FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling deflated

By *ittle_brat_evie!! OP Woman
over a year ago

evesham

So.... As you may or may not know, I have a place in the London marathon this year.

Have just been to see my dad who, from the moment I told him about it, has been telling me he thinks I should defer my entry.

I know I'm not fast and I know it's a long way (which is what he keeps telling me) but a little bit of me gets upset every time he says it.

Perhaps he is a realist, perhaps I will struggle but why can't he just say he believes in me?

Then he goes on to say 'if' I do it he will pay for 2 sport massages with his physio for me but it's always the 'if'.

I was so excited (after the initial oh shit moment) to tell him I got a place because he has done it a few times so it feels like a special thing between us both that neither of my sisters have with him.

I know he is proud of me and my achievements so far but I wish he knew and I wish I could tell him how this makes me feel.

Sorry for the rant but not a lot of you on here know him (I hope lol) so felt it a good plave to moan. Those who do know who he is, don't say anything please!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Just getting a place on the London marathon is amazing so you go girl.

I learned long ago not to expect any validation from my parents. All I do is for me, not them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it with a pinch of salt

Keep doing the training that you are doing .... and do your best ...that's all you can do ....

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Brush yourself down and get on with it.

You can do it, fuck the time. If it takes a whole day, the sense of achievement will be fantastic.

Reading your updates over the years has been inspiring to many on here.

Good luck

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I believe in you.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Just think how good it will feel when you show you can do it,well done in getting a place,

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dunno... Why don't you just tell him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you well done on getting accepted in first place

Take his comments with pinch of salt and go for it training is key ,good luck xx

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

Why can't you tell him how you feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps he's just being a bit overprotective. It will be a huge challenge but you've got some half marathons under your belt already haven't you?

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By *uriousc88Woman
over a year ago

Reading

Parents are sometimes the worst. They're supposed to be your support, for anything, and sometimes they're the people who knock you back the most.

You are fabulous, you have made such amazing strides with your running (pun absolutely intended), you just keep doing your thing! Keep on running, lady. I believe in you, you can do the thing!

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Some people are more negative and will find the problems with doing things.

You onviously believe in yourself and that is half the battle won, get traing and prove to everybody that you are right and make them even prouder.

Good luck and have fun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is a long way and yes it is hard work but all sorts of people enter and get to the end. You've done a bunch of half marathons so should be able to cope.

The only person that really needs to believe is you and as soon as you do you'll nail it. It won't be as fast as some but it won't be as slow as others either.

A lot of 'serious' runners look down their nose at London. It's not a 'proper' marathon because of the ballot etc but it's a hell of an event and if you go in with the attitude that you are going to enjoy the experience (but probably not the pain) you'll be fine.

Get a stair lift or some naked men to carry you up and down the stairs the day after though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents are the same and they always compare me to my other sisters, but that makes me more determined to prove them wrong and show them that I can do it without their approval.

But good luck op I'm sure you'll smash it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be more determined than ever to do it now.

My parents can be a bit like this. They're amazing but very protective and logical. They'll always point out the things I should be thinking about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's awesome congrats. My mum is a negative soul too don't worry about it its probably his way of trying to cushion any fall.

My bro got a place in the London marathon a few years ago. Unfortunately he pulled out with sickness just after the half mile mark. Since he had septis this time last year he has sadly had to give up hismoking running.

Good luck evie xxx

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By *obwithkiltMan
over a year ago

Belton

Wow! My mate has been trying to get in for years... Keep training, you do it for you and when you have the medal in your hands the achievement will mean so much more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awwww lover this breaks my heart a smidge

I know he adores every bone in your body and is truly the proudest man alive ..

but i can also relate to what your going through as i had a fair amount of doubt from my mum when i was growing up..

I wanted her to push me and encourage me but she was always 'steady on.. lets be realistic'

frankly i was a rebel and wanted to stick two fingers up and just shout 'i can and i will..'

to quote Bruno Mars 'Dont believe me just watch'

Think now im a parent i get the whole 'dont set me up for a fall' mentallity when ive got Amber saying she wants to be on Britains Got Talent.. im just like 'one day dear'... but trust me that rebelious side just wants to say 'go for it'.. but i dont want her to have unrealistic expectations.

a fave saying of mine at the moment is 'dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon'

you go get your goal lovely 3

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May i just add also.. he'd probs hold the biggest ever BBQ the world has ever seen when you do complete it and he would be the 1st to say he was glad to be proved wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose his thought process is he knows how hard the marathon will be & is trying to protect you or maybe he's being overly negative to see if you will quit easily?

All I know is do the marathon for you, sometimes the expectations we have for others to be supportive/ excited. doesn't match up.

Good luck.

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

Just think when you cross the finishing line i did it feel proud that you did it are you doing a giving page so we can sponser you so we know its you you should wear a i feel fab t shirt

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I would take on a fuck you attitude and do it.

You want to do it and you got a place so do it and show everyone that you did. Doesn't matter how long it takes you or what how much it hurts after. You got off your arse and did it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So.... As you may or may not know, I have a place in the London marathon this year.

Have just been to see my dad who, from the moment I told him about it, has been telling me he thinks I should defer my entry.

I know I'm not fast and I know it's a long way (which is what he keeps telling me) but a little bit of me gets upset every time he says it.

Perhaps he is a realist, perhaps I will struggle but why can't he just say he believes in me?

Then he goes on to say 'if' I do it he will pay for 2 sport massages with his physio for me but it's always the 'if'.

I know he is proud of me and my achievements so far but I wish he knew and I wish I could tell him how this makes me feel.

Sorry for the rant but not a lot of you on here know him (I hope lol) so felt it a good plave to moan. Those who do know who he is, don't say anything please! "

Don't get disheartend. You can do this, Buggar the time, it's not about that, it's about particiapting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say good on you girl for entering and getting a place. I would also say go for it and you will achieve what you can. Be proud of yourself

Kinky

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Some people say things you don't want to hear and it must hurt more when it comes from a parent.

You know you can do it, I believe you've achieved so much, just go for it girl!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done for getting a place in the marathon Find it mad how he has said that to you you go girl push to the finish line xxx.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done you you have your place in the marathon .

Go give it your best , its the best feeling ever so ignore those who may totally support you

Follow your dreams and heart

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Evie I am sure you will be fine dont let him get to you I am sure he is only concerned. You can take as long as you need both running and walking to your marathon goal. Brilliant. Good luck with the run! just tell Dad thanks but I would like you to stop now.

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By *ysnomiaMan
over a year ago

Preston

Congratulation on your place. Come back and tell us when youve done it. Because you can!

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I know it may seem shit, but maybe he is just saying in his own words, not to get your hopes up, he might not have chosen his words wisely, but maybe that is just the way he can express himself, don't take it to heart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The London marathon was the first race i ever did and it took me nearly 5 hours. Returning this year with a place in the elite start and looking to be sub 2:30.

People said i would never get to where i am just now. The marathon is still months away so you have plenty of time to train. Dont worry about time, just concentraye on finishing as that is all that counts.

There are thousands of people all in the same boat. Full of self doubt and doubts of others. If you can run 16 miles before the marathon, the adrenaline, crowds and the whole experiemce will see you through. It will hurt - but you can, should and will do it!!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am half and half on this...if a parent can't be honest with you who can? Be honest back and tell him how you feel

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I am half and half on this...if a parent can't be honest with you who can? Be honest back and tell him how you feel "

PS it sounds like concern for your welfare but I can also see why you might think he has no faith in you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your parents are often your biggest critics, and also the people that know you best and are closest to you..so therefore any negative comment from your dad is going to hurt a little..

maybe he is saying it as a way of motivation you further, like a kind of reverse psychology..

next time it comes up you should just say 'look dad, I'm getting a bit rattled by you being so negative.. can you please stop? and see what he says

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll never know if you can do it unless you try. And you've worked hard to get to where you are now.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!! OP Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Thanks everyone. Was having a wobble yesterday as not really got a plan or anything sorted and everyone else I know doing it seems so organised compared to me lol had a quick chat with some parkrun pals about it as well today and after all the lovely comments on here and their encouragement I feel much better.

I know it will be tough. I hurt a lot after a half marathon but just like my dad I'm a stubborn git so even if I have to crawl over the line I'm sure I'll do it. I don't want to defer now while I'm healthy. If I am too ill leading up to it or my training gets interrupted then of course I'll be sensible.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 07/01/17 13:15:59]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I've read your post over the years and I've been inspired. I'm physically VERY lazy, so hats off to you.

When you posted you'd entered the london marathon I looked at my gym equipment and thought I should really get off my arse.

My parents were the only people capable of knocking my confidence. Anything I wanted to do they would poo poo it. When I said I was getting married my mother said I'll keep your room as it is in case you need a place to stay when your marriage breaks up.

When I said I was going to be a college lecturer they said I was aiming for a fall. When I got my first teaching job the world and his wife knew they had bragging rights.

No matter our age we want our parents to be proud of us. Why I do the same for my kids. No matter what I may think they have my support and encouragement 100%.

I'm sure your dad doesn't realise the impact of his words. Regardless, take a deep breath and go for it: I for one think you're awesome...go you!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Good luck Evie .. I've watched your progress from the start .. and I'm so impressed with you ... Wear something really bright and all fabland will be cheering you on xxxx

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By *annooWoman
over a year ago

Hastings

You never know he might be trying to use it as reverse phsycology on u

(I cant spell that word for shit)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone. Was having a wobble yesterday as not really got a plan or anything sorted and everyone else I know doing it seems so organised compared to me lol had a quick chat with some parkrun pals about it as well today and after all the lovely comments on here and their encouragement I feel much better.

That sounds like a good idea. Glad you're feeling a bit better about it now. I'm one of the people you inspired to get out running last year. Not sure I've got to the point where I enjoy it yet as much as you do, but hopefully it will come

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would always say to go for it... we'll all be cheering you on!

Glad you're feeling better about it!

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

"I've read your post over the years and I've been inspired. I'm physically VERY lazy, so hats off to you.

When you posted you'd entered the london marathon I looked at my gym equipment and thought I should really get off my arse.

My parents were the only people capable of knocking my confidence. Anything I wanted to do they would poo poo it. ***When I said I was getting married my mother said I'll keep your room as it is in case you need a place to stay when your marriage breaks up.**

That took me back.My mother was saying you can come back home after I had been married 6 mths. She was never impressed and never thought it was working. well still in there at 44 years. Your comment just made me smile.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I feel for you Evie - it can't be easy. What's really behind his advice for you not to do your treasured run? Is it to support you, protect you, keep your distance from him etc?

I think if you can remain focused on running just for your own pleasure, rather than to gain anything between you, It's probably going to be easier for you.

And I'd want to spend time with him, where I could fully thrash this out together, so there's nothing left with any hurt there. I obviously don't know him but clearing the pain out of the way seems important.

I admire you and your running commitment - so there must be others in your life who do so even more. I'd feel and absorb all of the positivity from them that I could. (Not the same as from your dad but somewhat healing).

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Just make sure you wear a Fab T shirt so I can keep an eye out for you when I'm watching it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was deflated to get my sorry you haven't made it in the ballot entry........ still the training goes on and reapply this year.....

Carry on the training and do the marathon for you, whatever time you finish on, it will be a great achievement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll do it Evie, you are always motivated with your park runs.

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By *eoffinthecityMan
over a year ago

Wigan

I'm with everyone else - do it. Even if just to prove someone wrong!

The hell with the time and the position - just plug your earphones and run! Audio books work really well.

Good luck!

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

Maybe dad is just worried about you and he knows how hard it is, it doesnt matter what he thinks if you really want to do it then its up to you.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Men, and particularly fathers can be insensitive,thoughtless and oblivious to the feelings of those they care about. I know I certainly can! Often we think we are being helpful with our honesty, but in reality we should really fry being more supportive.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So.... As you may or may not know, I have a place in the London marathon this year.

Have just been to see my dad who, from the moment I told him about it, has been telling me he thinks I should defer my entry.

I know I'm not fast and I know it's a long way (which is what he keeps telling me) but a little bit of me gets upset every time he says it.

Perhaps he is a realist, perhaps I will struggle but why can't he just say he believes in me?

Then he goes on to say 'if' I do it he will pay for 2 sport massages with his physio for me but it's always the 'if'.

I know he is proud of me and my achievements so far but I wish he knew and I wish I could tell him how this makes me feel.

Sorry for the rant but not a lot of you on here know him (I hope lol) so felt it a good plave to moan. Those who do know who he is, don't say anything please! "

Tell him that it upsets you and while it is clearly well meant because he cares it comes across as a lack of faith

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your dad is just being protective, but there is also the element of he feels threatened that you will achieve something that you have always been in awe of him about.

Maybe he feels that when you achieve it his little girl won't have that respect any more.

I know you will do it, as I know you are stubborn when you want to be. You need to take this feeling and bottle it up to get you through the training. You need to get the train started and prove to him you will do it.

Time is not on your side, but you know you can do a half marathon, and you could be up to running that distance regularly in a couple of weeks.

Get your head right, get your shoes on and tell your dad to get you booked in for the massages! X x x

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