FabSwingers.com forum: I know he is cheating

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you see actual evidence of it? Unless you saw them doing something sexual and/or you have evidence it's very dangerous territory

Ruby

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Don't be in the middle then.

Unless you know, 100%, everything that is going on in their relationship you can only assume what you saw is cheating. Even if you do know everything happening in their relationship your news won't be welcome.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you see actual evidence of it? Unless you saw them doing something sexual and/or you have evidence it's very dangerous territory

Ruby"

Does holding hands and kissing fall under that category ??

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

It's a bloody minefirld, isn't it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh I know that all to well myself.

But at the same time it took a friend to wake me up from my nightmare.

Maybe she needs a kick.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

unless you know 100% what's going on in your friends relationship do nothing. At the very most have a quiet word with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How good a friend are they?

If you know they're not poly, I'd personally have a word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh I know that all to well myself.

But at the same time it took a friend to wake me up from my nightmare.

Maybe she needs a kick. "
it would depend on your friend.

I for instance would be more upset if I wasnt told.. but some would shoot the messenger.. you know your friend but without actual evidence id not go there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How good a friend are they?

If you know they're not poly, I'd personally have a word."

If she's a good friend and you're 100% sure I'd speak to her. I'd want to know in that situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only give advice based on my friendship with my Lauren, my love, my rock, my best friend. If I knew her boyfriend was doing anything behind her back and if she found out that I knew for even a few seconds before telling her she'd kick my arse as well as his. I'd tell her everything I knew but then I also know that my friend would take my word over any one so there would be no reasoning and no doubt or no blame at my door.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

if you friend is the type of person who would tell you..then tell, if not, then leave it alone..its not your business..

my friends and i discussed this with each other many moons ago, the what if, do you want to be told..but thats the kind of friends we are, not sure what kind of friends you are...and you talk about piggy in the middle like you are friends with both of them..are you and where does your 'loyalty' if you have any, lie?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business "

Yeah I agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business "

She and I are close. She has my back. I have hers.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

If I had a boyfriend and one of my mates caught him cheating on me then I would expect my mate to tell me.

I'd be uninterested in them giving him an opportunity to fix it/stop it. I'd want to know. Trust is everything to me, both in my friendships and my relationships.

It wouldn't be that way for everyone. I have a very black and white attitude to honesty.

If it were me in your shoes, the right thing would be to tell my friend what I knew. Honesty is important. If my friend shot me as the messenger then shit happens and our friendship wouldn't be as strong as I thought. The only loser in this situation is the cheater.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I had a boyfriend and one of my mates caught him cheating on me then I would expect my mate to tell me.

I'd be uninterested in them giving him an opportunity to fix it/stop it. I'd want to know. Trust is everything to me, both in my friendships and my relationships.

It wouldn't be that way for everyone. I have a very black and white attitude to honesty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surprised you're even asking the question. You'd want to be an extremely shit friend to consider not saying anything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Piggy in the middle because I am friendly with her bf. But my loyalties lie with her. No doubt there.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business

Yeah I agree "

Miss Honey think we found another victim?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say anything at all and stay out of it.

No one else's relationship is anything to do with anyone else. Outside people of a relationship shouldn't interfere. She may know and just pretending it isnt happening, and you mentioning it may make her feel like she has to act upon it. He may be doing it with her permission.

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Difficult one, personally I wouldn't get involved because it's not my business.

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By *obin_and_marionMan
over a year ago

Beaconsfield

Given some of the scenarios people post about on here, who knows what might be going on... it might be a swinging scenario ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her. It will be better in the long run. If you dont tell her, thats all you will be thinking about when you are together.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Piggy in the middle because I am friendly with her bf. But my loyalties lie with her. No doubt there.

your thread title says you know he's cheating...do you?

Could she know and accept the situation? Might she be aware but not want to acknowledge it?

Before you interfere in anybody else's relationship consider that what you believe to be true might not be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for the advice. I'll sleep on it.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Op its a tough one,but if you saw him kissing another woman than you should tell her .

I would want to know and would be very hurt if I thought good friends had turned a blind eye.

Miss

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Surprised you're even asking the question. You'd want to be an extremely shit friend to consider not saying anything. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you know your friend. Personally I'd be fucking furious if I was your friend and you told me. Not because I'd be shooting the messenger but because my relationship would be absolutely none of your business and you would have presumed to get yourself involved in it. That's even assuming the situation actually is what you think it is. It might not be.

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business

She and I are close. She has my back. I have hers. "

Did he see you ?

If he did then I am sure he may approach you at some point. If he didn't see you too, then obviously he would deny everything to his girlfriend. And by trying to be a good friend you could loose her too.

I'd keep quiet personally, you don't live their lives 24/7, even be sties don't discuss everything happening in their personal lives.

Just know in your own mind, that, if the shit does hit the fan, then you will be there for your friend.

However it is your decision, regardless of the advice us pixels offer. Take care xxxxx Suzi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be a difficult dilemma to be in.

On one hand she's your friend and friends should be able to broach such a subject with each other

On the other hand it could backfire on you if she's besotted with him and he denies it and your friend believes anything he says and then accuses you of trying to break them up

that's happened many a time....

Tricky one indeed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business

She and I are close. She has my back. I have hers.

Did he see you ?

I'd keep quiet personally, you don't live their lives 24/7, even be sties don't discuss everything happening in their personal lives.

Just know in your own mind, that, if the shit does hit the fan, then you will be there for your friend.

However it is your decision, regardless of the advice us pixels offer. Take care xxxxx Suzi "

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She may already know, or maybe part of their relationship dynamic that you have no idea about.

Only you know your friend well enough to know whether she'd want to be told (not everyone wants to know) & as you haven't done so maybe that's a sign that you should keep out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss."

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating. "

I don't think so. I wouldn't thank a friend for telling me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating. "

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell.

When i was still with my ex hub I saw a friends hubs car parked on an industrial estate late at nite. Now I know why I was there n althoght I didn't know why he was there I could hazard a guess it was for the same reasons.

I too wrestled with should I say or not. In the end I spoke to her about the issues I was havin in my marriage and what I was up to on here. Cut a long story short she too said her n her fella weren't gettin on n suspected him of cheating. I incouraged her to talk to him. He admitted everything and now they are stronger then ever. So it doesn't always ruin things to tell. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating. "

I've never been in that situation but that's not how I'd expect myself to feel. I'd be more pissed off about it coming out and fucking things up than the period over which it had been quiet and not affected me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult. "

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult. "

I have to think about this.and how I will go about it. I am not afraid of loosing her as a friend. Our friendship is strong enough. Not easy doing this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?"

Is kissing and cuddling up to another woman evidence enough?? I didn't stick around to see if they had sex. What I saw was enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only you know your friend. Personally I'd be fucking furious if I was your friend and you told me. Not because I'd be shooting the messenger but because my relationship would be absolutely none of your business and you would have presumed to get yourself involved in it. That's even assuming the situation actually is what you think it is. It might not be.

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there. "

What if your friend thought that they were saving your feelings and trying to stop you from getting hurt? It's probably hard for you to understand things like this because you're married and your husband doesn't know you fuck other men.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Dose your friend know your on fab?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

I don't think so. I wouldn't thank a friend for telling me "

I would.. and would feel that they had been laughing at me. I Would be more likely to forgive the cheating than female friends knowing a partner was making a fool of me and letting me carry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

Please don't bring my relationship into it when you don't actually know anything about our personal dynamic (which is also none of your business). If it's hard for me to understand because of my relationship status then my point of view is difficult for you to understand because of yours. That's why I said that only the OP knows her friend, we don't.

My friends know better than to stick their noses into my business. I don't believe people who tell are doing it purely for altruistic reasons either, it's usually to assuage their own guilt or for the thrill and the drama of feeling involved.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

Is kissing and cuddling up to another woman evidence enough?? I didn't stick around to see if they had sex. What I saw was enough."

no, not really. as I said earlier she might know, she might be aware but not want to have it shoved in her face. Without knowing the dynamic of their relationship your interpretation of what you saw isn't in my opinion enough to tell your friend her husband is cheating on her.

If you can't live without saying something have a word with him. Tell him that if he doesn't sort it...you will. Then if he has her blessing he can tell you and if he doesn't he can choose to sort it within their relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

What has that got to do with not understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

Is kissing and cuddling up to another woman evidence enough?? I didn't stick around to see if they had sex. What I saw was enough."

if you think you're friend would want to know then tell her.

i would do what the friend wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?"

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence. "

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP if you've been "fighting this for a while" what has actually stopped you from telling your friend?

Think carefully to what your answer is, not what you presume others think it should be....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed."
i have to say if someone told me that.. I would be reluctant to believe that... id want actual evidence...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed."

If she isn't being betrayed then she will tell the OP. No big deal.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think every situation is different because we're all different.

Whilst my view on my own personal relationships is black and white, that's mostly because there's zero need for someone I'm in a relationship with to cheat on me.

We're complex beings but I'd have a whole lot more respect for my friends if they told me what they thought they'd seen because then I could make an informed decision on how I dealt with it. If there was nothing to worry about then no harm done but I'd rather my friends took that risk to save me from someone making a fool of me behind my back.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed."

Well that falls under the category of " what do you consider as cheating" with people having different opinions.

My friends and I see kissing and cuddling as cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally id say nothing what someone else does is nobody else's business. To many people dont understand what a private life is these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Piggy in the middle because I am friendly with her bf. But my loyalties lie with her. No doubt there.

Have you had it out with him since you are also friendly with him, ask him about what you saw. Make it known you seen him, tell him you are in an awkward position. Then depends what his response is take it from there. Just an idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

something else to consider though is if he is cheating and she decides to stay with her cheating husband things might get awkward between you both because she's more loyal to him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think every situation is different because we're all different.

Whilst my view on my own personal relationships is black and white, that's mostly because there's zero need for someone I'm in a relationship with to cheat on me.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?"

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed.

Well that falls under the category of " what do you consider as cheating" with people having different opinions.

My friends and I see kissing and cuddling as cheating.

It's only a betrayal if the friend is unaware of the situation. Is that 100% the case in the OP's scenario?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

Is kissing and cuddling up to another woman evidence enough?? I didn't stick around to see if they had sex. What I saw was enough.

From what i gathered shes trying to gently voice her concern to the friend, as made evident by her saying earlier that she has to think about how she'll say it..

Wouldn't exactly say thats "shoving it in her face".

Gently approaching the topic means that if it is something other than alleged cheating, it can be discussed without any wild accusations..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He is probably on fab too lol.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

Very true. Must be bad enough to find out you have been betrayed by your husband but also finding out your "alleged" friend did the same would be doubly difficult.

where's the evidence that this woman is being betrayed by her husband?

holding hands and kissing another women is pretty solid evidence.

its only evidence that he was kissing and holding hands with another woman, not that she was being betrayed.

Well that falls under the category of " what do you consider as cheating" with people having different opinions.

My friends and I see kissing and cuddling as cheating.

if you're 100% sure that your friend doesn't know, that her husband was kissing and holding hands with a woman and about to have sex with her rather than comforting a friend who had heard some bad news for instance...

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state? "

Not the impression i get,I think shes genuinely trying to be a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state? "

Where has the op stated that. Its called looking out for your friends...

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state? "

How did you actually jump to that conclusion? Wowsers... seriously?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"unless you know 100% what's going on in your friends relationship do nothing. At the very most have a quiet word with him.

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state? "

If that was the case chances are she'd have told her asap.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

Not the impression i get,I think shes genuinely trying to be a friend."

yes so do I. That's why she's so conflicted, nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news. I might not agree but I think the op has the best of intentions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is too deep for a sunday night

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state? "

Oh my goodness no. This isnt about revenge !!!

What I wrote there was I know in what state I was in because of his actions. Not because she told. She was there for me. Why would I want to get her back?? For what?? Saving me from more hurt and being cheated on?? Really??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op i dont envy you your position...

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

If that was the case chances are she'd have told her asap. "

If she was a true friend why start a thread on a sex site

Why don't she just tell her the moment she saw the couple kissing and holding hands.

I would go fucking mad if my so called friend came on a sex site telling everyone about my husband playing away rather tell me first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is too deep for a sunday night"

All the serious in depth commments and this single one line has made me laugh out loud

You're the real MVP

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her. "

Hope it goes aswell as it can do Red xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/01/17 23:12:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

If that was the case chances are she'd have told her asap.

If she was a true friend why start a thread on a sex site

Why don't she just tell her the moment she saw the couple kissing and holding hands.

I would go fucking mad if my so called friend came on a sex site telling everyone about my husband playing away rather tell me first

She was just asking advice. She's not named anyone.

Problem shared is a problem halved....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

You mentioned your relationship in your comment, you've also mentioned many times that your husband is unaware you're on here. That is public forum knowledge that you have spoken about.

They might not stick their nose in your business if that's the kind of relationships you have with them, they'd probably just talk about it when you aren't around. That's the kind of shit that would do most peoples heads in.

But you're right, only the op knows her friend, I'd have to tell though, if she knows and it's all kosher then no harm done and the friend will see that she was just looking out for her.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

If that was the case chances are she'd have told her asap.

If she was a true friend why start a thread on a sex site

Why don't she just tell her the moment she saw the couple kissing and holding hands.

I would go fucking mad if my so called friend came on a sex site telling everyone about my husband playing away rather tell me first

Yet your first advice was that she should mind her own business?

I often ask anonymous advice here... it's not like any of my mates are gonna know who I am or indeed read a forum on a swinging site just to see if someone is asking vague advice about tricky scenarios which may or may not be about them?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

confront him

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her. "

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi "

suzi - saw you run up ad dive in front of her = hand up saying o no no no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How good a friend are they?

If you know they're not poly, I'd personally have a word.

If she's a good friend and you're 100% sure I'd speak to her. I'd want to know in that situation. "

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

And now you want to get her back for getting you in a state?

If that was the case chances are she'd have told her asap.

If she was a true friend why start a thread on a sex site

Why don't she just tell her the moment she saw the couple kissing and holding hands.

I would go fucking mad if my so called friend came on a sex site telling everyone about my husband playing away rather tell me first

Yet your first advice was that she should mind her own business?

Stranger things have happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

You mentioned your relationship in your comment, you've also mentioned many times that your husband is unaware you're on here. That is public forum knowledge that you have spoken about.

But you're right, only the op knows her friend, I'd have to tell though, if she knows and it's all kosher then no harm done and the friend will see that she was just looking out for her.

No, I'd imagine they don't talk about me in a malicious way when I'm not around because I'm not friends with gossipy little cunts. And you can interpret whatever you think I've said about my relationship however you want but my profile says my husband is not involved. It doesn't say anything else. I wouldn't expect you to understand, tbh, because real relationships are complex and individual things. and this is why I don't bother trying to explain to people. And this is still none of your business, or the topic of the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest...Say nothing,as in most cases like this,it could end up your fault.The three wise monkies...good luck op whatever you decide x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi "

Thanks that made me laugh.

I'll be fine. Just one glass.

Thank you. Appreciate the advice.

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi

Thanks that made me laugh.

I'll be fine. Just one glass.

Thank you. Appreciate the advice.

Just one then, mind...... then again it depends on the size of the glass. If it's a pint glass, then you may as well save washing up and drink from the bottle

Only joking

xxxxx Suzi

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi

Thanks that made me laugh.

I'll be fine. Just one glass.

Thank you. Appreciate the advice.

Just one then, mind...... then again it depends on the size of the glass. If it's a pint glass, then you may as well save washing up and drink from the bottle

Only joking

xxxxx Suzi "

I have these awesome glasses. They hold half a bottle.

Slainte

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One big word of warning is don't discuss it with another friend! I did this when I thought my friend was takin the piss outta me. It was a big mistake and I lost my best friend over it. If id of simply gone to her we would of been able to clear it all up.

Remember a listening ear can turn into a running mouth. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One big word of warning is don't discuss it with another friend! I did this when I thought my friend was takin the piss outta me. It was a big mistake and I lost my best friend over it. If id of simply gone to her we would of been able to clear it all up.

Remember a listening ear can turn into a running mouth. Xxx "
....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

You mentioned your relationship in your comment, you've also mentioned many times that your husband is unaware you're on here. That is public forum knowledge that you have spoken about.

But you're right, only the op knows her friend, I'd have to tell though, if she knows and it's all kosher then no harm done and the friend will see that she was just looking out for her.

You're mean

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

"Could you not ask her advice on it from the point of view of it being someone else and gauge from that whether or not she'd want to be told?

She was the one who told me my ex was cheating on me.

Think we have that one covered.

I know what state I was in when she told me. I don't wish this on anyone.

I think you know what you should do then. Are you putting it off because you know how upset you were? You got over it though didn't you? With your friend's support?

Good luck

Case closed, I believe

Thank you all for your advice. Just concreted my initial thoughts.

Need a glass of wine after this. And more when I tell her.

No, no, no no...... keep clear of the booze. This is not a good plan xxxxx Suzi

Thanks that made me laugh.

I'll be fine. Just one glass.

Thank you. Appreciate the advice.

Just one then, mind...... then again it depends on the size of the glass. If it's a pint glass, then you may as well save washing up and drink from the bottle

Only joking

xxxxx Suzi

I have these awesome glasses. They hold half a bottle.

Slainte

My wine glasses hold that much too. So when I say I only had 2 glasses, it sounds way better than, I had a bottle xxxx

Suzi

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Remember a listening ear can turn into a running mouth. Xxx ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

You mentioned your relationship in your comment, you've also mentioned many times that your husband is unaware you're on here. That is public forum knowledge that you have spoken about.

But you're right, only the op knows her friend, I'd have to tell though, if she knows and it's all kosher then no harm done and the friend will see that she was just looking out for her.

You're mean

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say anything and if in time my friend found out about her guy cheating, then I would be there as a shoulder to cry on and support her but would never admit I suspected or admit to seeing or knowing anything.

I would never get involved in anyone else's relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think i'd want to know. And i'd be a bit hurt if i found out that a friend knew and kept it from me.

Saying that, not everyone chucks a cheating partner. Some work at getting the relationship back on track. That would place the bearer of such news in a tricky position, because if you're trying to fix something that was broken, you don't want a reminder hanging around.

It's tricky OP. Good luck with it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business.

You don't know the dynamics of their relationship so keep out of it.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Don't be in the middle then.

Exactly!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I wouldn't say anything at all and stay out of it.

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss."

Couldn't have worded it better myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't say anything and if in time my friend found out about her guy cheating, then I would be there as a shoulder to cry on and support her but would never admit I suspected or admit to seeing or knowing anything.

I would never get involved in anyone else's relationship. "

This. Mind your own business OP...their relationship is nothing to do with you. Support her if need be, otherwise keep quiet

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

I don't think so. I wouldn't thank a friend for telling me

I would.. and would feel that they had been laughing at me. I Would be more likely to forgive the cheating than female friends knowing a partner was making a fool of me and letting me carry on. "

Sounds about right...forgive the "cheater" but blame the friend. Like those pathetic people who forgive and ignore the fact their spouse, the one who vowed to love, honour and cherish them didn't. They then blame the other person as a home wreaker!

Never could get my head around that!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

First word that popped into my head reading this: drama!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My lack of advice! is a question... When you witnessed him holding hands with and kissing someone other than your friend. Why didn't you go up and say hi to him?

Would have given him opportunity to clarify if it was approved or innocent, or the incentive to confess if it wasn't.

The problem with this situation is every day that passes makes it more complicated.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I would never get involved in anyone else's relationship. "

This!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My lack of advice! is a question... When you witnessed him holding hands with and kissing someone other than your friend. Why didn't you go up and say hi to him?

Would have given him opportunity to clarify if it was approved or innocent, or the incentive to confess if it wasn't.

The problem with this situation is every day that passes makes it more complicated. "

What I saw was evidence enough it wasn't innocent.

I know the couple. The lady and I are close friends. Me confronting him would be interfering. It's not up to me to confront him.

My role is as a friend, to look after my close friend. Who looked after me, who told me my ex husband cheated me on yet again. So I know what she is going through and will be. I appreciate the advice. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mind your business.... I've seen this situation too many times to count.

You go and break the news to your friend. The husband denies it , they stay together and you look like a trouble maker

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

Do they have kids, mortgage etc?

Think!

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By *indandfireCouple
over a year ago

ashbourne

Can I play devils advocate a little and wonder how many of those advising "mind your own business" are on here without their partners consent or have/are playing away?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember seeing a similar issue on Hollyoaks. It didn't end well, leave it alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I saw was evidence enough it wasn't innocent.

I know the couple. The lady and I are close friends. Me confronting him would be interfering. It's not up to me to confront him.

It sounds like you've been through an awful lot together. You know yourself if you need to tell her or not.

I found out my best friends partner was cheating on her - I found his profile on a website and that he was going to clubs with another woman. I had to tell her. I couldn't not tell her. That wasn't even an option in our friendship. (She left him and has a better life now, she's not being used by some bloke).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My lack of advice! is a question... When you witnessed him holding hands with and kissing someone other than your friend. Why didn't you go up and say hi to him?

Would have given him opportunity to clarify if it was approved or innocent, or the incentive to confess if it wasn't.

The problem with this situation is every day that passes makes it more complicated. "

Exactly this, you should have made it plain that you had seen him and then let him sort it out.

She might be you're friend but I doupt that you know everything that happends behine closed doors.

JMHO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

I don't think so. I wouldn't thank a friend for telling me

I would.. and would feel that they had been laughing at me. I Would be more likely to forgive the cheating than female friends knowing a partner was making a fool of me and letting me carry on.

Never could get my head around that! "
nope its about the friends that weren't really friends. We are all different and for me i understand the cheating bit.. i cant understand the friends keeping quiet even when asked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss.

I dont agree that ignorance is bliss.. to find out later on that your friends knew your partner was messing around and no one tells you can be more damaging than the actual cheating.

I don't think so. I wouldn't thank a friend for telling me

I would.. and would feel that they had been laughing at me. I Would be more likely to forgive the cheating than female friends knowing a partner was making a fool of me and letting me carry on.

Never could get my head around that! nope its about the friends that weren't really friends. We are all different and for me i understand the cheating bit.. i cant understand the friends keeping quiet even when asked"

"Even when asked" - now that's a completely different situation to what is being described here. If asked, then yes, I'd say what I'd seen, because the friend has then chosen to involve me and invited me into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is too deep for a sunday night

All the serious in depth commments and this single one line has made me laugh out loud

You're the real MVP

Just here to lighten the mood

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What I saw was evidence enough it wasn't innocent.

I know the couple. The lady and I are close friends. Me confronting him would be interfering. It's not up to me to confront him.

It sounds like you've been through an awful lot together. You know yourself if you need to tell her or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know....."

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

I'd want to know 100% even if she just thought it or was unsure I'd want to know, going up to him so he can decided what to do about it fuck no he doesn't get to choose shit, if he has cheated on me then it's my choice my decision on what to do whether that be sort out the relationship or not (personally it would be a NOT)

If he hadn't had cheated then it would get cleared up and sorted out but at least I know my girl as got my back.

But if someone saw him cheating and didn't tell me then they are not the kind of friends I need in my life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know....."

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd want to know 100% even if she just thought it or was unsure I'd want to know, going up to him so he can decided what to do about it fuck no he doesn't get to choose shit, if he has cheated on me then it's my choice my decision on what to do whether that be sort out the relationship or not (personally it would be a NOT)

If he hadn't had cheated then it would get cleared up and sorted out but at least I know my girl as got my back.

But if someone saw him cheating and didn't tell me then they are not the kind of friends I need in my life. "

Exactly. I could not live with myself knowing a partner was cheating on a friend of mine. Living in bliss can only happen for so long till the truth finally comes out. Because the truth always comes out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey, that all happened quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do. "

At least he hasnt denied it.

You have done what any good friend imho would do x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he hadn't had cheated then it would get cleared up and sorted out but at least I know my girl as got my back.

But if someone saw him cheating and didn't tell me then they are not the kind of friends I need in my life. "

this is my thoughts exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi everyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Blimey, that all happened quickly."

That's life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do.

At least he hasnt denied it.

You have done what any good friend imho would do x"

Now he didn't deny it. He told her everything. Was cheating on her for a while.

Where there is smoke there is fire.

Always go with your gut. And mine told me I was unfortunately right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

I agree with this. If I were in the friend's position I wouldn't want to know and would be quite annoyed at any "friends" sticking their noses in. If she's meant to find out in the natural course of events, she will, and it's then up to her how she deals with it. I'd wait for her to come to you for advice/support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do. "

Informer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

So you would let your friend be taken for a fool.. if your friends dont tell you what hope have people got. Id not forgive a friend that didn't tell me...

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do. "

all the best Hun wish you were my friend

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Can I play devils advocate a little and wonder how many of those advising "mind your own business" are on here without their partners consent or have/are playing away? "

I met my other half on here.

I don't meet attached men, never have, I simply do not think anyone else's relationship is my business. I had a married friend. His wife was disabled and he was her carer. We both loved the theatre but his wife was unable to go so once a month we'd take in a west end play.

We'd walk hand in hand and to anyone looking we could have been a couple but his wife knew about us. She knew he spent a fortune on tickets but she knew I always paid for dinner and once a month I'd travel to their town to spend the day shopping with him.

Every week I got a bunch of flowers, nothing sexual just a good friend. When he fell and was hospitalised, I was the first person his wife called. She said it would really make his day to see me. Unfortunately I couldn't go until the Saturday. I was getting ready to visit when his wife called to say he had died.

I travelled with his wife in the hearse. She thanked me. She said he didn't have much of a life and his monthly trips with me gave him a boost and it also made life easier for her.

My point is we never truly know what goes on behind closed doors, we all portray the face we want the world to see. I'd leave well alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd still like to know why you haven't told her if you know 100% what you saw is correct and know your friend would want to know.....

Well I have told her.

She didn't shoot the messenger.

She reacted the same way I did.

Was heartbroken. I was there for her.

She has confronted her boyfriend. Not husband. Boyfriend. To say things are a mess is an understatement.

I can only give her the information I have. I cannot make a decision for her. I am only here to support her with whatever decision she makes. That's what real friends do.

At least he hasnt denied it.

You have done what any good friend imho would do x

Now he didn't deny it. He told her everything. Was cheating on her for a while.

Where there is smoke there is fire.

Always go with your gut. And mine told me I was unfortunately right. "

"Good friends" do what's best for their individual friend, that's why I was asking you would she want to know.

Many years ago I told an ex friend what I thought I saw her OH doing. I didnt know at the time their relationship dynamics, hence why she's now an ex.

I now know not to volunteer info unless asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he hadn't had cheated then it would get cleared up and sorted out but at least I know my girl as got my back.

But if someone saw him cheating and didn't tell me then they are not the kind of friends I need in my life. "

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By *retty FolliesCouple (FF)
over a year ago

south

Bit rich regarding some womens comments on here....they would tell a friend that their OH was cheating but they meet attached/married men whos wives have not got a clue they are cheating......WOW

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit rich regarding some womens comments on here....they would tell a friend that their OH was cheating but they meet attached/married men whos wives have not got a clue they are cheating......WOW

I would never knowingly meet a married man.

My loyalty would be to my friend not some random stranger.

Just shows how different people are. I'd expect any decent friend to tell me what she saw. Seems a lot prefer living in ignorance though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he hadn't had cheated then it would get cleared up and sorted out but at least I know my girl as got my back.

But if someone saw him cheating and didn't tell me then they are not the kind of friends I need in my life.

I disagree that the truth always comes out, I know people who have cheated for years and got away with it.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd suggest reporting what you saw and the reason why you are telling her.

Once that's done, leave it. No need for accusations such as cheating, that's for the couple to decide. If your friend throws it back at you then just take it. It's her right to be angry, embarrassed, in denial or whatever she feels.

You will know you've done the right thing and ultimately so will she.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business

She and I are close. She has my back. I have hers. "

Think you just answered your own question. Good luck with it, a tough place to be in.

Madame B

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?"

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

And every argument is a triple edged sword

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

And every argument is a triple edged sword"

That's cause we're all different.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Can I play devils advocate a little and wonder how many of those advising "mind your own business" are on here without their partners consent or have/are playing away? "

Not me. We discussed this last night, our marriage is nobody else's flaming business. It's an entirely private thing between the two of us and we both agreed that anybody coming to either of us telling us that they'd seen the other doing x, y or z would be thanked and sent on their way. Our friends and acquaintances have no idea what our set up is and that's how it's going to stay.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

And every argument is a triple edged sword

That's cause we're all different.

Example:

I was asked out by a long-standing friend to go for drinks with her to a pub we have an affection for... We arrive and, lo and behold! there's another fella there.

She's used me as cover to get out of the house and meet some chap.

I didn't say anything, well not about the flagrant breach of trust with me or her fiancée.

Just made sure the conversation the whole night long was about things that he and I wanted to discuss, he's just a big geek at heart so plenty of sci-fi filler to chat about. She was piggy in the middle.

Justice was swift and no-one was harmed (much - silly cow shouldn't use me as an excuse).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But we don't know her, or him, you do.

You're only piggy in the middle if you put yourself there.

So you would let your friend be taken for a fool.. if your friends dont tell you what hope have people got. Id not forgive a friend that didn't tell me... "

I just believe that my friends'relationships are their business and wouldn't interfere. Am sure the woman concerned knows something is going on and it might suit her for some reason to be in denial. But everyone must do what their conscience tells them in such circumstances (and suffer the consequences)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Example:

I was asked out by a long-standing friend to go for drinks with her to a pub we have an affection for... We arrive and, lo and behold! there's another fella there.

She's used me as cover to get out of the house and meet some chap.

I didn't say anything, well not about the flagrant breach of trust with me or her fiancée.

Justice was swift and no-one was harmed (much - silly cow shouldn't use me as an excuse).

That's different for me though, you're her friend and your loyalty lies with her rather than her fiancée.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"*Yawns*

No one will thank you. Unless you like a little drama?

I would thank my friend. I don't like drama but I'd rather have a bit of drama than have someone I thought I trusted make a chump out of me.

And every argument is a triple edged sword

That's cause we're all different.

Example:

I was asked out by a long-standing friend to go for drinks with her to a pub we have an affection for... We arrive and, lo and behold! there's another fella there.

She's used me as cover to get out of the house and meet some chap.

I didn't say anything, well not about the flagrant breach of trust with me or her fiancée.

Justice was swift and no-one was harmed (much - silly cow shouldn't use me as an excuse).

That's not really the same thing though... I have a friend who asked if she could use my flat to meet a bloke behind her husband's back.

Um... no! Get a friggin hotel.

Same husband called me to see if x had been at mine last night. She hadn't said anything to me so I didn't lie for her. Turns out she had been at home with him and he was checking to see if I'd lie.

I don't want to be involved in anyone else's drama. I didn't tell her husband about her shenanigans because that's where my loyalties lay. If I'd have seen him out with another woman, you can bet your arse I'd have told my bestie.

We all have different standards, we all have a different moral compass and I'm the first to admit my standards are double.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think it would depend on the friend. We have had the conversation and one friend said she would rather me tell her if something was going on and my other friend says she would rather not know. For me, I would rather know by a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd tell her.

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By *rank n BettyCouple
over a year ago

Not meeting

You say you're friendly with him too - why not have a word with him instead?

JG x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't say anything at all and stay out of it.

You may spoil her blissfully happy life, as they say ignorance is bliss."

Ignorance was bliss for me until......how does that song go? Always the last to know?

I wish I'd known sooner. Didn't lose any friends over it though.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

if they didn't tell me, they'd be lying as well..and they wouldn't be my friend..i don't understand these so called friendships where people say their friends relationship, is not their business,,of course it is, if you all know each other well, sometimes for years.....that would be denial.if you know him. i would tell him what i saw and say i was going to tell my friend..simple..

if i found out they knew and hadn't told me. id never speak to them again..but then i am like that..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd suggest reporting what you saw and the reason why you are telling her.

You will know you've done the right thing and ultimately so will she."

Like I said in an earlier comment. I told her what I saw. I only gave her the evidence I had. What she does with it it's up to her. I will stand by her no matter what she decides to do. It's not up to me to sort out her issues with her bf. My concern is her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"if they didn't tell me, they'd be lying as well..and they wouldn't be my friend..i don't understand these so called friendships where people say their friends relationship, is not their business,,of course it is, if you all know each other well, sometimes for years.....that would be denial.if you know him. i would tell him what i saw and say i was going to tell my friend..simple..

if i found out they knew and hadn't told me. id never speak to them again..but then i am like that.."

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"I'd suggest reporting what you saw and the reason why you are telling her.

You will know you've done the right thing and ultimately so will she.

Well done,I think you are a good friend and have done the right thing.She has the info now and she can make her own mind up about how she uses it

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Stay the hell away from it.

That's Just my pennies worth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd suggest reporting what you saw and the reason why you are telling her.

You will know you've done the right thing and ultimately so will she.

in my eyes you're a good friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd suggest reporting what you saw and the reason why you are telling her.

You will know you've done the right thing and ultimately so will she.

in my eyes you're a good friend.

And mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i found out they knew and hadn't told me. id never speak to them again..but then i am like that.."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My husband "is" my best friend.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

In such a situation OP the risk you will have to take is that your friend reacts badly if you tell her..

of course she may well take it much worse if she finds out that you knew and said nothing..

its a tricky one..

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"On my friend.

I saw him with another woman.

Oh I've been fighting with this one for a while now.

Ugh ... I don't know... don't want to be piggy in the middle.

Mind your own business.

You don't know the dynamics of their relationship so keep out of it."

The op is asking for advice..

I gave her some duh

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Blimey, that all happened quickly."

I'm sceptical

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Well. That filled up a lot of air time.

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