FabSwingers.com forum: Caring 4 a parent

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's a little by little wearing down.

We try to keep it fun. Laugh everyday. Listen to the made up stories interspersed with the odd sprinkling of truth.

Today I see Dad has slipped a bit further down the slope. Getting to the standing position a real struggle.

All you others who are caring for someone at home show yourselves.

Let's care together. We're not alone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Morning sweet!

I cared for my Father a few years back, he had mesothelioma & went downhill quite fast.

It was very hard going, my son was only 15 months old but luckily I was a stay at home Mum at that time.

It's awful watching them turn from a vibrant, outgoing, able bodied person to a shadow of their former selves.

Happy to matter if you feel you can sweet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Caring for loved ones is the role of many an unsung hero .....

I hope your efforts give you both peace of mind and much comfort through the times to come

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to add, once I went back to work I decided the one job I had to do was caring for others in a similar capacity as my Father so I now work in community palliative care X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Been there and it is not an easy thing to do.

Sending you love xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times. "

I'm with you on that one. My mum's the opposite though and will try even though it's almost impossible. I know the next fall is just round the corner

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times.

I'm with you on that one. My mum's the opposite though and will try even though it's almost impossible. I know the next fall is just round the corner

We were having three falls a week til we moved him here. Built him his annexe. Drink combined with such frailty was a lethal combination.

We limit him to a bottle of wine a day. The doc isn't impressed but he drags it out all day. He wouldn't have come if I'd made him tea total.

Had one fall in a year. Way better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

Such a warm lovely message and such a nice thing your doing for your dad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times.

I'm with you on that one. My mum's the opposite though and will try even though it's almost impossible. I know the next fall is just round the corner

We were having three falls a week til we moved him here. Built him his annexe. Drink combined with such frailty was a lethal combination.

We limit him to a bottle of wine a day. The doc isn't impressed but he drags it out all day. He wouldn't have come if I'd made him tea total.

Had one fall in a year. Way better. "

We've found that sometimes the doctor doesn't know best. A paramedic was telling my mum off for eating too many sweets once so I pointed out that the poor woman had a broken back, a very restricted diet and a much reduced quality of life...a few sweets were the least of her problems.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times.

I'm with you on that one. My mum's the opposite though and will try even though it's almost impossible. I know the next fall is just round the corner

We were having three falls a week til we moved him here. Built him his annexe. Drink combined with such frailty was a lethal combination.

We limit him to a bottle of wine a day. The doc isn't impressed but he drags it out all day. He wouldn't have come if I'd made him tea total.

Had one fall in a year. Way better.

Exactly xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I care for my mum, cook clean daily for her.... Often it's tiring not only the time but the stress waiting for the phone call saying ..mum has....

I've said it often if it wasn't for family friends and neighbours the countries social care would collapse in a day.

Truly is an unsung army..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I care for my mum, cook clean daily for her.... Often it's tiring not only the time but the stress waiting for the phone call saying ..mum has....

I've said it often if it wasn't for family friends and neighbours the countries social care would collapse in a day.

Truly is an unsung army..

It's when you first walk in and it's quiet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"I care for my mum, cook clean daily for her.... Often it's tiring not only the time but the stress waiting for the phone call saying ..mum has....

I've said it often if it wasn't for family friends and neighbours the countries social care would collapse in a day.

Truly is an unsung army..

It's when you first walk in and it's quiet. "

Yep.I know what you mean. I found a neighbour just before Christmas in her house had died.. it's a strange eerie silence.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I care for my mum, cook clean daily for her.... Often it's tiring not only the time but the stress waiting for the phone call saying ..mum has....

I've said it often if it wasn't for family friends and neighbours the countries social care would collapse in a day.

Truly is an unsung army..

It's when you first walk in and it's quiet. "

Or when you pick up the phone and a stranger's voice says "I'm X I'm a paramedic and I'm with your mum"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankfully the regular phone calls from his neighbors saying there's an ambulance outside his house are over. All those wasted ambulance calls just to pick him up because he was d*unk.

Now it's just the care line phone calls; very rare.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thankfully the regular phone calls from his neighbors saying there's an ambulance outside his house are over. All those wasted ambulance calls just to pick him up because he was d*unk.

Now it's just the care line phone calls; very rare. "

My mum "can't find" her lifeline button.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss"

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

You're welcome,are you getting any help at all with him?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

to all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

You're welcome,are you getting any help at all with him?

Xx"

Yes. We had a local care firm but they were very unreliable.

We now directly employ three ladies, pay them more than the care firms do and it costs less than we were paying.

We still go in every day and do his care three days a week. We do his shopping, doctor and hospital trips.

We both work full time but flex around him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

You're welcome,are you getting any help at all with him?

Yes. We had a local care firm but they were very unreliable.

We now directly employ three ladies, pay them more than the care firms do and it costs less than we were paying.

We still go in every day and do his care three days a week. We do his shopping, doctor and hospital trips.

We both work full time but flex around him. "

I really feel for you,my sister was an alcoholic and a very hard thing to get through .

If you need to let off any steam etc ,you're welcome to pm me .xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

You're welcome,are you getting any help at all with him?

Yes. We had a local care firm but they were very unreliable.

We now directly employ three ladies, pay them more than the care firms do and it costs less than we were paying.

We still go in every day and do his care three days a week. We do his shopping, doctor and hospital trips.

We both work full time but flex around him.

I really feel for you,my sister was an alcoholic and a very hard thing to get through .

If you need to let off any steam etc ,you're welcome to pm me .xx"

Thank you. I use the forums to let off steam. You may have noticed my dry humour now and then

Just before his fall that resulted in a seven week frantic 18 hr a day, 7 days a week conversion of our double garage into a home, he was drinking three bottles of wine and half a litre to a litre of brandy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Sending all of you in this situation a huge huggle

And Rachael you get a bum squeeze as well to make ya smile x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks HP xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Hi op,I used to look after my dad he had copd and I appreciate how hard it is.I worked full time shifts too and was permenantly exhausted,but I always tried to be sunny for my dad.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way

Miss

Thank you. Xx

Just noticed he's gone down a bit further today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care for my father who has limited mobility and absolutely no fine motor skills

it can be difficult at times but the most difficult part I find is when you know he wants to do it himself but has to accept defeat and then watch someone else do it for him. The frustration and pain I can see In him hurts me the most.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rachel keep smiling hun.

I looked after my son for 26 years.

Starved of oxygen when he was born.

Myself and his mum done everything for him.

I know how differcult and sad life can sometimes be for all those in a carering capacity.

The good memories we cherish for ever. Hugs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rachel keep smiling hun.

I looked after my son for 26 years.

Starved of oxygen when he was born.

Myself and his mum done everything for him.

I know how differcult and sad life can sometimes be for all those in a carering capacity.

The good memories we cherish for ever. Hugs x"

I can't imagine. Won't even try to imagine how difficult it must be to be in that position. Hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I find it difficult to resist just 'helping' with everything. He's very quick to give up and ask you to put his socks on etc.

If he doesn't do it it's a matter of days til he can't.

You need to be a bit hard at times. "

I have to agree with this. Its so hard to not help. I look after my mum and constantly have to remind myself that she can and does want to do things for herself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We moved in with my mum in 2015 as she has really bad mobility and day to day stuff was getting to be a bit much for her. I lived too far away to be able to just pop in and check on her, so i sold my house and moved in.

My children are thriving in their new School which was an added benefit of the move.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care for my 2 sons, it's a thankless job. Life has been hard but wouldn't change them. Just wish that social services would help more. They deserve a good quality of life, not just existing ??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *kcoupleCouple
over a year ago

.....

It's something we are now having to deal with. People really have no idea how much of an impact it has in your life and that of your own family when you have to care for some one else.

It's very evident here when people without similar responsibilities here get annoyed because you don't drop every to meet them asap or even within a week. Catch 22 but you gotta prioritize family

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's something we are now having to deal with. People really have no idea how much of an impact it has in your life and that of your own family when you have to care for some one else.

It's very evident here when people without similar responsibilities here get annoyed because you don't drop every to meet them asap or even within a week. Catch 22 but you gotta prioritize family "

You certainly hit a nail on the head there.

Even on the days we don't do dads personal care we are still involved and there is simply no one else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread