FabSwingers.com forum: nice guy syndrome

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

hey there, I fall into the 'nice guy' area in life, what is it that puts people off nice guys?, wether its here for naughty fun or in general life, I just don't seem to get anywhere, whats it all about?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

You mean women don't just take your cock because you are nice to them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone, "

Do you not want to be nice then?

I feel like a councillor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a nice guy too. I make friends relatively easy. But I have a very obvious filthy mind. I don't hide it.

I can be friends with someone and still want to tie them to a chair and tease them until they cry. If they don't feel the same way back then that's ok. I still have a fun friend.

Don't worry about being nice. Just don't pretend to be bland. Let your personality out

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Your verification's would suggest differently

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

"hey there, I fall into the 'nice guy' area in life, what is it that puts people off nice guys?, wether its here for naughty fun or in general life, I just don't seem to get anywhere, whats it all about?"

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice guy but filthy in bed is my preferred type.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?"

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy""

Really?........shit!!!!

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By *arlock69Man
over a year ago

Batley... (near Leeds)

I'm a nice guy but I'm also a sadist too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

maybe iv explained it wrong lol, yes iv had meets here and yes I have a proper dirty mind lol, but out there in vanilla land I always try to treat people nice and with utmost respect, even when im trying to woo someone but at the end I always get 'your such a lovely guy' .... but ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"maybe iv explained it wrong lol, yes iv had meets here and yes I have a proper dirty mind lol, but out there in vanilla land I always try to treat people nice and with utmost respect, even when im trying to woo someone but at the end I always get 'your such a lovely guy' .... but ....

Supprise them and tell them to fuck off!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Supprise them and tell them to fuck off!!

https://youtu.be/la8ZRSIfa-U

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lol, this is my first post and at least iv got some response, cheered me up

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Perhaps there's something else that they're not keen and they're being...erm..'nice'?

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

"lol, this is my first post and at least iv got some response, cheered me up

Awwww lol bet you get more if you post your a complete shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Supprise them and tell them to fuck off!!

https://youtu.be/la8ZRSIfa-U"

Perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Number One Chap is a thoroughly nice, charming, funny and all round decent bloke. He's also an utter, utter filth bag which is a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

Really?........shit!!!!

I meant more when they use just that as their usp.

You know, meet me, I'm a nice guy.

I'll decide if I think you're nice

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

Really?........shit!!!!

I meant more when they use just that as their usp.

You know, meet me, I'm a nice guy.

I'll decide if I think you're nice

Oh fuck, I've used nice and normal.....lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy""

I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Perhaps there's something else that they're not keen and they're being...erm..'nice'?"

yes, your probably right there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol"

You are aware that you've called yourself "Hunny Bun"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol

You are aware that you've called yourself "Hunny Bun"?"

Lol yes, its after a tv character from my youth down here, but in hindsight I really should have thought about it more lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nice guys always come last when it comes to fun the women like dirty talking men it seems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol

You are aware that you've called yourself "Hunny Bun"?

Lol yes, its after a tv character from my youth down here, but in hindsight I really should have thought about it more lol "

Not saying you should change it.

But if your choice of username is a reflection of you (consciously or subconsciously), then maybe in this action and in others you *are* telling people that you see yourself as a nice guy.

Nothing wrong with that.

But you know that nice guys still have to have confidence, take opportunities and are still allowed to pin a woman against a wall and kiss her. We're also able to bend a woman over and spank her until her arse is pink. You just have to make it up to her afterwards.

Be nice.

But don't *just* be nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"nice guys always come last"

Better than always coming first, or not getting a chance to come at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry about it. I'm a complete arse and that seems to put people off too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice guy but filthy in bed is my preferred type.

Yep me too

Ruby

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By *ewxpMan
over a year ago

Bath

I read through the whole post. Taken on board some advice so thanks to all.

I am also the kind of guy who gets the "you are a nice guy but!" thing. There have been times where my member has changed their minds

But generally, it isn't my personality that wins the day. I am always afraid to say that filthy thing that comes to mind.

Oddly enough though, when I spend enough time around people, I am also told I am very flirty but damned if I know I'm doing it! How's that fair?!

I don't think I am adding to this debate

Merely supporting fellow nice guy syndromers. I suppose we need to learn how to speak our minds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try being a cunt, see where that gets you.

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By *reeman76Man
over a year ago

oldbury

Check out Corey Wayne on YouTube. He might help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try being a cunt, see where that gets you."

A lot further than being servile. A medium is key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just a get out of jail free card for people who dont want to hurt your feelings as to why they arnt interested in you sexually or romantically.

Its a bit like the phrase...

Its not you its me ?

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By *al01Man
over a year ago

solihull

I get told all the time that im too nice for me own good.

Fu k it it who i am and i aint gunna change

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

OP, don't fret too much.

From where I stand, I've won meets with people who preferred the nice and polite approach. It works for me!

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

Really?........shit!!!!

I meant more when they use just that as their usp.

You know, meet me, I'm a nice guy.

I'll decide if I think you're nice

Exactly. Glad it's not just me

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Perhaps there's something else that they're not keen and they're being...erm..'nice'?"

Would be my guess.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"nice guys always come last when it comes to fun the women like dirty talking men it seems

...a convenient excuse used by the socially inept.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with some other comments and don't really think being nice is the barrier your facing - it's something else and they're being polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Number One Chap is a thoroughly nice, charming, funny and all round decent bloke. He's also an utter, utter filth bag which is a bonus.

I'm a considerate deviant!

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

To quote Wikipedia on the subject

"The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as misogynistic, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them.This is closely associated with so-called "nice guy syndrome"."

Being nice to others is a basis for civilisation. If you are being nice because you expect something in return, it's just manipulative acting.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I'm a bastard, not a cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't know 'nice' guys still exist. I must be looking in the wrong places

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By *ewxpMan
over a year ago

Bath

"I didn't know 'nice' guys still exist. I must be looking in the wrong places

I will hold a door open for you, AND I won't slap your bum as you pass. Unless you give me the look that says you want me to

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Supprise them and tell them to fuck off!!

So helpful....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't know 'nice' guys still exist. I must be looking in the wrong places

I will hold a door open for you, AND I won't slap your bum as you pass. Unless you give me the look that says you want me to

I think it's time to ask for the definition of a nice guy lol

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

" I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol

You are aware that you've called yourself "Hunny Bun"?

Lol yes, its after a tv character from my youth down here, but in hindsight I really should have thought about it more lol

Not saying you should change it.

But if your choice of username is a reflection of you (consciously or subconsciously), then maybe in this action and in others you *are* telling people that you see yourself as a nice guy.

Nothing wrong with that.

No you friggin' aren't!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice guy but filthy in bed is my preferred type.

"
hello ??????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing wrong with being a gentleman, if that doesn't work then they're the ones with the problem not you.

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By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Women like an edge... A glint in the eye... A hint of darkness...

There is a fine line between being dull/borimg and nice.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Aaw...it's always the 'but' .....

Hey, don't go changing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aaw...it's always the 'but' .....

Hey, don't go changing...

Billy Joel song

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By *ewxpMan
over a year ago

Bath

Ok, Ok, I think I've got it guys. Hold the phone.

The problem here is that the term "you are a nice guy but..." is implying that there is a flaw in your personality.

Now if they said "I like taller/shorter guys, I like guys with dark/light eyes, I like guys who are something that you cannot be" then you can chalk it up to incompatibility, it still sucks but it isn't a direct attack at you because it is out of your control.

But to say it is because you are a nice guy, that's a personal attack. That means there is something wrong with the way you treated that person that made them not want to be with you. Thus the dilemma is born! Now you question yourself.

That is the issue here, being rejected for the reasons of "too nice" makes you question what it is about your personality and the way you showed respect and kindness to the other person that could possibly be unattractive. If it happens multiple times, then surely there is something wrong with being nice! I get the thought process

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

There's nothing wrong with being 'nice' OP ... I wouldn't want to meet someone unless they were nice, and by that I mean they were good company, considerate, kind and mannered. *But* there still has to be sexual attraction there - I'm not going to find all nice guys attractive. And, for what it's worth, being nice, and being extremely sexually exciting, are not necessarily mutually exclusive traits - far from it. I'm afraid, like others have said that the 'you're a nice guy but ...' line is pretty commonly rolled out when you're trying to let someone down gently, and perhaps rather misleadingly suggests that 'niceness' is the issue, when usually it's not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's nothing wrong with being 'nice' OP ... I wouldn't want to meet someone unless they were nice, and by that I mean they were good company, considerate, kind and mannered. *But* there still has to be sexual attraction there - I'm not going to find all nice guys attractive. And, for what it's worth, being nice, and being extremely sexually exciting, are not necessarily mutually exclusive traits - far from it. I'm afraid, like others have said that the 'you're a nice guy but ...' line is pretty commonly rolled out when you're trying to let someone down gently, and perhaps rather misleadingly suggests that 'niceness' is the issue, when usually it's not."

You worded that very well

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Aaw...it's always the 'but' .....

Hey, don't go changing...

Billy Joel song

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...you know that nice guys still have to have confidence, take opportunities and are still allowed to pin a woman against a wall and kiss her. We're also able to bend a woman over and spank her until her arse is pink. You just have to make it up to her afterwards.

Be nice.

But don't *just* be nice."

This makes a lot of sense. Nothing will convince me to fundamentally change how I am (ie civilised bloke by nature, not agenda) - but there's no reason why I can't dabble my toes, into the realms of 'naughty', where most fabbers seem to dwell.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

fucking love what this lady says about it, so i've nicked it and c&p, she's ok with that.

There is also the fact that many "nice guys" are really being nice to try to trade for better benefits. Women feel this, and it kills any possibility for sex.

Add to that, that many men think that being nice means tamping down on all of their sexual aggression and masculinity, which again—guess what?—removes any/all chances for sexual attraction.

In fact, I wrote about this over 7 years ago, and there is a number of articles and books about "Nice Guy Syndrome," Just look it up.

Nice Guy Syndrome

So a thread on FetLife about “Nice Guys” got me thinking. The topic was whether women would date a nice guy. It’s funny, because my immediate gut reaction is “No,” yet I know that my boyfriend is a nice guy. Yes, he is also a bad boy, but that (and why those two things are not incompatible) is a discussion for another day.

So, why the instinctive flinch when I think about nice guys? Why is “nice guy” a death knell when applied to men? I think I have at least part of the answer.

First of all, I’d like to say that there are good and bad sides to the Nice Guy (from here on in I will refer to this subset of the male species as NG, not to be confused with HNG, or “horny net geek,” which is a different subset entirely), and sometimes the good is exactly opposite of the bad. Of course, as it often does, the bad is what stereotypically defines the NG, and makes a woman hate the idea of dating such a person.

I’ve created a comparison chart to show the differences that I can see. NG refers to the Nice Guy subset in the bad range of behaviors, while GG will refer to the “genuine” nice guy who falls primarily into the good range of behaviors.

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

This is the pathetic whine of the entitled NG who feels that by saying X words and performing Y tasks, the woman (women) of his dreams should automagically adore him, instead of the “misogynistic conceited asshole” she’s dating now.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the GG, who understands that everyone has different preferences, and just as he does not adore every potential partner that comes his way, neither will the women in his life. He also realizes that not every other man in the world is a misogynistic asshole, just because he gets the girls. His philosophy is two part:

You win some, you lose some.

Friendship is more important.

FALLING HARD AND FAST

I have written an entire post on this subject previously because of an experience with an NG, but I will keep this short. NGs tend to fall hard and fast for “the girl of their dreams,” most often without regard for her thoughts and feelings in the matter, and usually without truly getting to know her well.

This “love at first sight” is based primarily on external factors such as looks, public personality, and overall impressions. Sometimes it is also based on the unattainability of said girl, or her attachment to/friendship with the “anti-NG.”

This “love” is expressed through various methods, which on the surface resemble the genuine article, but ring false because they truly have no substance behind them, such as:

Jokes. The NG uses a joke to express his need/want/desire/unhealthy obsession, so that if a woman were to reject him, he can claim he was just joking.

Wildly flowery words. The NG uses praise and (often) public adoration to woo. Unfortunately, these exhortations are not genuine and if rebuffed, often turn snarky. Eg., Monday: My passion flower, the star in the heavens that lights my night. Thursday: Crazy bitch.

Buying love. Many NGs resort to buying attention from women. Taking them out to dinner, offering to support them and getting them pretty gifts, often way too early in the relationship. The women who mistake these things for true love often find that these men would rather buy them a diamond ring than actually pay attention to their feelings.

The GG, on the other hand will take the time to get to know a woman (even the “woman of his dreams”) before presuming that he is in love. Even if he feels “love at first sight,” he is likely to announce that later - much later - because he is not interested in pressuring anyone into a relationship with him.

I HAVE TERRIBLE LUCK WITH WOMEN

This is the hallmark of the NG. Most, if not all of the women in his past have taken advantage of him. They have taken money, cheated on him, abused him, strung him along, and/or left him for an abusive asshole, all because he was “too nice.”

The GG realizes that some people are just not made for each other and that it takes two to tango. Some of his past relationship mistakes are his fault.

NO, REALLY, MOST GUYS ARE ASSHOLES

NGs hate the women that scorn them. Even more, they hate the men they scorn them for, even if they never had a chance with that woman to begin with.

Men who are successful with women are reviled or, in a weird twist of fate, sometimes adulated…

In kind of a sick, twisted guy-crush way, many NGs have “The Guy” whose cast-offs he takes whenever possible, or whose girlfriends are always sweet and loveable (and unattainable). He attaches himself to this man either as a best friend or sometimes from afar. He studies what this man does to emulate his tactics, to replicate his success with the distaff gender to no avail. He has the words, but not the substance.

NGs are insanely competitive with other men, sometimes openly, sometimes in a very sneaky way.

GGs tend to get along with men and women alike, basing their friendship on actual qualities and behaviors, rather than sex appeal and snap judgments. They are comfortable with men in relationships and out of them.

I WOULD NEVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT

NGs are there for you when you need to talk about your current BF. They listen and support you, and tell you what an asshole he is and how he doesn’t deserve you.

You see, NGs secretly believe that deep down inside, if you would just give him a chance, he would never let you down. He doesn’t realize that you are not out searching for a backup plan, and even if you are, it probably won’t be him.

Any man who hurts you hurts you because he’s an asshole, a misogynist, inconsiderate, self-centered (the list goes on), not because sometimes everyone makes mistakes or because people in relationships argue sometimes and that’s just the way it goes.

You see, the NG would be the perfect mate because, well, he is just so darn nice.

GGs understand that you just want to vent and to talk. They do not use every argument you have with a man as a chance to drive a wedge between you or to get into your pants. Even if they adore you, that’s just not their style.

PEOPLE SHOULD LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM

This is one of those big lies that has a small kernel of truth in it. Yes, in general people should love you for who you are. However, that does not mean you cannot improve.

NGs don’t like to hear suggestions or criticism. Actually, 99.99% of people don’t like it, but NGs HATE it. You see, their egos are so fragile that they can’t stand to hear that they are not perfect just because they are nice.

GGs often get that way because they take it to heart when people say they can improve, and they do – whenever it falls within their value system.

WASN’T THAT CONCERT WONDERFUL?

NGs have this way of trying to develop a relationship based on the most tenuous of connections. For example, you are out with girlfriends at a concert, and see the NG, say hello and chat for a few moments. Now you are best friends, because you share that experience, that love of SmashBand.

Even better, NGs will look for any chance to drag this newfound connection out in front of everyone, going on and on about how much you both enjoy x and so, or letting you know he just got the new whatever, and you should get together and share it.

GGs look for things in common to build a bridge of friendship and common ground to you and from you. If they do mention it in front of others, it will be casually, not as the focus on a conversation designed to make you notice him.

HE GIVES YOU THE WILLIES

NGs get a bit creepy sometimes. In the lifestyle, we see this particular phenomenon most often in creepy subs. There are Creepy Doms, and they share this trait, but not the rest of the NG traits… and that is another subject for another time.

It’s hard to put a finger on it, but it is often one or several of the following things:

They get too close, invading personal space. They do not see you flinch or tense.

They ask intimate questions that they have no right to ask, and get pissy when you prefer not to answer. (“Because we are both adults here,” or “It’s all in innocent fun.”)

They make sly insinuations, giving people the wrong impression about your relationship.

They try too hard, they laugh too loud at your jokes, and/or they agree too often.

If any of these things are pointed out, it is turned around to be YOUR fault. You are being either self-centered or paranoid or both.

GGs would be appalled and apologize if they were told that they were doing any one of these things, much more so if they were told they had done them in combination.

YOU SENSE HIS BITTERNESS

NGs are kicked around by women. They make a point of telling you so. What they don’t tell you, but you can often sense a deep level, is that they have secretly condemned all women based on their experiences, and are as misogynistic as (sometimes more misogynistic than) the average woman-hating asshole.

If you listen, you can probably hear it in his tone of voice when he talks about how women have treated him in the past and are treating him in the present.

You can hear it when he triumphantly proclaims the demise of the relationship his ex left him for “I knew it wouldn’t last. She never should have left me for that asshole.”

You can hear it when he turns on you because you did not live up to his fantasy of accepting him just because he is a nice guy.

IT’S NOT ENOUGH

All in all, what NGs don’t understand is that being a nice guy is not the be-all, end-all. It is something that is expected in addition to other important qualities. Proclaiming what a nice guy you are just makes me want to ask, “So what?” I expect any person I choose to interact with to be “nice.” It’s the other personality traits that make you stand out.

IT’S NOT JUST THE MEN

Yeah, I’ve been calling them nice guys, but ladies, this applies to us, too. Nice girls are just as bad, sometimes worse. NGs (nice guys/nice girls) use their niceness as a shield to protect them from having to do or be better, from having to learn social interaction, from having to actually pay attention to others, from being honest with themselves, from creating true relationships, and most of all from having to take any blame for the things that go wrong in their relationships with others.

IT’S NOT JUST YOU

As I’ve written this, I’ve spotted behaviors that I have been guilty of in the past, and a few I will probably be guilty of in the future. Now that I have them written, it’s easier to see my own flaws, and to hopefully correct them as I go, so I can be more GG and less NG.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone, "

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?"

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a theory of my own about "grey" men. Not the 50 shades ones, the ones that have an aura of greyness about them; they have no colour about or around them.

They don't inspire me or stimulate me, in any way and are usually "nice" men.

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy,

It's far preferable to being a total c##t...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Commenting so I can come back to this. Have already spotted a few familiar things so will take my time to have a read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy,

It's far preferable to being a total c##t...

Exactly. Anyone can be an arsehole, it's easy.

But to be a nice bloke, it takes a bit more fore thought.

I've had my share of bad boys. They're exhausting and cause nothing but drama. These days i want a quiet life. And shit hot sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"fucking love what this lady says about it, so i've nicked it and c&p, she's ok with that.

There is also the fact that many "nice guys" are really being nice to try to trade for better benefits. Women feel this, and it kills any possibility for sex.

Add to that, that many men think that being nice means tamping down on all of their sexual aggression and masculinity, which again—guess what?—removes any/all chances for sexual attraction.

In fact, I wrote about this over 7 years ago, and there is a number of articles and books about "Nice Guy Syndrome," Just look it up.

Nice Guy Syndrome

So, why the instinctive flinch when I think about nice guys? Why is “nice guy” a death knell when applied to men? I think I have at least part of the answer.

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

You win some, you lose some.

Friendship is more important.

FALLING HARD AND FAST

This “love” is expressed through various methods, which on the surface resemble the genuine article, but ring false because they truly have no substance behind them, such as:

Jokes. The NG uses a joke to express his need/want/desire/unhealthy obsession, so that if a woman were to reject him, he can claim he was just joking.

I HAVE TERRIBLE LUCK WITH WOMEN

The GG realizes that some people are just not made for each other and that it takes two to tango. Some of his past relationship mistakes are his fault.

NO, REALLY, MOST GUYS ARE ASSHOLES

NGs hate the women that scorn them. Even more, they hate the men they scorn them for, even if they never had a chance with that woman to begin with.

Men who are successful with women are reviled or, in a weird twist of fate, sometimes adulated…

NGs are insanely competitive with other men, sometimes openly, sometimes in a very sneaky way.

I WOULD NEVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT

NGs are there for you when you need to talk about your current BF. They listen and support you, and tell you what an asshole he is and how he doesn’t deserve you.

You see, the NG would be the perfect mate because, well, he is just so darn nice.

PEOPLE SHOULD LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM

This is one of those big lies that has a small kernel of truth in it. Yes, in general people should love you for who you are. However, that does not mean you cannot improve.

GGs often get that way because they take it to heart when people say they can improve, and they do – whenever it falls within their value system.

WASN’T THAT CONCERT WONDERFUL?

HE GIVES YOU THE WILLIES

It’s hard to put a finger on it, but it is often one or several of the following things:

They get too close, invading personal space. They do not see you flinch or tense.

They ask intimate questions that they have no right to ask, and get pissy when you prefer not to answer. (“Because we are both adults here,” or “It’s all in innocent fun.”)

They make sly insinuations, giving people the wrong impression about your relationship.

They try too hard, they laugh too loud at your jokes, and/or they agree too often.

If any of these things are pointed out, it is turned around to be YOUR fault. You are being either self-centered or paranoid or both.

GGs would be appalled and apologize if they were told that they were doing any one of these things, much more so if they were told they had done them in combination.

YOU SENSE HIS BITTERNESS

If you listen, you can probably hear it in his tone of voice when he talks about how women have treated him in the past and are treating him in the present.

You can hear it when he triumphantly proclaims the demise of the relationship his ex left him for “I knew it wouldn’t last. She never should have left me for that asshole.”

You can hear it when he turns on you because you did not live up to his fantasy of accepting him just because he is a nice guy.

IT’S NOT ENOUGH

IT’S NOT JUST THE MEN

IT’S NOT JUST YOU

An interesting post. I consider myself to be a 'nice guy' but recognise none of the above mentioned traits. Guess you can't tar us all with the same brush after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life. "

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't be bothered reading all that. I'll wait for the film.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually i find its because "nice" guys aren't honest.

They don't declare thier feelings early and appropriately they think they will succed by worming tbier way into the womans life.

Which doesnt work as that makes you a "friend".

If you like someone be honest from the outset don't try to manipulate them with "niceness"

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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"An interesting post. I consider myself to be a 'nice guy' but recognise none of the above mentioned traits. Guess you can't tar us all with the same brush after all"

it's more the bitter 'nice' guy. just thought it'd be an interesting read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An interesting post. I consider myself to be a 'nice guy' but recognise none of the above mentioned traits. Guess you can't tar us all with the same brush after all

it's more the bitter 'nice' guy. just thought it'd be an interesting read."

I also don't think that the use of wildly flowery words or the buying of gifts is something to be treated with suspicion. The former is merely an indication of intelligence (as opposed to monosyllabic grunting), the latter a display of how much you value the one you're with. If i choose to write poetry for a woman and buy her flowers how can that make me someohe who's best avoided?

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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"An interesting post. I consider myself to be a 'nice guy' but recognise none of the above mentioned traits. Guess you can't tar us all with the same brush after all

it's more the bitter 'nice' guy. just thought it'd be an interesting read.

some guys use these techniques to manipulate a woman into thinking she is more valuable to a guy than she actually is.

my ex was all 'flowery' with me, trust me he is dumb as a rock also, but i thought it was nice...and that he was nice. found out what he was really like and don't wanna think about it any more so not going into details.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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and it's basically saying there's a difference between a guy who acts nice, and thinks he's nice to a guy who actually is nice. think that's the main gist of all that really.

some men know how to act nice and fake that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and it's basically saying there's a difference between a guy who acts nice, and thinks he's nice to a guy who actually is nice. think that's the main gist of all that really.

some men know how to act nice and fake that."

That makes more sense - the 'trying to be nice guy' and the 'just is nice guy'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"and it's basically saying there's a difference between a guy who acts nice, and thinks he's nice to a guy who actually is nice. think that's the main gist of all that really.

some men know how to act nice and fake that."

I see where you're coming from.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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"and it's basically saying there's a difference between a guy who acts nice, and thinks he's nice to a guy who actually is nice. think that's the main gist of all that really.

some men know how to act nice and fake that.

That makes more sense - the 'trying to be nice guy' and the 'just is nice guy'"

yeah, pretty much is that. doesn't mean all guys who are nice are not really nice. but some know what women like and use that as a means to their own end.

sometimes guys ask us 'why do women want bad boys' but plenty of us don't, it's just some of them know how to bullshit us and we end up with rubbish guys who we think are nice.

will take me a while to trust anyone after my last ex, horrible guy who knows how to play women.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

absolutely nothing, I have lots of female friends, of which I treat the same way but for some reason ones I meet as a 'date' end up being friends too, im guessing its just me, I must be a wrongun or sumit lol

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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gonna add as well that plenty of guys see nice women as someone to use, string along or keep hanging, i think so anyway. and that's why i act like a bitch plenty of times. no fucker is gonna see the nice side of me unless he deserves that.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"You mean women don't just take your cock because you are nice to them?

Why are you here? You seem to seek to be wound up by anything men say. It must be really hard work.

Back to the Op,

I think it is human nature. Andy once had a gf who was utterly lovely, really good in bed, clever, intelligent etc. but never gave any resistance or argued with anything he said.

It was doomed to failure as humans are designed to revel in a little resistance.

We need our other halves or partners to be interesting and that means nice to an extent but also willing to cause friction at times.

It seems paradoxical but it's the human condition.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"You mean women don't just take your cock because you are nice to them?

Why are you here? You seem to seek to be wound up by anything men say. It must be really hard work.

I'm here for sex and the forums. I thought that would be obvious.

It wasn't a serious comment. My post summarised in a tongue in cheek manner what several posters posted.

Nor am I wound up by anything men say - there are plenty of posts that I don't comment on that have been written by men. And many posts where, shock horror, I agree with the men I'm so keen to get wound up by. But please, keep up with the poor, inaccurate analysis of others. That must be hard work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me."

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"You mean women don't just take your cock because you are nice to them?

Why are you here? You seem to seek to be wound up by anything men say. It must be really hard work.

I'm here for sex and the forums. I thought that would be obvious.

It wasn't a serious comment. My post summarised in a tongue in cheek manner what several posters posted.

Lol apologies. Must be mistaking you for someone with a similar profile based on what they posted and the words they used.

An easy mistake to make.

Not as hard as you may think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice guy is often interpreted as insecure or lacking in confidence. Where sex is concerned i think its the last thing a woman wants.

Guy is too nice to kiss me, when's he gonna fuck me.

Also i think they're is an unwritten thing that basically suggests. A nice guy is only being nice for the opportunity of sex. Could be they would rather not wait for the penny to drop.

2 cents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was"

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I like nice guys but they have to have a bit of grrrrr at the right moments otherwise I'm going to get bored quickly!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"no,

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole."

And that to

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole."

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world. "

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks."

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Too nice' usually translates to 'don't fancy you'

IMHO there is no such thing as 'too nice' : it's just a cop out for not being honest with someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference. "

I agree some people thrive in what others would view as an abuse relationship.

Not my thing but each to their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They have to be attracted to you too. Being nice is a basic expectation and the least any lady you meet in life deserves, not a bargaining chip for sex.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

I agree some people thrive in what others would view as an abuse relationship.

Not my thing but each to their own.

I agree to a certain extent.

Knowing both men and women who have been in very unfortunate relationships with abusive partners of both sex I think those who can see a danger to their health have a duty to speak up and if illegal behaviour is threatened or manifest and the abused doesn't stop it, to involve the necessary authority.

But if there is no law breaking and the party who we perceive to be the victim has no intention of stopping their relationship or making their partner stop their behaviour we have no choice but to respect the decision of a sentient adult even if we disagree with it.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference. "

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

my oldest kids dad was a dick, by the time i'd had kids with him he would tell me nobody else would want me, blah blah all that shit. i left him anyway when he punched me in the head while i was pregnant the last time to him. i stayed with him coz i thought i couldn't do any better.

turned into a hermit for a while after him (my abuser), and a genuine nice guy chased after me once i went out back into the world, i let my walls down for him coz he proved to me he could be trusted...best thing i ever did in my life too. everything improved in my life once i found unconditional love.

my abuser told me i couldn't be with that guy (and not that nobody would want me) but just i couldn't be with someone while i was bringing up his kids. i didn't believe him or even car what he said by this point coz i'd been proved otherwise.

i fucked off all my abusers the day i believed i was lovable. so it's not as simple as women wanting abusers, sometimes we think we don't deserve any better or it is even comforting to be with something we are familiar with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To quote Wikipedia on the subject

Being nice to others is a basis for civilisation. If you are being nice because you expect something in return, it's just manipulative acting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me."

You're getting plenty of sex though. He may well be meeting loads of women, who all friend zone him.

Your life sounds miles apart from his.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also maybe is the presumption that a nice guy will be expecting a nice woman which i guess is erm just a bit of a erm, well its just not accurate.

I mean women are generally far more sensual and sexual than men. Develop faster, make ground in exploration faster and subsequently will seek someone on there level hence the older man.

Hence my attraction to the older woman. Not saying i've done everything to be done, just i'd rather be with someone can teach me something

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

However if there is no law breaking, we can only tell who we perceive to be the abused what we think and let them make their choices in life. We can offer support and alternatives but we cannot compel them to comply.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

It's worth remembering that most abusers are not doing it for kicks. They are doing it because they have come to believe, for a variety of reasons that this is the best way to live. It is not wrong to say that to live by our standards they also need help and understanding.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere."

Pretend, not prevent in the first paragraph. Sorry.

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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago

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"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere."

we understand a lot about abuse and abusers now, hence why a lot more types of abuse are now illegal.

abused people can be abusers also, but both types of people here are often not emotionally mature. something happened when they were a child and they stopped developing from that point. so although physically these people are seeming to be adults, mentally they often are not.

some people with personality disorders will never change, they just haven't the capability to do that. but some can, yes.

i still work now in a way to protect myself, despite enjoying being vulnerable. because the world taught me i should do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere.

Pretend, not prevent in the first paragraph. Sorry. "

When I mentioned abusive relationships.

I was not saying that there had to be an abuser as such.

I was stating that some people thrive in an abusive relationship.

By that I mean a relationship that wouldn't be see as a healthy relationship by outsiders.

You can be in an abusive relationship without having an abuser/perpetrator as such.

It can sometimes be an equal relationship where both assume the role of abuser and the abused.

That type of dynamics in a relationship does seem to work for for some people.

I don't "get it" personally as I would run a mile as I prefer a more sedate quiet life.

But each to their own and what ever works for them etc.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere.

we understand a lot about abuse and abusers now, hence why a lot more types of abuse are now illegal.

some people with personality disorders will never change, they just haven't the capability to do that. but some can, yes.

i still work now in a way to protect myself, despite enjoying being vulnerable. because the world taught me i should do that."

Being vulnerable is perfectly reasonable. Provided, like you say, you know when enough is enough.

A vital part of any healthy relationship is being vulnerable with your partner(s) and how they respond.

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By *rinking-in-laCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere.

Pretend, not prevent in the first paragraph. Sorry.

When I mentioned abusive relationships.

I was not saying that there had to be an abuser as such.

I was stating that some people thrive in an abusive relationship.

By that I mean a relationship that wouldn't be see as a healthy relationship by outsiders.

You can be in an abusive relationship without having an abuser/perpetrator as such.

It can sometimes be an equal relationship where both assume the role of abuser and the abused.

That type of dynamics in a relationship does seem to work for for some people.

I don't "get it" personally as I would run a mile as I prefer a more sedate quiet life.

But each to their own and what ever works for them etc.

"
I agree.

It suits the political zeitgeist to portray certain sections of society as all potential abusers and other sections as victims-in-waiting when we would be well advised to understand that anyone could fulfill any role depending on their desires, background etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

A lot of people do though.

It takes all sorts to make a world.

I would imagine that there are very few people in the would who actually want to have sex with and/or date blokes that are proper pricks.

It's nice to imagine that.

But reality is somewhat different.

How many men and women are drawn towards abusive partners?

Some leg it, many don't and many go back time and again.

I can't understand it and it doesn't seem like you can either. But there are a great many who don't share our views.

Vive la difference.

abusive partners aren't actually relationships though. abusers have to use manipulation to get someone to stay with them.

I agree that abused people often make judgements we would not make. I am not going to prevent for one minute it's just women who are abused or men who abuse. It's very much open season.

Adults get to make their choices. If we make the choices for them then we are guilty of the abuse we are fighting against.

Otherwise they will just go onto behave the same elsewhere.

Pretend, not prevent in the first paragraph. Sorry.

When I mentioned abusive relationships.

I was not saying that there had to be an abuser as such.

I was stating that some people thrive in an abusive relationship.

By that I mean a relationship that wouldn't be see as a healthy relationship by outsiders.

You can be in an abusive relationship without having an abuser/perpetrator as such.

It can sometimes be an equal relationship where both assume the role of abuser and the abused.

That type of dynamics in a relationship does seem to work for for some people.

I don't "get it" personally as I would run a mile as I prefer a more sedate quiet life.

But each to their own and what ever works for them etc.

I agree.

Agreed.

And haven't we all assumed the role of abuser/advantage taker and abused/advantage taken at some stages in our lives to varying degrees?

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Here is the problem imo with "nice guy". most put women on a pedestal and overly invest in getting a respond instead of being yourself and mind your own business. If there is no reciprocation why bother torturing yourself, move on.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Nice men are great and I prefer them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe ladies want to see a masculine side to you ? Xx

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

"Maybe ladies want to see a masculine side to you ? Xx"

What about the guy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole."

That's not what it says in your interests!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/02/17 20:16:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's amazing what you can get away with saying if you flash a cheeky grin after saying it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway? "

My mum used to buy those "Nice" biscuits when i was a kid. They were pretty boring tbh.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway? "

Nice guys.......

It meens we don't go about treeting women like thay are a pice of meet.

It meens we respect others.

It meens if you say no to sumthing we respect that.

It meens we don't try to presher you in to sumthing.

It meens we normley ask you if you want sum help not wate till you ask.

And so on and so on.......

That sort of stuff is a nice guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway?

Nice guys.......

It meens we don't go about treeting women like thay are a pice of meet.

It meens we respect others.

It meens if you say no to sumthing we respect that.

It meens we don't try to presher you in to sumthing.

It meens we normley ask you if you want sum help not wate till you ask.

And so on and so on.......

That sort of stuff is a nice guy"

I think that's just the basic level of respect that people should show towards each other rather than being something noteworthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

You're getting plenty of sex though. He may well be meeting loads of women, who all friend zone him.

Your life sounds miles apart from his. "

Really? I don't sleep with all my friends. I mostly sleep with people from swingers groups on fetish sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe ladies want to see a masculine side to you ? Xx

What about the guy?"

Don't you know, men'd feelings don't count lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway?

Nice guys.......

It meens we don't go about treeting women like thay are a pice of meet.

It meens we respect others.

It meens if you say no to sumthing we respect that.

It meens we don't try to presher you in to sumthing.

It meens we normley ask you if you want sum help not wate till you ask.

And so on and so on.......

That sort of stuff is a nice guy"

That's not being a 'nice guy', that's 'not being a rapist'. And being a 'decent human'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like nice men. Nice men can be sexy and a pleasure to be with. Like all men, there are nice men I'm attracted to and nice men I'm not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"no, I mean in general, I just end up in the 'friends' zone,

Whats wrong with being friends with a woman?

I'm going to assume he wants a sex life.

Well then, maybe he needs to meet more people?

I don't whinge that I'm a 'nice girl' and in the 'friend zone' because very few of my male friends want to have sex with me.

im not whinging, was just seeing peoples perception of dating a nice guy was

Nice guys are great. I don't want to have sex with an asshole.

That's not what it says in your interests!

I think you misunderstand my interests then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You yourself saying you nice doesent mean you are nice ( not suggesting your not )surely that needs to be said by other ppl right ?

I agree, it puts me off when men say "I'm a nice guy"

I never say im nice, other people say I am, probably their way of saying fekk off lol"

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this all the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This isn't actually a thing, it's just been invented by men who feel affronted that some women don't want to have sex with them.

What does "nice" even mean, anyway?

Nice guys.......

It meens we don't go about treeting women like thay are a pice of meet.

It meens we respect others.

It meens if you say no to sumthing we respect that.

It meens we don't try to presher you in to sumthing.

It meens we normley ask you if you want sum help not wate till you ask.

And so on and so on.......

That sort of stuff is a nice guy"

You got it

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I get this all the time.

You're not nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take? "

No my love x

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Yep, being an arrogant dick seems to get you all the ladies in real life.

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By *ubSirVient-DefinitionCouple
over a year ago

dukinfield

Factoid #1

Nice guys Come last!

Nice guys Cum last!!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take?

No my love x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take?

No my love x

Look, he's a nice guy. Now you have to pity-fuck him. It's in the rules or something.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take?

No my love x

Look, he's a nice guy. Now you have to pity-fuck him. It's in the rules or something."

But he can't stand me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be nice.

But not predictable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can be nice without being a wet blanket......then you might get a wet blanket........but it's not pee ok!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have found guys who whinge about how nice they are and still finish last are very often deluded. They are the same as most other men but also whine and are needy. They are either unaware or in denial about their own flaws. I also hate it when people say I'm such a nice girl, because well I'm really not.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Well, I like nice guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's taken over one hundred and thirty posts for a

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"gonna add as well that plenty of guys see nice women as someone to use, string along or keep hanging, i think so anyway. and that's why i act like a bitch plenty of times. no fucker is gonna see the nice side of me unless he deserves that."

Ironically i have a soft spot for women who're not so nice.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

I know what the OP is saying here. I have usually been placed in "the friends zone" but I'm largely a happy person so it doesn't bother me much these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to think im a nice guy but with a very mean streak which my latest veri backs up. You can be nice yet mean at the same time. You just havnt found the right playmate yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice men are great and I prefer them

And if I should be so bold?

You deserve them too

Is that a piss take?

No my love x

Look, he's a nice guy. Now you have to pity-fuck him. It's in the rules or something.

But he can't stand me

Who can't?

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