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How would you react?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Had the heartbreaking task of collecting my fathers ashes only to have them presented to me In a plastic container. I just stood there shocked, thanked them and walked out. The whole ordeal seems somewhat surreal, if I wasn't looking at them I'd think I imagined it!

Is a plastic container the norm? Am I overreacting? I can't believe how undignified he's been treated.

Rant over ... sorry xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awwww my condolences.

Yes it I'm afraid if you want a wooden box I think you have to pay for one. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Awwww my condolences.

Yes it I'm afraid if you want a wooden box I think you have to pay for one. Xxx"

I wish there was some warning at least I could've ordered an urn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Awwww my condolences.

Yes it I'm afraid if you want a wooden box I think you have to pay for one. Xxx

I wish there was some warning at least I could've ordered an urn "

Did they not go through the options with you? Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Awwww my condolences.

Yes it I'm afraid if you want a wooden box I think you have to pay for one. Xxx

I wish there was some warning at least I could've ordered an urn

Did they not go through the options with you? Xxx"

No I was just called to collect him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funeral directors don't do anything for free, so unless you pay for a nicer casket then sadly I expect this is probably the norm

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Awwww my condolences.

Yes it I'm afraid if you want a wooden box I think you have to pay for one. Xxx

I wish there was some warning at least I could've ordered an urn "

I'm surprised they didn't tell you about this but you can still get an urn and have them put in if you don't feel up to it yourself.

Hope you can sort it so you can be as happy as possible in the circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

aww so sorry. sadly a plastic container is the norm unless you pay for a casket or urn. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Funeral directors don't do anything for free, so unless you pay for a nicer casket then sadly I expect this is probably the norm "

I wouldn't have expected something for nothing, just some pre warning lol, I'd have gladly had a casket

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Firstly, sorry for your loss, and that you've had this kind of surprise at such a trying and sad time.

I guess it would depend on the type of plastic container and also whether you'd been asked what kind of container you wanted beforehand (which from your reaction I'm guessing you weren't). Were you planning on scattering the ashes? If so perhaps try and take some kind of solace from the fact it's just a container to enable you to transport your Dad to wherever you are going to scatter him? If you're not, perhaps either see if the container can be replaced, or even consider buying a special box, or similar, to place him in?

Sorry if thst's no help, and sorry again for your loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its standard to have them given to you that way but the funeral director usually discusses options as to what you want to do.x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Had the heartbreaking task of collecting my fathers ashes only to have them presented to me In a plastic container. I just stood there shocked, thanked them and walked out. The whole ordeal seems somewhat surreal, if I wasn't looking at them I'd think I imagined it!

Is a plastic container the norm? Am I overreacting? I can't believe how undignified he's been treated.

Rant over ... sorry xx "

no apologies necessary and you aren't over reacting.

It is the norm and I'm sorry it came as such a shock to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone , not something I've experienced before so didn't know. All your comments are truly appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I collected my uncles from the Co Op funeral director. They too were in a green plastic box,large and heavy and I wish I had been told as they then put the container into a purple plastic carrier and it must have been obvious to the general public what I was carrying through a busy town to the car park.

Sorry for your loss

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thanks everyone , not something I've experienced before so didn't know. All your comments are truly appreciated "

just to warn you that they might be in a plastic bag inside the container.

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By *aroleBaskinWoman
over a year ago

somewhere down the rabbit hole, Aberdeen

I had to pick the urn at the same time as the casket. They should have asked you before you picked them up, that was pretty insensitive of them. I think you can still have it changed though if you're comfortable going back or giving them a phone. Hope you're okay and sorry you're going through this. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't know that was the norm & I would have been just as shocked.

At some point we must have discussed options with the FD as my mums ashes were in a decorative tube.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks everyone , not something I've experienced before so didn't know. All your comments are truly appreciated "

Any decent funeral director will discuss the options.

At a time of loss, it can be difficult to take it all on board.

It is not comparable to your loss, I know. But when my lifelong pet died and I asked for my pooch to be taken away and cremated, this horrible fellow turned up and threw her body in the back of a transit van.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I didn't know that was the norm & I would have been just as shocked.

At some point we must have discussed options with the FD as my mums ashes were in a decorative tube.

"

All I was told at the crem was they'd contact me to collect him, which they did, just no mention of the vessel he'd. Be transported in. He made a point of saying it's got a screw lid to avoid any accidents. I've sort of laughed about that since

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember when my dad went to collect my mum...he said they just handed over a big plastic jar, like one you see in sweet shops...

he wasn't too bothered though as she wasn't staying in there, we eventually scattered her ashes on the summit of Mount Snowdon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's pretty crap to be honest and something you don't need after loosing him.

Try to turn this into a positive there is an amazing company called ashes to glass, they make jewellery from loved ones ashes rather than get a urn this might be a idea then he's always with you. X

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By *dge of HeavenMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

Sorry for your loss. Been there myself - sucks but there's some good suggestions here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's pretty crap to be honest and something you don't need after loosing him.

Try to turn this into a positive there is an amazing company called ashes to glass, they make jewellery from loved ones ashes rather than get a urn this might be a idea then he's always with you. X"

I've seen this website, I'm saving up to buy a ring

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That's pretty crap to be honest and something you don't need after loosing him.

Try to turn this into a positive there is an amazing company called ashes to glass, they make jewellery from loved ones ashes rather than get a urn this might be a idea then he's always with you. X"

Thank you, will have a look

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I didn't know that was the norm & I would have been just as shocked.

At some point we must have discussed options with the FD as my mums ashes were in a decorative tube.

All I was told at the crem was they'd contact me to collect him, which they did, just no mention of the vessel he'd. Be transported in. He made a point of saying it's got a screw lid to avoid any accidents. I've sort of laughed about that since "

You know what even in our darkest moments there can be humour. I remember some very inappropriate times where I laughed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went thru co op also but I had already chose a copper urn for my father. Seen the boxes when I 1st went in thought they looked so undignified xxx

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