FabSwingers.com forum: Men approaching men first

By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm not quite sure. I guess it's to acknowledge both members of the couple and to not come across too strongly?

It irritates me when I go with my fb as I feel like a cow that's being discussed before auction. Or even worse, like my partner is ny agent and there is no agency on my behalf. It's not my partner's orifices they want but mine so I wish first contact was made with me.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'm not quite sure. I guess it's to acknowledge both members of the couple and to not come across too strongly?

I have had men ask my club/party partner of the night for permission to approach me or talk about me as though I am not there. I find it most irksome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it may be due to the patriachal society we are living in.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I guess it may be due to the patriachal society we are living in. "

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I tend to ask both - though in my early time in scene i did approach man first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

"
If say out of respect and to be honest would expect any man to ask Mr.. same as I'd expect a woman to approach me first and obviously we do the same in return.

Ive been very offended when guys have spoken to me directly and ignored Mr being there. X

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I tend to ask both - though in my early time in scene i did approach man first

Asking both makes sense. Starting a conversation that includes both parties before going in for the kill is good manners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you think they are overcompansating because most couples say you need to speak to the male not just the female

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

It's happened to me a few times, to the extent where people have actually talked to the person I'm with as if I'm not even there or am some kind of toy to be loaned out (along the lines of "she's really pretty, do you think she'll mind sucking my cock?"). I'm still a bit shy at clubs (trying not to be but it's not easy to break years of personality foibles) and that's compounded by the fact people don't tend to approach me unless I'm obviously in play mode so I don't know if I give off a 'don't talk to me' vibe.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"I guess it may be due to the patriachal society we are living in. "

Oh no, not the patriarchy......

Maybe some men could be frightened to approach some females in case they are accused of harassment or the like

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

If say out of respect and to be honest would expect any man to ask Mr.. same as I'd expect a woman to approach me first and obviously we do the same in return.

Ive been very offended when guys have spoken to me directly and ignored Mr being there. X"

I'm not suggesting ignoring the man. Not all of us are in 'ownership' relationships.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Do you think they are overcompansating because most couples say you need to speak to the male not just the female "

Could be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good question!

I was acctually talking to a single guy about this the other day. I don't get angry when guys do it, but it does put me off a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because the male half will complain that single guys don't respect couples , if we talk to the female first.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Is that why I fail in clubs? No man for them to ask?

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"It's happened to me a few times, to the extent where people have actually talked to the person I'm with as if I'm not even there or am some kind of toy to be loaned out (along the lines of "she's really pretty, do you think she'll mind sucking my cock?"). I'm still a bit shy at clubs (trying not to be but it's not easy to break years of personality foibles) and that's compounded by the fact people don't tend to approach me unless I'm obviously in play mode so I don't know if I give off a 'don't talk to me' vibe."

I get more approaches if I go to a club with a man, albeit via the asking him first route. If I go on my own I am looking for some action but rarely get any.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Although I have been to a few clubs now, I have never approached one half of a couple separately. Surely the way to do it is to catch them when they are both together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Historically, men have controlled cultural constructions of woman and femininity, and have protrayed women's bodies as site of objectification... so it goes along with that sort of ideology.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Is that why I fail in clubs? No man for them to ask?"

I have wondered this when I go on my own.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Although I have been to a few clubs now, I have never approached one half of a couple separately. Surely the way to do it is to catch them when they are both together

It is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

If say out of respect and to be honest would expect any man to ask Mr.. same as I'd expect a woman to approach me first and obviously we do the same in return.

Ive been very offended when guys have spoken to me directly and ignored Mr being there. X

I'm not suggesting ignoring the man. Not all of us are in 'ownership' relationships.

"
neither are we.. but I find that if they approach mr first I am happier..as long as the guy then doesnt say things like can I fuck her.

But we would always seek the approval of the other before engaging with someone else so makes sense to us

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

The advantage of saying "gizzashagyabitch"* cos you can say it to both

* not that I ever have, do or will.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Whenever that happens to me and I'm asked if it's ok to touch my partner in clubs, my standard response is "you'd better ask *******, it's not up to me".

As for asking others to play, we'll usually ask them both together, or if that's not possible (e.g. music's too loud) will ask whichever is nearest regardless of gender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

straight to the boss little lady...you wouldn't understand

err no...

really though i'd guess that, as someone mentioned above, fellas always get the advice to talk to the guy too, many don't like it when they go immediately to the lady and 'cut out' the male half.

i suppose it can be a nervous moment when making the approach and they get the balance out of whack and just go ask the guy with the above in mind, maybe..that's just a guess. it'd be impossible for me to hazard a guess as to why anyone acts the way they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only been to clubs on my own so not encountered this issue.

I'd definitely be pissed off if someone spoke to a male I was with instead of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I give 5 of my best goats for your mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I give 5 of my best goats for your mrs

throw in a couple sacks of rice or flour and one of those rugs you have your wife weave and you'll have my interest

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking."

Is that to the man or the woman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a definite thing that happens and it pisses me off like they're talking with the organ grinder. This monkey won't play if that's how it goes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's a definite thing that happens and it pisses me off like they're talking with the organ grinder. This monkey won't play if that's how it goes. "

these modern uppetty women

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times."

It needs to include the smirk to be a bona fide approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times.

It needs to include the smirk to be a bona fide approach.

Straight face, dead eyed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times.

It needs to include the smirk to be a bona fide approach.

Straight face, dead eyed."

Jaw clenched, nostrils flared.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok 6 goats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Agree with you totally, from a single point of view I think its rude and any couple I have been with I've always spoke to equally. If they ask me to play then great if not I wouldn't suggest anything to either or both.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times.

It needs to include the smirk to be a bona fide approach.

Straight face, dead eyed.

Jaw clenched, nostrils flared."

Sooo sexy.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"ok 6 goats"

What sort of goats? I like the Nigerian Dwarf goats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ffs you drive hard bargain,,7 goats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats"

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"ok 6 goats

What sort of goats? I like the Nigerian Dwarf goats.

I know I shouldn't find it funny but I like the myotonic goats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

What sort of goats? I like the Nigerian Dwarf goats.

I know I shouldn't find it funny but I like the myotonic goats.

love those things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though....."

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ffs you drive hard bargain,,7 goats"

are they virgins?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

can i argue fucking?

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"ok 6 goats

What sort of goats? I like the Nigerian Dwarf goats.

I know I shouldn't find it funny but I like the myotonic goats.

That's just wrong...

. I have wondered how they manage to do anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

can i argue fucking?"

shut up,,your my goats bitch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

can i argue fucking?

shut up,,your my goats bitch"

i'm not one to turn down a new experience...horny auld goat it is then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

can i argue fucking?

shut up,,your my goats bitch

i'm not one to turn down a new experience...horny auld goat it is then

you likey

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Everything goes through me, the fem, anyone wanting contact with the OH or with me ....

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Everything goes through me, the fem, anyone wanting contact with the OH or with me ...."

How would they know that? What happens if they speak to the OH first?

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

[Removed by poster at 04/12/16 21:25:18]

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Everything goes through me, the fem, anyone wanting contact with the OH or with me ....

How would they know that? What happens if they speak to the OH first?

They are told off and bid farewell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok 6 goats

i still have my eye on one of those rugs though.....

eh ,,if you look very closely I have no rug,,nowbend over one of my goats wants you,,dont fucking argue

can i argue fucking?

shut up,,your my goats bitch

i'm not one to turn down a new experience...horny auld goat it is then

you likey

how many goats did you say you had?...this one is worn now.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Everything goes through me, the fem, anyone wanting contact with the OH or with me ....

How would they know that? What happens if they speak to the OH first?

They are told off and bid farewell"

Does the word get round so that others know they need to approach you?

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Everything goes through me, the fem, anyone wanting contact with the OH or with me ....

How would they know that? What happens if they speak to the OH first?

They are told off and bid farewell

Does the word get round so that others know they need to approach you?"

I have a loud voice when I need to get something across and a vicious tongue so yes, it gets around ...

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By *ureTemptationWoman
over a year ago

Off the grid

Men can't win. I see so many couples on here where they complain that it's only the woman who is spoken to (despite often there only being photos of the woman on their profile).

Is it better to speak to both together perhaps? I don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men can't win. I see so many couples on here where they complain that it's only the woman who is spoken to (despite often there only being photos of the woman on their profile).

Is it better to speak to both together perhaps? I don't know."

Do you switch eye contact every 3-5 seconds so they know you're speaking to both of them?

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Men can't win. I see so many couples on here where they complain that it's only the woman who is spoken to (despite often there only being photos of the woman on their profile).

Is it better to speak to both together perhaps? I don't know."

On here it's really odd that people will only address the woman on a couples profile.

In a club or party I find it decidedly rude to spoken of as a possession to be bartered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's a definite thing that happens and it pisses me off like they're talking with the organ grinder. This monkey won't play if that's how it goes.

these modern uppetty women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men have to be mind readers too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men have to be mind readers too. "

A cheese sandwich and a large cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men have to be mind readers too.

A cheese sandwich and a large cock."

You forgot the tea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men have to be mind readers too.

A cheese sandwich and a large cock.

You forgot the tea. "

You mustn't of been thinking about that at that precise moment.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"I guess it may be due to the patriachal society we are living in. "

this and some men see 'their' women as a possession, maybe..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men have to be mind readers too.

A cheese sandwich and a large cock.

You forgot the tea.

You mustn't of been thinking about that at that precise moment."

Or you were distracted by the large cock image in my head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just make a circle with my thumb and index finger on one hand while using the index finger on the other hand to to go through the circle and back out again while suggestively winking.

Is that to the man or the woman?

Woman first, then I switch to the guy doing the same thing but raise my eyebrows a few times.

It needs to include the smirk to be a bona fide approach.

Straight face, dead eyed.

Jaw clenched, nostrils flared."

Gently gyrating your hips too?

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"Men can't win. I see so many couples on here where they complain that it's only the woman who is spoken to (despite often there only being photos of the woman on their profile).

I'm agreeing with that.

No matter who the guy talks to first,for some,that's going to be the wrong person.

If a female approaches a couple in a club,and speaks to the female first,looking to play with the guy.

For me that's just giving the female her place.

The guy would still be making the decision yes,or no.

In that scenario,Very few guys would view it as being treated like a piece of meat,or even the slightest bit sexist.

This thread shows,were that scenario reversed,

many females would view it as,

being treated like a piece of meat,and sexist.

The reality of the situation would likely be much easier to see,if only they could remove their blinkers.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Men can't win. I see so many couples on here where they complain that it's only the woman who is spoken to (despite often there only being photos of the woman on their profile).

I'm agreeing with that.

No matter who the guy talks to first,for some,that's going to be the wrong person.

If a female approaches a couple in a club,and speaks to the female first,looking to play with the guy.

For me that's just giving the female her place.

The guy would still be making the decision yes,or no.

In that scenario,Very few guys would view it as being treated like a piece of meat,or even the slightest bit sexist.

This thread shows,were that scenario reversed,

many females would view it as,

being treated like a piece of meat,and sexist.

The reality of the situation would likely be much easier to see,if only they could remove their blinkers.

Yes I agree, it is just deferring - I don't go to clubs, but I do that out social dancing, I defer to the woman by asking if she minds me 'stealing' her man for a dance. Less noses out of joint that way. ..

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

It's interesting how would a single guy like to be approached would he want the couple to approach him, the female or the male

It's odd inwould say I prefer the female or couple together, a male coming over and saying would you play with my wife kinda doesn't sit to well with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps the answer to all of this is that the couples should approach men to see whether he's interested, rather than the other way round.

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By *onhorMan
over a year ago

here

"Perhaps the answer to all of this is that the couples should approach men to see whether he's interested, rather than the other way round. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is vwhere I will win in the clubs because I'll talk to everybody, men, women, goats lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus the poor single guys cant do right for doing wrong

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

This has never happened to us

When together with my boyfriend, the men do start speaking with him first but the question of whether he would be willing to 'barter me off' has never arisen. I guess it is probably because I do not appear like some submissive wallflower or shrinking violet

After a while, something along the lines of, "do you allow single men to join you?" is asked. Generally, the answer is no, as my boyfriend is not too keen on MFM

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

We've never found this....I might as well be wearing an invisibility cloak when men speak to Flik.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a massive club goer but I've had both scenarios happen, either approach didn't bother me or my partner at the time.

I guess when some guya are looking to have sex with someone else's partner they revert back to 1950's of asking if it's okay to interact with the little lady,old fashioned respect maybe?

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

We've only ever been approached and spoken too as a couple, as in the guys engaging with both of us, we have however been approached by women who have asked mr could they kiss me

so where does that sit in all of this( I.e is it less offensive for a woman to ask than a man) it doesn't bother us either way, although what we really do hate is when a guy leans over and whispers to me, although it may be harmless, we find this totally disrespectful

but yep other than that we are fairly open minded

now how many goats were you offering

Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We've only ever been approached and spoken too as a couple, as in the guys engaging with both of us, we have however been approached by women who have asked mr could they kiss me

but yep other than that we are fairly open minded

now how many goats were you offering

Mrs blue eyes

3 and a camel

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By *iver2015Woman
over a year ago

middlesbrough

"Do you think they are overcompansating because most couples say you need to speak to the male not just the female "

That was my first thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because they're sexist assholes who believe that men control women?

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

"We've only ever been approached and spoken too as a couple, as in the guys engaging with both of us, we have however been approached by women who have asked mr could they kiss me

but yep other than that we are fairly open minded

now how many goats were you offering

Mrs blue eyes

3 and a camel

"
. Ooh stepping it up a notch with a camel pp,I'm flattered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because they're sexist assholes who believe that men control women?"

Yawn...is anything you say ever not barbed with a man hating rhetoric?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because they're sexist assholes who believe that men control women?

Yawn...is anything you say ever not barbed with a man hating rhetoric?"

I think you have failed to comprehend - I do not, and never have 'hated' men. That would be far too much of a generalisation, of which I'm opposed to fundamentally.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because they're sexist assholes who believe that men control women?"

Could be.

Or it could be something else.

Although taking onto account your obvious narrow-minded animosity toward men,I'm leaning towards something else.

Having said that

Fancy a shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not in the Fab 'straight' way but at clubs and parties.

Why do men see it as 'respectful' to approach the man in a couple first and seek his permission before even seeing if the woman is even remotely interested?

Because even in male mode I'm not interested in his wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then there's guys like me - much more social than sexual - who usually just want a civilised conversation, without them assuming I'm trying to get into her knickers.

If I'm at a club, I'm more interested in watching than participating, anyway.

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