can go up anywhere in the house.

Dont be scared of upsetting him as you will then upset your daughter and that isnt fair on her.

Your house, your rules, put your foot down now or he will take advantage majorly. If he doesnt like it tell him there is always the website spareroom. "

Agreed. Your other children are also a priority

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why has he got too move home, why can't his girlfriend, and he can stop where he is now

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

When my marriage broke down I moved back in with my parents with children.

We shared a sofa bed until I found other living arrangements.

I was just happy for a roof over my children's heads.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Mum let me come home after uni when I was 21 then I realised trying to get a house in London is like trying to find willie wonkas golden ticket

But over the years mum and dad have been porley so I have stayed around to help

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I've been on the other side of this situation.6 years ago with 3-children in toe! The house we rented after my divorce was being sold and I was struggling financially to find something decent with little money. I don't have the best relationship with my mum but my dad had no hesitation in offering us all my old bedroom(they only had a 2-bedroom house) he,refused to take rent from me, I just bought our own food and chipped in for the heating bill. We were there 9 weeks. It was a struggle but as he said thats what parents do. I would have no hesitation doing the same for any of my boys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think our son is on a Return spring, the amount of times he has come home, think it's 3 now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been on the other side of this situation.6 years ago with 3-children in toe! The house we rented after my divorce was being sold and I was struggling financially to find something decent with little money. I don't have the best relationship with my mum but my dad had no hesitation in offering us all my old bedroom(they only had a 2-bedroom house) he,refused to take rent from me, I just bought our own food and chipped in for the heating bill. We were there 9 weeks. It was a struggle but as he said thats what parents do. I would have no hesitation doing the same for any of my boys."

I don't think the OP has an issue with letting him move in, it's the idea that he demands his teenage sibling just give up her room.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Can you not just help find him a flat of his own?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean ."

Why are you scared of upsetting him? What do you think he may do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The old well you won't see you grandchild again springs to mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would allow mine to return but offer the smaller room as its not fair to expect the daughter to move out of her room. He can sleep in a single bed and his child can have a camp bed.

I would charge him what ever the going rate is in your area for a room. Plus ask him to chip in with food bills and to do his own laundry and help with household chores.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to move back in with my parents in early 2012 for a couple of months. I was on JSA at the time - £115 a fortnight for my age - and I gave my mum £30 a week and I bought bits of my own food. However I was sleeping on the sofa so I already knew it wasn't a long term situation & all the time I was there I was waiting for a flat from a housing association.

IMO OP, you should make your son feel welcome but if you feel that it's not a long term solution and you want him to be looking for somewhere else to live while he's with you, tell him.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one."

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know he's going through a rough patch but that isn't your daughters fault.

I can see his reason why (about having children stay, not the double bed crap) but he should probably be grateful to have somewhere to fall back on.

Maybe have a word with her and see how she feels about it?

I don't think she should be made to move - he should make do with what is on offer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can you not just help find him a flat of his own?"
It will be for a few months till he gets himself a deposit together and also for furniture etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner."

Because if you don't charge at least a nominal amount, they're getting a free ride and have little incentive to leave. If they are working, they should definitely be making a contribution to household expenses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why has he got too move home, why can't his girlfriend, and he can stop where he is now"
She has moved in with her mother, its just temporary till they both get enough money to start again , furniture, bonds etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how he would have coped back in the 60's 70's and earlier

Tell him to grow a pair accept what's on offer or look else where.

My daughter has been back about 4 times now always made welcome but on our terms and was quite happy to have somewhere safe to stay.

Having a small box room in a nice house would be abject luxury to some

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner.

Because if you don't charge at least a nominal amount, they're getting a free ride and have little incentive to leave. If they are working, they should definitely be making a contribution to household expenses.

"

True, but I am taking into account that he would also be paying towards his son being brought up and not suffering financially through the split. So depending on his income it might be hard to do everything and save for a deposit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell him he can come back, in the room that is free. What he pays in rent should reflect what his costs are. I wouldn't earn money on one of my children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner.

Because if you don't charge at least a nominal amount, they're getting a free ride and have little incentive to leave. If they are working, they should definitely be making a contribution to household expenses.

True, but I am taking into account that he would also be paying towards his son being brought up and not suffering financially through the split. So depending on his income it might be hard to do everything and save for a deposit."

I said a nominal amount. Life is tough, giving our adult kids a free ride, while it may feel instinctive, isn't necessarily in their long-term interests. Everyone suffers financially after a split. It depends on what they could reasonably afford.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

He's an adult and Father. He should be grateful of any room.

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By *even inchesMan
over a year ago

nottingham

I brought my daughter into the world when her relationship went tits up I was more than happy to have her move back home with my granddaughter until she got her life back in order due to violence in her relationship

At times it's hard having her living here as was used to being on my own since my wife became my ex but over the last 12 months it's good to see her confidence returning

But for selfish reasons I need my space back at times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let him move back into the small room. His son is not there everyday, sleeping on a camp bed once a week or whenever he is won't do him any harm. Under no circumstance would I move the sister. Even if that was his room before, he moved on, so did the family. Should be happy with what's on offer till he gets himself sorted, then he can decide which room to take in his new accomodation.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I don't want to move my daughter, but he came here from work last night for his tea and said he should have the bigger room as he cant sleep in a single bed and his double bed won't fit in the box room. He also said he would need a bigger room for when he has his son at the weekends.I feel for him but I can't do miracles, he's welcome to come home while he gets sorted , but what he's expecting is too much in my opinion but I'm scared of upsetting him too if you know what I mean ."

Your son sounds selfish and entitled: I have a child like that too.

He's your son and it's natural to seek sanctuary from your parents: however, you need to make it clear you're helping and no one is going to reorganise their lives for him. He will just have to make alternative arrangements for his son. I wouldn't evict your daughter, that will lead to resentment.

Charge him £50 a nominal amount, you're not a charity and you want him to get his act together.

It's not easy being parents. One of mine was struggling after having twins. I paid their mortgage for a year for them to announce they're having another baby!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think your daughter should have to move. Seems really unfair to me.

I moved back home while I was in law school because I couldn't really afford an apartment in NYC. My parents didn't charge me anything - my mom wouldn't charge me anything if I moved back home tomorrow. But I have friends who paid their way when they stayed home. I think it comes down to what you feel is fair do him to pay. There isn't a set rule.

But I would talk to your daughter first. If my parents had moved me to accomodate my older brother I would have been pretty resentful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not easy being parents. One of mine was struggling after having twins. I paid their mortgage for a year for them to announce they're having another baby! "

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By *eppoMan
over a year ago

London Colney


"I would welcome him home, but not move your daughter, let him take the smaller room x"

This for sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your son wants to come back for a while, so rather than upset your current arrangements have him move into the box room. This would be on the understanding that he's would be welcome to stay as long as he wants, providing he didn't badger his sister into swapping rooms.

On the money front, assuming he is in employment I think that to ask for £50 a week towards his upkeep is fair. Having said that I would open a savings account and lodge his money there without telling him. When he is ready to move out again I would tell him then what has happened with his money, show him a statement to let him see how much there is in the account, and give it back to him to help with his future expenses for a while.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner.

Because if you don't charge at least a nominal amount, they're getting a free ride and have little incentive to leave. If they are working, they should definitely be making a contribution to household expenses.

"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It's not happened yet but if any of my children needed to move back home, including grandchildren, I would find a way to accomodate them comfortably within the confines of the space available so I would say it's your choice where you put him. I have never charged my children rent so can't answer that one.

Why charge rent, they can save the money up quicker for a deposit so that they can move out from yours sooner.

Because if you don't charge at least a nominal amount, they're getting a free ride and have little incentive to leave. If they are working, they should definitely be making a contribution to household expenses.

True, but I am taking into account that he would also be paying towards his son being brought up and not suffering financially through the split. So depending on his income it might be hard to do everything and save for a deposit.

I said a nominal amount. Life is tough, giving our adult kids a free ride, while it may feel instinctive, isn't necessarily in their long-term interests. Everyone suffers financially after a split. It depends on what they could reasonably afford."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your son wants to come back for a while, so rather than upset your current arrangements have him move into the box room. This would be on the understanding that he's would be welcome to stay as long as he wants, providing he didn't badger his sister into swapping rooms.

On the money front, assuming he is in employment I think that to ask for £50 a week towards his upkeep is fair. Having said that I would open a savings account and lodge his money there without telling him. When he is ready to move out again I would tell him then what has happened with his money, show him a statement to let him see how much there is in the account, and give it back to him to help with his future expenses for a while. "

Oh, I like all the stuff above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would welcome him home, but not move your daughter, let him take the smaller room x

This for sure"

This.

My Mum had me back at 30 for a year. I paid board and also contributed to the food shopping. I think that's reasonable. Your son will still be living far more cheaply than renting privately.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Here's what my dad said to me and what I've told my children and grandchildren.

"You will always be welcome to stay but under my roof, you follow my rules".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Here's what my dad said to me and what I've told my children and grandchildren.

"You will always be welcome to stay but under my roof, you follow my rules".

"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Your son wants to come back for a while, so rather than upset your current arrangements have him move into the box room. This would be on the understanding that he's would be welcome to stay as long as he wants, providing he didn't badger his sister into swapping rooms.

On the money front, assuming he is in employment I think that to ask for £50 a week towards his upkeep is fair. Having said that I would open a savings account and lodge his money there without telling him. When he is ready to move out again I would tell him then what has happened with his money, show him a statement to let him see how much there is in the account, and give it back to him to help with his future expenses for a while. "

I did that when my children were still at home and working part time to get them into the idea of saving and realising they had to help.

When each left home I handed them the saving book. I wouldn't do that for an adult child with a family of their own.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"Your son wants to come back for a while, so rather than upset your current arrangements have him move into the box room. This would be on the understanding that he's would be welcome to stay as long as he wants, providing he didn't badger his sister into swapping rooms.

On the money front, assuming he is in employment I think that to ask for £50 a week towards his upkeep is fair. Having said that I would open a savings account and lodge his money there without telling him. When he is ready to move out again I would tell him then what has happened with his money, show him a statement to let him see how much there is in the account, and give it back to him to help with his future expenses for a while. "

You wrote exactly what I was thinking

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

If he is allowed back then he should expect to have what is available, if that is the smallest bedroom then he should be thankful that he isn't made to sleep in a tent in the back garden. There is no way I would move one of my younger kids from their room to make way for an elder brother who moved out years ago. Beggars can't be choosers.

I think the normal amount that should be put in the household pot is 20-25% of their wage. It is upto you if you use it or put some away to give them back as a deposit on a new flat when you have all had enough of each other

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Ask him why his younger sister shouldn't be afforded the same advantages he had growing up?

Everyone else has said what I would, and the thread is fairly consistent - you know how rare that is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ask him why his younger sister shouldn't be afforded the same advantages he had growing up?

Everyone else has said what I would, and the thread is fairly consistent - you know how rare that is!

"

Its a fab miracle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If he is allowed back then he should expect to have what is available, if that is the smallest bedroom then he should be thankful that he isn't made to sleep in a tent in the back garden. There is no way I would move one of my younger kids from their room to make way for an elder brother who moved out years ago. Beggars can't be choosers.

I think the normal amount that should be put in the household pot is 20-25% of their wage. It is upto you if you use it or put some away to give them back as a deposit on a new flat when you have all had enough of each other "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis."

That's not the question though is it? It's the son's assumption that he should have her room that needs to be addressed.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World


"Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis.

That's not the question though is it? It's the son's assumption that he should have her room that needs to be addressed.

"

Plus she could be one of those nice selfless kids who say it is fine just to keep the peace, when really she wants to say no.

I've heard that these kids DO exist, I've just never met one personally.

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By *100Man
over a year ago

Essex

Don't let him turn your lifes upside-down put him in the shed and think himself lucky he has a lovely family if you put him in the bigger room he'll never leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis.

That's not the question though is it? It's the son's assumption that he should have her room that needs to be addressed.

Plus she could be one of those nice selfless kids who say it is fine just to keep the peace, when really she wants to say no.

I've heard that these kids DO exist, I've just never met one personally."

That's not nice and selfless, it's being a doormat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis.

That's not the question though is it? It's the son's assumption that he should have her room that needs to be addressed.

"

Exactly, it's her room. I just wondered what she thought of it all. If she doesn't want to move rooms, that's her right and he will have to take the box room or find somewhere else to live. But nobody appears to have asked what her views on it are.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

He sounds like he's being a bit cheeky to me when he should be grateful he's got you guys to go to when he needs help x

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Hope fully it wont be long term ... he should be grateful you are helping him .....

You have to have house rules or else you will end up falling out ....

And he should definitely have the smaller room ... your daughter should not have to compromise ....or it could affect her .... good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't let him turn your lifes upside-down put him in the shed and think himself lucky he has a lovely family if you put him in the bigger room he'll never leave."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you asked your youngest daughter how she feels about this?

She might be ok with moving rooms on a short term temporary basis.

That's not the question though is it? It's the son's assumption that he should have her room that needs to be addressed.

Plus she could be one of those nice selfless kids who say it is fine just to keep the peace, when really she wants to say no.

I've heard that these kids DO exist, I've just never met one personally."

My eldest daughter is very much like this. She has a very kind heart and will say yes to something to make her younger sister happy..even if she doesn't want to really.

I can usually tell though and won't let her little sister walk all over her. Compromise is good though I certainly won't knock her for being such a sweetie.

Eve. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he comes home he gets whatever space is available... i.e. the small room.

Don't know your financial position but from the day my kids started work they paid what the average was for a room in a shared house, this went into a savings account and was given back to them when they moved out.

It made a handy deposit plus they got used to living on a wage with housing costs taken out.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"If he comes home he gets whatever space is available... i.e. the small room.

Don't know your financial position but from the day my kids started work they paid what the average was for a room in a shared house, this went into a savings account and was given back to them when they moved out.

It made a handy deposit plus they got used to living on a wage with housing costs taken out. "

I agree with this.....helps themwith the cost of a deposit and furniture when you give them the money back and sure would be a most welcome gesture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep him living with you.

Then he can wipe your arse in old age when you can no longer do it yourself.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"If he comes home he gets whatever space is available... i.e. the small room.

Don't know your financial position but from the day my kids started work they paid what the average was for a room in a shared house, this went into a savings account and was given back to them when they moved out.

It made a handy deposit plus they got used to living on a wage with housing costs taken out. "

Exactly what I did with mine.

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By *ilary and DonaldCouple
over a year ago

chingford

If you allow him home he has to accept whatever room is available. Your daughter would have the right hump if you move her.

As for charging for lodging. A third of his income is fair, and sod putting some of it into an account for him what's that all about ?

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I have to agree with what most of the other posters have said. He comes home but gets the small room that's free. Your daughter shouldn't have to move regardless of how sweet she might be about it; at her age she needs her own space. As do both of her older brothers, one of whom it seems hasn't been asked to move rooms at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you allow him home he has to accept whatever room is available. Your daughter would have the right hump if you move her.

As for charging for lodging. A third of his income is fair, and sod putting some of it into an account for him what's that all about ?"

It's about me not needing it, and my ability to give something to my kids. That is why I started the paragraph with the rider that it would depend on the OP's financial circumstances.

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By *ilary and DonaldCouple
over a year ago

chingford


"If you allow him home he has to accept whatever room is available. Your daughter would have the right hump if you move her.

As for charging for lodging. A third of his income is fair, and sod putting some of it into an account for him what's that all about ?

It's about me not needing it, and my ability to give something to my kids. That is why I started the paragraph with the rider that it would depend on the OP's financial circumstances. "

That's fair.

But reading the op this is no child that's returning home.

Two feet and all that.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I have to agree with what most of the other posters have said. He comes home but gets the small room that's free. Your daughter shouldn't have to move regardless of how sweet she might be about it; at her age she needs her own space. As do both of her older brothers, one of whom it seems hasn't been asked to move rooms at all."

I noticed that too.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World


"I have to agree with what most of the other posters have said. He comes home but gets the small room that's free. Your daughter shouldn't have to move regardless of how sweet she might be about it; at her age she needs her own space. As do both of her older brothers, one of whom it seems hasn't been asked to move rooms at all.

I noticed that too. "

I just assumed that the room that is currently the daughters was originally the bedroom of the eldest returning lad.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

as a person thats had to do it with my 2 children in tow

theres no way id be arrogant in demanding a room a specific room

I was contented enough to have a roof over my head whilst I sorted myself and got another house for me and the kids to live in

id be asking the boy if the young child could sleep within his room first

or better still your son sleeps on the sofa his child gets the room its for a weekend I suspect whats up with him at least its something

yet dont fall soft on him and give in

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"When my marriage broke down I moved back in with my parents with children.

We shared a sofa bed until I found other living arrangements.

I was just happy for a roof over my children's heads."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

first off yes let him come home even id only for respite but he can have the boxroom - no one should be put out because his relationship has gone tits up -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss"
m

Seriously?!?

Also i forgot to ask if he is currently renting what about his deposit back from that place that would get him somewhere else.

Sounds like Mark is taking charge and not letting him get his own way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss"

Not just selfish but entitled and incredibly immature, I have to ask, how old is he?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the pissm

Seriously?!?

Also i forgot to ask if he is currently renting what about his deposit back from that place that would get him somewhere else.

Sounds like Mark is taking charge and not letting him get his own way "
They never had to pay a bond or a month upfront when they took on the house. Mark is his step dad, they get on but Mark gave him a few ultimatums, he is welcome but its the box room or the couch and as far as his car is concerned he can park it where ever he wishes but not when our car is home. He stormed off so don't know what he is doing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Not just selfish but entitled and incredibly immature, I have to ask, how old is he?"
I agree and he is 26

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the pissm

Seriously?!?

Also i forgot to ask if he is currently renting what about his deposit back from that place that would get him somewhere else.

Sounds like Mark is taking charge and not letting him get his own way They never had to pay a bond or a month upfront when they took on the house. Mark is his step dad, they get on but Mark gave him a few ultimatums, he is welcome but its the box room or the couch and as far as his car is concerned he can park it where ever he wishes but not when our car is home. He stormed off so don't know what he is doing."

Leave him to stew, he has a lot of growing up to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss"

Wow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the pissm

Seriously?!?

Also i forgot to ask if he is currently renting what about his deposit back from that place that would get him somewhere else.

Sounds like Mark is taking charge and not letting him get his own way They never had to pay a bond or a month upfront when they took on the house. Mark is his step dad, they get on but Mark gave him a few ultimatums, he is welcome but its the box room or the couch and as far as his car is concerned he can park it where ever he wishes but not when our car is home. He stormed off so don't know what he is doing."

Oh right thats interesting.

That's good and im glad you haven't given in to his demands.. the fact he stormed off over it shows very little respect

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Not just selfish but entitled and incredibly immature, I have to ask, how old is he?I agree and he is 26"

I returned home around that age for a short period due to large debts. Not being comfortable, along with wanting independence was motivation to get my arse moving. I never expected anything not even food in the fridge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the pissm

Seriously?!?

Also i forgot to ask if he is currently renting what about his deposit back from that place that would get him somewhere else.

Sounds like Mark is taking charge and not letting him get his own way They never had to pay a bond or a month upfront when they took on the house. Mark is his step dad, they get on but Mark gave him a few ultimatums, he is welcome but its the box room or the couch and as far as his car is concerned he can park it where ever he wishes but not when our car is home. He stormed off so don't know what he is doing.

Leave him to stew, he has a lot of growing up to do."

He needs to learn that you are doing him a favour by allowing him to come back home

Tell him it's your house and you lay the rules not him.

If he don't like it to find somewhere else to stay

I think he needs to grow up a little

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

OP, at this point - you probably should keep some of your personal life, personal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe its all a front to hide the fact hes ashamed hes failed his relationship -

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By *ilary and DonaldCouple
over a year ago

chingford


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss"

Blimey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he can afford a Range Rover them surely he has money to get his own place?

I thought he had fallen on hard times?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If he can afford a Range Rover them surely he has money to get his own place?

I thought he had fallen on hard times?"

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and surmised it was a company car lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If he can afford a Range Rover them surely he has money to get his own place?

I thought he had fallen on hard times?"
It is a lease car scheme.It is not a long stay just needs a month or so to get sorted out

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 16/02/17 17:18:38]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss"

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If he can afford a Range Rover them surely he has money to get his own place?

I thought he had fallen on hard times?It is a lease car scheme.It is not a long stay just needs a month or so to get sorted out "

A month in a box room isnt long really

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

he's left home, and is capable of looking after himself.

firstly if he wants to move back home then he should take whatever is offered, even if all you had was the sofa for him. you're def not responsible for him now and doing him a favour basically.

idk how much to charge for rent. make sure you cover all of his expenses of being in your home and if you feel like he should pay extra for the inconvenience of him being there than do that as well.

don't let him come back and upset anyone who you're still responsible for because they don't have a choice of where they live at this time.

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By *astie10Man
over a year ago

Guildford

let him stew he will be back tail between his legs

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

I would but him in the box room charge him rent and put it away then say to him that money u have been giving me is enough now for a deposit on a flat and give him it back then he has somwhere for him and hes son when he visits

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!"

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If he can afford a Range Rover them surely he has money to get his own place?

I thought he had fallen on hard times?

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and surmised it was a company car lol"

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would offer the Spare room the clue being in the word Spare. When his son stays- as I would- he should give up 'his' room for his son and sleep on the sofa or a blow up bed for the night. A little humility might be beneficial to him!

As for the parking- it's your home, your rules! xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times."
I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house"

I think you and Mark should give up your bedroom and move into the box room

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house

I think you and Mark should give up your bedroom and move into the box room "
lol

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

let him stew he knows the guidelines he either takes them or goes elsewhere

its now on his terms weather he excepts them or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house

I think you and Mark should give up your bedroom and move into the box room "

Actually they and their other kids should sleep in their car (parked kerbside)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't move you're daughter out of her room it will make her feel second class to her brother.

I would wellcome him back into the fold but state you're terms, sit down and talk it through with him first.

It's you're house you're rules)"

This. It would be unfair to move your daughter...imagine if he wanted your room!! Point out that it's her room now, and will be again when he has moved on. So it would be unfair to make her shift all her stuff out and then back again. So long as he has a bed and somewhere to put his clothes, then what else does he need?. As for rent, I suppose it depends on how much he can afford and how much extra burden on the household he becomes. Food would be extra obviously and some water and electric, but the house would be heated anyway, so I would ask him what he thinks is fair based on that. If he is skint and trying to save a deposit for a new place, then the less you charge him, the quicker he will go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"think our son is on a Return spring, the amount of times he has come home, think it's 3 now "

Mine's on a bungee! . Lost count!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house

I think you and Mark should give up your bedroom and move into the box room

Actually they and their other kids should sleep in their car (parked kerbside)"

Excellent idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It gets better he has just asked Mark if he would mind leaving his car on the road outside so he can use the drive for his New Evoke. Mark told him where to go in a more stronger manner and he has stormed off, I agree with most above he is one selfish lad . I love him but he's taking the piss

Wow! Yep...entitled. If he can afford a new Evoke he can rent a flat!

Helps when the facts are known...no new car was mentioned in the first few posts, so like a few on here I for one assumed he was on hard times.I never mentioned the car as it wasn't a part of the problem till he mentioned him using our drive while we park our car on the road outside house"

If he turns up again, throw him a sleeping bag and tell him to sleep in his car...kerbside. My son fell on hard times, couldn't stay with gf any longer but didn't want to admit it to me. Got in touch with his dad and step mum and asked for somewhere to stay for a short while, she refused him point blank. He slept under a motorway bridge for two weeks. Got back in touch with his dad begging for just a bit of help, so his dad drove him to a hostel for the homeless. My son stayed there one night and phoned me in the morning. I picked him up from the train station later that day. Your son should be grateful you and Mark are considering letting him stay regardless of his behaviour.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

When my ex moved out he went back to his parents. He had to sleep on a foam sofa bed. If he had the boys they had the foam bed & he had the sofa.

6 weeks (2 of which he was working in India staying in a fabulous hotel) & he had rented a house albeit arranged by me!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im sure your son wouldnt mind a lodger for weekend if his nephew is visiting or he can have your sons bed and he , he can have the couch .... he may be your son but would you have let him rip the piss back when he was staying at home ... i dont think so ... so he def would not be doing so now if he was mine x

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By *irkby coupleCouple
over a year ago

Kirkby

When I had to go home I was lucky as all my sisters had gone, so I had the 2nd biggest room!

I decorated it so it wasn't girly and gave my parents £100 a week. I know how much it cost to have my own place so by giving them £100 a week I was still saving money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we last had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while getting work done on our house we couldn't stay in my old room because my mum now uses it for storing onions and potatoes

We paid a contribution to the utility bills and bought all our own food as well as helping out with the cooking, cleaning etc. They didn't charge us "rent" though, because it wasn't costing anything extra for us to be there and they've always said it's my home.

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By *andi_shopWoman
over a year ago

rotherham

You should offer him the room that you have available and charge him minimum of £50 a week rent. If you don't want his money still take it and save it for a deposit/furniture without him knowing

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"When we last had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while getting work done on our house we couldn't stay in my old room because my mum now uses it for storing onions and potatoes "

Sorry, but this made me but also WTF

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Let him back but he has the box room. He'll soon learn to sleep in a single once he's fallen out a few times. And when he has his son he is in the living room and gives his bed to his child.

Don't let him rule the roost. I went home.... and wouldn't dream of trying to lay down the law. As for up setting him. He's a adult now and should understand your house your rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When we last had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while getting work done on our house we couldn't stay in my old room because my mum now uses it for storing onions and potatoes

Sorry, but this made me but also WTF "

i never wanted to move back but a rare return trip not long afteri moed out i found my old room with a massive plastic sheet down and rows and rows of seed trays with plants and such at varying stages of potting on - obviously the greenhouse wasnt big enough and i had actually forgotten this til i read the above

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"When we last had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while getting work done on our house we couldn't stay in my old room because my mum now uses it for storing onions and potatoes

Sorry, but this made me but also WTF "

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When we last had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while getting work done on our house we couldn't stay in my old room because my mum now uses it for storing onions and potatoes

Sorry, but this made me but also WTF

Me too "

It's the coldest room in the house and she had loads from her allotment. I always used to complain about my room being cold when I was little, so I kind of feel vindicated now

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

What a spoilt young man he is. I do hope his visit wont be too disruptive on your family life.

The little girl would possibly like her nephew share her room once in a while for a sleep over.

Good luck it sounds like a nightmare to me :O

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