FabSwingers.com forum: Middle Aged Man in Self Servic Till Horror

By *nvictus OP Man
over a year ago

Beeston

Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).

Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'

Puts own bag in the bagging area.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Not this shit again..."

"whatever..."

Removes bag and puts it between knees.

Scans tie.

Tie appears listed on screen.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"It's on the list..."

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Grits teeth.

Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"For fuck sake!"

Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.

Scans jacket.

Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.

Patience slips away as options are considered...

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...

"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.

Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/12/16 13:50:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for laughing but that's funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never use the self service tills.....ever!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans.

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By *nvictus OP Man
over a year ago

Beeston

"Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans."

Smart arse... they were understaffed. Now go stand in the corner

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans.

Smart arse... they were understaffed. Now go stand in the corner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Serves you right for buying your clothes at Asda. #scruff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans."

There's a help button?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never use the self service tills.....ever!"

Nor me, even when the woman with the pointer arrow thingy starts pressuring me!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans.

There's a help button?

Yep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that is why The Terminator would never work

'Are you Sarah Connor? '

Simply switch off and back on again

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By *ndykinkyMan
over a year ago

STOKE-ON-TRENT

The self service tills are O.K. but once you get an error they seem to go berserk

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Woman in self service till scenario:

'Item not scanned, please try again'

*Presses the help button*

Help comes, item scans."

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I can't use them, just the thought of them brings me out in a hot sweat

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

I only use them at the local very small convenience store and the staffing levels haven't changed at all.

The large supermarkets have used them to remove staff from the payroll!

I did laugh at the post OP..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate the bloody things won't use them totally get on my nerves lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i will only use them as a last resort,and only since i worked out how to turn the bloody nagging voice off before i start!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never use the self service. They frustrate me.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"i will only use them as a last resort,and only since i worked out how to turn the bloody nagging voice off before i start!"

HOW ?????

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

Ive just read how ........ thanks for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quite like them. But I'm spectacularly anti social and not having to interact with a human appeals to me.

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By *est Wales WifeCouple
over a year ago

Near Carmarthen

"I never use the self service tills.....ever!"

Nor do we. If any supermarket wants me to do their work and increase their profits they can pay me for doing so.

They are just removing people's jobs to increase their profits. I see the Post office has started this nonsense now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like them when I'm just grabbing bits and bobs. I always use all my coppers and shrapnel that's accumulated in my purse without the embarrassment of people seeing me then I'll pay the rest on my bank card!

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

"I quite like them. But I'm spectacularly anti social and not having to interact with a human appeals to me."

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just read how ........ thanks for that"
its a huge relief to me! little lad in sainsburys showed me how when he heard me telling it to fuck off and die a few weeks ago!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm getting a bit OCD as I think about all the grubby hands that have used them and pressed the screen etc to weigh veg and other things, so I tend to go to the manned tills.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Ledbury

It is only thanks to self service checkouts that I have discovered that condoms are age restricted.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Ive just read how ........ thanks for thatits a huge relief to me! little lad in sainsburys showed me how when he heard me telling it to fuck off and die a few weeks ago! "

Pmsl the opening post and this made me literally laugh out loud in the middle of the pub. Jack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Ledbury

"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP

. "

Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:

48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP

Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:

48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager. "

This also made me laugh. So true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always use them... There's also this red flashing above the till, when a customer needs help... And a human arrives to help you!.... Just a little heads up OP

Or to judge you because your shopping consists of:

48 Condoms (on twofor), lube, toothpaste, a single tin of dogfood, disposable razors, grapes and 4 cans of strong lager. "

I did a stint working in one, once upon a time... You'll be surprised at how little they care haha. They've seen a lot of odd things. As long as you're polite, they aren't bothered what you buy

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By *loppsyWoman
over a year ago

marlow

Just spat out my tea....... hilarious!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A human will only be there to help you until the TV show Humans synths take over.

"Hello, my name is Anita, how can I help!"

Scary

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"A human will only be there to help you until the TV show Humans synths take over.

"Hello, my name is Anita, how can I help!"

Scary

Yep that and I Robot will happen.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Those tills are actually controlled by a guy watching you on cctv, sometimes he just likes to have a laugh by messing with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use Tesco online n get it delivered. My tescos men even bring all my shopping up my 3 flights of stairs. They are my

s. Xxx

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By *nvictus OP Man
over a year ago

Beeston

"Those tills are actually controlled by a guy watching you on cctv, sometimes he just likes to have a laugh by messing with you

I just bought a gun. I'm going to find him....

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"I never use the self service tills.....ever!"

Sometimes there's no option, but I prefer to go to a manned (womaned) till

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Middle aged.. you're optimistic.

Cal

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Local staff wages keep your area afloat. Self scanning machines arent contributing for your council to provide services.

Most jobs will be lost due to technology soon - fight it, as theres no plan to keep people with adequate income levels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just walk out with my shopping as a protest if that shit happens.....no one a have a job in fifty years should all be smashed up for scrap

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I aways go for the people option. Unless a real person says "I'll scan them for you".

It's cruel I realise but I'd have loved to be there

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I just bought a gun."

Through a proper till?

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By *rs DCouple
over a year ago

Malvern

"Serves you right for buying your clothes at Asda. #scruff"
was thinking the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next time you go shopping add various random things you don't want to your trolly, these have several uses.

Use 1, when the machine works well and does everything you want, just leave the trolly behind with the unwanted things in it. That way the employee that haven't used to serve you keeps their job by putting things back on the shelves.

use 2, when the machine plays up use the unwanted items on the scale of every empty machine in the area, setting off a cacophony of unrecognised item in bagging area and flashing red lights.

If use 2 didn't get the assistance you needed then use 3 is to take what you wanted to a human till while leaving the unwanted stuff to cause a melt down on the automatic checkouts.

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By *lassy pairCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich London

Welcome to the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).

Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'

Puts own bag in the bagging area.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Not this shit again..."

"whatever..."

Removes bag and puts it between knees.

Scans tie.

Tie appears listed on screen.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"It's on the list..."

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Grits teeth.

Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"For fuck sake!"

Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.

Scans jacket.

Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.

Patience slips away as options are considered...

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...

"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.

Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...

Looool.....best thing I ve read today

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Totally agree, never go near the self scanning machines as they just wind me up.

Now the scan and shop system at Tesco is brilliant never have a problem with it.

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).

Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'

Puts own bag in the bagging area.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Not this shit again..."

"whatever..."

Removes bag and puts it between knees.

Scans tie.

Tie appears listed on screen.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"It's on the list..."

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Grits teeth.

Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"For fuck sake!"

Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.

Scans jacket.

Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.

Patience slips away as options are considered...

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...

"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.

Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...

Looool.....best thing I ve read today

Me too!

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By *essThePirateWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Heard the Milton Jones sketch? I will try and find a link but last time I posted a link to a pertinent quote ....I got banned for a day... it was actually from a well known off quoted tome

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I used to work with the original models back in early 2000 they were huge and annoying and still required a member of staff

Personally they get rid of staff and you loose personal touch

A lot of train stations use them only

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used one in Mordor one time. Kept saying unexpected item in Baggins area......

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By *esiderataWoman
over a year ago

St Helier

I hope you spoke back to the till in a loud voice..

Just be warned one day we may all be asking a robot if it fancies a fuck...

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I often use them if there's big queues at the main tills.....and usually end up wishing I hadn't!

Love your OP, so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea i normally talk to the machines ..especially when they say

Please take your change

I am ... i am taking it ..not going to leave it ....

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Griff Rhys Jones did almost the same sketch a few years ago.

I don't use them but was forced to in the Co-Op in York. It took me longer than a sensible person should take to work out what to do. I had to put the items on one side of the scanner then I scanned the item and put it in my bag. The machine wouldn't let me scan the next one as the machine has to weigh each item in the bagging area and match the weight with the other side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hope you spoke back to the till in a loud voice..

Just be warned one day we may all be asking a robot if it fancies a fuck...

knowing my luck, the robot would say not my type...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've almost mastered them now. Although, when you get a stroppy one, you're fucked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine these tills to be akin to having a nagging wife!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.

V x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"The ones in Waitrose are very polite and there's usually a human hovering ostensibly to keep everything running smoothly although I suspect there is a secret thing that alerts them every time I say I have picked 0 new bags and then try not to look guilty.

V x

My Waitrose has just introduced them. I have avoided them and told them of my displeasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V x

I was excused of stealin a carrier bag from morrisions had to shop the guy my fuckin receipt.

xxx

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

V x

The Morrisons self service tills are really loud.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do realise,of course,that self service tills are not really automated? There's someone kneeling in there controlling it.Have you never heard the stifled sniggering coming from within?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Goes in Asda and quickly and efficiently selects trousers, jacket and tie required. Goes to self-service area (mentally noting how the number of human operated tills has decreased substantially).

Presses large button helpfully entitle 'Start'

Puts own bag in the bagging area.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, there is. It's a bag..."

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Yes, you said. It's my bag. I use my own"

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"Not this shit again..."

"whatever..."

Removes bag and puts it between knees.

Scans tie.

Tie appears listed on screen.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"It's on the list..."

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

"Fuck sake! It's there, look!"

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Grits teeth.

Puts tie in bagging area to try and scan jacket.

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

"For fuck sake!"

Removes tie and drapes it over arm, still balancing bag between knees.

Scans jacket.

Jacket appears beneath tie on the screen list.

UNABLE TO SCAN ITEM. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.

Places jacket in bagging area and looks around and scowls.

Patience slips away as options are considered...

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.

Slowly turns around back to machine with eyes like smouldering coals from Hell...

"Fuck you and your robot overlords you piece of crap!" proclaimed loudly and uncaring who hears.

Grabs all items and goes to queue for a human...

Been there!

Never use self service tills, swearing at a machine through gritted teeth is not good for my blood pressure so I queue for a human too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never use the self service tills.....ever!

Nor do we. If any supermarket wants me to do their work and increase their profits they can pay me for doing so.

They are just removing people's jobs to increase their profits. I see the Post office has started this nonsense now."

and the banks.

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