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step grandparents who take over.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are they not the true grandparents? I'm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing i though when I read that was how cruel it was to refer to your daughter's partner's adopted parents as not being the kids real grandparents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The only thing i though when I read that was how cruel it was to refer to your daughter's partner's adopted parents as not being the kids real grandparents "

Same, maybe they think you think you're above them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't really understand what him being adopted had to do with anything.

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By *kin BohnerMan
over a year ago

derby

Without meaning to sound mean I think your problem is that you have said you don't see your daughter much. If you don't see her how are you going to see the grandchildren. Maybe you just need to make a little more effort to see them.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I had a cousin who met and married someone when she already had a son. They went on to have 3 other children. His parents never acknowledged her son at all, never mind treat him fairly, so count yourself lucky that his parents are doting grandparents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the grandchildren are lucky to have 2 loving people that want to be apart of their life regardless of DNA

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a cousin who met and married someone when she already had a son. They went on to have 3 other children. His parents never acknowledged her son at all, never mind treat him fairly, so count yourself lucky that his parents are doting grandparents "

how about saying 'so maybe you should count yourself lucky....' that way it comes across a little less harsh

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I think the part about not being the true grand parents relates to the fact that the grand child is not the current partners biological child.

The fact he is adopted is irrelevant.

OP with all dye respect your previous threads have had a theme of being the victim and this is the same to be honest. You seem to think they are better because they have money and a house.

How much effort so you make to see your daughter and grand child?

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

Don't think your daughter will be very pleased about you chatting about her and the kids on a sex site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a mate who is adopted and his wife has a similar opinion of his parents. She finds them over bearing and she has confided in me a few times as it is something that causes her a lot of distress.

I think its a subconscious thing amd they are trying too hard to appear relavent. Which they don't need to do as they already are, due to the fact they have provided a safe and secure environment during the childs life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you invited your daughter and the kids to yours, or asked if you could visit. I'm sure your daughter would love to see you and for you to spend time with the grandkids. Don't set yourself up to be in competition with the in-laws just be yourself. Your time is more important than money. Make visiting a fun time, do things with the kids, arty things don't cost a fortune and can be fun. They will love nanny time then.

It's being confident that you're wanted and you sound as though you're doubting that. Don't let your relationship with your daughter go down because that would be letting them think they're better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because he's adopted doesn't make them any less grandparents than you. Very childish view to have.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?

Don't think your daughter will be very pleased about you chatting about her and the kids on a sex site. "

How will they find out?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 11/02/17 14:01:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my grandparents were my true grandparents! If anything my blood parents weren't my true parents as I have only met them once!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

Do you live near by? Is there any way you could see your daughter more often easily?

Sometimes one set of grandparents do see the grandchildren more often for various reasons. Could you stay in touch with your daughter and her family by phone, letter or email?

It might be that you have to put up with the other set of grandparents so that you can see more of them all.

I would add that nobody can make you feel a certain way, you're responsible for that.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Oh OK. I've missed the bit about 2 further children with him.

As you were

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By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

I'm a step nan and have 2 strong grandkids my son and their mum live with me. I also have a granddaughter with them all now. I also have another step grandson with my other sons partner and a grandson. I treat them all equally and I own my house etc. The older ones were worried I wouldn't love them anymore when my grandson was born as if and they know that. It is hard being a step parent and step grandparent.

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By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?

I'm a step nan and have 2 strong grandkids my son and their mum live with me. I also have a granddaughter with them all now. I also have another step grandson with my other sons partner and a grandson. I treat them all equally and I own my house etc. The older ones were worried I wouldn't love them anymore when my grandson was born as if and they know that. It is hard being a step parent and step grandparent."

Oops first should say step grandkids lol

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Denise, family dynamics is always hard. Do you and your daughter have a good relationship? Do you live close by?

try not to focus on anyone's relationship with the grandchildren except your own. As a grandparent you get to spoil them. Enjoy your time with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

You sound jealous. And more than a touch spiteful/bitter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

I think the ball is in your court to forge better relations with your daughter and her family.

Make her, her husband and ALL her children feel warm, loved, welcome and wanted.

If your approach towards them is coming from a position of entitlement and envy, it is likely to keep them away.

Feel happy and proud that your daughter has met a man whose family accepted both her and her daughter.

Your granddaughter has far more potential to become a well rounded adult when all branches of her family see the importance of mutual love and respect x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It shouldn't be a competition. Do they live closer to their other Grandparents? Or do they babysit while they are at work etc?

Try not to think of it as they are taking over and just enjoy the time you have with them , kids normally love having two sets of Grandparents to twist around their little fingers

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

I think the ball is in your court to forge better relations with your daughter and her family.

Make her, her husband and ALL her children feel warm, loved, welcome and wanted.

If your approach towards them is coming from a position of entitlement and envy, it is likely to keep them away.

Feel happy and proud that your daughter has met a man whose family accepted both her and her daughter.

Your granddaughter has far more potential to become a well rounded adult when all branches of her family see the importance of mutual love and respect x"

Bows to the wise one, great post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sister is adopted

I am not

I was in my Grandmas will

She wasn't

Because she 'wasn't a child of the blood'

I've seen what spite can do in terms of adoption

Your daughter and her daughter are lucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they are 3 lucky children who have grandparents who dote on them, if you made more effort they would be even luckier and have 3 grandparents to spoil them...

effort in, reward out. stop worrying about what his family have and give the gift of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I can say is, in this life, you tend to get back what you put out.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"My daughter has 3 kids. When she met her partner 9 years ago she had her daughter (then two) she then went on to have two more kids with him. He is adopted and doesnt see hes real parents. The problem is i hardly see my daughter and the grandkids as her partner's family have im my opinion taken over as if they were the true grandparents which they are not. they push themselves in and i dont want to be around them. These people have plenty money. Own house. Two cars and think they are above everyone else. Am not like that at all. When i met my second husband i had a child already and my husband's family never ever took over and made my mam feel the way i do. Any advice ?"

My daughter lives ten minutes walk from her in-laws in Berkshire. My daughter has twin boys who used to cry when they see me as they didn't know who I was.

I made an effort to see my daughter and grandsons. It can be as difficult as you want to make it.

You come across jealous and bitter, perhaps that comes across. Make more of an effort. Be happy your grandchildren are surrounded by love and park your ego.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My sister is adopted

I am not

I was in my Grandmas will

She wasn't

Because she 'wasn't a child of the blood'

I've seen what spite can do in terms of adoption

Your daughter and her daughter are lucky "

I can't give this post enoght thumbs up! Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Denise, family dynamics is always hard. Do you and your daughter have a good relationship? Do you live close by?

try not to focus on anyone's relationship with the grandchildren except your own. As a grandparent you get to spoil them. Enjoy your time with them. "

Good advice here.

Focus on what you can do to change this situation. Leave others well alone.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

OP, what did your daughter say when you talked to her about it?

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