FabSwingers.com forum: sad news tday

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

my granda hasnt got long left to live, hes been sick for a while but what im wondering is how do u cope after he is gone? in all my 33 years ive nevr ever lost a loved one or any one close to me and it scares the shit out of me how me and my whole famiy will deal with it.its nature i get that but all new territory to me.any tips? thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's never easy to deal with but try and focus on all the good things you remember of him and celebrate his life and your love of him. xx Big hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The truth is you never get over the death. What you do is get over it. The way I coped was to remember the special times... Remember that life must end to enable another to begin. Look to the future... Celebrate children and help teach them that others have passed to you.

I know this reads harsh... I hope you understand. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for you. Everyone's different in how they cope or what they do. Only advice I'd give is leave nothing unsaid to him, even if he looks like he can't hear you. Tell him how much you love him then afterwards, be who you turn out to be. By that, I mean accept how you grieve but know it will ease with time. Thinking of you xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my mother two years ago... it was sudden... I had about a week to get used to it.

My tips are don't be sad around people... my mum on her last real day she was coherent had my sisters visit before me... so I dressed up brightly, took her favourite cakes... and we chatted and played hungry hippos... lol

My mum really appreciated that.. once my mum couldn't really do anything, I read to her, did her makeup.. but I never once cried or was gloomy while there..... it was hard... but for me it made it easier and for my mum, she smiled.. and that was worth the world to me..

Don't worry about crying to others though... But I knew my mum felt guilty at my sisters tears.. my biggest advice is to think of all the wonderful times you have had... and know that as sad as it is, that it happens to us all...

Katie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hes your Grandad and I know its hard morning/grieving for him but try celebrate the great wonderful life that he has. And make every last day count.

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By *entscotscplCouple
over a year ago

falkirk ish

sorry to hear the sad news

there is no text book answers for this

you can never prepare for

just think of the good and happy times you had together

time is a great healer but you will never forget

r n l xx

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By *stwoforfun2Couple
over a year ago

South Suffolk Area

I lost my grandmother 6 years ago. She was not only my grandmother, but my bestest friend in the whole world.

Others told me that as time goes by it gets easier, but for me she is with me everyday.

Like you I had not lost a loved one, and it came as a great shock. I found comfort at the funeral, as I had written a poem about her and read it in church.

Hold onto the good times you have had xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost both my parents Mum in my early 20's whilst I was pregnant and Dad in my early 30's, You don't get over the loss, you have to learn to cope with it, I have thought about them everyday for since their passings, as previously mentioned remember the special times you shared with your Granda, think of him as the person he was and not how he ended his days and be comforted in the fact that he will no longer be suffering, I send you my love and my thoughts are with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all of the above there is only good advice. If I may add: Make sure you have said goodbye... Dont be afraid to be yourself... And, afterwards, look around to see who may need your strength to help them through this time.

God bless you, and yours.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks you all for your kind words. im the eldest grandchild out of 35 lol. so i hope i have the strength to be strong, especially for him.im going to see him tmrw and il be my usual self even tho inside il be aching. thanks again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Dad dropped down dead standing in the waiting room of our local hospital. One of my sisters and I missed his death by minutes, because we were both nursing at another hospital. That was 11 years ago this March, and I miss him as much today as I did 11 years ago.

The feelings of loss never go away, but the way you cope with these feelings change ver slowly as the years pass by.

There is a new fashion to celerbrate the life of someone at the Funeral. I believe this is the wrong way about doing things, before you can celerbrate you need to grieve, you need to cry, you need to be broken before you can start to rebuild your life without the person who has died.

I think the Queen summed it up after 9/11 she said in a speach " Grief is the price we pay for having loved.

Never be ashammed of your emotions, if you need to cry, cry. Try not to bottle up your emotions, as I did because it sent me into such a depression, I needed medication and a psychologist to help me make realise there is no shame in breaking down over someone you love.

As a Christian, I believe in the promise of the ressurection, that oneday we shall all be reunited, in a place where there is no pain, just joy, peace and endless love. Paradise awaits us all, and Im reassured now that my dear dad will be there waiting to greet me, and you'll never be sad again.

With love and prayers, Simon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my granda hasnt got long left to live, hes been sick for a while but what im wondering is how do u cope after he is gone? in all my 33 years ive nevr ever lost a loved one or any one close to me and it scares the shit out of me how me and my whole famiy will deal with it.its nature i get that but all new territory to me.any tips? thanks x

Its never easy losing anyone close.

And we all have our own ways to deal with it. Once the initial shock goes then try and remember the good times, the fun and laughter, the person they were and what they meant to you. In the last 15 years ive lost 12 members of my close family(including both parents and my sister) and a long standing friend.

Each one were special in their own way and i miss each and every one of them every day .

Grief is such a personal thing and dealing with it can be as hard as you want it to be.

Remember the goodtimes .

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

My father died 6 years ago, but it only seems like yesterday. He'd been ill, but didn't know it. When hospitalised, he was advised after tests, he'd 12-18 months left; in reality, he lasted another 2 weeks!

People react in different ways, but whilst I though I'd be a total wreck, I found I was the stoical one whilst all the others were cracking up!

A relative of ours who is MD of a Hospice in Bath, gave us advice. Focus on the good times, the memories, the laughs and all the "positives" in your respective lives; you can draw strength from that.

Also speak to your local Hospice, or one nearest to you. Not only do they carry out essential in-house care, but many offer out-reach help or advice for families going through this tough time.

The key point is, despite your fears, you may well find you've inner strengths that you didn't know you had!

Hope you find some comfort from this.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Simon.

Each to their own, but in my Father's case, "celebrating his life" was how we played matters. My father was always one of those who'd dutifully pay his respects at funerals, but always said afterwards "a lot of mumbo jumbo".

With what we already knew about him and his life, we built up a picture and designed his departure accordingly. I won't go into the planning - I'd be here all day if I did, but the staff and officials at the Crematorium in Bristol said that in their experience, they'd never known so much laughter at a service; it certainly wasn't irreverent, we had some traditional parts, but overall, we opened their eyes to another direction that could be taken!

I'm sure my Father would have approved but to us, we felt it was the most appropriate way to do things; there was not one dissenting mourner either. Thye fully approved, knowing what my father was like

Simon, I'm sure the traditional ways will continue, but even then, don't discount alternatives; they aren't all bad, and it's down to individual choice.

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

It will be at this sad time you will learn who your true friends are as they will be there for you even if little is said between you.

They say time heals and grief passes but after losing my mum just last month I feel I have yet to grieve properly but I do draw comfort in knowing she is no longer suffering and often find solace in silly little everyday things that trigger a happy memory we shared together. My thoughts are with you hun xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi. I (mrs) lost my Dad last year very close to Christmas. He had a very short terminal illness and it was very sudden. I'm not sure how I coped or how I managed to look after my family but It does somehow get easier. I have 3 siblings and we are all very close so being around them helped so much, as we were all in the same boat. I also threw myself into work and started driving which gave me focus too. Thoughts are with you x

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

You may find that "helping" him when he`s gone may be a way to help the grieving. A lady I know bought a magazine on her grandfather`s favorite subject and had it put in his coffin. Another put in a book that her husband had ordered but had sadly arrived a couple of days after his death. There`s no set way of grieving at all, you do what YOU want and to hell with everyone else.

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By *erekduvallCouple
over a year ago

swansea

mAKE THE MOST of the time you have, and talk to him ,about everything, there'll be tears and laughter, but you and he will I am sure appreciate it. (hugs)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

just a wee update to say my granpa has finally given up his life today.was a bit of a shock , he was great 2 days ago, but i was there to say goodbye and as much as i am devastated he belongs in heaven and not to be suffering anymore.il always love him and just need to find a way to get through the next weeek or so.thank you all for ur kind words. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/07/11 16:56:48]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He was a lucky man to pass with his nearest and dearest beside him: not many have that opportunity.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

thoughts and prayers with you all Spuggy xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our thoughts are with you...

I lost my birth father 24 years ago..and today learn`t my step fathers cancer is terminal..terribly sad, but tis life, the blessing is yer closest had his loved ones near..

Be yerself..

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

thoughts and prayers with you and all your family xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey Spuggy, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. You'll be all over the place for at least the next week, but it's ok to cry and it's also ok to laugh. Make the most of family and friends around you; one minute you'll be hugging them, the next they'll be hugging you.

He is away from it all now, safe and warm and loved in heaven, and looking down on you, and smiling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just a wee update to say my granpa has finally given up his life today.was a bit of a shock , he was great 2 days ago, but i was there to say goodbye and as much as i am devastated he belongs in heaven and not to be suffering anymore.il always love him and just need to find a way to get through the next weeek or so.thank you all for ur kind words. xx"

thoughts are with you, its never the right time and always hits you, never be afraid to talk on here or to cry. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best wishes to you and your family at this sad time Jan

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My thoughts are with you, but take comfort that he was still good till two days ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts are with you.

When I lost my sister I got told that once I had got through a full year of every anniversary, ie birthday, christmas, death etc then it does ease. This was true advice. That first year I busied myself helping to raise her children and the distraction helped. We all get through it with whatever helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking of you.

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By *obsrocketMan
over a year ago

Loughborough

Spuggy

Be thankful for his life and the good times you shared. I'm glad you had a chance to say goodbye many dont get the opportunity. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Rob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

TO lose someone close is very hard, when my mum died suddenly it shoock the whole family, still think of her daily. me my 3 sisters and brothers took it bad some worse than others, poeple deal with grief in different ways its just important that your there for each other.

for example my dads way of dealing with my mums death(after 30 years of marrige) was to have a new gf after 2weeks. only ever thinks of himself.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

sorry to hear of your loss.

May your loved one sleep in peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thoughts are with you spuggy, take each day as it comes and remember the good times .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw Spuggy, such sad news - my heart goes out to you. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its never easy no matter how prepared or how many times it has happened before. Try keep the good memories in your head and hope you have as long as possible with your gran xx

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By *stwoforfun2Couple
over a year ago

South Suffolk Area

My thoughts are with you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

firstly let me say my thoughts are with you at what must be a difficult time.

secondly, can i say you are a very lucky lady.

to have had 33 years without losing someone close is indeed a (non controllable) accomplishment.

i would concentrate on the fact you have had your grandad about for so much of your life and celebrate the laughs and good times you have had.

i lost all my grandparents by the age of 14 and would have loved dearly to have them round to see me grow and develop as a person.

so whilst you feel down i can say you are blessed to have had him this long.

i send you my best wishes and big beary hugs xx

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