FabSwingers.com forum: Is empathy distance based?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm asking because if I saw a person next to me fall, I would go up to them and help them up. On the other hand if I saw someone struggle with their shopping in the distance from the window of my room, I probably wouldn't bother going out and helping them.

You could apply a similar principle to someone passing away. If one of your family members dies, you would mourn them but would you mourn a passenger who died on a plane two rows from you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, no. Distance wouldn't be an issue for me when it comes to helping someone. If I saw someone that needed help I'd walk that little bit further and go out of my way if I thought I could help.

Secondly, I wouldn't mourn a stranger as I don't know them to mourn them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm asking because if I saw a person next to me fall, I would go up to them and help them up. On the other hand if I saw someone struggle with their shopping in the distance from the window of my room, I probably wouldn't bother going out and helping them.

You could apply a similar principle to someone passing away. If one of your family members dies, you would mourn them but would you mourn a passenger who died on a plane two rows from you?"

how can you compare the mourning of a family member to somebody whos just sat on the same plane as you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You could apply a similar principle to someone passing away. If one of your family members dies, you would mourn them but would you mourn a passenger who died on a plane two rows from you?

how can you compare the mourning of a family member to somebody whos just sat on the same plane as you?

That's what I'm trying to find out, where do people draw the line?

If you saw on the news that 500 people were killed in a horrible way like bombing or an earthquake, would that do nothing for you, or would you be touched? Even if all of them were complete strangers.

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By *-ChelmoMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford/Edmonton

Empathy is hard to gauge. Are you the only person around that person who fell? Would you care enough to help them up and stay with them to make sure they're OK? Or help them up and say alright I'm off I've done my bit. Both are the right thing to do but it depends on your moral compass.

If you think you do just enough to be helpful is it really empathy if you walk off straight after?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Empathy is hard to gauge. Are you the only person around that person who fell? Would you care enough to help them up and stay with them to make sure they're OK? Or help them up and say alright I'm off I've done my bit. Both are the right thing to do but it depends on your moral compass.

If you think you do just enough to be helpful is it really empathy if you walk off straight after?"

I know it's hard to gauge. Because strangers deaths don't really affect me however when I went to Aushwitz during my university trip I literally felt depressed and sick to my stomach. At the time I hated myself for any complain I made in my life, despite that event happening 75+ years ago to people I have no connection with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly, no. Distance wouldn't be an issue for me when it comes to helping someone. If I saw someone that needed help I'd walk that little bit further and go out of my way if I thought I could help.

Secondly, I wouldn't mourn a stranger as I don't know them to mourn them. "

Africa a bit too far though?

Obviously the answer is yes OP, although it may be more action than empathy.

People will go to fairly decent lengths to help somone in front og them but not do a thing for aomone very far away.

Even if it takes less effort and is a kuch worse situation

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Firstly, no. Distance wouldn't be an issue for me when it comes to helping someone. If I saw someone that needed help I'd walk that little bit further and go out of my way if I thought I could help.

Secondly, I wouldn't mourn a stranger as I don't know them to mourn them.

Africa a bit too far though?

Obviously the answer is yes OP, although it may be more action than empathy.

People will go to fairly decent lengths to help somone in front og them but not do a thing for aomone very far away.

Even if it takes less effort and is a kuch worse situation "

I realise that empathy doesn't perfectly describe what I mean but you get the point.

And yes donating a couple of pounds online to some humanitarian aid organisations would require less effort yet majority of us would probably choose to help someone with their shopping.

It's really weird in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly, no. Distance wouldn't be an issue for me when it comes to helping someone. If I saw someone that needed help I'd walk that little bit further and go out of my way if I thought I could help.

Secondly, I wouldn't mourn a stranger as I don't know them to mourn them.

Africa a bit too far though?

Obviously the answer is yes OP, although it may be more action than empathy.

People will go to fairly decent lengths to help somone in front og them but not do a thing for aomone very far away.

Even if it takes less effort and is a kuch worse situation

I realise that empathy doesn't perfectly describe what I mean but you get the point.

And yes donating a couple of pounds online to some humanitarian aid organisations would require less effort yet majority of us would probably choose to help someone with their shopping.

It's really weird in my opinion. "

Its makes sense when you stop thinking of it as altruism but as a self serving action

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If no one else went to help the person over the road , I would. You have to be realistic though . We can't all fly across the world to help in a disaster. Some people would though and they go to help others miles away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have empathy, sometimes it's a lot and become overbearing I some situations.

Distance is a factor to a point. If I can get there and I think I can help, i will.

Crossing a road, leaving a building to get outside etc.

But getting on a plane as somebody above has said. Isn't there somebody closer?

Sounds silly when I say it like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as thinking something is wrong, but if it's out of sight majority aren't bothered by it. Many say that slavery isn't acceptable, but when it comes to what they buy they don't pay attention to where it was made, who made it and the conditions they're made to work in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same as thinking something is wrong, but if it's out of sight majority aren't bothered by it. Many say that slavery isn't acceptable, but when it comes to what they buy they don't pay attention to where it was made, who made it and the conditions they're made to work in. "

That's right. There are war torn countries. people trafficking. Kidnapping and torture happening daily.

But I've got the radio on making my breakfast getting ready for work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've fallen for many women on here but they never msg me back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empathy is a bit of an issue for me, and sometimes I think I have too much of it and I can become a bit flooded by it.

Not hugely sure what you're trying to say, Tushy, but people have it in varying degrees. If I saw someone struggling, I'd help them no matter how far away. Unfortunately, we live in a world where a lot of people are so busy or caught up in their own lives, that they don't notice, let alone help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So true we've become a nation that say what's right but then'what's in it for me'.

It's like as people say there should be British jobs for British people' and Trump saying the same thing good in theory but when the man in the street has to pay more for something that they have bought for years they will be shouting from the rooftops.

It was the saying they used to say years ago people would say they are proud to be British and buy British so at the end of the day they would drive home in there German built car watch there Japanese built TV eating Chinese food.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes, but would it be better if they didn't have those jobs in the first place? Yes a lot of those are mistreated but does that make you horrible for fueling that economy or a saviour because at the end of the day it provides food on their tables?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Empathy is a bit of an issue for me, and sometimes I think I have too much of it and I can become a bit flooded by it.

Yes, but if that's the case are we truly showing empathy/altruism when doing something when it's comfortable for us at the time?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"although it may be more action than empathy.

What he said^

It's more important to me that I took action rather than ignored it and fucked off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly, no. Distance wouldn't be an issue for me when it comes to helping someone. If I saw someone that needed help I'd walk that little bit further and go out of my way if I thought I could help.

Secondly, I wouldn't mourn a stranger as I don't know them to mourn them.

Africa a bit too far though?

Obviously the answer is yes OP, although it may be more action than empathy.

People will go to fairly decent lengths to help somone in front og them but not do a thing for aomone very far away.

Even if it takes less effort and is a kuch worse situation "

The answer to that is I give to way too many charities

To the point I had to start saying no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm empathic to the fact your making a rod for your own back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/01/17 11:06:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The answer to that is I give to way too many charities

To the point I had to start saying no

I give to charities but only because it makes me feel less horrible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The answer to that is I give to way too many charities

To the point I had to start saying no

I give to charities but only because it makes me feel less horrible.

I give to them cos I just believe in it. It's something I do. if it helps then why not?

I waste too much money on a daily basis on just absolute crap. So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead. "

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

You could apply a similar principle to someone passing away. If one of your family members dies, you would mourn them but would you mourn a passenger who died on a plane two rows from you?"

I assist / help people every day in my job and when im not working.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The answer to that is I give to way too many charities

To the point I had to start saying no

I give to charities but only because it makes me feel less horrible.

That's a very good point. Because when you break things down we only do kind things for selfish reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

I can. I don't like dogs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

I can. I don't like dogs

Lol..I've got an Alsatian.

I used to have 2.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a very good point. Because when you break things down we only do kind things for selfish reasons.

It's why I've never understood the concept of "secret Millionaire".

Just give the F**** money.

why go on TV about it....

Makes no sense to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

I can. I don't like dogs

Lol..I've got an Alsatian.

I used to have 2.

Ha!! I kind of got over my fear of dogs to the point I can be in the same room as them but they can't come near me.

Even then I don't like dogs

If I see an old man with a dog and bucket I make my niece go. If she isn't with me I walk past

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

Some would call that act killing with mercy rather than being nice.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

It takes emotional ties to engender grief for an individual.

It takes empathy to mourn for the family of the passenger in that plane or want to help strangers in poor far-away places.

It takes a misplaced banana skin on the pavement to create a laugh and then a value-judgement of the slipee and how much they might need help before I'd act.

Not sure geography has much to do with any of it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I can give some of that to a good cause instead.

I cannot walk past an old dude with a dog and a bucket.

That combination just screams "walk past me I dare you asshole".

I cannot do it.

Watch a street cat named bob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Empathy is a bit of an issue for me, and sometimes I think I have too much of it and I can become a bit flooded by it.

Yes, but if that's the case are we truly showing empathy/altruism when doing something when it's comfortable for us at the time?"

Yeah, it's still empathy, but by helping, we're then displaying other traits like selflessness.

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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago

Where the streets have no name

OP. There are two types of empathy: altruistic and egoistic.

Altruistic is that on which you understand the suffering of a person - whatever the distance from you - and you try yo help him/her to relief that suffering.

Egoistic (so it is called, although is not the best name...) is when the suffering of others affect you emotionally and you help them in order to relief their suffering, but at the same time and unwittingly, your own affliction .

An example. An advertisement on TV says without any images, that in certain country there is hunger. A few people will donate. Altruistic

Then, the same ONG announces the same tragedy but with images of children suffering (sometimes the images were shot in other countries...). There will be more donations because those images affects our emotions. Egoistic

People usually are in some point between both types.

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By *andVBCouple
over a year ago

Wrexham

Going back to OPs distance query. Have a read on Dunbar's number. It goes some way to explaining why people are more empathetic to people closer to them (although, admittedly, emotionally closer rather than physically closer).

Personally, I help people I see need help because I'd expect people to help me when I need help. This has more to do with civility than empathy though. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP. There are two types of empathy: altruistic and egoistic.

Altruistic is that on which you understand the suffering of a person - whatever the distance from you - and you try yo help him/her to relief that suffering.

An example. An advertisement on TV says without any images, that in certain country there is hunger. A few people will donate. Altruistic

People usually are in some point between both types."

Thing is I don't believe in an absolute selfless act. Because whatever we do, however selfless we think that might be, it's not. Unless you feel no emotions or the part of your brain isn't working the way it normally does, a true selfless act is not possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's interesting that in the OP they mention helping someone who has fallen in the street because there was a big public debate in that subject a few years ago and i noticed many people used the excuse NO cause what if i hurt that person they might sue me but the reality is if any of those people were to fall themselves or a elderly relative or even a elderly person they do not know they would be the ones complaining no one helped.

As i said we have become a country of say the right thing to look good but do whatever suits us personally even if is the exact opposite of what we say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Going back to OPs distance query. Have a read on Dunbar's number. It goes some way to explaining why people are more empathetic to people closer to them (although, admittedly, emotionally closer rather than physically closer).

Personally, I help people I see need help because I'd expect people to help me when I need help. This has more to do with civility than empathy though. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you."

Thanks, I'll make sure to look into once I get home.

But in regards to your second point, where do you draw the line?

There are people who are in warzone countries or starving to death so even though you would like someone to help you if you were in that position you're not actively going there to help them.

I brought up this point because someone said it is wrong of me to treat empathy based on distance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving kindness meditation builds empathy and compassion because you meditate by helping you see the world through other people's eyes.

In the military they teach soldiers to de-humanize the enemy by getting the soldiers to kind about how they are different from us.

So I think distance is not as important as being able to see people as if they are simmilar to yourself.

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