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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So.. I got caught cheating on my wife about a year ago. We had two children and I fucked up. I should have had the courage to talk about how I felt, but I didn't and I broke her heart. I can see I've slowly begun to break my children's. Don't be like me people, if you're doing it or thinking about it, man up and tell her/him. You'll save yourself a lot of pain, not only do you feel your own loss (I loved her, even though I did what I did), but you feel everyone else's and have to take responsibility for that. Admitting you suck as a person is quite a hard blow to take.
So I decided to jump into Fab full throttle, only.. It doesn't quite work like that. Apparently I have to compete with one million and one other single men, five million and five cheaters in relationships and the super studs who do this right. But I'm a quick learner and chase what I like, adapt and overcome. Despite what I did, on the whole I'm a pretty decent person and it turns out getting noticed is the hardest part (two line rule!) and now I'm doing OK as far as Fab goes.
Trouble is.. Six months ago I fell in love again. She's not on here, though she'd put most of you to shame! She has two young children like me and she fell in love too. When she told me, I panicked. Is this a rebound? What about our kids? Am I really in love? Or infatuated? I asked her to put her guard up a little and wait for me a sec - I explained why - I could see I was in love too and told her a couple of weeks later.
In that time she came to the conclusion, thanks to my ex, that she definitely doesn't want a man with baggage. She told me that before we started to fancy each other, it didn't stop us before. But that's not the original excuse I got, I've been given a few, none of which mattered before. So I've just had to accept the fact it was just an infatuation and I was right to hold out and wait.
The worst part of my situation is she was one of two friends I have in this town. I'm not from here and I'm stuck here, because of my kids, but if my ex moved to Canada I'd follow, just to be near them. But she was a really good friend and I'm going to miss her a lot. I've had to tell her I can't do it, I see her online elsewhere and I get upset, I see her on Facebook and same thing. I don't like being upset, so I told her I loved her and ended the friendship as well.
I don't want to blab all over Facebook. My oldest, truest friends from farther fields have noticed my change in tone and asked how I'm doing. Which honestly I think is pretty good going given all the emotional trauma this last year.
But what doesn't help, is craving nsa unemotional sex to get over emotional sex (secretly wanting the emotion with the right person).. And then finding your next couple of encounters are with people who enjoy passionate sex or are actively seeking an emotional thing themselves... Fucks with your brain a bit.
Give all the advice you like, I'll most likely ignore it, take the piss all you want, it'll probably cheer me up. I just wrote it to get it off my chest, sometimes it helps me to unload onto a load of strangers (ahem) and the FAB forum is the one place I feel I can say the whole thing to people who could begin to understand it. So if you can relate at all.. Drop a thumbs up.. If your life is tragic comedy or case casual divine justice, please share.. I need a laugh. |
