FabSwingers.com forum: Self esteem

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.....

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

They both sound like arseholes OP, tell yourself so and that you're better than that. Take your time to meet others and don't beat yourself up about it.

I hope your experience today hasn't put you off xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i've had some pretty bad self esteem issues before, but i don't know how it came to this point but i woke up one day and suddenly didn't care what people outside of family and close friends thought of me anymore and that worked a hell of a lot for me

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Right back on it

Celebrate all the positives in your life, you will have strong points but can get hidden from you at times. Take time for you to remind yourself of them.

You allow others to hurt you, don't. It's words.

As for the meet, were you honest with him beforehand

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By *oecurlingkink999Couple
over a year ago

Rhuddan

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

Treat yourself x

Relaxing bath glass of wine x

Look after yourself x

It's there loss if they are pricks not your's x

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.....

Way to make someone feel bad, for feeling bad

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Don't define yourself by others opinions, especially two men who sound like dicks.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

You accept that not everyone has the same agenda as yourself. You accept that you did nothing wrong. You accept that things may not go to plan, but it doesn't mean they won't. You accept that sometimes, life can be a bitch.

You must also accept that as long as you are honest you will have some truly wonderful experiences and meet some fantastic and inspiring people.

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By *oecurlingkink999Couple
over a year ago

Rhuddan

Think you will get a lot of love with this thread enjoy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.....

Way to make someone feel bad, for feeling bad

That's not bad, it is saying the OP feels bad because the she is taking the comments of others on board.

Basically, don't let them get ya down, don't give them the power because they don't actually have the power or deserve the power.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.....

Way to make someone feel bad, for feeling bad

sigh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Positive self talk helps. Also being aware that you're thinking negatively about yourself helps too. When you suddenly become conscious of the fact you're doing it you can choose to stop. Those negative thoughts are just that, thoughts. There's loads of good advice about it online.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"Positive self talk helps. Also being aware that you're thinking negatively about yourself helps too. When you suddenly become conscious of the fact you're doing it you can choose to stop. Those negative thoughts are just that, thoughts. There's loads of good advice about it online.

Definitely this...it helps

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

This isnt a great place to find self esteem.

People are often not kind.

Casual sex doesn't give you self-esteem.

Not sure of the answer really. Maybe take a break for a while.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Esteem is often value lead and a process of miss aligned sub-modalities (pictures/thoughts in your head), well in my world.

Often the cause can be the difference between: every cloud has a silver lining, or an out look of:: every silver lining has a cloud.

Looking for abundance in the world, not scarcity might help.

Oh, that and the saying, modesty sucks....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Letting other peoples opinions of you or their actions towards you, determine how you feel about yourself is a very hard habit to break unfortunately!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.....

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, have a look at cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt). There are variations on cbt that can also really helpful.

Hope it gets better

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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

N 42.709787, W -84.556222

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good."

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As for the meet, were you honest with him beforehand

Yeah. Not knowing what each other looked like was kind of the point - he hadn't seen any pics of me other than the one public one, and i was blindfolded for the meet. But instead of doing what we discussed, he just wanked over me and left. And when I messaged asking what happened, he replied with a load of insults and then blocked me. I've reported him, so there's nothing else I can do. He's got a couple of positive veris so there's nothing stopping him doing it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself."
That is right too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good."

I think i'll try this tomorrow. Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self esteem takes a bashing now and then. I'm sure everyone's does.

I find keep talking to friends helps.

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

Ignore the haters babe it's there loss ,fuck em lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

I think i'll try this tomorrow. Thank you

"
That is good and yw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for the meet, were you honest with him beforehand

Fab brings out the extremes. It's why so many insist on socials first.

That's normt really my style. But i do go for "regular" stuff and build up trust.

The taking it personally but is hard. But overcome. There are plenty of people who will treat you well. You have to be head of that queue, though. If you're down, what would you do for your best friend? Do that x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself."

I'm struggling to respect myself when I enjoy casual sex with strangers. It's like i've got it ingrained in me that I shouldn't enjoy it, and my recent experiences are making it worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How those guys have acted says more about them than it does about you.

Improving your self esteem can be done. Recognise all the things that are cool or unique about you & celebrate them!! Set some goals- start small & celebrate achieving them!! Be kind to yourself- don't berate yourself & use kind words- no name calling! Treat yourself how you deserve to be treated. Pamper yourself- whatever that means to you... bubble bath? Curl up with a book? Take yourself out for lunch? Invest in yourself & don't take yourself for granted. Got to love yourself!! You are the only you there is!!

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself.

I'm struggling to respect myself when I enjoy casual sex with strangers. It's like i've got it ingrained in me that I shouldn't enjoy it, and my recent experiences are making it worse

the two guys pushed there own insecurities on to you its a trick guys often do to avoid there own issues of insecurities they make it your problem not theirs by saying the problems with you instead of them .

i don't have sex with strangers ether for a similar reason i hate to give anything to anyone who may be not worth it in the end .

its a power thing never give any power to anyone who may turn out to be a arsehole and a user of the most selfish kind .

both guys were of the type above and its that fact that means you now feel like shit because deep down you know you can do better so shouldn't have gone there in the first place .

op learn your lesson do not fuck insecure guys who are only out to use you for sex .

secure guys would never treat a woman how you have been treated only the weak act in such away .

duty of care we all have a duty of care to ourselves and those we interact with in this sex based world .

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By *4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

N 42.709787, W -84.556222

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself.

I'm struggling to respect myself when I enjoy casual sex with strangers. It's like i've got it ingrained in me that I shouldn't enjoy it, and my recent experiences are making it worse

We are very picky in who we meet up with, this can help out some but not all of the dick heads.

In my opinion it sounds like you care too much about what other people think, start there. Other than that, get out of your own way. Don't punish yourself for enjoying yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself.

I'm struggling to respect myself when I enjoy casual sex with strangers. It's like i've got it ingrained in me that I shouldn't enjoy it, and my recent experiences are making it worse

I think that you need to take extra care of yourself while you get over the years if being conditioned to deny yourself. If it truly is somethi g you want to embrace, take baby steps. There is absolutely nothing else you would expect yourself to get 100% right straight iff, is there?

Try and consider these last experiences part of your journey. So long as you take something from it - and that can just be "not THAT" then it's not wasted.

Look in other directions. Find someone you can get along with, and relax into it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do sympathise OP. That would upset me too. You have to be so so careful who you choose to be intimate with, and it's easy to make poor judgements. We've all done it.

Mrs

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By *parkle LoungeWoman
over a year ago

Cornwall

Concentrate on the positives. I bet you have had lots of great messages on here and previous meets.

I have found sport and exercise has helped me so much over the past few months so could be worth a go.

Unfortunately you will always come across some people who are not nice. That is their issue and not yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a common trait apparent in both of those blokes.

You're choosing shitheads.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there is a common trait apparent in both of those blokes.

You're choosing shitheads."

In a nutshell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really don't think this is the place to be if your self esteem is low, or at least I would refrain from meeting anyone new for a while.

Take some time out and spend time with those that matter to you, your loved ones and your real friends.

People can be extremely offensive on here and don't care about anyone else's feelings but their own.

You need to put yourself as a priority, look after number one.

You're worth 1000 of those men that have treated you badly.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It's not you that's done anything wrong though, is it? It's them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

Don't ever let anyone make you feel like that. My husband did for years then I joined here. Lost weight the more I was told I looked great the more I worked at it. If someone treats me bad I move on. Never did before. No one has the right to make you feel like that. So pick yourself up OP. You can always inbox me if fancy a chat because trust me I know exactly what you are feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Curious to know what he agreed would happen but didn't do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think self-esteem is one of those things that most of us can battle with. I'd say to make sure you're not being hard on yourself. Your brain is a funny thing and if you tell yourself something enough times, you begin to believe it.

If something's happened to make me feel terrible, I always think what I'd say to my best friend, if it'd happened to her. Then I say those things to myself.

Feel better soon, lovely! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Curious to know what he agreed would happen but didn't do? "

He was meant to go down on me - nothing else - and leave. Instead he just wanked over me and left without touching me, other than opening my legs. I cleaned his cum off me and messaged him asking what had happened, and the friendly chatter had gone, I got told how dirty and disgusting i was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

Get off of Fab.

Seriously, it blows my mind the amount of people who come on here thinking casual sex can fix their self esteem issues. It cant.

I dont care how puritanical it sounds but perhaps try meeting likeminded men in the real world and talking to them about swinging after you have established some kind of understanding/bond.

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By *inzi LTV/TS
over a year ago

The Garden of Eden in Beautiful North Wales

Most men are spoilt brats when they can't or don't get their own way, a bit rich coming from me I spose cos technically I am one! But it's quite strange really but since I started meeting on here and Fg's I noticed a complete change of attitude from them... to the point that most are blocked or filtered out through the settings.

There must be a few genuine, honest and most important, normal men on here, just few and far between but then we could say the same for anyone I suppose!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there is a common trait apparent in both of those blokes.

You're choosing shitheads.

In a nutshell.

I think this is the point everyone seems to be pussyfooting around. All good telling op stuff like "pamper yourself" and "ignore the haters" but I have always hated advice like that simply due to how goddamn pointless and vacuous it is.

OP is very likely choosing shitheads because she dislikes who she is and feels those who berate her are what she deserves. This is why I think casual sex probably isnt going to be useful if she is conditioned to only find the "bad boys" as attractive.

OP needs a reevaluation of her self worth before rushing back into anything. Probably worth investing in some introspection with some good reading material as guidance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Curious to know what he agreed would happen but didn't do?

What a lowlife he was. Don't waste another minute of your time even thinking about him.

Take time out with real friends until your self esteem and confidence improves.

Meeting men like that will just mess with your head.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

Get off of Fab.

Seriously, it blows my mind the amount of people who come on here thinking casual sex can fix their self esteem issues. It cant.

I dont care how puritanical it sounds but perhaps try meeting likeminded men in the real world and talking to them about swinging after you have established some kind of understanding/bond."

To be honest I've never used casual sex for my self esteem issues, i used it because I like sex. I was on here as part of a couple until recently, so when we split up it felt normal for me to carry on being on here without him. That's the same "him" who's now repulsed by my sexual preferences. I guess i'm more vulnerable now I'm playing solo, because before i had my relationship to fall back on.

I don't want a relationship at the moment, so going out and meeting men isn't really what i need.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think there is a common trait apparent in both of those blokes.

You're choosing shitheads.

In a nutshell.

OP needs a reevaluation of her self worth before rushing back into anything. Probably worth investing in some introspection with some good reading material as guidance. "

I think you're right.

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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

You are who you are OP & any guy who you're with needs to accept you for that. If they can't then thats their issue, as long as you have been up front about it.

Can't give you advise but will say you are the only one who can get yourself out this lull. Words may be kind on here but its how you feel and what you do to make yourself happy with who you are.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/01/17 21:31:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

Get off of Fab.

Seriously, it blows my mind the amount of people who come on here thinking casual sex can fix their self esteem issues. It cant.

I dont care how puritanical it sounds but perhaps try meeting likeminded men in the real world and talking to them about swinging after you have established some kind of understanding/bond.

I don't want a relationship at the moment, so going out and meeting men isn't really what i need. "

I gotta be honest, people tell me they're not on Fab for a self esteem boost. I...dont believe them a lot of the time. Sex is complex and I think it would silly to think that we're always clear about what we actually want from sex.

As said, the guy you were with was repulsed by your sexual preferences. Not entirely sure how that is, but I do know that a lot of people wax about how open minded they are...thats right up until the moment they're no longer benefiting sexually. I would be a liar if I said men were not guilty of doing that a lot.

As said, I dont know if meeting is the best thing right now for you. It may make more sense establishing more platonic relationships with male counterparts perhaps through the socials. It just sounds to me like you're not emotionally ready for sex again, so I dont see why one would exasperate the problem.

Also whilst I feel everyone is perfectly entitled to their preferences, I do think "lick and go" fantasies are unrealistic at best. You're going to be hard pressed to find a guy who is a relative stranger and understanding enough to know the limit of that exchange without throwing up a fuss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

Get off of Fab.

Seriously, it blows my mind the amount of people who come on here thinking casual sex can fix their self esteem issues. It cant.

I dont care how puritanical it sounds but perhaps try meeting likeminded men in the real world and talking to them about swinging after you have established some kind of understanding/bond.

I don't want a relationship at the moment, so going out and meeting men isn't really what i need. "

I hear you. It's where I was a while ago. It's a genuine learning curve. You'll get to know yourself as a single person. I have to do things a certain way to work for me. I got there by trial and error.

Actually, the knobhead blokes aren't what makes fab hard for me. It's the lack of support or understanding. I felt awfully invaded through no.fault of my own but was essentially given "tough shut. It's the way of fab". It is the way of fab. But fab is what the users make it.

Find your niche. Find the lovely people. And explore and embrace your sexuality at your own pace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband has huge self esteem issues - so much so I'm not even sure we're going to get a meet.

He worries constantly about what people think about the way he looks - he thinks he's fat, obese even. It's ridiculous as he's in fact just carrying a little extra weight, just like the rest of us (some exceptions of course)

I wish he could see what I see - a gorgeous man with a gorgeous body.

I guess what I'm trying to say is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and feel sexy.

Don't feel bad about yourself because you're unique like everyone else.

Life is too short - go and enjoy yourself with great people! (Not d*ckheads who don't know how to treat a lady)

Mrs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

I'm guessing that's why he's yr ex?

It is true that they can only do it if you let them. That's not to say learning to love yourself will be easy but it's what you need to do.

If you can't yet love at least make a list of all your good points, remind yourself nightly.

The only person who can change you is you. You have to want to

Good luck xx

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Work the two things - avoiding what knocks you and doing what's good for you.

Think how you could screen new partners differently - perhaps social meets first.

Ditch sex with your ex?

There have been a few threads before talking about improving self-esteem, so a search may help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/01/17 01:07:22]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only way to improve yourself esteem is to improve yourself.

Think who you want to be then go be that person.

Things dont ever change untill you change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

Write down eveything you are good at, wrtie wdown what your good qualities are, write down what you like about yourself. Read it often.

Ask others you trust (family, friends, work colleagues etc) what they like about you and what think you are good at and your good qualities. Write them down. Read them often.

Avoid negative self talk. When you find yourself crticising yourself stop and think what would would I say to a loved one/friend in this situation.

Focus on your positives.

Lose negative people in your life.

Dress in clothes that make you feel good.

Do things you enjoy and that you are good at doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for the meet, were you honest with him beforehand

We all live and learn by our mistakes. We have all made mistakes. There isn't an adult alive today who hasn't made a mistake.

Don't be too hard on yorself. Turn the negative into a postitive. Better to find out now what they guy is like rather than later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

EFT is good helping you raise your self esteeem. EFT is very easy to learn and costs nothing to do. EFT = Emotional Freedom Technique.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

Write down eveything you are good at, wrtie wdown what your good qualities are, write down what you like about yourself. Read it often.

Ask others you trust (family, friends, work colleagues etc) what they like about you and what think you are good at and your good qualities. Write them down. Read them often.

Avoid negative self talk. When you find yourself crticising yourself stop and think what would would I say to a loved one/friend in this situation.

Focus on your positives.

Lose negative people in your life.

Dress in clothes that make you feel good.

Do things you enjoy and that you are good at doing. "

Denial and avoidance is not a long term fix.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for the meet, were you honest with him beforehand

What an idiot. What a waste of a hard on.

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

Have a nice cup of tea, that normally helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going to the gym will help anyone to feel good.

Stand up for your self, get angry when it's necessary and understand that you deserve respect from others but you have to first respect yourself.

I'm struggling to respect myself when I enjoy casual sex with strangers. It's like i've got it ingrained in me that I shouldn't enjoy it, and my recent experiences are making it worse

You have every right to enjoy yourself. You have every right to respect yourself. You are a young woman having fun. Don't give a f**k about what others think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Curious to know what he agreed would happen but didn't do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore him Hun and do what makes you happy

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there is a common trait apparent in both of those blokes.

You're choosing shitheads."

Nah, your coming at it from the wrong angle.

The ex is jealous because you've realised you don't need him. Without you he hasn't a chance swinging so he'll try to knock your self-confidence to make you think you can't survive without him. But

YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU CAN.

The 2nd guy lied in order to get a meet and when you called him out for it he was too much of a child to admit it, so chose to attack you instead. He is also jealous that you are strong enough to know exactly what you want and to ask for it, while he has to lie. Either never put yourself in that position again with someone you don't know well, or accept that sometimes things will go better than others.

In both cases they realise they can't hold a candle to you, but rather than try to improve their own lives, they try to drag you down to their level.

They're not so much shitheads, as weak and pathetic indiviuals whose lives will always be empty compared to yours.

Now go & pick yourself a good'un, you deserve it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here.

Write down eveything you are good at, wrtie wdown what your good qualities are, write down what you like about yourself. Read it often.

Ask others you trust (family, friends, work colleagues etc) what they like about you and what think you are good at and your good qualities. Write them down. Read them often.

Avoid negative self talk. When you find yourself crticising yourself stop and think what would would I say to a loved one/friend in this situation.

Focus on your positives.

Lose negative people in your life.

Dress in clothes that make you feel good.

Do things you enjoy and that you are good at doing.

Denial and avoidance is not a long term fix."

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to boost self esteem? I've always struggled with it, but there's been a couple of incidents that have knocked me down lower than ever.

The first was my ex, he got upset that I've been meeting people off here as well as fucking him. He said he could never love someone like me, referring to my sex life.

And then today i had a meet with a guy off here that didn't go as planned. He didn't do what we agreed would happen, then afterwards he messaged me being really offensive and rude about me.

What can i do to stop feeling so bad about myself? Do i take time off, quit sex for a bit? Do i jump right back on the horse? I can't talk to my family or friends because no-one knows i'm on here. "

It amazes me how people with low self esteem issues think casual sex with strangers will some how give them a boost: it doesn't! Some men will say anything to get their way, the trick is not falling for the snake oil.

Be honest with yourself, what do you want? People with low esteem often go with what they can get rather than what they want. Your ex sounds a charmer, but you picked him.

Don't have a script for meets. If you discuss the minutiae of a meet beforehand the reality will seldom live up to expectation.

Don't let others define you, especially casual fucks! We've all had meets social and/or play that have not gone well, shit happens! If two experiences have such an impact on you then take time out to discover you. Learn to do things to "improve". Have a spa day, have your nails/hair done. Treat yourself to a new outfit, exercise, eat well. When you feel good in your body your mind will do the rest: telling yourself wow I'm fucking awesome makes avoiding knobs easier: good luck!

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