FabSwingers.com forum: Cheer me up fuckers

By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please.

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Two meets arranged this week that is. Chances of getting two in a night are miniscule.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]"

I'll try again. No piss off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please."

What do you call a tellytubby with dirty hands??

Stinky pinky xD I'm so immature at times

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

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By *emplarWarriorMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

Are we feeling brave

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'. "

I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

As you are on the Malbec....I'll give you a Dorothy Parker quote

'Sometimes I like a Martini

Two at the very most

After three I'm under the table

At four I'm under my host'

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

Are we feeling brave

A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave.

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"As you are on the Malbec....I'll give you a Dorothy Parker quote

'Sometimes I like a Martini

Two at the very most

After three I'm under the table

At four I'm under my host'"

That's gonna be my epitaph. I love Dorothy Parker.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters.

So Donald Trump can't tweet it

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

Are we feeling brave

A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave."

In that case bring it on fucker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.

I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood. "

Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently.....

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.

I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood.

Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently....."

Skull crackingly good.

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

Are we feeling brave

A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave.

In that case bring it on fucker "

I'd arrange a time for a fight but you'd only forget.

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By *id unviciousMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

I had my 1st ever meet with a bi women who just wanted oral sex, well I did the business and said to her "that's the cleanest pussy I have ever eaten"

she smiled knowingly "I had a woman in earlier"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Maybe I should have stipulated good jokes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A family arrive at a hotel and the father goes up to the bloke on the front desk and says 'I hope the porn is disabled'. The bloke looks at him and replies 'No, it's regular porn you sick fuck'.

I chuckled at that one. Seems I've now gauged my mood.

Glad to have got you chuckling. So your mood is currently.....

Skull crackingly good.

Oh God! *Discretely slips on cycle helmet*

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

Recent studies showed that the average size of a UK mans erect penis is five and a half inches...

The French are slightly larger at five and three quarter inches..

The average american is at 6 inches erect...

However, far and away the largest average erect penis is in Iceland, their average erect penis size is six and a half inches!!

Thats why mums go to Iceland

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bad jokes are good in their own way

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"[Removed by poster at 13/01/17 21:10:04]

I'll try again. No piss off

Join the queue arse breath.

Are we feeling brave

A 5 year old girl could take you in a fight so I don't need to feel brave.

In that case bring it on fucker

I'd arrange a time for a fight but you'd only forget."

Oh well best not bother then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Mrs keeps complaining about premature ejaculation.. She took it on the chin at first but now it just gets on her tits

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

Whoja nicker nackerov.

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By *id unviciousMan
over a year ago

Ipswich

20% of woman think their arse is to skinny.

15% of woman think their arse is to fat.

but they all agree to keep their arse because he's good with the kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

-What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!

-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss

-Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really!

Jokes, jokes.

No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.

Eve. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Mrs is wearing one of those skirts where you can just see the edge of her bum poking out!.

I'd probably find it sexy if it wasn't knee length.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank Fuck that's over for another year! ..said the wife as I rolled off here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

-What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!

-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss

-Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really!

Jokes, jokes.

No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.

Eve. X

Got me shaking my head like Churchill the dog though. No no no no

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please."

Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please.

Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh

Seen yours. No hilarity ensued.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please.

Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh

Seen yours. No hilarity ensued."

I wasn't suggesting mine, madam!

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please.

Want a cock pic? That will make you laugh

Seen yours. No hilarity ensued.

I wasn't suggesting mine, madam!

Hah, I get those sorts of pics in my inbox. All. The. Time!

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

I went to the doctors the other day,

She said what's wrong ?

I have a pain in my elbow,

She said its probably tennis elbow,

How long have you had it ?

I said since I was 30 love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I injected steroids in to my arm earlier.

Anabolic?

No just my arm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

-What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!!

-What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss

-Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really!

Jokes, jokes.

No feelings were hurt in the making of this post.

Eve. X

Got me shaking my head like Churchill the dog though. No no no no

Hey! I stand by my cheesy attempt to cheer up the OP. The bad ones are the best one ha ha ha.

Eve. X

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My wife went to the Caribbean

Jamaica?

No, she wanted to go

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

It's snowjoke.... no honest snows no joke .

Oh well I tried xxxx

Suzi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex

Life

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By *heaspieswingerMan
over a year ago

Peak District

"Stressful week at work, two meets arranged: one no show and one cancelled, sat at home with a bottle of malbec and a tonne of unhealthy snacks, I need some grins.

Post your jokes here please."

Let us see if we've got this right... You're a single, attractive woman who has had two non-meets... The guys are the joke right there!

Move close to us and become bi and you'll never have another non-meet again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Husband and wife lobster lying in the sun. Wifey says to husband can you get me an ice cream.

So off he goes in the hot sun.

On the way back it's melting so he licked his then hers. By the time he gets back he's eaten both.

She says where is my ice cream.

He told her he'd eaten both of them.

She said YOU SHELLFISH BASTARD !!

Sorry

lol

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

I don't get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

I don't get it

Really?

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By *heaspieswingerMan
over a year ago

Peak District

Why did Spiderman get laid so much?

He was a swinger...

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"My Mrs is wearing one of those skirts where you can just see the edge of her bum poking out!.

I'd probably find it sexy if it wasn't knee length. "

Giggling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

I don't get it

Really?"

Keep reading it, you'll get it in the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Toms in the Dog house again, His wife has told him that if he ever comes home d*unk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the d*unk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”

I don't get it

Really?

Keep reading it, you'll get it in the end. "

That's the funniest thing yet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call a police woman who shaves her pubes ........... cunt-stubble (kat) xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters.

So Donald Trump can't tweet it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kisses from London.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry if any one found my use of the c word offensive (kat) xx

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

Because of the weather I made sure I took the RACs advice today;

Winter snow coat

Extra gloves

Spare clothes

Shovel

Bag of grit

Food in case of getting stuck

Torch

Survival bag.

I looked a right twat on the bus

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By *yrdwoman OP Woman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Kisses from London.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kisses from London.

Pop down to London soon. I'd try to cheer you up x

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By *ymph and ManicCouple
over a year ago

North East

What do you call a paedophile wearing a wig ??????? ... ..... YOUR HONOUR ......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think of all those moaning they cant get any meets at all - or even a message -

and have a hug

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