FabSwingers.com forum: Happiness requires sadness

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The height of personal happiness can only be measured by the depth of personal sadness. Happiness is not a stand-alone feeling. Happiness is a comparative emotion. The measure of happiness a person feels is judged against the measure of sadness a person felt in the past. The greater degree of sadness, the greater degree of happiness. Without sadness, happiness has no meaning. Ironically, the fear of emotional sadness often restricts a person’s ability to experience the high heights of happiness.

Many people live their entire lives in the middle zone. They do not experience extreme happiness nor do they experience extreme sadness. Their happiness is restricted because they spend their time protecting themselves from sadness and emotional pain. The most effective way to protect against emotional pain is to limit the depth of personal relationships. People cannot get hurt if they prevent others from entering their emotional space.

Pain serves several purposes. First, pain signals that something is not right with our physical bodies or emotional standing. Physical pain alerts people to seek medical attention. Emotional pain warns people that their emotional life is askew. Pain not only directs people to the source of the infliction but the intensity of the pain can also measure the severity of the physical or emotional injury. Second, pain encourages empathy. Feeling the pain others is difficult if we have not felt the same pain ourselves. Shared experiences, especially traumatic experiences, create strong personal bonds. Support groups are effective because group members share a common experience and, therefore, can empathize with one another. Couples form closer relationships when they struggle and survive trying times. Third, pain provides a standard against which to judge happiness. The more intense the pain the more intense the happiness by comparison. Couples often compare their current happiness to the hard times they experienced earlier in their relationships. Without the struggle, the extent of their happiness could not be measured.

Pain can be a gift or a curse depending on the attitude of the person experiencing the pain. Emotional pain is a certainty. Building walls or living life in the middle zone protects people from experiencing emotional pain, but at the expense of happiness. Experiencing emotional pain, no matter how severe, intensifies happiness."

Do you agree? Better the rollercoaster than the roundabout?

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By *gentlovedayWoman
over a year ago

Tranmere

I often thought this and said it but sometimes I wish I could have more happiness in my life and then I have times where I realise life is about appreciating the things that we have and striving for better.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Psychology Today! I'll come up with a better reply shortly but I read that piece earlier.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often thought this and said it but sometimes I wish I could have more happiness in my life and then I have times where I realise life is about appreciating the things that we have and striving for better. "

I think it's definitely worth remembering when we are low -- perhaps that we're investing in our eventual happiness in some way!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Psychology Today! I'll come up with a better reply shortly but I read that piece earlier."

Yes!! I've shortened it but hopefully not list the gist. We really need to get that coffee

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Psychology Today! I'll come up with a better reply shortly but I read that piece earlier.

Yes!! I've shortened it but hopefully not list the gist. We really need to get that coffee

*lost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how would that theory relate to a child who laughs and shows clear signs of happiness but has never saw bad times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure it's such an either/or thing. I've had some serious lows this year that I feel have really started to impose on my ability to enjoy the highs, if that makes sense. I'd rather go back to the point where I was enjoying the highs without having to endure the lows, and not knowing they were coming. I was more than happy with that and certainly didn't feel I couldn't experience and appreciate happiness because of a lack of pain.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"how would that theory relate to a child who laughs and shows clear signs of happiness but has never saw bad times"

I don't think it negates it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a shame it doesn't work in the opposite respect.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"how would that theory relate to a child who laughs and shows clear signs of happiness but has never saw bad times"

Yup, I thought about my children first too. They have been happy and had sheer joy, uncomplicated and pure, but no deep sadness yet. I would do anything to keep it that way, but life is life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm not sure it's such an either/or thing. I've had some serious lows this year that I feel have really started to impose on my ability to enjoy the highs, if that makes sense. I'd rather go back to the point where I was enjoying the highs without having to endure the lows, and not knowing they were coming. I was more than happy with that and certainly didn't feel I couldn't experience and appreciate happiness because of a lack of pain. "

Yes, that makes sense. I got wondering when reading it if it's the kind of coping strategy we give ourselves to get out of the bad times? Then the question remains is it not saying when you return to the highs again that you'll appreciate them even more than before?

It's another one that's left me wondering!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low"

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

It's another one that's left me wondering! "

If something was really sad, you'd gladly give the highs up not to have experienced it, wouldn't you? I know I would if I could

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" It's a shame it doesn't work in the opposite respect. "

In what way? Apologies, I'm not following fully.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Yes and no. I'm really tired tonight, so struggling to have coherence.

I agree that pain - of any sort - is our inner self's way of getting us to pay attention to something, as well as potentially for some emotional processing/cleansing (that's how I like to think of it). If nothing else, the pain can indicate that we need to pause and let our energies be devoted to healing and regaining our strength. It is also a clear indicator that potentially there is something for us to learn and possibly take a different course, from that point onwards.

All of the meaning that we make in life is contextual and this includes our own perceptions of whether we're happy or not. The variations of our emotions can help us to realise that we are content in other situations/contexts, or that something is missing - eg, we're not as happy now that something has gone from our life.

Do we have limitations on our emotional spectra? Can we not experience and grasp the highs, without having prior lows? I'm not so sure and inclined to perceive that whilst our experience does help us to understand the present, I don't fully accept that we have had to have had the lows, before we really do experience the highs as they could be. Our experiences do help us to calibrate our emotions but I'm more inclined to think that we are not so limited in our emotional ranges as that would hint at.

Good interesting topic though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"how would that theory relate to a child who laughs and shows clear signs of happiness but has never saw bad times

Yup, I thought about my children first too. They have been happy and had sheer joy, uncomplicated and pure, but no deep sadness yet. I would do anything to keep it that way, but life is life"

Yes, it throws a different slant on it -- but I'm not sure it's negating happiness as being in existence at all without sadness (my title may not have helped!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low""

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's another one that's left me wondering!

If something was really sad, you'd gladly give the highs up not to have experienced it, wouldn't you? I know I would if I could"

Oh I think if we had a choice, for sure!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes and no. I'm really tired tonight, so struggling to have coherence.

Good interesting topic though

I like your thinking (and very coherent!)

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By *xywelshguyMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe we are born with our emotions, fear, happiness ,love, hatred etc. As is shown through the emotions of an innocent pure child.different circumstances may disturb or hieghten these throughout our life but they are all present at birth there are people born void of these too

i do agree that different emotions can spill onto others so to speak creating a negative or positive effect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% the greatest Artist, musicians, actors the list is endless have all suffered sadness and been a bit crazy and that's what brings out their greatest work.

It would be a boring world if we we're all the same as they say.

After all is anyone truly only ever just happy i wonder.

From sadness comes great things.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

Any chance you could quantify that with some reasoning for thinking that?

Have found this an interesting thread to read personally, even if I don't entirely agree with some of the concept (although do kind of relate to it).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I believe we are born with our emotions, fear, happiness ,love, hatred etc. As is shown through the emotions of an innocent pure child.different circumstances may disturb or hieghten these throughout our life but they are all present at birth there are people born void of these too

i do agree that different emotions can spill onto others so to speak creating a negative or positive effect "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"100% the greatest Artist, musicians, actors the list is endless have all suffered sadness and been a bit crazy and that's what brings out their greatest work.

It would be a boring world if we we're all the same as they say.

After all is anyone truly only ever just happy i wonder.

From sadness comes great things. "

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

This may be another one of my streams of consciousness so apologies in advance for this.

I'm not quite certain I agree with the limiting aspect of that article. I think happiness can exist without knowledge of true sadness. Yes, sadness can help one appreciate things more but I can't quite equate that to happiness. Perhaps there is bliss in ignorance? I think that humans have far more emotional complexity than an either/or which is what is suggested at in the article. Happiness isn't really a comparative emotion, I don't subscribe to the school of thought that holds emotions as having opposites. I also think that emotions are incredibly subjective - is it possible to quantify one's feelings as 'extreme'? There may be coping mechanisms in order to cope with grief (sadness) for example but it doesn't lessen the happiness one can feel compared to one who experiences an unbridled emotion.

I agreed with the bulk of the article but couldn't help to feel that the opening paragraph doesn't quite fit with it and reads like a 'Oh fuck, my word count is a bit low, let's boost it with a tentative link'.

And yes, coffee soon!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

Any chance you could quantify that with some reasoning for thinking that?

Have found this an interesting thread to read personally, even if I don't entirely agree with some of the concept (although do kind of relate to it)."

He's entitled to his opinion

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

One of the great gifts that we have is our ability to learn. We learn our emotional responses to life's events, to people and so much more. Those responses, our habits, keep us from having to re-learn so much by starting from scratch each time. But our habits can also be the bars to our inner prisons, keeping us somewhat trapped.

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One of the great gifts that we have is our ability to learn. We learn our emotional responses to life's events, to people and so much more. Those responses, our habits, keep us from having to re-learn so much by starting from scratch each time. But our habits can also be the bars to our inner prisons, keeping us somewhat trapped.

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx"

Oh I'm fine, it's just been a shitty year! x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This may be another one of my streams of consciousness so apologies in advance for this.

And yes, coffee soon!"

Ha! You've actually reconciled the conflict I had in reading it! Interesting. I like aspects of what it throws up (some of the bits I've actually not included here on the defensive walls people use to block out pain/vulnerability and the potential subsequent result of them also blocking out potential happiness) but yes it's overly simplified. I'm enjoying people's thoughts -- as they round and give substance to my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I' don't really agree with the premise that we have to experience extreme sadness to experience extreme happiness. As a child I was blissfully happy at times without having experienced any sadness in my life. I don't see emotions on a spectrum really, but rather each emotion has a scale of its own. I have had periods of my life where it felt like an emotional rollercoaster, however those often resulted in me coming to a new equilibrium with a different way of thinking. On the whole the trajectory has been towards increasing equanimity and therefore experience less variation in my emotional states.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx"

Yes

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

Any chance you could quantify that with some reasoning for thinking that?

Have found this an interesting thread to read personally, even if I don't entirely agree with some of the concept (although do kind of relate to it).

He's entitled to his opinion

Indeed he is, was just interested in his reasons for that opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not true - you don't have to know complete opposites to be able to draw comparisons.

Anything can be a baseline on which to benchmark.

To know sweet, you must taste bitter ... not true. To know sweet and sweeter you must taste anything. That forms a baseline, thus - something can be sweeter or less sweet than that standard.

In physics there's no such thing as distances or measurements. Take the concept of a meter or centigrade: its baseline is arbitrary and defined arbitrarily. Only dimensionless physical constants, sometimes called fundamental physical constants are meaningful. Why should the speed of sound be 340m/s, why define 60 seconds as a measure of the speed of rotation of the earth around a celestial body?

Anyway - the point is - you can be happy. And you can understand what it means to be happier. I don't have to lose a loved one to know it's a terrible event or that winning the lottery is awesome. yadda yadda I'm bored.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx

Oh I'm fine, it's just been a shitty year! x "

I'm glad to hear that - and hope that 2017 is really different for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I' don't really agree with the premise that we have to experience extreme sadness to experience extreme happiness. As a child I was blissfully happy at times without having experienced any sadness in my life. I don't see emotions on a spectrum really, but rather each emotion has a scale of its own. I have had periods of my life where it felt like an emotional rollercoaster, however those often resulted in me coming to a new equilibrium with a different way of thinking. On the whole the trajectory has been towards increasing equanimity and therefore experience less variation in my emotional states.

Oh I like that -- emotions having their own scale as opposed to being on a spectrum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am at the lowest point ive ever been and the feeling is intoxicating and frightening and has come from nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks,i want me back the happy woman i was .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes and no. I'm really tired tonight, so struggling to have coherence.

Good interesting topic though

I really like this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not true - you don't have to know complete opposites to be able to draw comparisons.

Anything can be a baseline on which to benchmark.

To know sweet, you must taste bitter ... not true. To know sweet and sweeter you must taste anything. That forms a baseline, thus - something can be sweeter or less sweet than that standard.

I don't think your points are boring

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am at the lowest point ive ever been and the feeling is intoxicating and frightening and has come from nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks,i want me back the happy woman i was ."

Oh gosh, I'm sorry to hear that -- sending you strength and hugs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

Any chance you could quantify that with some reasoning for thinking that?

Have found this an interesting thread to read personally, even if I don't entirely agree with some of the concept (although do kind of relate to it).

He's entitled to his opinion

Indeed he is, was just interested in his reasons for that opinion

Something tells me you might be waiting a while for elucidation

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"What an absolute load of bollocks your all talking

Any chance you could quantify that with some reasoning for thinking that?

Have found this an interesting thread to read personally, even if I don't entirely agree with some of the concept (although do kind of relate to it).

He's entitled to his opinion

Indeed he is, was just interested in his reasons for that opinion

Something tells me you might be waiting a while for elucidation

Lucky I'm a patient man then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a fascinating topic OP and has got me thinking now!

You obviously have a pretty sound understanding of this topic but FWIW I'm still struggling with the concept that happiness is measured relative to sadness. I've always viewed the two emotions as separate but competing states of mind. I agree that sadness can give a sense of perspective but I'm not sure it heightens happiness.

For example often ignorance seems to result in a heightened sense of happiness, to me this suggests happiness is a constant that can be negatively affected by experiences.

Hope this view makes some sense, I'm tired and at risk of confusing myself now!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is a fascinating topic OP and has got me thinking now!

For example often ignorance seems to result in a heightened sense of happiness, to me this suggests happiness is a constant that can be negatively affected by experiences.

Hope this view makes some sense, I'm tired and at risk of confusing myself now!"

Thank you -- I found it conflicted me on reading which was why I wanted to post it (I really don't have a sound understanding at all -- and I'm not posting the article snippets as an endorsement per se) -- I think your thoughts make sense, so thanks to you too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i get that - always thought the good times with the ex were pretty good - as was the sex so i thought (in the begginning when it was happening) - how wrong was i --- they were pretty fkn grim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" It's a shame it doesn't work in the opposite respect.

In what way? Apologies, I'm not following fully."

Sadness does not require happiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am at the lowest point ive ever been and the feeling is intoxicating and frightening and has come from nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks,i want me back the happy woman i was .

Oh gosh, I'm sorry to hear that -- sending you strength and hugs. "
..Thankyou xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i get that - always thought the good times with the ex were pretty good - as was the sex so i thought (in the begginning when it was happening) - how wrong was i --- they were pretty fkn grim "

Glad that it's an ex!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" It's a shame it doesn't work in the opposite respect.

In what way? Apologies, I'm not following fully.

Sadness does not require happiness. "

Ahhh. Hugs Clem.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I don't agree that one is necessary for the other, but they can certainly heighten the other by virtue of contrast - increase appreciation. I'm glad I experienced happiness before real pain.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't agree that one is necessary for the other, but they can certainly heighten the other by virtue of contrast - increase appreciation. I'm glad I experienced happiness before real pain. "

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Having read this with interest, and had time to consider it some, I've come to the conclusion that I'm lucky to have spent most of my life on a fairly steady roundabout. Sure there have been some high points, and some very low ones too along the way, but I don't think they've necessarily been related as such, nor have they made me appreciate/understand one over the other necessarily.

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Having read this with interest, and had time to consider it some, I've come to the conclusion that I'm lucky to have spent most of my life on a fairly steady roundabout. Sure there have been some high points, and some very low ones too along the way, but I don't think they've necessarily been related as such, nor have they made me appreciate/understand one over the other necessarily.

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result."

As long as you're happy.....

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

I don't think the two emotions are a polarity of each other. However sadness is a make or break emotion meaning you could either sink yourself deeper or rise above whatever circumstance. Happiness on the other hand is being fulfil enriching your life (not materially) and others around you, connections we develop with others and internal peace.

I do think however in other to be truly happy, you have to experience some sort of sadness, that will make you more grateful if you know how to manage the ego.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx

Oh I'm fine, it's just been a shitty year! x

I'm glad to hear that - and hope that 2017 is really different for you

We all do. I hate hearing about people having a tough time. Hugs x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think all of our emotions are experienced as comparative. We experience them in their 'pure' form but the depth of feeling is as a comparison, either to the last time we were happy or the low we felt etc.

I don't quite buy the argument that children who haven't experienced 'real' lows are still happy. Yes, they are but we all experience some unhappiness before we even have words for our feelings. It may be feeling hungry, crying to be picked up or feeling fear and abandonment when left at night/first time at nursery.

I stay off antidepressants, when I can, so that I can experience the full range of my emotions. When I can only feel the blackness then using them gets me back to a fairly bland contentment, from which I can build up to feeling happy again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am at the lowest point ive ever been and the feeling is intoxicating and frightening and has come from nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks,i want me back the happy woman i was ."

Sorry to hear about your sadness. Once you reach the bottom the only way is up x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Freedom awaits us all though. And thoughts with you Ruby btw xxxxx

Oh I'm fine, it's just been a shitty year! x "

I hope tomorrow and all the tomorrows that follow are better than shitty.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I am at the lowest point ive ever been and the feeling is intoxicating and frightening and has come from nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks,i want me back the happy woman i was ."

Have you spoken to anyone about this? Seek some help and get better soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never realise I'm sad until after the event. I Tend to go through shit and then months later say "fucking hell that was shit. ...how the fuck did i get through that? " i really worry I'm not normal as I never notice it at the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think the two emotions are a polarity of each other. However sadness is a make or break emotion meaning you could either sink yourself deeper or rise above whatever circumstance. Happiness on the other hand is being fulfil enriching your life (not materially) and others around you, connections we develop with others and internal peace.

I do think however in other to be truly happy, you have to experience some sort of sadness, that will make you more grateful if you know how to manage the ego."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think all of our emotions are experienced as comparative. We experience them in their 'pure' form but the depth of feeling is as a comparison, either to the last time we were happy or the low we felt etc.

Yes, this resonates with me

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result.

As long as you're happy.....

If happiness is generally being able to rise above or get past most of what life throws at me, then yes I'm happy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never realise I'm sad until after the event. I Tend to go through shit and then months later say "fucking hell that was shit. ...how the fuck did i get through that? " i really worry I'm not normal as I never notice it at the time. "

Coping strategies are there for a reason, if that works for you that's no bad thing. I'm working on experiencing my feels more as they happen and talking about them (my tendency has always been to close off) but sometimes life is such that hankering down, weathering the storm and then reviewing/reflecting is the best way. Who knows?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result.

As long as you're happy.....

If happiness is generally being able to rise above or get past most of what life throws at me, then yes I'm happy

forgive my little touch of sarcasm, it was a gentle tease -- I'm glad you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all deal with emotions in different ways sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. How we deal with them ultimately sets up how we experience them in the future. Learning how to deal with them positively can enable us to reduce the emotional armour we wear and experience life in all its richness, more fully, with a thin, sensitive skin, strong in our vulnerability.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We all deal with emotions in different ways sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. How we deal with them ultimately sets up how we experience them in the future. Learning how to deal with them positively can enable us to reduce the emotional armour we wear and experience life in all its richness, more fully, with a thin, sensitive skin, strong in our vulnerability."

Oh yes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

l get the dismal dumbness tinged with the only emotions left as fragments of fear, survivally present, so l don't do anything silly. l long for sadness sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds a lot like something Butters said on South Park. To paraphrase it he says along the lines of he's glad he's sad as something would have to have made him that happy to feel that sad

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"l get the dismal dumbness tinged with the only emotions left as fragments of fear, survivally present, so l don't do anything silly. l long for sadness sometimes."

Oh dear -- hope you're ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds a lot like something Butters said on South Park. To paraphrase it he says along the lines of he's glad he's sad as something would have to have made him that happy to feel that sad "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"l get the dismal dumbness tinged with the only emotions left as fragments of fear, survivally present, so l don't do anything silly. l long for sadness sometimes.

Oh dear -- hope you're ok

l'm fine. l'm just describing my lowest moments

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"l get the dismal dumbness tinged with the only emotions left as fragments of fear, survivally present, so l don't do anything silly. l long for sadness sometimes.

Oh dear -- hope you're ok

l'm fine. l'm just describing my lowest moments

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

What is normal?

or you are looking at the past too much maybe

You just have different perspective to others (norm/sheep). Do what brings you joy some will hate some will like as long as you are happy and not depending on others for your happiness.

love, happiness, laughter, self-confidence

Couple of good friends

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

Joy.....and pain...

Is like sunshine.....and rain...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Joy.....and pain...

Is like sunshine.....and rain...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry OP, I just didn't get all that...could you run through it again

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result.

As long as you're happy.....

If happiness is generally being able to rise above or get past most of what life throws at me, then yes I'm happy

forgive my little touch of sarcasm, it was a gentle tease -- I'm glad you are

Oh was that sarcasm? *whoosh* went right over my head!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry OP, I just didn't get all that...could you run through it again

Haha! I think Jonsnow19's comment summarises the premise of the article!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But then maybe I've just coasted through life and stayed on a generally steady emotional level (with the odd peak and trough thrown in) as a result.

As long as you're happy.....

If happiness is generally being able to rise above or get past most of what life throws at me, then yes I'm happy

forgive my little touch of sarcasm, it was a gentle tease -- I'm glad you are

Oh was that sarcasm? *whoosh* went right over my head!!"

Hehe! Ooops!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*"

And the seesaw.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*

And the seesaw.

One of my most painful experiences in living memory was on a seesaw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you ever get that meloncholy feeling?

Shit when that happens lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*

And the seesaw.

One of my most painful experiences in living memory was on a seesaw

Did you feel any joy after?

I usually have to get on first as it will be too high up if the other person is already on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*

And the seesaw.

One of my most painful experiences in living memory was on a seesaw

Did you feel any joy after?

I usually have to get on first as it will be too high up if the other person is already on.

Nope but it brought lots of tears to my eyes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you ever get that meloncholy feeling?

Shit when that happens lol"

It is indeed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also, I think we need some time on the roundabout (and the swings) to be able to cope with the rollercoaster.

And those funny animals on one huge spring -- love those! *boiing*

And the seesaw.

One of my most painful experiences in living memory was on a seesaw

Did you feel any joy after?

I usually have to get on first as it will be too high up if the other person is already on.

I see(saw) what you did there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you ever get that meloncholy feeling?

Shit when that happens lol

It is indeed"

Dont even know if thats the right word even.

Its kind of like you feel abit sad and everybody seems to be in a great mood kinda like it takes you to feel sad for them to be so happy.

Used to happen alot to me.

Shoe seems to be on the other foot these days esp with my mum and sister fuck i drive them insane with my good moods

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/12/16 23:11:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So life throws all manner of ups and downs our way , and we react as we do in the blind hope that when we go through rough times the good times will be round the corner .

Or we don't let the good times become too good for fear that if we get too high the low will be equally as low and we don't want that do we ?

All a bit contrived really isn't it ?

How many of us actually simply get in with it , not giving a second thought to the consequences of happiness or sadness ?

In truth , not many I would guess . Once we get past childhood , and the innocence goes , we realise that for every up there's a down , and that's life . So we go through our adult life expecting a balance of good and bad , and adjusting our expectations and reactions according to our personal perception of what may result from our behaviour in these circumstances .

Some get elated , excited and high when they are happy , others just let it all go over their heads and carry on as normal . Some get so depressed , insular and low when sadness sets in , while others carry on as normal , and friends and family are none the wiser . It's what makes us human , and there isn't a right or wrong way to deal with it .

There was a time , not so long ago when they Americans wanted to add Prozac to the drinking water supply , to create a happy nation . Perhaps the realisation that people's reaction to happiness wasn't always as expected may have prevented this . Or perhaps it was the low that comes after the high brings on irrational behaviour ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to ramble now as i've had wine, so apologies.

I don't think the two are comparable.

For me (and i suffer with depression so not totally unbiased), sadness has such a leaching effect. Once touched by sadness a person is never truly the same again, you adapt, you change, but you're permanently affected. No amount of happiness after that can change that back. The damage is done. Your (happiness) innocence is lost.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 04/12/16 00:00:45]

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

The stronger you become, the gentler you will be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadness isn't a prerequisite for happiness, on any level necessarily, but can provide wonderfully useful perspective. This, in turn, can contribute to the enjoyment/appreciation of future happiness.

Of course, we're complex buggers, so there really isn't a one size fits all explanation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to ramble now as i've had wine, so apologies.

I don't think the two are comparable.

Do you think that there can be different types of sadness? Sorry, I'm not zoning in on you, but your post made me think of that.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

i do agree that different emotions can spill onto others so to speak creating a negative or positive effect "

No we are not .... these are social skills which are embedded into us by others ...

...if u put a new born in a cupboard ... until it was 18 ....

It wouldnt have any skills ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"how would that theory relate to a child who laughs and shows clear signs of happiness but has never saw bad times"

i think its safe to say all children have cried/experienced pain and had mum/dad say no to them..

guess its just relative to circumstances..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The stronger you become, the gentler you will be."

When needed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/12/16 00:36:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to ramble now as i've had wine, so apologies.

I don't think the two are comparable.

When we turn our sadness, anger and fear inwards is the most painful damage we can inflict on ourselves. The healing needed for that kind of damage is considerable - you're right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First of all, I think one cannot exist without the other.

They are related like ying and yang, or like night and day for instance.

You can't really or deeply appreciate one without knowing the other, or at least your appreciation of one will be lessen.

People made wonderful remarks, once you've experienced terribly sadness you tend to be on constant guard, trying to avoid to get back to that stage and you sort of stay in your confort zone. Yet, in my opinion, people who try to get out of this confort zone they have created for their own mental sake, will experience greater happiness, given the fact they can find what they are really looking for, of course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to ramble now as i've had wine, so apologies.

I don't think the two are comparable.

Do you think that there can be different types of sadness? Sorry, I'm not zoning in on you, but your post made me think of that. "

Most definately. There is the sadness of a pet dying (say a goldfish) which is different to a loved one dying, which is different to the sadness you feel when a relationship breaks down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to ramble now as i've had wine, so apologies.

I don't think the two are comparable.

Do you think that there can be different types of sadness? Sorry, I'm not zoning in on you, but your post made me think of that.

Most definately. There is the sadness of a pet dying (say a goldfish) which is different to a loved one dying, which is different to the sadness you feel when a relationship breaks down.

That's true to a degree , but they are all the same sadness , just different degrees of it . Feeling sad is a natural emotion , it's what we do with the sadness and how it affects us isn't it ?

Without sadness we wouldn't be human , but when our behaviour affects those around us , and we get depression , how do we get out of that cycle ?

Ultimately , no one wants to be sad . We don't want things to happen which make us that way . Happiness is our ultimate desire , but life doesn't always work that way . Can a happy event always counter a sad one ?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To me every stick has two ends, the greater the distant to the pivotal point defines the balance in your life.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"To me every stick has two ends, the greater the distant to the pivotal point defines the balance in your life.

Haha, oh wise one....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never suffered from anxiety or depression in my life,ive always been the life and soul,one night i was going on a meet,and before i left i had a bit of a migrane,i went anyway,but as i was driving a sudden urge of panic came over me and i stopped the car and was shaking all over,i just had to get home,how i managed to get home i will never know,how i felt was like your worst nightmare,since that night i havent been out and i havent drove.I am to scared to go out and i dont know why,i spend my days crying and nervous,the doctors have put me on medication so i a hopeful they will help.This can happen to anyone at anytime,but i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.All i want is to be well again please god.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I never suffered from anxiety or depression in my life,ive always been the life and soul,one night i was going on a meet,and before i left i had a bit of a migrane,i went anyway,but as i was driving a sudden urge of panic came over me and i stopped the car and was shaking all over,i just had to get home,how i managed to get home i will never know,how i felt was like your worst nightmare,since that night i havent been out and i havent drove.I am to scared to go out and i dont know why,i spend my days crying and nervous,the doctors have put me on medication so i a hopeful they will help.This can happen to anyone at anytime,but i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.All i want is to be well again please god."

Panic attacks are scary but you can learn to get out of them.

Good luck recovering your confidence.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Most of us don't go through life on a 'straight plane' emotional wise, we tend to go along and at times we dip below and rise above the plane..

its perfectly fine that we are at times below as usually we will be back up..

respect that for some the highs and lows will be much more pronounced..

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