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am i being unreasonable?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

me and ex have our sons presentation tonight for his football but he is comming with his new gf i have asked him i would prefer if she didnt as its a family thing regarding our kids and he has got all arsey about it and dont see what my problem is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is the problem, if she's his GF then she is sort of family

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By *azmissy67Woman
over a year ago

welshpool area

how does your son feel about her being there? Because at the end of the day its his event. I appreciate that its difficult having her there and personally i wouldnt want my ex bringing a gf but its your son who should have the final say imo

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/05/11 15:40:57]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"how does your son feel about her being there? Because at the end of the day its his event. I appreciate that its difficult having her there and personally i wouldnt want my ex bringing a gf but its your son who should have the final say imo"

he is only 9 but is very sensitive and would ratyer his mum and dad be there to see his presentation together and there not be an atmosphere on his night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see your side and his side, but I think you'd be better to rise above it, not let it bother you and just be there for your son.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

guess you still have feeling for him then, otherwise why would it matter? The less fuss the better if it is about your son.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

Have you asked him if he wants her there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how does your son feel about her being there? Because at the end of the day its his event. I appreciate that its difficult having her there and personally i wouldnt want my ex bringing a gf but its your son who should have the final say imo

he is only 9 but is very sensitive and would ratyer his mum and dad be there to see his presentation together and there not be an atmosphere on his night "

if that is what he expressed to you, you need to communicate this to his father. Hopefully he will reconsider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"me and ex have our sons presentation tonight for his football but he is comming with his new gf i have asked him i would prefer if she didnt as its a family thing regarding our kids and he has got all arsey about it and dont see what my problem is. "

i think its a question you should ask your son!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"guess you still have feeling for him then, otherwise why would it matter? The less fuss the better if it is about your son."

i feel nothing apart from him being the father to my kids

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?"

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"guess you still have feeling for him then, otherwise why would it matter? The less fuss the better if it is about your son.

i feel nothing apart from him being the father to my kids "

So why would there be an atmosphere? My exs girlfriend came to my sonswedding and there was no problem. In fact she was quite good fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"guess you still have feeling for him then, otherwise why would it matter? The less fuss the better if it is about your son.

i feel nothing apart from him being the father to my kids

So why would there be an atmosphere? My exs girlfriend came to my sonswedding and there was no problem. In fact she was quite good fun."

Neither of my sons are too keen or her either but its about respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm guessing this is something you're going to have to get used to.

Your ex could be more sensitive to your feelings but I imagine his new beau isn't too happy about him doing stuff with his ex so maybe he's getting it in the ear from both sides.

Obviously your son is the most important one but if the atmosphere he fears going to happen because the new gf is there or becausae you just don't like her?

Good luck. It can't be easy at 9 years old to know your true feelings, never mind express them clearly and fearlessly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner "
what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long have they been together if its a family thing then should be just for family. No you are not being unreasonable. And he should take yours and your sons feelings into account this is your sons night it is not a night for him to parade his new girlfriend or to create an argument.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How long have they been together if its a family thing then should be just for family. No you are not being unreasonable. And he should take yours and your sons feelings into account this is your sons night it is not a night for him to parade his new girlfriend or to create an argument."

on and off for a while but it winds me up as she doesnt even like my kids so why dont she just fuck off lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx "

i would take my bf end of x

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx

i would take my bf end of x"

You would take yours, but he can't take his?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx

i would take my bf end of x

You would take yours, but he can't take his? "

i ment i wouldnt typo error,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like she is pressurisng him to get a reaction out of you. Try not to bite back. Rise above it and be a better person.

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx

i would take my bf end of x

You would take yours, but he can't take his?

i ment i wouldnt typo error, "

ah ok, but the decision is his and any advice you get on here won't change that fact I'm afraid

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It sounds like she is pressurisng him to get a reaction out of you. Try not to bite back. Rise above it and be a better person."

yes i think you are right ........

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you asked him if he wants her there?

my children arnt keen on her but how can u explain tht to ur ex`s partner what would he say if it was the other way round and you wanted to take your new man with you?,best thing i would do is bite your lip be nice about it (because you no already) he is doing it to wind you up so fuck him dont let it bother you just be there for your son your his mum.good luck hope it goes well.xx

i would take my bf end of x

You would take yours, but he can't take his?

i ment i wouldnt typo error,

ah ok, but the decision is his and any advice you get on here won't change that fact I'm afraid "

yes i knw cheers for the feedback

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"It sounds like she is pressurisng him to get a reaction out of you. Try not to bite back. Rise above it and be a better person."

Why does it sound like that? As usual, I'm confused how us on here would know something like that when all we are hearing is one side to a story, and no offence to the OP meant with that, it's just true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it depends on how long they've been together is she a long time gf or jst the next thing till something serios, because if its a long term thing then yeah think she should be there but if he has jst got with her then no way she should be there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"it depends on how long they've been together is she a long time gf or jst the next thing till something serios, because if its a long term thing then yeah think she should be there but if he has jst got with her then no way she should be there.

"

she doesnt give a fuck about her own kids so why worry about mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By expressing the words 'she can fuck off' tells me you have issues with her. Kids pick up on our feelings and if they know you don't like her they will agree with you because you're their mum. I should expect your son will be happy to see his dad there cheering him on regardless of whose sat next to him. If his dad is forced to not take his gf then he's not exactly going to be a bundle of laughs towards you and two miserable parents will spoil it for him. That's not worth the small pleasure you will get for getting one over on the gf

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"By expressing the words 'she can fuck off' tells me you have issues with her. Kids pick up on our feelings and if they know you don't like her they will agree with you because you're their mum. I should expect your son will be happy to see his dad there cheering him on regardless of whose sat next to him. If his dad is forced to not take his gf then he's not exactly going to be a bundle of laughs towards you and two miserable parents will spoil it for him. That's not worth the small pleasure you will get for getting one over on the gf "

i just think for one night he could respect my wishes but at the end of the day hes doing it to wind me up so i will bite my tounge on this one i guess it takes a better person to rise above it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how does your son feel about her being there? Because at the end of the day its his event. I appreciate that its difficult having her there and personally i wouldnt want my ex bringing a gf but its your son who should have the final say imo

he is only 9 but is very sensitive and would ratyer his mum and dad be there to see his presentation together and there not be an atmosphere on his night "

As a parent, you just do whats right for your child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its hard when people do things just to wind the other parent up, its not right when kids are used to get one over on the other parent and I can understand how frustrating and angry it makes you. In the end though its you that's being the responsible and mature one

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"Its hard when people do things just to wind the other parent up, its not right when kids are used to get one over on the other parent and I can understand how frustrating and angry it makes you. In the end though its you that's being the responsible and mature one "

Again, how does any of us know he is just doing this to wind her up?

In the end if they are together then it is right that he would want to bring her along.

As much as I dislike my ex's new man I would never tell them they can't be a couple and attend events as such. The clue is in the word "ex" and she can do as she wants, it's none of my business anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

thanks hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It annoys me when parents try to get one over on each other, usually to the detriment of the child!

This little lad will probably have his moment marred because his mum has issues with the ex and his new squeeze, the ex will probably flaunt the new model to wind up the OP and the new girlfriend will enjoy the drama while a little boy will be an after thought.

Sad!

My ex-husband and I have celebrated every birthday, attended every open day, graduation etc together as we love our children more than we dislike each other.

Result: three happy, content, secure children who can invite both parents to any event without fear of drama or things kicking off!

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

firstly a person can only wind you up if you let them . you are both adults and im sure for the sake of your son you can both be there FOR HIM ,regardless who else is there.

as for atmospheres ,why should there be ! only an atmosphere if you or his father choose for there to be one ! pretty poor if you both cant suck it up for the sake of your boy.as you said youself "its only one night " . this is far bigger than you ,your ex and issues between you and his girlfriend . this is about being there for your boy ,presenting a united frount showing your pride in his achievements . that is the one and only thing that matters .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It annoys me when parents try to get one over on each other, usually to the detriment of the child!

This little lad will probably have his moment marred because his mum has issues with the ex and his new squeeze, the ex will probably flaunt the new model to wind up the OP and the new girlfriend will enjoy the drama while a little boy will be an after thought.

Sad!

My ex-husband and I have celebrated every birthday, attended every open day, graduation etc together as we love our children more than we dislike each other.

Result: three happy, content, secure children who can invite both parents to any event without fear of drama or things kicking off!"

OMG we are similar in some very importants ways sassy and I agree with you entirely. Sorry for pissing you off the other day, repect for this post.

As I wrote before, you do what is best for your child, my own self takes second place to that of my childs..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"how does your son feel about her being there? Because at the end of the day its his event. I appreciate that its difficult having her there and personally i wouldnt want my ex bringing a gf but its your son who should have the final say imo

he is only 9 but is very sensitive and would ratyer his mum and dad be there to see his presentation together and there not be an atmosphere on his night "

The only way an atmosphere would be there is if you made it perfectly obvious you didn't want the G/F there if he turned up with her.

If however your son has said off his own bat that he would rather it be just the mum and dad there, then I would let your ex know this.

I am hoping your Ex and his G/F would accept this, as it is your sons day.

Hopefully the ex's G/F can see that sometimes family stuff will come before her as he is the kids dad.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"it depends on how long they've been together is she a long time gf or jst the next thing till something serios, because if its a long term thing then yeah think she should be there but if he has jst got with her then no way she should be there.

she doesnt give a fuck about her own kids so why worry about mine "

Actually after reading the rest of your posts, I want to scrap my last post.

It looks like you have a problem with the G/f full stop, and maybe you have transferred that to your son who now probably thinks to himself that you will make it unpleasant if you are all in the same place together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the OP, its always bad when you dont get on with the exs new woman...

But for the childrens sakes its always best to try.

The way you describe your in danger of it becoming tit for tat.. Just be a grown up, make polite civil conversation and most of all, dont judge her. She may one day become an important part of your sons life.

I have been both step mum, and in your situation.. Its not always easy.... but you do seem to dislike her over and above. Even to judging her parenting...

Its very hard when someone moves on... its even worse when you feel prehaps they are standing on your toes as a parent...but its all about what is doing right for your children.

Katie. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would simply go along, dress to impress, be as nice as you can to both him and her - keep that happy smiley face on and they'll just wonder why. Do that every time - however you feel inside - and one day he'll have a row with her and wish he was still with you! I've been there and it works!

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

Its all about the boy.... and thats just how it should be. I would rise above, grit my teeth and accept this as part and parcel of parents separating. My only concern would be my wonderful son who was receiving acknoledgement for his sporting achievement. Hold on to your belt... there will be a lot more of it to come.... celebrations throughout your childrens lives. Dont let it be about you and him let it be about the children. They will love you for it. You cant control your ex's behaviour you can only control yours.

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

Ah, if only I'd seen this earlier. I could have scrubbed up, picked you and your lad up in my nice shiny car, escorted you to the presentation and behaved like the perfect gent in front of the little ones.

However, when your ex asked who I was, you could have just whispered in his ear: "Oh, just some bit of rough I picked up, you know how it is..."

Then when we left the party, I would juggle my loose change and give your ex a cheeky wink. I guarantee, he'd be a little more sensitive to your wishes next time. At the very least, it might spoil his night...

Next time, next time...

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"

At the very least, it might spoil his night...

Next time, next time..."

It wasn't "his night" it was their sons night, something that keeps being forgotten!

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton


"

At the very least, it might spoil his night...

Next time, next time...

It wasn't "his night" it was their sons night, something that keeps being forgotten! "

exactly what i was thinking ! not a time for anyother focus than what right for the boy and making HIS night special and memorable for the right reasons .

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

No, you missed the important information - behaving like a perfect gent in front of the kids. In other words, not going to make a scene, overtly piss anyone off, or diverting attention anywhere else but the rightful focus of the evening - the football presentation.

There's an art to insulting people with a smile on your face, and it's the most cutting of all insults, when no-one else knows that there's a conflict blazing away. It takes self-control, in the same way it takes self-control not to rise to the bait when the insult is whispered in YOUR ear by a smiling assassin.

Of course, the ex in question might be a knuckle-dragging dullard who decides not to keep grinning whilst the lady slaps him about the chops with a metaphorical wet fish, in which case, it would be unwise to bait him in this manner, there's a time and a place to provoke a punch-up, and that's not my department.

It only works when the other person is determined to keep up appearances, to try to appear unaffected, come what may, and not let grievances surface in public like some kind of common scum. This makes the taste of success oh-so much sweeter.

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"No, you missed the important information - behaving like a perfect gent in front of the kids. In other words, not going to make a scene, overtly piss anyone off, or diverting attention anywhere else but the rightful focus of the evening - the football presentation.

There's an art to insulting people with a smile on your face, and it's the most cutting of all insults, when no-one else knows that there's a conflict blazing away. It takes self-control, in the same way it takes self-control not to rise to the bait when the insult is whispered in YOUR ear by a smiling assassin.

Of course, the ex in question might be a knuckle-dragging dullard who decides not to keep grinning whilst the lady slaps him about the chops with a metaphorical wet fish, in which case, it would be unwise to bait him in this manner, there's a time and a place to provoke a punch-up, and that's not my department.

It only works when the other person is determined to keep up appearances, to try to appear unaffected, come what may, and not let grievances surface in public like some kind of common scum. This makes the taste of success oh-so much sweeter. "

You might just have missed the point yourself, in that, how do any of us really know that there is any need for this thread being started in the first place?

As always, one person says something and most folk just jump on the bandwagon and slag off the other person who may, or more likely, may not have done anything wrong!

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

sorry wolf but thats hardly time or place for any game playing .how can focus possible be on the one and only important thing ,the childs night ,whenyou have deliberatly spent time ,thought and effort sorting something thats only to designed to try and rubb ex's nose in it lol! anything that takes even one moment of thought or attention from their son is one moment too much in my book and leaves a very sour taste in my mouth .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

just to let you all knw my son had a great night regardless of me and his dad ignoring each other ............

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"just to let you all knw my son had a great night regardless of me and his dad ignoring each other ............"

Glad to hear that he enjoyed his night!

* smiley failure in last version - lol *

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