FabSwingers.com forum: Etiquette

By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I have been on and off this site for a while but have rarely had more than social meets.

My question is this; Is there an unwritten set of do's and do- nots after a meet?

Granted much will depend on the situation of the people involved but say you are both here on a single profile. You spend a couple of weeks talking most days by text before the "meet" getting to know each other, flirting etc. The meet goes well. The sex was pretty good. Then what..

Communication stops?

A random call up for round 2?

A that was great lets keep in touch?

How long before you do get in touch?

Granted you are both aware neither wants a relationship so where is the line? Its not dating, Its meeting. Its wanting a friend with benefits. Or is it?

What are your rules, your expectations or experiences?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a lot of guys tend to only get in touch when they want sex, they think they've done the work now and are sorted for sex on tap because they've fucked you already.

if that's your thing then there's nothing wrong with that and it genuinely is NSA sex.

i like to chat with my meets in between meets, it makes me feel more valued and less used.

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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

"a lot of guys tend to only get in touch when they want sex, they think they've done the work now and are sorted for sex on tap because they've fucked you already.

if that's your thing then there's nothing wrong with that and it genuinely is NSA sex.

i like to chat with my meets in between meets, it makes me feel more valued and less used. "

I think that's how I would _iew it too. In the past I've been guilty of just vanishing from communication and if they haven't contacted me I've assumed there's no further interest..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/01/17 02:39:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

deleted my other comment as i didn't want some of that public knowledge.

i also presume the same thing. it's hard to know who is avoiding you so as not to be a pest or to give you space so it's not like they're after a relationship, or if they genuinely don't give a shit.

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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

"deleted my other comment as i didn't want some of that public knowledge.

i also presume the same thing. it's hard to know who is avoiding you so as not to be a pest or to give you space so it's not like they're after a relationship, or if they genuinely don't give a shit."

It is. I think men and women probably both try to be more detached on here than they would in other situations. I know I certainly am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"deleted my other comment as i didn't want some of that public knowledge.

i also presume the same thing. it's hard to know who is avoiding you so as not to be a pest or to give you space so it's not like they're after a relationship, or if they genuinely don't give a shit.

It is. I think men and women probably both try to be more detached on here than they would in other situations. I know I certainly am. "

i was like that, detached -but because of trauma, so this site suited me really well.

did some work on myself to help with that trauma, had a break while doing this, feel 100% better about my life now.

but i'm going through a confused stage where i'm not sure what my next move is. my faith in men is coming back but my sex life is virtually nothing because hardly anyone appeals to me on here and i'm not sure NSA sex is for me, the way i've experienced it mostly so far at least.

i just don't want to feel used by empty people. and when it gets down to it most people on here only want to use you. i should want to use them too and enjoy that, but i don't any more. i love feeling things again now i'm not as traumtised.

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By *yldstyle OP Woman
over a year ago

A world of my own

"deleted my other comment as i didn't want some of that public knowledge.

i also presume the same thing. it's hard to know who is avoiding you so as not to be a pest or to give you space so it's not like they're after a relationship, or if they genuinely don't give a shit.

It is. I think men and women probably both try to be more detached on here than they would in other situations. I know I certainly am.

i was like that, detached -but because of trauma, so this site suited me really well.

did some work on myself to help with that trauma, had a break while doing this, feel 100% better about my life now.

I can understand that. I've read s few of your posts over the times I've been here.

I think you're incredibly strong and brave.

I think deep down everyone needs someone to love and to feel that love in return. It just comes in various forms for different people. I think understanding and being honest with yourself is key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been guilty of just vanishing from communication and if they haven't contacted me I've assumed there's no further interest.."

It's a hard one to judge sometimes, I started meeting back in 2005, I still have people who chat to me from over the years even ones I only met once which surprises me. I never know whether to contact others again I tend to leave up to them like you. Could be some missed opportunities but like you say not sure been of the etiquette.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"deleted my other comment as i didn't want some of that public knowledge.

i also presume the same thing. it's hard to know who is avoiding you so as not to be a pest or to give you space so it's not like they're after a relationship, or if they genuinely don't give a shit.

It is. I think men and women probably both try to be more detached on here than they would in other situations. I know I certainly am.

i was like that, detached -but because of trauma, so this site suited me really well.

did some work on myself to help with that trauma, had a break while doing this, feel 100% better about my life now.

I can understand that. I've read s few of your posts over the times I've been here.

I think you're incredibly strong and brave.

I think deep down everyone needs someone to love and to feel that love in return. It just comes in various forms for different people. I think understanding and being honest with yourself is key. "

i know i don't need a relationship. i'm highly independent and probably not even relationship material because of that as well.

dunno, just think i was born in the wrong time and place or something.

will go and get some sleep, our brains filter out all the useless info while we sleep and i'll be able to think better in the morning.

we need to take charge more maybe when it comes to meets and not wait for them to contact us? so what if we look like typical 'women' needing more than sex. the men who like that will be very compatible with us.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

I have been on and off this site for a while but have rarely had more than social meets.

My question is this; Is there an unwritten set of do's and do- nots after a meet?

Communication stops?

A random call up for round 2?

A that was great lets keep in touch?

How long before you do get in touch?

Granted you are both aware neither wants a relationship so where is the line? Its not dating, Its meeting. Its wanting a friend with benefits. Or is it?

What are your rules, your expectations or experiences?"

be yourself act how you wish others to act towards you would be my advice .

I'm greedy selfish and I need to know that I'm appreciated as a human being and a friend .

that fact means I tend to stay in touch if I'm having sex with someone I will check in with them two or three times a day and I expect my messages returned .

if I'm just chatting but interested I will still stay in touch to show I'm interested in them and there well being past possible fun .

if things don't work out like we don't fancy each other but I genuinely like the other persons natural vibe I stay in touch even meeting for lunch .

after the first sexual encounter with someone I message them when I get in that night especially if they had to drive home late to .

these things are natural in friendship towards a woman call me old fashion but it cost nothing to keep up to date with my female friends checking they got home safe is a natural thing for me to do ,

the same as checking in on their wellbeing regularly is, if you want to have a friend for fun you need to make sure that the person in question feels valued it really is that simple in my book ,

if I feel valued I'm happy to play if I don't I wont play .so as I think like that I act accordingly trying to make my female friends feel valued because the truth is i do value there contribution to making my life more enjoyable so I act in a way that I feel shows them that fact , I expect similar behaviour in return ,

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By *haunMan
over a year ago

Halton

No specific rules or expectations from me.

A lot depends upon the actual situation.

Yes, as the OP mentioned, you spend time in advance messaging and arranging.

But a lot then to me depends upon the actual meet.

If you actually clicked as much as you imagined.

But I would always follow up mainly via Fab if main communication channel next day at least as a follow up.

Even if you know that it was in the end just a one off.

Still means you can be sensible and normal enough to continue conversations and messages.

As you never know what will happen again in future.

Build up the meet, go have fun and enjoy the experience and follow up so not being an arse.

If the messages die out following this?

Then a natural end.

But no harm in keeping contact and building upon that experience.

Just go with the flow as every time may be different.

No one set of rules fits all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What works for o e won work for all.

I don't have expectations, that just leads to disappointment if anyone else is involved, because they might expect something else.

Go with the flow and do what feels right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there's any set etiquette. I know I've been guilty of meeting someone and then just letting the communication drop off because I don't want to look eager, in case they didn't want a second meet with me. If they're doing the same then it just drops off entirely. Lots of us are still insecure creatures at heart and it's easier to reject than experience rejection so I don't like to put myself out there too much.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Even in an NSA situation, the "when is the right time to call, to look interested not desperate" scenario from vanilla dating somehow worms its way in.

Which is interesting, as when faced with that query, most of us would seem, based on usual forum responses, to offer a very direct "just do it, find out, move forward" suggestion.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I fuck and go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I wanted to chat I'd chat. However if it wasn't reciprocated or just got one line responses I'd bin it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think there's any set etiquette. I know I've been guilty of meeting someone and then just letting the communication drop off because I don't want to look eager, in case they didn't want a second meet with me. If they're doing the same then it just drops off entirely. Lots of us are still insecure creatures at heart and it's easier to reject than experience rejection so I don't like to put myself out there too much."

So by both of you stuttering wether to send the message at the right time, it let's that moment drift away.

Go figure. 'I should have messaged you earlier, but didn't as I felt rejection ...'

Not my style. Life's short, get a move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find this an interesting thread and a thought provoking question, particularly as a couple.

As a couple we have each other to have that closeness and communication after a meet, and may not even think about it, without meaning to be intentionally cold or rude, whereas a single person may well be going back to nothing after a meet, and following the intimacy of a meet that could be difficult for certain indivuduals to cope with, and would like to have a certain level of communication and connection, whatever that might be, and I think that's only fair.

I guess maybe singles may be more susceptible to feeling used, and little more than a "tool" after a meet?

I imagine it falls down to each individual and what they want from a meet, not only prior and during, but afterwards also, and that certainly needs to be communicated and given consideration, and allows a couple to make an informed decision as to whether they are willing and able to give that individual what they want to allow the single person to feel truly comfortable, and also allows that single person to make a fully informed decision as to whether they want to meet a couple, and whether that couple can provide them with "after care" (for want of a better phrase) if they feel they need it.

I'm not talking about a relationship here, but I think it's fair consideration to give?

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

...Which is interesting, as when faced with that query, most of us would seem, based on usual forum responses, to offer a very direct "just do it, find out, move forward" suggestion.

Ah, but how many of us follow our own advise?!

;-)

I would hope that during the meet you would get more of a feel for the person, and therefore be able to judge better.

Personally, I'm quite a "chatter" for some time before meeting someone. It will then continue after also. Unless I'm being cut-off, which wouldn't upset me, we all have different requirements from this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally go into a meet with expectations that it won't be just a one off so if it all goes well I'm quite happy to be the one that messages 1st.

I don't chase (well I don't think I do) so if I really get the feeling they'd rather not persue any further then I'll leave the ball in their court.

There's no etiquette on here for a follow up because everyone meets in a different way, some just fuck & go, end of.

I suppose it would be handy if everyone said what they actually wanted to do whether it was a postitive / negative but as they don't you can be left guessing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Find this an interesting thread and a thought provoking question, particularly as a couple.

I guess maybe singles may be more susceptible to feeling used, and little more than a "tool" after a meet?

I'm not talking about a relationship here, but I think it's fair consideration to give? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally go into a meet with expectations that it won't be just a one off so if it all goes well I'm quite happy to be the one that messages 1st.

I don't chase (well I don't think I do) so if I really get the feeling they'd rather not persue any further then I'll leave the ball in their court.

There's no etiquette on here for a follow up because everyone meets in a different way, some just fuck & go, end of.

I suppose it would be handy if everyone said what they actually wanted to do whether it was a postitive / negative but as they don't you can be left guessing."

That's a hard one because sometimes I want a one off and sometimes I meet someone hoping we'll meet again. So I wouldn't want to have a blanket statement applied before I've even met someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So by both of you stuttering wether to send the message at the right time, it let's that moment drift away.

Go figure. 'I should have messaged you earlier, but didn't as I felt rejection ...'

Not my style. Life's short, get a move on.

Good for you. I'm fallible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not had many one offs. Those have really been down to me. Generally mine have ended up being repeat meets. One I talk to generally every day, but that's because we've morphed into good friends too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So by both of you stuttering wether to send the message at the right time, it let's that moment drift away.

Go figure. 'I should have messaged you earlier, but didn't as I felt rejection ...'

Not my style. Life's short, get a move on.

Good for you. I'm fallible. "

And brief.

One day I might get a woman to change her mind or her _iews completely. It's like my holy grail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally go into a meet with expectations that it won't be just a one off so if it all goes well I'm quite happy to be the one that messages 1st.

I don't chase (well I don't think I do) so if I really get the feeling they'd rather not persue any further then I'll leave the ball in their court.

There's no etiquette on here for a follow up because everyone meets in a different way, some just fuck & go, end of.

I suppose it would be handy if everyone said what they actually wanted to do whether it was a postitive / negative but as they don't you can be left guessing."

Same here.

My only expectation, if logistics allow it, is to get to know each other more than just a one off.

I don't mind chasing, I actually love it but I can't be doing a monologue, I need reciprocity. If a person's action doesn't match her words, I just walk away.

You can usually sense it via messages what the person is looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was brought up in the thank you card era. the joy of the thank you card is it can be open or closed, thanks for last night. is sufficient, but if you use a comma instead of a full stop, you can then raise a conversational question and see how / if they answer.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I was brought up in the thank you card era. the joy of the thank you card is it can be open or closed, thanks for last night. is sufficient, but if you use a comma instead of a full stop, you can then raise a conversational question and see how / if they answer.

I know card shops are always diversifying, but "thanks for the threesome" does seem a little niche!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Thank you for the meet

Your pussy tasted sweet

You spent ages on my cock

Now my profile please don't block...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I generally go into a meet with expectations that it won't be just a one off so if it all goes well I'm quite happy to be the one that messages 1st.

I don't chase (well I don't think I do) so if I really get the feeling they'd rather not persue any further then I'll leave the ball in their court.

There's no etiquette on here for a follow up because everyone meets in a different way, some just fuck & go, end of.

I suppose it would be handy if everyone said what they actually wanted to do whether it was a postitive / negative but as they don't you can be left guessing.

Same here.

My only expectation, if logistics allow it, is to get to know each other more than just a one off.

I don't mind chasing, I actually love it but I can't be doing a monologue, I need reciprocity. If a person's action doesn't match her words, I just walk away.

You can usually sense it via messages what the person is looking for.

Yeah I agree with you there, if I message a follow up we chat & it then starts to tail off or becomes monosyllabic answers then I don't bother. Which sometimes makes that person then up their game, if it doesn't then that's my answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/01/17 08:50:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for the meet

Your pussy tasted sweet

You spent ages on my cock

Now my profile please don't block..."

That would work for me

Copywrite it quick !

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

"Thank you for the meet

Your pussy tasted sweet

You spent ages on my cock

Now my profile please don't block...

That would work for me

Copywrite it quick !"

Funky Pigeon's going to have some odd cards going through the system in the next few weeks!

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By *ysnomiaMan
over a year ago

Preston

"Funky Pigeon's going to have some odd cards going through the system in the next few weeks!"
They made a big thing on TV about printing peoples own pictures on the cards to personalise them.

I wonder how far that idea would extend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for the meet

Your pussy tasted sweet

You spent ages on my cock

Now my profile please don't block..."

Do you work for hallmark? you should

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 10/01/17 10:41:33]

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

OP - I have always found the longer you chat the likelihood is that you will find something boorish, annoying or off-putting. It is like you flirt and find things titillating, texts can then often get misinterpreted or become too personal as you try to find more out about each other, though any spark or heat of the moment fades. The thing that attracted you, dies off and what probably would have been a good meet falls by the wayside. It's better to meet quickly if you both get along. Socials I have always found so uncomfortable, as you are sitting there after getting ready, in public being judged for a 2nd date - which goes both ways btw.

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