FabSwingers.com forum: Cucumber vagina

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha where did you get the idea from?

You sold your product well, I fancy trying now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!"

A tomatoe? Give me credit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!

A tomatoe? Give me credit

No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!

A tomatoe? Give me credit

No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys!"

Have you tried with your saxophone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/12/16 15:05:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....

His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....

Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...

Just two alternatives for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!

A tomatoe? Give me credit

No because you suggested limes, which hurts like hell btw, so don't try it guys!

Have you tried with your saxophone? "

Reserved for my other kinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?"

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman
over a year ago

Richmond

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks.. "

Sigh of relief. Freaky I can handle (usually) but not sure I'd go near a man who puts in the same category as a veg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks.. "

The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I knew a gentleman used to buy a whole uncut loaf from the baker whilst warm and carve out a hole in the crust - u could buy those warm in the over rolls couldn't you....he said it was fucking wonderful ....

His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....

Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...

Just two alternatives for you

Hahahaha you are giving me idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..

The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked

I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Part of his 5 a day !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone tried a vagina? They feel realier than fruit, veg, bread and chicken apparently. I'm no expert. I've not yet fucked my dinner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mind is quite boggled!

ps - can I come round to yours next time your cooking? Sounds delicious!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..

The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked

I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys..."

Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

wish id never read this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..

The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked

I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys...

Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit

My inbox is so going to be flooded with ladies messaging me after reading this, I might actually have to put some veggies in the freezer so they don't go bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?

Ehh... please dont put me in the same pot as these freaky fucks..

The classy, distinguished and sophicated man talked

I know right. Flipping vegists! Its 2016 stop shaming veg sex toys...

Hell yeah ! Let us fuck vegs too goddammit

My inbox is so going to be flooded with ladies messaging me after reading this, I might actually have to put some veggies in the freezer so they don't go bad

Go on tiger, do not forget some buenos, as they might get hungry after scooping your vegs

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

You've been watching American Pie too much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....

Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...

Just two alternatives for you

Hahahaha you are giving me idea "

Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....

If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....

Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...

Just two alternatives for you

Hahahaha you are giving me idea

Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....

If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle

I need a helping hand

just saying

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By *inkySlinkyCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

How can you feel it if it is under the mattress?

Sally

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His other one was buying a roast ... make a slit in that one ..... he said it was so real .... washed and cooked it ....

Anyway ... you don't want to hear my life stories...

Just two alternatives for you

Hahahaha you are giving me idea

Well enjoy ... I actually can see the reason behind his choices as the textures would be similar .....

If u made a bowl of marshmallow .... wouldn't that be kool ... or a big bowl of rocky road .... mmmm giggle

I need a helping hand

just saying "

Of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what happens in vegs stays in vegs, eh?

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I occasionally stick ma cock into a bowl of trifle, but I'm fuckin' dis custard with maself when I do

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I occasionally stick ma cock into a bowl of trifle, but I'm fuckin' dis custard with maself when I do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I occasionally stick ma cock into a bowl of trifle, but I'm fuckin' dis custard with maself when I do

well that takes the biscuit..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I use tomatoes, *wink* *wink*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I use tomatoes, *wink* *wink*"
cherry tomatoes aren't much better sweetie

lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has put me right off my salad... and possibly Caesar dressing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what happens in vegs stays in vegs, eh?

As usual ....

Perfect ....

Should they watch SPORT to relax beforehand .... mmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I use tomatoes, *wink* *wink* cherry tomatoes aren't much better sweetie

lol xxx"

Burnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer a butternut squash under a pillow

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

You took the words out of my mouth!

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"I occasionally stick ma cock into a bowl of trifle, but I'm fuckin' dis custard with maself when I do

Best laugh I've had one here all day

Cheers ace!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We love our food a little too much, what can I say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

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By *lue NarwhalMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

I don't mind shagging a vegetarian but the veg....

Nah thanks... I'd rather eat tofu!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyone tried a vagina? They feel realier than fruit, veg, bread and chicken apparently. I'm no expert. I've not yet fucked my dinner. "

Hahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?"

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand "

What about watermelon or mango?

Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what happens in vegs stays in vegs, eh?

As usual ....

Perfect ....

Should they watch SPORT to relax beforehand .... mmmmm

see what you did there..

I never reveal my methods lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand

What about watermelon or mango?

Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe

don't mention watermelon they get me to the edge everytime !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas

were you in falcon crest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas

were you in falcon crest"

And the renegade

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By *ndigo40Woman
over a year ago

secret town

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

Ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas

were you in falcon crest

And the renegade "

hes not as handsome as you my good man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does a marrow have the same effect ? Theres no chance i could use a cucumber

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We love our food a little too much, what can I say

Maybe you shuck fuck a bueno?

don't go too far into the joke, bueno are a sacred thing to me

I apologise mr.bearded

Haha you call me Lorenzo Lamas

were you in falcon crest

And the renegade

hes not as handsome as you my good man"

You are making me blush now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX"

Yeah I suppose so!... livened up a wet Saturday afternoon... just wondering if it's reusable

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mind is quite boggled!

ps - can I come round to yours next time your cooking? Sounds delicious!

Would you like a cucumber salad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?"

Not all men. That sounds a little extreme for my delicate disposition

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

And of all the sex toys available.

Brexit Britain.

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By *arnaclebillMan
over a year ago

Robin Hood County

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?"

"SOME MEN" I wouldn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Do you mean you are fucking the innards of cucumber? XXX

Yeah I suppose so!... livened up a wet Saturday afternoon... just wondering if it's reusable

Well the cucumber I put up my pussy wasn't reuseable, hope that helps XXX

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."

But they're not terribly wide are they?

If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"And of all the sex toys available.

Brexit Britain. "

One of your five a day though!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

But they're not terribly wide are they?

If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X"

It was a wide one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like cold things so, while I don't have a penis, I think I can understand the appeal.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

But they're not terribly wide are they?

If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X

It was a wide one

Bet that's what they all say!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

But they're not terribly wide are they?

If a chap was girthy he wouldn't fit in! X

It was a wide one

Bet that's what they all say!

lol go check my girth

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"This thread has put me right off my salad... and possibly Caesar dressing.

Toss that salad to freshen it up, you'll be right as rain.

Him

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

How can you feel it if it is under the mattress?

Sally"

That's what I thought but then the penny dropped. He's using the matress to keep the cucumber sturdy and at the right angle between the matress and the bed frame, Bob's your uncle or rather he's finding out how's ya father (gthe cucumbers). He's replacing the seeds at least, credit where credit's due.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand

What about watermelon or mango?

Hell of a way to test if an avocado is ripe

don't mention watermelon they get me to the edge everytime !"

Hahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I was thinking the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I was thinking the same!

could've been a small marrow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A cucumber? Really? lol I must be shopping in the wrong places as mine are always rather slim.

guessing girth isn't your forte?

I was thinking the same!

could've been a small marrow.

lol no was a wife cucumber....kept the plastic wrapper on too...sort of bonded it together!

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

I think I will organise a social for next September down the local allotment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

How can you feel it if it is under the mattress?

Sally"

I was wondering same thing. Maybe it's a man thing marie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand. "

I guess its cheaper than a fleshlight or a vagankle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand.

I guess its cheaper than a fleshlight or a vagankle

make 10 holes in a vegetable and you could have a greedy turnip night..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

.. or 20 holes in a big pumpkin and some marbles, and have a game of live kerplunk

the legume fun is never ending

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come on, there's got to be someone, somewhere who's gonna tell us about their exploits with a mackerel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?

How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?

Just an alternative thought OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?

How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?

Just an alternative thought OP

don't be giving them ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

knew a woman who liked to peel a pear , insert it in her vagina for a couple of hours to marinate in her juices and then serve it with ice cream to selected unsuspecting guests as dessert after a dinner party (kinky bitch she was )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?

How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?

Just an alternative thought OP

don't be giving them ideas

Loving all the new ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"knew a woman who liked to peel a pear , insert it in her vagina for a couple of hours to marinate in her juices and then serve it with ice cream to selected unsuspecting guests as dessert after a dinner party (kinky bitch she was ) "

unsuspecting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hump roast, I mean rump roast

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear whatever next?

How about you peel a banana, warm it in a microwave it for exactly 7 seconds and wrap the banana peel around your cock, close your eyes and pretend it's a woman?

Just an alternative thought OP

don't be giving them ideas

Loving all the new ideas

if your ever thinking of marketing it you might think about vagumber cucock or cockumber

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound....."
remind me not to come around yours for a salad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So does a marrow have the same effect ? There honestly is no chance my cock would fit inside something its on an even width with ?

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By *ilary and DonaldCouple
over a year ago

chingford

You know those jars of hotdogs ?

Open

Remove middle one

Microwave for 45 seconds

Away you go.

(Not vegetarian friendly)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women can put veg in themselves, then men can put themselves in veg. Makes a change from a hand. "

Oh brilliant comment!

However I've never been tempted to insert fruit or veg into my vagina, I've got sexy toys that are made for that purpose!

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By *lassy pairCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich London

"If you're not picky with the mess, I suggest 2-3 tomatoes, it feels even better!"

It feels even like salad just add some onion and lubrecate it with salad dressing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x

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By *lassy pairCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich London

"I think I will organise a social for next September down the local allotment!

Better still at the greengrocer

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By *rs DCouple
over a year ago

far

"my god. It seems to be true, then, that men WILL fuck anything?"
omg this made me giggles so much, thx

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By *lassy pairCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich London

"You know those jars of hotdogs ?

Open

Remove middle one

Microwave for 45 seconds

Away you go.

(Not vegetarian friendly) "

Wow

Expert

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x"

Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.

Step 2: Nuke it good

Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.

Step 3: Ahhhhh!

A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!

Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol

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By *lassy pairCouple
over a year ago

Greenwich London

"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x

Step 2: Nuke it good

Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.

Step 3: Ahhhhh!

Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol

Get a stool dress it up with suspenders and stocking with hold up place your melon on it and Bob your uncle

Easy

We been shelved now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you Google home made sex toys for men, water melon seems to be a popular 1 x

Step 2: Nuke it good

Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.

Step 3: Ahhhhh!

Add a wig and googly eyes for that realistic lol

Get a stool dress it up with suspenders and stocking with hold up place your melon on it and Bob your uncle

Easy

We been shelved now

Can just next weeks jeremey kyle..

Is he having an affair with the melon? Lie detector..

It's me or the melon?

My husband is addicted to the melons, he needs re-hab ..

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"Wow what an experience scooping the centre out...stick it under the mattress and hump...very realistic tightness and sound.....

Cucumber are not really known for thier girth, a marrow on the other hand "

But the thinner, smaller guys only need a cucumber, courgette or pea pod.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks like some people been watching to much American pie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks like some people been watching to much American pie

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