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What's a reasonable amount of time before you have a child with someone?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Right so I want another child, preferably one born in the summer months maybe June so conception would have to be around September this year. I was with my ex for 9 years before we had our Daughter and by that time we practically hated each other so split up anyway and I did the whole thing on my own.

Would have to find a boyfriend asap, determine whether he's in it for the long haul and then say I want a child. Don't think a few months is enough time but I'll be 35 next year, my Daughter will by 9 next year, I didn't want that big an age gap but time hasn't been my friend. Didn't think I would still be single 8 years after separating from her Father.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

5 years

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By *randMrs Spanish BrunetteCouple
over a year ago

home sweet home

We were 5 years together when we had our boy.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

3 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

more than 3 years

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

a minimum of 9 months

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By *rank n BettyCouple
over a year ago

Not meeting

I was with my ex 8 yrs before I got pregnant (we were due to start ivf but struck lucky). It was another 5 years before the youngest arrived.

Frank & I won't be having children.

JG x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i honestly don't think it matters when.

people can hide things from you forever, or you could get lucky like me and get pregnant to a not douche within 3 months and he loves his kids and is there for them and even for the ones that aren't his.

as a woman i do think there's always that risk you'll end up alone with your kids.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I depends on so many factors I think age, what's going on in your life, finances, etc.

It was 6 yrs for me and the timing was just right. We didn't plan, it just happened

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I was born 13 months after my parents married and they'd known each other about a year before that. They're still together 61 years later. So if you go by their example 2 years.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

I reckon it takes a couple of years to know someone well enough to decide if you want children with them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on so many things. You could meet someone soon and both be so on the same page that you have kids sooner rather than later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the ideal time to test a relationship before getting into the shall we have kids debate is about 70 or 80 years, but if that doesn't appeal then 3 months after sharing a home laundry basket and bathroom is a good time to start to think about it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll scweam and scweam and scweam until I'm sick...

.

https://youtu.be/2zcVnNwAHys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was with my ex 3 years before we had our son but I honestly wish I had not left it so late...

I was 39, and a little over a year later the menopause kicked in so that was that for me...

timing is everything, as they say

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By *typical guyMan
over a year ago

wigan

I don't think the time is particularly important but I do think wanting a child is the wrong reason to be wanting a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you and your partner will know when the time is right to have a baby. Be it a few months or a few years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I think is reasonable is to have the relationship first and decide together if you want a child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you can put a time frame on it. Some people I know were together months and unexpectedly had children and others years. Some are still together and some not, so time before didn't necessarily make a difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Age to have a child is more important... remember 13 years after the birth you will need to be strong, rich and psyologically sound enough to cope with a teenager

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

For me, about 15 million years.....then i might consider thinking about thinking about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1 night

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

However long it takes to create a truly loving environment and be financially stable enough to be able to support the child all through childhood to adulthood. Too often it's not thought through and the child is a pawn in a broken relationship.

Good luck and I hope you find that happiness for you, your daughter and any future family members

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think any man meeting a 30-something woman will be aware their biological clock is ticking, so it's a conversation you're likely to have very early on. If a man doesn't want kids and you say you do, you're risking scaring away the potential love of your life for something that might not happen anyway (because of how difficult conception can be as you get older). But i guess once you've got it into your head that you want a child, it can be very difficult to break that mindset.

I got engaged to my ex after 18 months, married 18 month later, and had our first the year after that, so it was 4 years in total. We split up after 10 years of marriage, and I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. When we first met we had the "marriage and kids" chat almost immediately... thankfully both of us felt the same, no more children and never again to marriage!!

To be totally honest I wouldn't like to be in your shoes. Wanting a child is going to have a huge impact on who you date, and pregnancy isn't guaranteed anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"1 night"

Sorted

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've already got a 7 year old. I have a spare bedroom, I don't think you ever can financially plan enough for children, I thought I was ok when I first had my child but stuff happens and you just manage. I wouldn't go mental with top of the range baby stuff like I did with my first, buying every gizmo and gadget most of which I didn't even use.

New years eve I was thinking that if I want my second child like I always wanted then I've got to pull my finger out. Time is against me, firstly the age gap between the two children and secondly my age, I'll be 34 in June, If I got pregnant this year I'd be getting close to 35 or past 35. I haven't even got a partner, I haven't been able to find anyone the last 8 years when I was way more attractive. Starting to feel like my ship has sailed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to reply to all messages unless they have clearly not read my profile fully or if they've been rude!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just don't tell him n stock up on johnnies but put pin prick holes through every last one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Also I didn't even want 2 children by 2 different Fathers but I suppose it's more normal these days. Need to make sure that my first born always knows she's my number 1, wouldn't want her thinking that her sibling is luckier or better off or wondering why the sibling has a Father that lives with us but she doesn't have her Father living with us, need to make sure that any potential man I meet would treat the two children the same. Also don't know how I would handle a birth again, I'm getting more feeble as I get older, my bones aches in the cold, I feel pain more.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

While you may be thinking of another child as the main thing perhaps flip it and continue looking for a partner...

Unless your desire for a child is that strong in which case forget the relationship and use sperm donation.

I'm not saying that you can't have it all but looking at reality of what is within your control along that path to get everything you may be unlucky and miss out on something else along the way

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've already got a 7 year old. I have a spare bedroom, I don't think you ever can financially plan enough for children, I thought I was ok when I first had my child but stuff happens and you just manage. I wouldn't go mental with top of the range baby stuff like I did with my first, buying every gizmo and gadget most of which I didn't even use.

New years eve I was thinking that if I want my second child like I always wanted then I've got to pull my finger out. Time is against me, firstly the age gap between the two children and secondly my age, I'll be 34 in June, If I got pregnant this year I'd be getting close to 35 or past 35. I haven't even got a partner, I haven't been able to find anyone the last 8 years when I was way more attractive. Starting to feel like my ship has sailed!"

I know how you feel... I'm 34 this year and don't have any children. I do now wonder if I'm ever going to have them due to time, but it's not something that I'm prepared to rush. I certainly wouldn't want to have children with just anyone. My Sister did this and now deals with an ex-partner who is not only abusive to her, but also doesn't help with the children financially and just, in general, is a bit of a waste of time.

You've got your little girl, is it not better to concentrate on her and just let whatever happens, happen!?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Personal to each couple. However, I'm old school. Wouldn't contemplate having a child with someone who wasn't my husband. As you already have a daughter I'd also be uber wary of who I bought into her life.

Good luck in whatever you do.

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By *verready32Man
over a year ago

omagh

First of don't worry cos your 35, your still young, I know lots of ladies who have had babies and in they're forties (and no I'm not the father lol)

Second I know a couple and they have 3 children 17 years old 16 years old and 4 years old, the youngest was a wee surprise and they have told me many times the 4 year old is so much fun the other two love helping out and the bond is so strong with them it's made the family better than ever.

So my point, don't feel pressured cos of your age or the age of your other child, get pregnant when it feels right and you know as best as you can that your with the wright man.

Not sure if this helps, hope it works out for you

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By *akeyousmile30Man
over a year ago

greenwich


"Right so I want another child, preferably one born in the summer months maybe June so conception would have to be around September this year. I was with my ex for 9 years before we had our Daughter and by that time we practically hated each other so split up anyway and I did the whole thing on my own.

Would have to find a boyfriend asap, determine whether he's in it for the long haul and then say I want a child. Don't think a few months is enough time but I'll be 35 next year, my Daughter will by 9 next year, I didn't want that big an age gap but time hasn't been my friend. Didn't think I would still be single 8 years after separating from her Father."

I think you are going to put a lot of stress on yourself if you start looking for a relationship with that criteria from the get go?

You would have to join a proper dating site and state you want a serious relationship with kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You've got your little girl, is it not better to concentrate on her and just let whatever happens, happen!? "

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I've already got a 7 year old. I have a spare bedroom, I don't think you ever can financially plan enough for children, I thought I was ok when I first had my child but stuff happens and you just manage. I wouldn't go mental with top of the range baby stuff like I did with my first, buying every gizmo and gadget most of which I didn't even use.

New years eve I was thinking that if I want my second child like I always wanted then I've got to pull my finger out. Time is against me, firstly the age gap between the two children and secondly my age, I'll be 34 in June, If I got pregnant this year I'd be getting close to 35 or past 35. I haven't even got a partner, I haven't been able to find anyone the last 8 years when I was way more attractive. Starting to feel like my ship has sailed!"

Try being 37 and wanting a kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive a friend who went and used a sperm doner. She and her son are perfectly happy..

Think if you want something.. just go get it.

you could be with someone years, be happy, have a child and the pressure cripples you..

i've another friend who after 3 months fell pregnant and their son is now 6..

Ultimately i dont think there is a right or wrong answer to this :D

My daughters 'dad' was a 2 week blip

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

If having another child is that important to you then find a sperm donor. Don't get into a relationship just to get pregnant - it's not fair on the prospective father or the baby. The basis for a relationship should be mutual attraction and love. If you try to force it just to get a baby then its doomed to fail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were together around 6 weeks before I fell pregnant and we had planned it.

We were deeply in love, very yo8ng and both wanted to be parents for various reasons.

Now we have two children and have been together almost 10 years, we are still very much in love rock solid.

There's no science or exact timing that will determine the success of your relationship or parenting ability doll.

Eve. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would run a mile from any woman who was talking about trying for a baby within a few months of meeting them. I'd rather they be interested in me as a a person and partner rather than as a potential sperm donor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The one (well main) thing that popped in to my head was: what would be your 'dream' outcome?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If having another child is that important to you then find a sperm donor. Don't get into a relationship just to get pregnant - it's not fair on the prospective father or the baby. The basis for a relationship should be mutual attraction and love. If you try to force it just to get a baby then its doomed to fail."

This is where my thought process was heading...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My luck with love I'm going down the sperm donor route...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"a minimum of 9 months"

Beat me to it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My luck with love I'm going down the sperm donor route... "

Best thing my friend ever did.. she knew she wanted a child, she went out and made it happen.

She doesnt have to share her son with anyone and theres no heart ache or battle with an absent dad..

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"My luck with love I'm going down the sperm donor route...

Best thing my friend ever did.. she knew she wanted a child, she went out and made it happen.

She doesnt have to share her son with anyone and theres no heart ache or battle with an absent dad..

"

I agree to be honest.....

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"

You've got your little girl, is it not better to concentrate on her and just let whatever happens, happen!? "

totally this..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would run a mile from any woman who was talking about trying for a baby within a few months of meeting them. I'd rather they be interested in me as a a person and partner rather than as a potential sperm donor"

There will be some men though that have always wanted to be a father so it can be mutually what they both want. It's sometimes just luck of the drawer, right place, right time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No way of telling I don't think gaz n i were preg within 3 months of being togther. Had 2 kids n split 15 years later. As long as you are happy healthy n can support another child. Who cares about the men. ( runs off with tin hat on) xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would run a mile from any woman who was talking about trying for a baby within a few months of meeting them. I'd rather they be interested in me as a a person and partner rather than as a potential sperm donor

There will be some men though that have always wanted to be a father so it can be mutually what they both want. It's sometimes just luck of the drawer, right place, right time. "

Of course by a relationship needs more things in common than 2 people who want a baby together to survive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think the time is particularly important but I do think wanting a child is the wrong reason to be wanting a relationship. "

I agree completely. Get a sperm donner. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also I didn't even want 2 children by 2 different Fathers but I suppose it's more normal these days. Need to make sure that my first born always knows she's my number 1, wouldn't want her thinking that her sibling is luckier or better off or wondering why the sibling has a Father that lives with us but she doesn't have her Father living with us, need to make sure that any potential man I meet would treat the two children the same. Also don't know how I would handle a birth again, I'm getting more feeble as I get older, my bones aches in the cold, I feel pain more."
serious question.

Have you considered fostering or adoption? Xxx

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I don't think the time is particularly important but I do think wanting a child is the wrong reason to be wanting a relationship.

I agree completely. Get a sperm donner. xxx"

yuck..

will stick with chicken methinks..

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"You've got your little girl, is it not better to concentrate on her and just let whatever happens, happen!? "

That's what I did. Never regretted it.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I would run a mile from any woman who was talking about trying for a baby within a few months of meeting them. I'd rather they be interested in me as a a person and partner rather than as a potential sperm donor"

Yes this. Difficult situation.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"If having another child is that important to you then find a sperm donor. Don't get into a relationship just to get pregnant - it's not fair on the prospective father or the baby. The basis for a relationship should be mutual attraction and love. If you try to force it just to get a baby then its doomed to fail."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think the time is particularly important but I do think wanting a child is the wrong reason to be wanting a relationship.

I agree completely. Get a sperm donner. xxx

yuck..

will stick with chicken methinks.. "

Autocarrot grrrrr you knows wot I mean! Xxx

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I don't think the time is particularly important but I do think wanting a child is the wrong reason to be wanting a relationship.

I agree completely. Get a sperm donner. xxx

yuck..

will stick with chicken methinks..

Autocarrot grrrrr you knows wot I mean! Xxx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea."

That is a lovely idea.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea."

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes "

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard."

a lot of the kids needing fostering need special care and attention.

my uncle and auntie managed to pass the process but they found the kids they got put them off doing it more than once.

not the kids fault. my uncle just didn't realise what the kids would be like. i think he was more expecting kids that just needed a loving and stable home, when really they needed a lot more than that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard.

a lot of the kids needing fostering need special care and attention.

my uncle and auntie managed to pass the process but they found the kids they got put them off doing it more than once.

not the kids fault. my uncle just didn't realise what the kids would be like. i think he was more expecting kids that just needed a loving and stable home, when really they needed a lot more than that. "

Seems obvious now that you've written that, but that didn't occur to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to do what's right for you. What is the perfect time for someone won't be for someone else. I've had friends who have had whirlwind romances. And quickly got married and had children. And those who have waited time. Do what suits you and feels right. Everything else will always fall into place!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had been together under a year when we had our first kid we now have two. If you feel that person is right for you and would be a good parent and its something you both want then it doesn't matter how long you are together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have to do what's right for you. What is the perfect time for someone won't be for someone else. I've had friends who have had whirlwind romances. And quickly got married and had children. And those who have waited time. Do what suits you and feels right. Everything else will always fall into place! "

This .

There is no such thing as a reasonable amount of time. If you love the other person and want to have kids with them, just tell them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We was together married 7 years before our son arrived the 5 year gap to our daughter

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Can all that really be planned? How does anyone get themselves a partner to order, let alone a baby.

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By *airymagicWoman
over a year ago

goblin city

Why do you need a boyfriend? You can buy spunk

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

never ..get a dog and spend the money u save on sexy cloths for your swinging events....will be a lot more fun than expensive eating shitting machines x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone that got pregnant more or less the night they met their spouse, they've now been married 47 years, there's no right or wrong but I'd concentrate on a relationship before seriously thinking about bringing another baby into the world.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard."
.

It's not a case of filling out a form and you get handed a baby or child, they dig deep into your past and rightly so but it's incredibly hard to adopt over here hence why there is an increasing amount of British people adopting from aboard...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find a guy in the real.wotld.. Not on a website.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

OP, try not to plan every second of your life. Allow things to happen. That means opening yourself up to the possibility of the right person not having the right chin, for instance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP, try not to plan every second of your life. Allow things to happen. That means opening yourself up to the possibility of the right person not having the right chin, for instance.

"

I have no ideals anymore, someone that's taller than me, easy I'm only 5'3, almost every guy is taller than me. I just want someone that will love me and put up with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I think is reasonable is to have the relationship first and decide together if you want a child.

"
this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard..

It's not a case of filling out a form and you get handed a baby or child, they dig deep into your past and rightly so but it's incredibly hard to adopt over here hence why there is an increasing amount of British people adopting from aboard..."

Do you think it's too hard?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you can put a time frame on it, I have 3 children as was with the father 2 years before having my first, turned out he didn't take well to being a dad, before that our relationship was strong. When I had my next two I was with their dad 3 years, split up when the youngest was a few months old, turned out he couldn't keep it in his pants.

You never know how a relationship will pan out, you just have to go in to it with hope that it will go the way you want it. Being a single mum was not something I had planned, but it's happened and I thought both were good matches to have children with. So for me, only you and the man can decide when is right, there's no time frame, in my opinion, as you never know what will happen.

Forever the optimist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OP, try not to plan every second of your life. Allow things to happen. That means opening yourself up to the possibility of the right person not having the right chin, for instance.

I have no ideals anymore, someone that's taller than me, easy I'm only 5'3, almost every guy is taller than me. I just want someone that will love me and put up with me. "

Ok it's a deal I'll bairn you up n put up with you,but you gotta put up with me too!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard..

It's not a case of filling out a form and you get handed a baby or child, they dig deep into your past and rightly so but it's incredibly hard to adopt over here hence why there is an increasing amount of British people adopting from aboard...

Do you think it's too hard?"

I think there are lots of people who think it's a hard process, not going into my past but I know that I wouldn't be able to adopt...I'm not a bad person etc but like millions of other people I have a past...it is what it is...do I think I would make a bad parent hell no I have life experience so can teach that to my children but to an adoption panel i may not fit the criteria

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard..

It's not a case of filling out a form and you get handed a baby or child, they dig deep into your past and rightly so but it's incredibly hard to adopt over here hence why there is an increasing amount of British people adopting from aboard...

Do you think it's too hard?

I think there are lots of people who think it's a hard process, not going into my past but I know that I wouldn't be able to adopt...I'm not a bad person etc but like millions of other people I have a past...it is what it is...do I think I would make a bad parent hell no I have life experience so can teach that to my children but to an adoption panel i may not fit the criteria "

Yes its a hard process, both mentally and time wise.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's mainly about the child - us parents are the accessories to their success in life Imo. Relationships can't come with a guaranteed formula, as much as we might need it.

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By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

Me and gf decided we will try for kids before shes 30 shes 25 now hopefully gives us 4 years in which time get stable and married xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

You know what, you are frigging amazing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Adopt a child who needs a loving home then you dont need a guy to be a sperm donor etc.

That to me would be a worthy idea.

Do you know how hard it is to adopt I wouldn't pass their processes

I'd heard it was hard, but didn't realise how hard..

It's not a case of filling out a form and you get handed a baby or child, they dig deep into your past and rightly so but it's incredibly hard to adopt over here hence why there is an increasing amount of British people adopting from aboard...

Do you think it's too hard?

I think there are lots of people who think it's a hard process, not going into my past but I know that I wouldn't be able to adopt...I'm not a bad person etc but like millions of other people I have a past...it is what it is...do I think I would make a bad parent hell no I have life experience so can teach that to my children but to an adoption panel i may not fit the criteria

Yes its a hard process, both mentally and time wise."

Thanks both of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OP, try not to plan every second of your life. Allow things to happen. That means opening yourself up to the possibility of the right person not having the right chin, for instance.

I have no ideals anymore, someone that's taller than me, easy I'm only 5'3, almost every guy is taller than me. I just want someone that will love me and put up with me. "

It's not all about you ya know...

In all honesty, I think any relationship you enter into while your clock is ticking so loudly, will seem ideal. You'll have another child and then the rose tinted specs will come off.

Love your daughter, love yourself. Let the rest take care of itself. If it's meant to be, it will be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

Really wonderful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

This I why I posted my comment

Respect !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think going out to find a father is a recipe for disaster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

Good luck with your journey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont think there is ever a right time or wrong time as so much can happen in the blink of an eye

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok..... youve found said prospective partner, and waited agreed amount of time before trying for a child...... did you remember to have fertility tests when you first started out together ?.. wanting is no guarantee to getting pregnant......if another child wanted that badly.. adopt.. no need for a partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

That's so noble

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for all your kind comments and mails.

I'm by no means special I just think every child has a right to be brought up in a warm loving environment and understand some for whatever reason can't do that.

I've asked myself why in recent weeks those days brick dust from walls coming down is everywhere or the builder let's us down. But it's going to be worth it in the long run, I'm lucky I have the qualifications to care for a child with complex needs and now have the home too (well almost) it's just a waiting game now till the child finds me who I'm right for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a serious post?

Doesn't sound like you want a relationship but that it's a necessity for your end goal....

There's plenty kids out there that need loving homes. How about look at adoption. (Yes single women can adopt)

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By *eoffinthecityMan
over a year ago

Wigan

About 15 minutes if you include the time to eat the pizza...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for all your kind comments and mails.

I'm by no means special I just think every child has a right to be brought up in a warm loving environment and understand some for whatever reason can't do that.

I've asked myself why in recent weeks those days brick dust from walls coming down is everywhere or the builder let's us down. But it's going to be worth it in the long run, I'm lucky I have the qualifications to care for a child with complex needs and now have the home too (well almost) it's just a waiting game now till the child finds me who I'm right for.

"

I beg to differ I think people who foster / adopt are very special.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should probably concentrate on finding another partner, not looking for a baby daddy.

If your bringing a child up on your own anyway why not look at a sperm doner that way your in control of things and arnt just shacking up with some one so they can get you up the duff.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"I would run a mile from any woman who was talking about trying for a baby within a few months of meeting them. I'd rather they be interested in me as a a person and partner rather than as a potential sperm donor"

Have to say this was my first thought too!

I do think that the more we try to control our lives - the less control we seem to have. You've been on here some years now though love - I like you (even though your bat-shit crazy ) and wouldn't want you to leave fab - but maybe focus more on dating for a while and let things develop naturally? On the main ones you can put in that you're looking to have more children etc - so guys who contact you will be aware of that! From the posts you've put up in the past I can see you're a great mum and understand why you'd like another child to love (I had my youngest 2 kids in my mid thirties btw) - but I really do think you need to try to relax the reins for a bit and go with the flow!

Hope it happens for you my lovely - I'm too old for more kids but can't wait to be a grandma one day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for all your kind comments and mails.

I'm by no means special I just think every child has a right to be brought up in a warm loving environment and understand some for whatever reason can't do that.

I've asked myself why in recent weeks those days brick dust from walls coming down is everywhere or the builder let's us down. But it's going to be worth it in the long run, I'm lucky I have the qualifications to care for a child with complex needs and now have the home too (well almost) it's just a waiting game now till the child finds me who I'm right for.

"

If only there was more people like you around to foster.

You are an inspiration

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

The question seems to be which do you feel you need more

A partner

Another child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

Every now and again someone on the forums says something that brings a lump to your throat and a tear in your eye.

Today's winner......

Beautifully worded.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Right so I want another child, preferably one born in the summer months maybe June so conception would have to be around September this year. I was with my ex for 9 years before we had our Daughter and by that time we practically hated each other so split up anyway and I did the whole thing on my own.

Would have to find a boyfriend asap, determine whether he's in it for the long haul and then say I want a child. Don't think a few months is enough time but I'll be 35 next year, my Daughter will by 9 next year, I didn't want that big an age gap but time hasn't been my friend. Didn't think I would still be single 8 years after separating from her Father."

Not wanting to judge, but based on your post I don't think you should be considering another child right now. Your priorities seem, shall I say, confused.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing. "

Wow...simply wow!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Thanks for all your kind comments and mails.

I'm by no means special I just think every child has a right to be brought up in a warm loving environment and understand some for whatever reason can't do that.

I've asked myself why in recent weeks those days brick dust from walls coming down is everywhere or the builder let's us down. But it's going to be worth it in the long run, I'm lucky I have the qualifications to care for a child with complex needs and now have the home too (well almost) it's just a waiting game now till the child finds me who I'm right for.

"

Sorry, I disagree, I think you're special. Anyone who has the ability to foster/adopt is special to me. I have three friends, single women who adopted with no problem. My sister also adopted but waited years and both her and her husband had to go through a myriad of psychological tests.

I'd not have lasted the distance, so for me anyone undertaking such a challenge is amazing!

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Good luck op, I'd be concentrating on finding a fella then if it's what both want let nature take it's course,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You don't realise how lucky you already are!

I'm 42 and can't have the only thing in the world I've ever wanted my own children.

It sucks but I've had to face facts it's very unlikely to happen now fertility issues plagued me and now my age is against me.

I made a choice in spring sold up and moved north bigger house by the sea and I'm starting my fostering journey.

It's not about a baby growing inside me to me it's about growing another human into a decent law abiding citizen just so happens those humans for me need to be 'special' and need extra love, support, nurturing.

Every now and again someone on the forums says something that brings a lump to your throat and a tear in your eye.

Today's winner......

Beautifully worded.

Good luck.

"

Man up with ya crying and lump in your throat ha ha ha.

Thanks x

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