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Self belief or social standards?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I need zero validation for my own self worth

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Nor do I feel the need to validate others.

I avoid those threads

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By *aster C the kinksterMan
over a year ago

Darlington

Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

"

I wish you could bottle and sell some of your self worth, I'd buy some

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

I wish you could bottle and sell some of your self worth, I'd buy some "

It's taken medication, lots of therapy and mindfulness....

And ownership

I sincerely hope you get there

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

yes they do, though i think im ok i dont expect others to think so too, i dont go out of my way to get people to like me because i dont really care enough and just cant be bothered. i just dont think that other people and their opinions are that important most of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance."

I am 100% in agreement!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

I wish you could bottle and sell some of your self worth, I'd buy some

It's taken medication, lots of therapy and mindfulness....

And ownership

I sincerely hope you get there "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

"

This!

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance."

If only that was true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are. "

Yes this drives me nuts. When people start looking for compliments then there is no hope.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are. "

I think everyone alive has at some point refused a compliment with the words 'yes but...'. Just one of those things.

If I waited for someone on here to validate my looks I'd be waiting for ever. Bastards.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

That is a reasonable conjecture.

As incorrect as the logic is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true."

Unfortunately we live in a world which promotes only the socially verified standard of 'beautiful' will succeed and be desired.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are. "

What about if they post negative comments 'cause they are realistic enough to realise they are not wonderful and gorgeous and that's ok? Not for validation from others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true.

Unfortunately we live in a world which promotes only the socially verified standard of 'beautiful' will succeed and be desired. "

Nobody ever said life was fair though did they.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury


"Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?"

Partially, and ideas of what constitute 'true' beauty a social constructs (eg, look at the fashion for 'Rubenesques' women in the 17th cent. vs. today's androgynous stick insects).

DON'T READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES - THEY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

What about if they post negative comments 'cause they are realistic enough to realise they are not wonderful and gorgeous and that's ok? Not for validation from others."

There's a difference between having one of those days when you just don't feel great and the reflection in the mirror scares you (might just be me!) and constantly putting a downer on yourself and fishing for compliments.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

What about if they post negative comments 'cause they are realistic enough to realise they are not wonderful and gorgeous and that's ok? Not for validation from others.

There's a difference between having one of those days when you just don't feel great and the reflection in the mirror scares you (might just be me!) and constantly putting a downer on yourself and fishing for compliments.

"

That comment rings a bell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

I think everyone alive has at some point refused a compliment with the words 'yes but...'. Just one of those things.

If I waited for someone on here to validate my looks I'd be waiting for ever. Bastards. "

Oh god I've done that, on more than one ocassion! It's when people post about not being attractive and that's why they can't get meets. Then you watch others fawn all over them. If I thought it would get more fawning in person, I'd give it a try

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst


"Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?

Partially, and ideas of what constitute 'true' beauty a social constructs (eg, look at the fashion for 'Rubenesques' women in the 17th cent. vs. today's androgynous stick insects).

DON'T READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES - THEY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY"

They dont make me feel ugly i like looking at beautiful women. Even if they do i get over it. Its not the end of the world if other people are much better looking than you is it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us?"

So you can't find yourself attractive? Or do you mean the criteria is decided by others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Works both ways though doesn't it

I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard people tell larger women who aren't happy with their bodies they don't need to loose weight, men like something to grab hold of

Like what guys like is all that matters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us?

So you can't find yourself attractive? Or do you mean the criteria is decided by others?"

You can find yourself attractive, yes. But attraction is subjective (unlike self worth). I can find myself attractive, but others may not. Or as dj said, my appearance may not be in style at that moment in time. So it wouldn't be unfair of someone to put some weight on how attractive other people find them. After all, most of us are here trying to fuck people other than ourselves.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

"

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are. "

I post self-deprecating comments a lot. They are nothing to do with how I feel about myself and certainly not posted in the hope someone will argue and say something appreciative. Mostly it's my warped sense of humour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

Well as they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

However pretty or ugly you think you are has no bearing on your attractiveness as that's an observers opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need zero validation for my own self worth

"

Self worth and attractiveness isn't the same though, is it?

I have lots of self worth I can see my physical fault's though and I don't think I'm attractive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone needs to learn to love themselves and be happy with themselves as they are. Not in an arrogant and obnoxious way though.

I don't seek approval from others as I know my own worth, but compliments are very nice all the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance."

Case in point.

A person has a horrible personality they are rude, vulgar and cruel.

They belive themselves to be amazing, have high self worth, high self esteem and find themselves very attractive and desirable.

By the op and most peoples posts here this person is attractive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true."

It is true, but some shallow people can't see beyond the exterior.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true.

It is true, but some shallow people can't see beyond the exterior."

Does it make you shallow to not find somebody physically attractive?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

I post self-deprecating comments a lot. They are nothing to do with how I feel about myself and certainly not posted in the hope someone will argue and say something appreciative. Mostly it's my warped sense of humour "

And the fact you're a bloke means most people will ignore them anyway

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Nor do I feel the need to validate others.

I avoid those threads "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some people are drop dead gorgeous and they just dont see it - some fell out of the ugly tree and think they are drop dead gorgeous - ok im being flippant but no matter

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true.

It is true, but some shallow people can't see beyond the exterior."

It doesnt always mean people are shallow though and some people are more shallow than others but the truth is most people will always judge others by their looks as its the first thing you see, you dont know what type of person they are until you actualy know them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Other people's opinions of me definitely account for something. But only those that really know me

In regards to looks your opinion of yourself would be more important. And realising not everyone's gonna agree but not letting that change your opinion of yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't need anything from other people to feel good about myself

There is a saying man know thyself, and once you do what people think really doesn't matter

I know who i am and what I am and i am happy with both

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?

Partially, and ideas of what constitute 'true' beauty a social constructs (eg, look at the fashion for 'Rubenesques' women in the 17th cent. vs. today's androgynous stick insects).

DON'T READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES - THEY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY"

I've long accepted there are people prettier, slimmer, richer etc than me...so what? I don't read beauty magazines because they are mainly aimed at white women or women prepared to part with shit loads of money to buy beauty products claiming to make them look ten years younger.

Magazines of pretty people don't make me feel ugly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, self worth is accepting your faults and liking yourself in spite of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, self worth is accepting your faults and liking yourself in spite of them."

Yes. But the thread was about attraction, not self worth. I think people are conflating the two.

Or was the thread meant to be about self worth and "attraction" was mistakenly referred to in the OP?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

I post self-deprecating comments a lot. They are nothing to do with how I feel about myself and certainly not posted in the hope someone will argue and say something appreciative. Mostly it's my warped sense of humour "

There's a noticeable difference though. There are people who will post negative comments about themselves and bask in the pseudo ego boost generated. Rather painful to watch at times.

Many on here would benefit from professional help as relying on Fab to validate your self worth is not the answer.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"For me, self worth is accepting your faults and liking yourself in spite of them."

I also find myself caring less about others opinions the older I get. I'm not looking for validation of my looks as I have nothing I want in that respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "
I do however I don't need validation for my self worth or beliefs... just looks. It's odd

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me, self worth is accepting your faults and liking yourself in spite of them.

Yes. But the thread was about attraction, not self worth. I think people are conflating the two.

Or was the thread meant to be about self worth and "attraction" was mistakenly referred to in the OP?"

They are different but the OP used attraction and self belief in their opening post. I see the two things as being quite different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn't rely on someone else to make you happy. Why would you put your wellbeing in the hands of someone else???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self belief and self worth should be based on a hell of a lot more than physical appearances or you're in for a miserable life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

I don't know. I measure it from what my gran used to tell me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

I post self-deprecating comments a lot. They are nothing to do with how I feel about myself and certainly not posted in the hope someone will argue and say something appreciative. Mostly it's my warped sense of humour

And the fact you're a bloke means most people will ignore them anyway "

True

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief?

Yes. Having it seen it at work in certain threads. Then people post negative comments about themselves in hope that others will argue and say how wonderful and gorgeous they are.

I post self-deprecating comments a lot. They are nothing to do with how I feel about myself and certainly not posted in the hope someone will argue and say something appreciative. Mostly it's my warped sense of humour

There's a noticeable difference though. There are people who will post negative comments about themselves and bask in the pseudo ego boost generated. Rather painful to watch at times.

Many on here would benefit from professional help as relying on Fab to validate your self worth is not the answer. "

This is sadly true too

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's me, me, me that rates me. Social niceties are cool but fawning is a little sickening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading some posts on the forum a fair few people on here have been emotionally abused by partners/former partners and made to feel that they look like shit, so they end up feeling like shit and yes when they get complimented it lifts them and that can get a bit addictive.

I think it's a bit more complicated than having to shake yourself and "believe" in yourself if you've been brought up and made to feel like you're a worthless piece of shit, especially if you're shy or timid.

How is your self belief going to be then?

There are a lot of strong charachters on Fab and yeah that's wicked, but rightly or wrongly, there are also a lot of fragile people on here too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?

Partially, and ideas of what constitute 'true' beauty a social constructs (eg, look at the fashion for 'Rubenesques' women in the 17th cent. vs. today's androgynous stick insects).

DON'T READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES - THEY WILL MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY"

But can I trust you on the sunscreen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading some posts on the forum a fair few people on here have been emotionally abused by partners/former partners and made to feel that they look like shit, so they end up feeling like shit and yes when they get complimented it lifts them and that can get a bit addictive.

I think it's a bit more complicated than having to shake yourself and "believe" in yourself if you've been brought up and made to feel like you're a worthless piece of shit, especially if you're shy or timid.

How is your self belief going to be then?

There are a lot of strong charachters on Fab and yeah that's wicked, but rightly or wrongly, there are also a lot of fragile people on here too.

"

i's dotted and t's crossed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading some posts on the forum a fair few people on here have been emotionally abused by partners/former partners and made to feel that they look like shit, so they end up feeling like shit and yes when they get complimented it lifts them and that can get a bit addictive.

I think it's a bit more complicated than having to shake yourself and "believe" in yourself if you've been brought up and made to feel like you're a worthless piece of shit, especially if you're shy or timid.

How is your self belief going to be then?

There are a lot of strong charachters on Fab and yeah that's wicked, but rightly or wrongly, there are also a lot of fragile people on here too.

"

That makes sense, after all there are plenty of fragile people in the population so of course there will be plenty on here. However it does sometimes make me a bit uncomfortable how much some people reveal about themselves, their histories and insecurities in the forum. I think they can leave themselves quite vulnerable as a result.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


" but rightly or wrongly, there are also a lot of fragile people on here too.

"

Very true, that's why they need professional help in most cases to help them.

The 'Fab me' approach is nothing more than a sticky plaster on an open wound.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading some posts on the forum a fair few people on here have been emotionally abused by partners/former partners and made to feel that they look like shit, so they end up feeling like shit and yes when they get complimented it lifts them and that can get a bit addictive.

I think it's a bit more complicated than having to shake yourself and "believe" in yourself if you've been brought up and made to feel like you're a worthless piece of shit, especially if you're shy or timid.

How is your self belief going to be then?

There are a lot of strong charachters on Fab and yeah that's wicked, but rightly or wrongly, there are also a lot of fragile people on here too.

That makes sense, after all there are plenty of fragile people in the population so of course there will be plenty on here. However it does sometimes make me a bit uncomfortable how much some people reveal about themselves, their histories and insecurities in the forum. I think they can leave themselves quite vulnerable as a result. "

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just to play devil's advocate here....

Isn't attractiveness defined by how someone else _iews us? Self worth is introspective, attractiveness is external. They are, in some ways, defined by who is doing the appreciating (you or someone else). No?"

I agree. No matter how attractive (or not) I think I am, some people will think I am and some will think I'm not.

So of course it matters what other people think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

not me! I know I'm awesome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

Case in point.

A person has a horrible personality they are rude, vulgar and cruel.

They belive themselves to be amazing, have high self worth, high self esteem and find themselves very attractive and desirable.

By the op and most peoples posts here this person is attractive "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it just me or does it seem too many people measure their attractiveness on whether or not they are told and not their own self belief? "

I don't think it's healthy to measure your own attractiveness. It's not something you should get stuck on. Obviously it's a lovely feeling when you're given compliments. Whether that be about your looks, personality or talent and capabilities. Attractiveness is it not what you feel about others and not yourself? Positive feelings and working on your own happiness makes you feel great and that positivity and vibe is attractive in a person. Different thing's make you attractive not just looks. I'm not into those with over inflated egos and with too high opinions of themselves. It can make someone very ugly indeed...

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Attractiveness comes in many forms though, yes physical look, but also your style and personality plus other things come into play.

Example.

No matter how good looking someone was, if they looked chavvy, I'd be instantly put off. Call me fickle if you like but that's the way it is for me.

Much in the same way, if the chavvy fella saw me in my 'rock chick' clothes they may think "nope, not for me"

However, if myself and chavvy person were both wearing smart clothes and met at a wedding or something we could find each other attractive.

We start talking and the more we talk, the more attractive we become to one another.

I know some people will find me attractive and some won't. It's life! Hell, I have times when I look in the mirror and wonder when I turned into Princess Fiona, and other times when I think "whoop Whoop, looking good today"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I train to look good naked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No. I train to look good naked "

See now shag here is what you're competing with for nsa meets.

And hes got a decent sense of humor to go with the 6 paxk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No. I train to look good naked

See now shag here is what you're competing with for nsa meets.

And hes got a decent sense of humor to go with the 6 paxk"
Thanks and that is right, it is about having humor too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Attractiveness has more to do with someone's personality than their external appearance.

If only that was true.

It is true, but some shallow people can't see beyond the exterior.

Does it make you shallow to not find somebody physically attractive?"

No not at all. You've missed my point.

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