FabSwingers.com forum: To leave or to take a break

By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

What almost an angel wrote really reasonated with me. I consider leaving often but I just know I'd be back and would have to restart my veris and block list again. This is not my first profile so this is from experience - my 'permanent' leaving lasted 2.5 weeks

So I hide my profile often, I sometimes change the password to some random letters that I keep no record of to deliberately lock myself out and have to reset my password to get back in.

It's fine to say take a break but what if you have no self control? My ex Dom used to control my accounts and allow me limited access that helped me but he's no longer doing that. Any suggestions?

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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

Hide your profile for a bit and come back later

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I just don't get that you have no self control...... you are an adult so you must do, find an alternative stimulant. Take up a new hobby, go for walks, study and learn new things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess the issue is that hiding your profile only stops others contacting you. It doesn't stop you logging in, chatting on the forum and perusing the talent.

You need something that pulls at you more than Fab does so that your urge is to do that rather than this. Then you come here when you choose to.

What that is? Fuck knows and if you find it can you let me know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

learn how to control yourself.

denying yourself is hard to do, if you're not used to doing that. but it's possible.

like everything else you need to learn you need practice to do it.

as an ex addict i know this is hard to do, but as a recovering one i know it's not impossible.

you need to train your own mind, and this is the hard part coz if you don't want to do it then you won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stopping anything requires willpower & a reason to give it up, why do you want to, because you think you should?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only ever deleted my account in a mood from having timeouts or arguments but I'm back within days. Don't really see how being a member here can stop you doing other things in your life, it's easy to just use the forums and not meet people or even chat to people privately.

The only thing that would make me delete my account and leave for good would be finding a boyfriend, even then I'd only delete if he wasn't comforatble with me being a member of the forums. I could and I do purely only use this place for the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really get this either. If you find it difficult to stay off, then just continue to log on the site as it seems you must be finding it enjoyable. If you don't want to be here just delete, it's only an Internet website, nothing important.

I'm not meeting any more and I only use the forums occasionally but I enjoy some of the threads so I'll keep my account active, similar to picking up a magazine and flicking through the pages.

Why the drama over something silly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't let fab rule your life.

Having someone control your account... Ridiculous.

Hide your profile.

Get out in the real world.. Fresh air and people...

Sex can be had from not being on a website.

You need to trust yourself first, take back control. Don't be weak and needy.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Being a member on a website shouldn't be so much angst....if it isn't working for you just don't log in or delete.

We are members of lots of sites half of which we don't even know the passwords to anymore, it doesn't impact in our life that those profiles are sat dormant and no site is compulsory to log in to.

If you have to use self control not to log in, that seems more of an issue. It is just a website.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is RubyWoo mark 3, and I had a previous profile before that to. I just delete when I don't want to use the site. Except for one flouncing off in a huff occasion, I deleted and didn't rejoin for 6 months or so. I'm not into verifications anyway so it doesn't feel like a big deal just restarting my profile when I want to.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

I struggled in the early days putting the phone down me being a bit "Kid with a new toy" Now it's although the lights on, there's probably no one at home unless i'm posting as the phone is pretty much left logged in.

Agree with others, mainly forum use for us now. Got fed up with the otherside a while ago & message no one.

We have hidden ourselves a couple of times but it is difficult not to log in, especially for me as a part time insomniac. Not a lot you can do lying in bed trying not to wake your other half, although mobdro on my phone is rapidly becoming the preferred option to this place, which doesn't bode well for our longevity here maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will power is a bit of a bugger though. What I mean by that is that if you plan to start exerting (or working towards it at least) self-control in the way you use this site, something else that requires will power is bound to take a hit.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I would say hide it. We don't meet too often these days and just post on the forums. Maybe address the self control issue ...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hide and forget about the place. When I leave or hide I don't give the place another thought, until I want to meet someone new for sex.

It's just a website, not your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try reading.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I don't really get this either. If you find it difficult to stay off, then just continue to log on the site as it seems you must be finding it enjoyable. If you don't want to be here just delete, it's only an Internet website, nothing important.

I'm not meeting any more and I only use the forums occasionally but I enjoy some of the threads so I'll keep my account active, similar to picking up a magazine and flicking through the pages.

Why the drama over something silly."

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FIND ANOTHER DOM

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I take regular breaks by doing what the OP does - changing my password to something I won't remember, then doing something I want to do more. Having said that, if you only log in for the forums then why worry? It's only if the meet element starts taking over your life that it becomes a problem. Internet forums are great to pass the time and get human contact for those of us living alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's fine to say take a break but what if you have no self control? My ex Dom used to control my accounts and allow me limited access that helped me but he's no longer doing that. Any suggestions?

As someone else who has little to no self control I'm not going to just tell you to get some self control. I have news folks, self control isn't something one can buy from the supermarket or download from a website. I strongly suspect the people who say this are the same ones who tell people who are clinically depressed to just cheer up.

You say your Dom used to help you with this so have you considered looking for a new Dom? I presume from what you say the two of you are no longer together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take regular breaks by doing what the OP does - changing my password to something I won't remember, then doing something I want to do more. Having said that, if you only log in for the forums then why worry? It's only if the meet element starts taking over your life that it becomes a problem. Internet forums are great to pass the time and get human contact for those of us living alone."

i'm on my own but i'm on here a lot more than i should be. had a couple of weeks off over christmas and got loads done, enjoyed the break as well, think i need to have more breaks.

it's hard. you prioritise what you want most of the time, if able to. and i find it sad, for me personally, that after being responsible and doing everything for everyone else, that this is the best i can do for myself now i can do what i want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left and had a break , I knew I would return at some point . Rather than hide mine I just deleted my account and got on with the real world issues I had to face .

It was nice to be away for a while

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"that after being responsible and doing everything for everyone else, that this is the best i can do for myself now i can do what i want."

True, but everything else I want to do costs a lot

But that's a valid point, and if we are unhappy with the amount of time we spend on here then its time to investigate the (low cost) alternatives.

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By *onnybegood 28Man
over a year ago

london

Don't go we love you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I would just hide my profile .... but then I would still have the urge to check out the pics on here ...so think I would have to delete ...but knowing me it would only last 6 days ...sooooooo hide my profile it would be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be a bit addictive - not the meets but the forums for me.

Maybe start small - try and take one day off at a time and build up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try reading. "

I read so much more when I'm not on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op it's a brand new year today and spring is on its way! Declutter your life, hide your pro and if you havnt logged on by this time next month then maybe it's time to delete. But just don't stress life truly does suck in a beautiful kinda way.

Have fun, enjoy yourself and if your questioning your enjoyment of any aspect of your life then change it for the better.

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try reading.

I read so much more when I'm not on here."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's the main reason I use fab now for human contact as going into the outside world doesn't agree with me. I see you all as my fab family now and I can be myself with little fear of my anxiety flairing up. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"that after being responsible and doing everything for everyone else, that this is the best i can do for myself now i can do what i want.

True, but everything else I want to do costs a lot

But that's a valid point, and if we are unhappy with the amount of time we spend on here then its time to investigate the (low cost) alternatives."

same, everything costs money and i'm still investing that in my kids.

i used to study for free, loads of people are willing to help with that for nothing. just can't get motivated to do it again.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"why do you want to, because you think you should?

I too feel I need more info to be able to comment sensibly.

Fab can be very addictive, I find that trick is to recognise when it's taking up too much of your time, and do something else instead. Simply picking up the phone and looking at a site becomes a nervous habit after a while.

Often I'll simply switch the sites I look at. Reading the Telegraph & Guardian, and comparing the different way stories are reported fascinates me.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I deleted my profile once, big mistake as a guy as getting started and verified again is a total nightmare. Doesn't matter if you've only been gone a few days it's like you never existed. I may hide my profile if I need a break in future but I will never be deleting it again.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Lots of helpful comments thank you. I'll reflect on what's been said so far and respond more fully later

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

To those who suggested a new Dom, yes I'm actively looking but its not found the right match yet.

To those who don't get it, the lack if self control etc, imagine saying to a smoker or heroin addict you're an adult just stop. Same thing. This is my vice and addiction. Deleting my profile is going cold turkey and doesn't last. At least having my Dom control my account stopped me overdosing, to continue with the analogy.

Read or take up a new hobby, well I have plenty to do but I don't do it instead I choose the easy option of coming on fab and lose hours, and over Christmas days, of doing nothing productive. Maybe I need to up the 'why' of the stuff I need to do to make it more compelling toactually do it.

Yes it's 'safe'. Going out there, oo scary. Weird to say that as those who know me would say I'm confident and friendly. I'm sometimes challenged by connection and intimacy because I'm scared of getting hurt. I've just been through so much I can't face any more.

Hmm I just seem to be having a bit of a melt down, Christmas hasn't been a good time for me for a few years. And answering this I think I've come to the conclusion that this is all just one big distraction from engaging in real life in any meaningful way.

Thanks for the responses. Where I go from here I have no bloody clue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To those who suggested a new Dom, yes I'm actively looking but its not found the right match yet.

Thanks for the responses. Where I go from here I have no bloody clue. "

Do you want to change your lifestyle, move away from swinging, or is it more the 'wasting' of time on this site that you need a break from?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!!

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Do you want to change your lifestyle, move away from swinging, or is it more the 'wasting' of time on this site that you need a break from?"

I'm happy swinging, vanilla is not something I've ever been! It's the focus on it to the exclusion of a balanced life. Fab and my local club are my go to places when I'm bored or can't face doing something. Just feels like 'real life' eludes me by the very nature of my choices. That is my addiction, it's something and somewhere easy comfortable and safe.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Just hide your profile and do something else for a short while.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!! "

With practice & determination I suspect. It won't be easy though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you have a job ?

Or is fab how you pass the time .

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Only you really know but when it starts to piss me off or get me down, I take a break.

Have almost deleted my profile numerous times but as have seen from returning UNLOS folk, it's a hard habit to crack. Seems quite pointless unless felt I knew it'd be permanent

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Do you have a job ?

Or is fab how you pass the time ."

Yes I have a job, I work for myself and study too. But fab sex and wanking can come before all of that at its worst.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Only you really know but when it starts to piss me off or get me down, I take a break.

Have almost deleted my profile numerous times but as have seen from returning UNLOS folk, it's a hard habit to crack. Seems quite pointless unless felt I knew it'd be permanent "

Yes and I know it won't be permanent that's why I'm hesitant to delete but hiding just doesn't seem to do enough.

I've reached out to two people tonight. One to help me manage my accounts and the other to help me get a hobby. I'm not good at reaching out so this is real progress today. Thank you all for your input and PMs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's time for some help...

you choose some behaviours and others are being reinforced.

It's not making you happy from reading so far....

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Do you have a job ?

Or is fab how you pass the time .

Yes I have a job, I work for myself and study too. But fab sex and wanking can come before all of that at its worst. "

Working from home too? That makes it more difficult.

Something needs to replace the need to turn to Fab when other things, work & study, don't seem as stimulating or are feeling difficult?

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"Maybe it's time for some help...

you choose some behaviours and others are being reinforced.

It's not making you happy from reading so far.... "

No it's not but fab is a symptom, it's not the root cause. Need to tackle it from both sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!! "

Just what I was going to say.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

My break is going well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hide your profile, I did not and ended coming back as a newbie. Lost all my friends as well

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!!

Just what I was going to say."

You reduce your exposure to said addiction gradually rather than cold turkey

You get others stimulants: exercise, reading a book etc

You give yourself targets: set hours on Fab and reduce

You celebrate wins

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

I was on here for 2 years and left for 3 months, I came back as I forgot what I used to do during the evening after work

To stop myself getting bored with just reading and posting on the forums I now go into the chat rooms, It does take a bit of getting used to but I have made a few friends in there now and having that instant banter has improved my time on fab

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!!

Just what I was going to say.

You reduce your exposure to said addiction gradually rather than cold turkey

You get others stimulants: exercise, reading a book etc

You give yourself targets: set hours on Fab and reduce

You celebrate wins

Thank you

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"If you really believe you have no self control perhaps tackle that issue?

Because you do, you just need to learn to exercise it

How the feck do you learn that?!!

Just what I was going to say.

You reduce your exposure to said addiction gradually rather than cold turkey

You get others stimulants: exercise, reading a book etc

You give yourself targets: set hours on Fab and reduce

You celebrate wins

Thank you

A pleasure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My break is going well

i have had an hours break today. go me!

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"My break is going well

i have had an hours break today. go me!

Woohoo! Celebrate every hour! I had half hour break...my phone battery died

I'm just deciding on what access is 'reasonable' as I'm handing over control to someone else. Bring on the itch!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My break is going well

i have had an hours break today. go me!

Woohoo! Celebrate every hour! I had half hour break...my phone battery died

I'm just deciding on what access is 'reasonable' as I'm handing over control to someone else. Bring on the itch!

haha.

at least you've got yourself sorted and are not leaving too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My break is going well

i have had an hours break today. go me!

Woohoo! Celebrate every hour! I had half hour break...my phone battery died

I'm just deciding on what access is 'reasonable' as I'm handing over control to someone else. Bring on the itch!

If you're handing control over to someone else surely it's up to them to decide what is 'reasonable'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To those who suggested a new Dom, yes I'm actively looking but its not found the right match yet.

Thanks for the responses. Where I go from here I have no bloody clue. "

Try routine. I have to have a good routine or I forget things and feel crap with myself and end up depressed. To give you some idea my routine is.

Get outta bed. Any time does t matter it's the getting out of it that's the prob.

Have a wee.

Plug in either tab or mob in lounge. Put tv on.

Put kettle on. Feed n water cat. Clean litter tray. Put coffee sugar cube n milk in mug. Drink actemel. Take tabs. Set time on phone to when next tabs need takin.

In lounge drink coffee. Fuck about on fab.

Make lunch. Eat lunch do pots if no plates.

Take tabs. Repet timer.

Do one chore. Today was bedroom.

Sleep.

Wake up. Take tabs. Repet timer.

Make tea. Eat tea.

Get in bath.

Fuck about on here.

Take bed meds. Reset timer.

Get in bed.

Watch Netflix. Sleep.

xxx

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"My break is going well

i have had an hours break today. go me!

Woohoo! Celebrate every hour! I had half hour break...my phone battery died

I'm just deciding on what access is 'reasonable' as I'm handing over control to someone else. Bring on the itch!

If you're handing control over to someone else surely it's up to them to decide what is 'reasonable'?

My ex Dom was good at judging what that was, this new person doesn't have the same relationship so is purely to change the password and not make decisions for me in the same way.

I still haven't decided what's reasonable but I must asap as I've lost almost two days

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"This is RubyWoo mark 3, and I had a previous profile before that to. I just delete when I don't want to use the site. Except for one flouncing off in a huff occasion, I deleted and didn't rejoin for 6 months or so. I'm not into verifications anyway so it doesn't feel like a big deal just restarting my profile when I want to. "

I remember that huffy moment

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I've been dancing tonight with a guy I reached out to for help and had a fabulous time! I even didn't go online for 3.5 hours!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've been dancing tonight with a guy I reached out to for help and had a fabulous time! I even didn't go online for 3.5 hours!

Great! Dancing lifts the spirits.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"I've been dancing tonight with a guy I reached out to for help and had a fabulous time! I even didn't go online for 3.5 hours!

Great! Dancing lifts the spirits.

Yes the music and movement made me come alive. It was really great and I smiled and laughed all night x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i've just done 19 hrs softie, hope i'm an inspiration.

wasn't even intending to, just once i stayed off here i found loads of other stuff to do.

knew i had a life before fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been dancing tonight with a guy I reached out to for help and had a fabulous time! I even didn't go online for 3.5 hours!

That sort of thing should work.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"i've just done 19 hrs softie, hope i'm an inspiration.

wasn't even intending to, just once i stayed off here i found loads of other stuff to do.

knew i had a life before fab.

Well done! I just did 4 days as I was abroad although I needed to log in on my Eden ladies party profile. I behaved myself though...well for me I did. I'm logging out again now and trying to go another 3-4 days

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